Been Through

Universe Special Gift

[Real life events have been used in this chapter only for entertainment purposes.]

EXO-L POV

A certain memory comes to mind as I walk past the flower shop, the one beside the market place. It's been a while now since I've started to use this road to go to work, some faces even becoming familiar under the scorching sun, but I don't feel at home yet. A lot has changed in such a short time that I feel like I'll never get used to the place but what should have really changed, never did.

I pass by the flower shop every day, breathing in the enticing scent of roses and daisies and... Yeah, I'm still not that good at flower names, at least those you've never used in your videos. But the outburst of colors never fails to remind me of you. The yellow ones remind me of what used to be my sun; your smile. Little blue buds timidly hiding among large leaves remind me of our tears that one time we decided to watch a sad movie. You were starring in it, which made things even worse... didn't it? The color red reminds me of your cheeks, blushing at the sight of me, or your hug that one time we lost a battle. And in purple, I find your laughter. Because it was the color you wore as you asked me to love you right... White reminds me of winter, the coldest time of the year but the warmest days of my life, thanks to you.

And so, I find myself rooted in front of the window, smiling in grief at the memory of you. But I'm still not fine when I walk away, pushing past the loud crowd.

Do you remember the day you took me to your place of work? When I met your friends, the one you call your family? The smile on your face was genuine as you shook hands and patted backs, pride in your eyes as you presented me to everyone.

"So that's, EXO-L?" I remember SHINEE asking with a smile on his face. But I also recall the pride on your face as I felt your hand on my back, nodding a yes in response.

"Took you two years to finally make her your girlfriend?" popped in NCT, to which you jokingly smacked his arm. "The old ones surely take their time, huh."

"Don't mock your elders." you scolded him, "Especially when you don't even have a girlfriend yet."

"Kids, don't fight," interjected Super Junior and I immediately recognized the respect you all had for him. "Nice to meet you, EXO-L."

"We should hang out sometime," suggested Red Velvet, winking at me. Her melodic voice filled the room as she pulled me to her. "You can't always spend time with boys."

"We're here too," commented Girl's Generation, pointing at herself and F(X).

In one place was gathered all the people you admired and loved. To be present then and there... it was really one of the best feelings in the world. I felt like I belonged there, with you and your friends. So I hanged out with them too, learned to understand you in a different angle and somehow managed to fall more in love... Now, I've lost it all.

"I heard about... Eri."

The word forces me to a stop and I turn to the little girl enjoying an ice-cream with her friends. What she meant was fairy but my heart does not calm down.

My Eri! This is just one among the many nicknames for EXO-L so you can use the one you like the best!! ><

Because either way, EXO-L belongs to EXO.

This text message still exists somewhere on my old phone. Dust now covers the cracked screen and I've since long removed the batteries,  but the words have not left my heart...

You like giving me nicknames but Eri was the one you used the most. It always made me feel at home, somehow. It was the one you would use whenever we had a small fight or when you were trying to convince me...

"I'm Oppa and you're Eri!" I remember you saying the first time we officially went out together. It was your way to make me feel at ease because you knew how hard it was to adjust. You knew how scared I was of everyone's reaction but your hand in mine made all the worry fade away. "Let's have a good relationship for a long long time! Yeah-ry!!"

And we did have a good relationship for as long as it lasted. It was one so good that I still feel your touch and the warmth of your breath, hear your voice and the beats of your heart and see your smile and twinkling eyes. It was not always a matter of love, because, at times, you were the closest of friends or the strongest of protectors. Definitely boyfriend material but, at the same time, so much more.

I take a bite from my sandwich as I wait for the train. Here, the days seem longer despite going faster. I rush about, left and right, but I guess it's not that bad of a thing. It helps me keep a low profile, to be this busy and alone. But I do wonder at times whether I've already been forgotten.

"EXO-L miss you."

So do I... so freaking much!

I miss your random calls in the middle of the night, with nothing to talk about but your dinner and schedule, or the games that you've played. I miss the pictures you would send of the places you've been to as if to say that you still remember me while you're away. I miss the "Thank you, EXO-L." whenever you would win an award. And as you cried EXO, so would I.

"Why did you flirt with me when you danced to Artificial Love?" 

Do you recall that day? Because I still remember and it makes me laugh in the middle of the night.

"Can I ask something too? Why did you fall for it?"

You were always such a flirt at the most unexpected times and I must admit, my heart hated you for it. But now those words resonate in my mind like an echo of your absence, making me wonder if I can actually endure it all.

But I come to my senses, stand up and brush it all off. I tell myself that I'll be used to it all just like I did the day before and those that have followed my departure. It's like a cold that I fight every single day, aware that at some point the fever would go down. Even if it takes a second or a century, somehow it will pass. And above this grey sky, I know that there is a bright light waiting to shine upon me.

No, this is not the dark days or the end of the road... I know that I've been through worse and that the worst is yet to come. The nightmare will pull through, somehow.

"You're so delusional."

"Worthless."

"Oh gosh, how can you spend so much on a guy like that? And he is barely even there for you..."

"You need a real life. And I mean one without you stalking some guy around."

"Oh, she's just crazy. Don't pay attention to her; we've given up a long time ago."

"How can she be so annoying?"

"EXO here, EXO there! Is that all your vocabulary is made up of?"

Dark clouds come and go, bringing the rain or the cold. But you shine like the stars amidst every single thing. Nothing can take away who you are and what you've been, even when I'm gone. And as long as you can keep that glow to face this cold, dark world, I know that I can pass through as well. Just stay as you are, still like the air, and shine upon me from afar. Because as long as you can't see my tears, I know that you'll be able to turn your back on what we've been through.

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Exol_Writer
Our fate lies
in the hands
of the things we love
and sometimes
the things we love
are the things
that lead us
to the fatal destruction
of ourselves.

-R.M Drake, Black Butterfly

Comments

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amona9 #1
Hi Al, where are you :(
St-renaissance
#2
Chapter 2: Liking this so far
Syira_Suho #3
Chapter 20: Stay strong okayy dear author....
Krismewolf
#4
Chapter 1: Oh gosh, if I could write like you do, to use words so beautifully, I would never stop writing!! unfortunately I'm not that talented T__T I just started reading this story (because of Suho on the poster ) but wanted to write a comment because I want to thank you! I hope that your story gets even more subscribers and comments! ♡♡
Syira_Suho #5
Chapter 15: Such an amazing story *wipe tears*
amona9 #6
Chapter 15: OMG !! i just finally have time to read it and it's really amazing huhuhuh !! Thanks for the beautiful works ily !! i may not be your first reader but i'll make sure to read whatever you write !! fighting bb you are doing great i'll always cheer for you !!!
lucidhoney10
#7
Chapter 15: Can you imagine how to life without them? Because I still refuse to think of it...
I don't want to let go even when I know someday I have to...
This makes me emotional :'