eighteen.

If there was one thing that absolutely did not help with her excruciating headache, it was her doorbell ringing at 8 in the morning after she had less than four hours of sleep. Seulgi bumped into the wall at least twice on the way to the front door, muttering complaints about the unexpected early visitor and the pain inside her head was not ceasing anytime soon. The doorbell rang again just as she reached the door, only further aggravating her and taking away the tiniest shred of patience she had left.

“Who the is it?” She asked, yanking the door open and squinting through her blurry vision to focus on the intruder’s face. “Oh no.” She groaned, stepping away from the door and stumbling away from him. “Why are you here?” She asked with a scowl, sluggishly making her way into the kitchen with one hand clutching her head. “How did you get past security?”

“I have ways.” Jaejoong replied, closing the door behind him as he walked in. “I came to see how you’re doing. Not very well, it seems.” He said after taking a long look at her current state. She scoffed, ignoring his presence as she rummaged through a draw for medicine to relieve her killer headache.

“Do you even remember what happened last night?” He asked, having a growing suspicion that she really didn’t.

“What?” Seulgi asked uninterestedly as she finally found what she was looking for.

“You called me.” He said. “At 3am.” He wasn’t sure if his words were being heard because Seulgi was busy finding something else again. “Completely wasted and- Seulgi, that’s not water.”

She paused momentarily and looked at him like he was stupid before she continued to unscrew the cap of the bottle of vodka. “No .”

“Okay. Stop. That’s enough.” He moved around the counter and swiftly snatched the bottle from her hand before it reached her lips. “Enough.” He repeated, holding it away from her and she shot him a glare before walking past him and intentionally bumping him with her shoulder on the way.

“Why did you come?” She asked, slumping onto her couch and wincing when the action made her head throb even more.

Jaejoong filled a cup with water and grabbed the medicine before walking over to her. “Making sure you’re fine.”

“I’m great.” She replied sarcastically, taking the water from him and he sat down while he waited patiently for her to take the medicine.

“You called me last night.” He said again in case she didn’t hear her the first time.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

Seulgi sighed, sliding a palm down her face, already filled with regret and shame at what she had done. “What did I say?” She asked worriedly.

“Well, you were crying a lot and you asked me to cancel the mission, to let you withdraw from it. Which isn’t really possible, since we have a contract and everything.”

“Well, you’re an .” Seulgi muttered.

“You said that last night too.”

“Good, what else did I say?”

“You aren’t allowed to just abandon the mission so you begged me to let you tell Joohyun everything.”

Seulgi’s breathing stopped at the mention of Joohyun and everything hit her at once. The alcohol, the crying and begging, the pain, and eventually the numbness. At his reminder of how she acted last night, she wasn’t sure whether she felt heartbroken again or embarrassed or heartbroken or both.

“I can’t do this anymore, I really can’t so please, please just make it stop. I don’t care about the mission, I don’t care about the money or the job or revenge or anything I only care about her and I just want to be with her... I love her so much, god I’d do anything just to have her back. Joohyun I’m so sorry it’s my fault it’s all because of me I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”

Jaejoong snapped his fingers to bring her out of her daze after noticing her spacing out for a minute. “Do you remember now?”

“Yeah...Kind of.” Seulgi touched her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as more and more memories of what she said last night came back to her.

“It wasn’t worth it, none of this was worth it. I’d do anything- I’ll give up everything to have her back.”

“This is your fault! If it weren’t for you, things wouldn’t be like this! If you never found me… If you never asked me to do this and if I never agreed to your stupid plan then I would still be with Joohyun. We would still be happy together and I would’ve been the one who proposed to her last night, not him! This is all because of you, you were the one who forced us apart. you and this mission! I wish I never said yes.”

“Did I yell at you last night?” She asked and sighed when he nodded. “I was really gone wasn’t I? I wasn’t thinking at all.”

“Yeah, how much did you drink?”

She lifted a shoulder, releasing another sigh. “Until I couldn’t feel anything anymore.”

Both of them fell silent for a while, with Jaejoong deciding what to do next and Seulgi trying not to think about the events of last night in case she got too emotional again.

“You could tell her.” He said finally.

“What?” Seulgi turned her head so abruptly that her vision spun for a few seconds.

“Tell her the truth. Why you did all of this, why everything had to turn out like this.” He said.

“Can I really?” She looked at him, her voice was full of hopefulness, and this was the brightest he had ever seen her eyes.

“Yeah. Call her now and tell her you want to meet, then explain everything to her. If that’s what you want.” He gestured to her phone that was lying on the table where she had left it last night.

Seulgi took the phone, heart pounding at the excitement of being able to finally get the secret off her chest. She even momentarily forgot about her headache or her parched throat, staring at the screen that had Joohyun’s contact open.

