Being back in Busan just resets me. Of course, I come home once in a while, but I can't remember the last time I spent more than three days here. It's also been a while since I spent New Year's with my family. I miss those rare days I don't have to smile when I don't feel like smiling, act like a brat when I'm feeling cheeky and just be the daughter and sister that I am.

YG peeps were egging me to watch the last day of BigBang's concert. This will be their very last as a group, until Jiyong and Youngbae come back from their enlistment that is. Nobody really knows if Dae and Seungri gets to enlist with them, but we're estimating three years before they can all stand again in one stage - including Tabi. It will indeed be a long wait.

The thing is...this time, I chose my family over them. I hate to admit it but I felt like I have been neglecting my family ever since I became busy that I haven't spent much holidays with them the past years. It was always with friends and acquaintances in the industry and it made me feel guilty to be honest. Oh, don't get me wrong. My family is very understanding, and they're actually used to it. Even back then in the Philippines, my holidays were spent doing shows. One of the cons of being a celebrity is almost always putting your fans first. Which , but we can't let our fans down, can we?

This past year woke me up to a lot of things. I really didn't care before since I was consumed of what direction I should take after my group disbanded. This year made me grow more, and because of that, I realized a lot of things. I realized what really matters more than money and that fame that comes along with it - happiness.

And what do you ask would really make me happy at this time? It was spending some quality time with my family. So I did. I spent time with my family instead of attending the last show for BigBang's show. Totally worth it.

Park Jinyoung oppa heard I will be in town so he sent me an invite for his new year concert, which coincidentally will also be held in Busan. He invited my whole family actually. My mom was giddy since she's a JYP fan girl. I just chuckled in amusement when I saw her eyes sparkle in delight when I told her we'll be attending his concert as a surprise. I guess when you're a real fan, no matter what age, you'll always be a fan.

I know some fans may call me out for choosing to attend JYP's concert instead of going to BigBang's, especially since they call me 'the number one VIP' and this will be their last, but in my defense, I attended their concert on the 30th instead since I have planned to go home to Busan the next day. Didn't you guys see the wreath I gave them?! I even left a very nice message, you know. Psh. Haters. What do you know about me anyway?

Long story short, New Year's with my family was perfect. My mom was happy. I got to bond with Sanghyun and met Durami's boyfriend. I still have a week left before I need to go back to Seoul and I plan to spend it at home and feel like a normal person for a few days, for a change.

We all slept late because we had fun catching up. I think it was around 5am that we all decided to hit the sack. We still have ample enough time to catch up anyway since I've decided to be a couch potato the next few days. It hasn't been two hours since I fell asleep when my phone ringing woke me up.

Now, if you know me, you would know I hate my sleep being interrupted because my body clock is screwed and it doesn't allow me to sleep whenever I need to, which means every wink of sleep is precious to me.

I tried to ignore the irritating sound, but whoever that person is seems to be really persistent in reaching me. I reached for my phone when I couldn't take it any longer. My forehead scrunched in confusion when I saw who was calling.

Jjangmae Jjang! is calling...

Must be some sort of emergency. I was about to answer when the ringing died. 7 missed calls. I suddenly felt guilty.

When my phone rang again, I immediately pick up. I brace myself for whatever he was about to tell me, because clearly it was something important.

Dara: Jjangmae, what's going on? What's with the spam of calls?

Jjangmae: Darong-ah, I know you're planning to take a good break there and this is the last thing I want you to deal with right now. I'm sorry to be starting your new year with such news, but I know I have to get to you first before sajangnim calls you.

Dara: Sajangnim? Why? I don't remember doing anything to cause sajangnim to contact me himself.

Jjangmae: It's not you Darong-ah. It's Ji.

Oh my god. What did he get himself into this time?

Dara: Tell me.

Jjangmae: Well, you know Dispatch has this tradition of outing celebrity couples every January 1st...

Dara: Let me guess. It was Ji's?

Jjangmae: Ahm. Yeah. Let me send you the link real quick. 

I put the call on mute and waited for him to send the link in my Kakao.

I opened the link and bit my lip in irritation when I saw the pics. I saw this coming. The moment they started digging more into Ji and that girl Jooyeon's posts, I knew they were going to catch something. Those two really weren't careful. Especially that girl.

I unmute the call and spoke with my manager once again.

Dara: So, are they expecting me to cover this up again for them? They've got to be kidding me. This is Dispatch we're talking about. Professional and licensed stalkers. And besides, whenever they release this kind of news, everybody knows it's legit. This is a whole new playing field, not fan accounts they can simply call as fake news anymore.

Jjangmae: I've talked to some of your guys from the PR department to get some scoop. It seems like sajangnim wants to deny this dating rumor again and let Ji enlist in peace.

I scoff at what I heard. Deny? Again? And have me cover it up, and receive all the hate? I have been staying away from social media because of the backlash I got after the M.O.T.T.E. concert. I've had more haters than ever before. Wasn't that enough?

Dara: Thanks for the headsup, Jjangmae. I don't know what I would do without you.

Jjangmae: I know how you must be feeling Darong-ah. I wish this is one of those things I can prevent. Sadly, I can't.

Dara: Don't think about it. I'll deal with it. You go get some rest now. And Jjangmae? Thanks for being not just my manager, but also my friend.

Jjangmae: Psh. You know it's the least I can do. Good luck, Darong-ah. Just know that whatever you decide, I'll have your back.

I palmed my face in frustration after the call ended. I was really disappointed at how things are happening. I don't hate the Jooyeon girl, but I blame her for this mess we're in right now.

I guess everyone knows how people first found out about them. It was with that Kwai app. Stupid girl posted their vid 'by mistake'. Well, I'm telling you it wasn't.

The girl has massive insecurity. They were doing so well with hiding their relationship for the past months, but she just had to do something to mess it all up. 

Let me tell you a secret. Daragon is the best cover up. I commend sajangnim and Ji because it was the best media play ever.

Being an idol, it's really hard to keep a relationship. It's even harder to keep it a secret. Ji was adamant about keeping his personal business from the public. I remember him saying something in Radiostar that the fans have a right to know about their relationships, but they are not obligated to let them know. I agree. He just took it to a whole different level. Contrary to what my haters say, I didn't use him. It was the other way around.

I've been doing this for years, and you'd think I'd get used to it. The truth is...I'm now fed up.

When it all started, it took a lot of convincing before I agreed to it. I was just starting my career in Korea and I didn't want to be paired up with anyone but they said I was the best candidate to be his 'rumored' girlfriend since we're close in real life. Then they pulled the YG family card on me, saying we always have to help each other out. They also told me it was going to help promote our group so to be honest, they really didn't give me much choice about it. They called it a win-win situation. I wasn't sure but I gave in because Ji begged. He said it will be like saving his life so I finally relented. Imagine our surprise when we actually received a lot of support. It made me comfortable playing his pseudo-girlfriend for a certain amount of time.

Then it just started getting ridiculuous. His relationship with Kiko was really serious and we all knew it, but it received negative reactions from fans. One, because she's Japanese. Two, because fans prefer me over her - which wasn't my fault because I was just doing what they told me to do. It also doesn't help that they're long distance. I guess Ji gave in to the pressure and ended things with her. I felt bad for her because I really liked her but Ji and I usually had to be seen together at places, wear different 'couple' items, etc. You know, the normal clues given for people to think we were a couple. I think if Ji and her didn't become a couple, we could have been good friends. She was one of the few girls who wasn't mad or jealous of me because she knows my role is to cover up for them. She was also with him the longest, which convinced me they were really in love.

Ji dated Taeyeon next, which was very brief. Then it was Nana. I started to become an unnofficial model for PeaceMinusOne because of them. LOL. We have matching...almost everything at this point. Nana was the reason I decided to stay in the Philippines for a few months. I was so exhausted playing the fake. I didn't like that the girl was getting hate either because she was nice. Provided that it wasn't Nana's fault that Ji's IG got hacked, I was still needed to serve as a cover. That's when Ji came up with 'the joke' without consulting me. I thought he was just drunk, but he actually planned it all. I was so pissed and disrespected when he did that and left me for to answer the media all by myself. Sweet, huh?

He moved on to Sulli, but like Taeyeon, it was short-lived. Then came Jooyeon. 

The moment I met Jooyeon, I felt there was something about her I didn't like. She looks really wholesome and nice, but something about her screams fake. But since it wasn't my business, I shrugged it off. I didn't want to judge her without knowing her. I'm not like that.

One odd thing about her was unlike Ji's other exes, she never contacts me directly. All the girls dates know about me and my purpose, and actually try to build some sort of 'business relationship' but she was different. I somehow think the girl thinks I'm working for her. Tsch.

When M.O.T.T.E. was being planned, Ji told me he was going to guest me because he felt like he owed me for being a ty friend. I would be lying if I said I didn't love the idea. It was such a great privelege to be performing with The G-Dragon on his solo tour after all. But I was apprehensive. At the back of my mind, suspicion is already brewing, but then he told me touring alone was lonely and exhausting. Knowing he had to friends to talk to, he told me it was slowly driving him crazy. I felt bad for the guy so being the good friend that I am, I wanted to alleviate his burden even just by a bit. I signed up to join him. 

I was set to be with him for the Manila and KL leg of his tour. I was ecstatic since Philippines is my second home. I think I have more fans there than in Korea, to be honest. D-Day came and Ji brought up the idea that since most of our 'shippers' are in the Ph, it would be good to give them a little fan service. Of course, I agreed. Little did I know, classic Kwon Jiyong was up to something.

You saw what happened there, and the aftermath was nothing but chaotic. Shipper