Jaejoong waited expectantly for her to dial the number but Seulgi hesitated, and after a few long seconds, the smile faded from her face. She lowered the phone and a solemn expression took over the previously hopeful one.

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you calling her?” He asked, confused.

“It’s too late.” Seulgi said in a quiet voice.

“What do you mean it’s too late? She hasn’t left yet, you can still talk to her.”

“I already made up my mind last night when I chose to leave her.” She turned to the side and pretended to look out the window so that he wouldn’t see her brush the tears from her eyes. “And I won’t go back on my word or change my decision. Calling you was a mistake, and everything I said last night means nothing so please ignore it.”

“So you’re just giving up on her?”

Those words sent a pang through her heart, almost making her physically wince. “What else can  I do?” She asked with a sad smile. “It’s the best for her.”

“Are you sure about this?”

Seulgi cracked her knuckles nervously, a bad habit that had returned after Joohyun wasn’t there to constantly remind her not to do it, and nodded in affirmation. “It’s not like I can turn back time. I made decisions that I regret but can’t change so I will face the consequences and I won’t let anyone else pay for the mistakes I made.”

Jaejoong stared at her, worried at the underlying meaning of her words or what they were possibly foreshadowing. What are you really planning, Seulgi?

…

Seungwan pressed her ear to the door after knocking gently but was only greeted with silence from the other side of the door.

“Joohyun?” She tried calling out. “You’re awake, right?” Joohyun usually never slept past 12 and it was already 1pm. She cleared , “I’m going to come in.” She said, slowly turning the handle to open the door a crack and peered in. The lights were off, curtains drawn and Joohyun was buried under her covers, showing no response to Seungwan’s entrance.

“I made breakfast.”

“Not hungry.” Joohyun said in a muffled and quiet voice.

“You should eat something.” Seungwan insisted. “You haven’t eaten for more than half a day.”

“I don’t want to.” She turned her back to Seungwan when she came closer, facing the wall instead and brought the covers over her head.

Seungwan wanted to scold her as she would on any other day until she agreed to eat but she knew what Joohyun was going through so she chose not to upset her further.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she patted her on the back comfortingly, “Did you manage to get any sleep?” She asked. There was a short hum of reply that vaguely sounded like a ‘yes’ but Seungwan wasn’t sure how honest that reply was, considering that she heard Joohyun crying almost constantly throughout the night.

“How are you feeling now?” She asked but received no response. “Joohyun, talk to me, I’m worried about you. We are all worried about you.”

There was more stubborn silence and Seungwan breathed out heavily, having enough of all of this. She pulled the covers off Joohyun abruptly and grabbed her wrist.

“Okay, come on lets go.” She said, pulling Joohyun’s arm as she stood up.

“What? Go where?” Joohyun sounded the most awake she had been, looking up at Seungwan with wide eyes.

“We’re going to find Seulgi and we are going to talk.” Seungwan said firmly, not releasing her hold on Joohyun’s wrist.

“Are you out of your mind?” Joohyun wrenched her arm out of Seungwan’s grip.

“No, the only ones out of their minds are Seulgi and you.” She replied, losing her patience.  “Honestly? I don’t know what either of you are thinking. Seulgi pushing you away when the entire world knows how much she still loves you and you, I thought you were more rational but you proved that you’re just as crazy as her when you actually went and accepted Bogum’s proposal.”

Joohyun opened to defend herself but Seungwan raised her hand to silence her. “I know you did it so he wouldn’t be embarrassed and he knows it too, but you still accepted it. In a way, it’s real, is it not? You’re even wearing the engagement ring!”

“So what if it is real?” Joohyun asked monotonously. “What is so bad about marrying him?”

“It’s that you don’t love him and doing this is only hurting you. Why are you hurting yourself like this? Why have you given up on yourself?”

“You’re right, I have given up.” Joohyun agreed with her. “But you think I haven’t tried? I tried, Seungwan. I tried to have hope, I didn’t give up on hoping that Seulgi and I could be together again because I really believed that we could. But no matter how much I want to be with her, if we can’t, then we can’t and there’s no point waiting for something that will never happen.”

“I’ve given up on the naïve thoughts of having true love and happiness. Bogum is a good man and I’ll be happy with him. Not the same kind of happy, but still happy, you know? And maybe that’s enough, I don’t have hope for anything more.” She touched the ring on her finger subconsciously, biting her lip at the painful reminder of her decision. “I made up my mind already. If she wants me to be with him so much, then I will.”

“You’re angry at her, aren’t you?” Seungwan realised and raised her eyebrows when everything started to make sense. She could sense the bitterness in her tone when she spoke about Seulgi. Joohyun denied it immediately but Seungwan knew better.

“You’re doing this out of spite. You want to hurt her by showing that you’re better off without her and you want her to regret letting you go-”

“No, it’s not like that. Please stop.”

“You gave up on yourself and Seulgi not because you accepted the fact that some things aren't meant to be but because you’ve been hurt and rejected too many times that you feel humiliated, so you're trying to protect your self-image by telling yourself you don’t care anymore and you have other options.”

“I said stop!”

“And now you can't even handle hearing the truth because you realise how ing immature you are being?”

“Stop acting like you can analyse me and that you know everything about me because you don’t. You’re not me, you don’t know how it feels to be in my situation.” Joohyun shot back at her, anger flaring up in her eyes that made Seungwan falter for a second.

“You’re right I don’t, but as an outsider I see two people who can’t be together not because the universe won’t allow it but because one is too much of a coward who ed up in the past and isn’t willing to take a risk so they just choose to run away, while the other is too scared of being rejected again that they’ll rather give up on their future of happiness.”

“Are you done? If you’re finished with insulting us then get out of my room.”

“I’m just trying to make you see that your happiness is in your own hands. You are in control of your life and you can get the happiness you deserve as long as you don’t give up.” Seungwan’s tone turned gentle and she kneeled down beside the bed so that they were at eye level as she held Joohyun’s shoulders. “If you really choose to leave with Bogum now, you might never be able to go back to her. Will you be able to live the rest of your life knowing that you gave up on the chance to be with the person you truly love?”

“I thought you hated her and the idea of me being with her again.” Joohyun’s anger towards Seungwan disappeared almost as quickly as it had appeared.

“I still don’t approve of what she does.” Seungwan said quickly. “But I can see that she’s not entirely bad, at least not to you. She loves you a lot and if anything, you’re the only one who can change her. Plus, your happiness is most important, I want you to make decisions that are what you want most.”

Joohyun fell silent and Seungwan could see her contemplating her words. She felt bad for snapping at her and saying those harsh things about her, but Joohyun needed that wake up call to stop her from making impulsive decisions that could possibly ruin her life.

“I don’t know.” She said quietly.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to make a decision now, just think carefully about what I said.”

…

It crossed her mind that today could possibly be the day that she died. And if it was, what would happen? Would anyone miss her? Would anyone feel sad or the slightest bit upset if she died?

If she died today, what would she regret the most? But would that even matter? It wasn’t like regretting it would change anything or allow her to turn back time, and it definitely wouldn’t matter at all if she was dead.

“Is something wrong?”

Seulgi blinked and returned to reality, looking up at her boss who looked strangely amused. When she didn’t seem to have any intention of responding to his question, he asked her again.

“Is something wrong with the wine? You’ve been staring at it for some time now.” He said, gesturing to the untouched wine in the glass she was holding in her hand.

“No, nothing is wrong.” She replied slowly, looking down at the red liquid and weighing her options.

“Then why haven’t you drank any yet?” He asked, swirling his own glass before taking a sip. Then, as if he was reading her mind he said, “You don’t possibly think that I poisoned it right?” It was said as a joke but the glint in his eyes that sent a shiver down her spine made her think otherwise.

She felt her hands get clammy with sweat and she laughed nervously, “That’s absurd, of course not.” She lied and she tried her best to keep her shaky hands still when she lifted the glass to her lips. She was only being paranoid, right? That must be it.

If she died today, maybe she would regret not calling Joohyun this morning to tell her the truth behind everything. That would have been her last chance to explain herself, to hear her voice for the last time and to tell Joohyun she loved her one last time. 

But if she had done that, wouldn’t it only hurt Joohyun more? Wouldn’t it be selfish of her to tell her everything only to leave her behind? If she were to die, she would want Joohyun to be able to easily forget her and move on, instead of living in guilt and regret for the misunderstandings and missed opportunities.

So if she died today, maybe she would have no regrets.

Sangmin chuckled when Seulgi drank the entire glass, downing it like it were medicine and not a bottle of wine worth over twenty grand. She placed the empty glass on the table between them, looking him in the eye boldly because she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing her being scared or weak.

He smiled, “It’s been a while since I have last given you a gift.”

Seulgi looked at him warily, wondering where he was trying to go with this conversation. A few minutes had passed but she didn’t feel any different. Maybe it was a slow killing poison, or maybe she had just been overthinking and paranoid about everything.

“I don’t need gifts.” She replied. “I already have everything I need and want.”

The corner of his lip twitched in amusement and he was clearly holding back a laugh. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She replied again.

“I don’t believe that there is an end to how much someone can want. That’s just how we are, isn’t it? Humans have an incredible capacity for greed and desire, it’s limitless. For some, it is what leads them to their downfall, but for some it is what puts them above the rest and it is what lets them succeed in this world of corruption and avarice.”

“And you’re the second group?” It was more of a statement than a question because the answer was clear as day.

“We are the same, Seulgi.”

No, we are not.

“Within two years, you went from being a mere employee to being the second largest shareholder of J Corporation. A feat like that… It requires so much more than just simply wanting to achieve something.” He said and he truly sounded like he was impressed. “What I admire most about you is how you stopped at nothing to get to where you are now. You’re constantly reaching higher, you’re always wanting more, so I don’t believe you when you say there is nothing you want.”

“Not everything can be acquired with money or power.” Seulgi replied with an inward sigh.

“That’s true but there are other ways to get what we want.” He said, giving her a knowing smile and Seulgi didn’t have a good feeling about that. “If you want someone, for example…”

Seulgi tensed up, her eyes betraying her real emotions by showing him the fear and worry she felt. Her mind suddenly felt like it was racing a million miles per hour and she couldn’t stop the uneasy feeling inside her when he said that.

“I know what you want the most.” He said, leaning closer. “And I can give it to you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Seulgi’s voice was shaky and she took a few breaths to calm her nerves, trying to reassure herself that he wasn’t talking about what she was thinking of.

“Would you like a hint?” It was almost as if he was taunting her, purposely torturing her by keeping her guessing and he was enjoying every second of it. He retrieved something from inside his suit pocket and held it out in a closed fist. “Do you want to see it?”

She didn’t, but she had to. “Yes.” She said. “Please.” She added after he didn’t move.

He gestured for Seulgi to hold out her hand and he let the object fall onto her palm, watching her intently to see the change in her expression when she realised what she was holding. He was not disappointed, and was more than thrilled when realisation set in to Seulgi and her expression went from confusion to shock to panic.

“Where did you get this?” She asked, unable to keep her voice from trembling. He only smirked and panic overtook Seulgi completely as more possibilities came to her mind.

She shot up from her seat, slamming her hand on the table with rage in her eyes. “How did you get this? What the did you do?” She demanded impatiently, losing all sense of calmness or self-control.  

“What do you mean? It’s just a ring, you can get this anywhere.” He acted clueless and Seulgi had to refrain herself from lunging at the psychopath. She was certain that it was Joohyun’s engagement ring, and if it was in his possession, it could only mean one thing.

“What did you do to her you crazy bastard?! Where is she now?” She grabbed him by the front of his shirt, roughly pulling him up from his seat but he was unfazed and even amused at her desperation. “Tell me!”

He didn’t answer her, only looked at her with a maniacal glint in his eyes. “Enjoy your gift, Seulgi. You deserve it.” He said.

“I’ll ing kill you.”

“Shouldn’t you be more concerned about finding your gift?” He smirked. “Or answering your phone, it might be important.” He tilted his head towards her phone that had started ringing just now. Seulgi saw Seungwan’s name on the screen and had it been anyone else, she wouldn’t have answered.

“Hey it’s Seungwan, I was just wondering if you have seen Joohyun?”

Her heart sank deeper when she realised that meant Joohyun wasn’t with Seungwan and she had to reach out to hold onto the corner of the table to keep herself stable. “No, I haven’t.” She replied, closing her eyes momentarily and forcing herself to breathe slowly to remain calm. “You’re not with her?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“No, she told me she was coming home from the shops an hour ago but she’s still not back and I haven’t heard anything from her.” Seungwan said cluelessly. “Where could she have gone?”

Seulgi felt sick just from thinking about what could have happened and she inhaled deeply, trying to keep her head clear to think about where Joohyun could be but she really felt as if she was going to lose her mind soon.

Where would he put a gift for her to find? She looked at Sangmin who was smiling at her like the sadistic psycho he was and she had to resist from punching his face in. Right now wasn’t the time to deal with him, Joohyun was the priority.

“Enjoy your gift.”

She mentally cursed when she figured out where Joohyun possibly was and turned to sprint out of the office. “I think I know where she is.” She said to Seungwan, impatiently pressing the elevator button again and again.

Before she could be sure of Joohyun’s safety, every single second felt like torture. Despite how many times Seulgi told herself ‘she’ll be fine’, she couldn’t convince herself to feel any less anxious. Because if anything happened to Joohyun, Seulgi knew she would never ever, ever, be able to forgive herself.

…

a/n: sorry for the cliffhanger I guess
but imagine thinking that I would let anything bad happen to joohyun :]
thank you for reading and for all the feedback last chapter, I appreciate it a lot!