Junmyeon and Sehun notice that something is off. They make little comments about how cold it's getting outside, and then they shoot pointed looks to Jongin's jacketless figure. They mention it every time apartment 1011 on Ronce Street orders something -- which is often, since Baekhyun and Chanyeol live to embarrass him. Every time, Kyungsoo avoids looking at him for more than a few seconds, seemingly too uninterested in conversation or returning his jacket. 

This is one of these times. Sehun had just gotten off the phone and spares a fleeting, knowing glance at Junmyeon before he beckons Jongin over. 

"Delivery. Three pastries and a coffee to go. Can you carry coffee on the broom?" 

Jongin nods confidently as he pulls on a black overshirt, covering up the short sleeves of the shirt he was already wearing.

"No problem!" is his only response, since he's too busy tying his shoes. He hears Mongmong yapping around his feet, the old gray dog joining her soon after. 

"Where's your jacket, Jongin? It's getting cold. It's worse down by the sea; you know that," the voice is stern and caring, in a way that only Junmyeon can pull off. "You're going to freeze." 

He's a little worried because he'd noticed frost covering his window this morning, but he shrugs it off. Maybe he'll like being cold. It's not like he's going out for a long time anyway, he'll be back to the warm bakery within minutes. And so, with his thin overshirt on, take-out bag tucked away in his black bag, and a cup of coffee in hand, he moves to leave the shop.

"Where's this for?" Jongin asks distractedly as he grabs his broom. When he gets no response, he looks up to meet Sehun and Junmyeon's keen eyes. 

"Apartment 1011, Ronce street," Sehun articulates carefully, and his right arm winds around Junmyeon slowly. Jongin knows that they're about to go parent-style on him, when they stand like that, a united front. "They order pretty often, don't they?" 

Jongin shrugs as casually as he can manage, but he knows his cheeks are flaming with the thought of them knowing about how he feels about Kyungsoo. 

"Is it those three boys? You know, the ones who go to the university?" Junmyeon asks slyly, and Jongin knows that the widening of his eyes gives him away. 

"Yeah," Jongin admits, nodding a little bit. A smile breaks out across Sehun's features and Jongin notices how the taller's arm tightens around Junmyeon, as if congratulating him on their shared success. He finds it endearing and a little bit invigorating that he can talk about it like this without getting judged.

"Does one of them like you? I mean, that's the only explanation --" Sehun is cut off by a jab to the ribs from his partner. His face contorts in mild pain and he whines out a "Junmyeon!" 

Jongin finds it in himself to laugh a little, even though his heart is hoping for Sehun to be right. Maybe it was Kyungsoo orchestrating all these food trips. Maybe he thought Jongin was charming and cute. Maybe. 

Junmyeon shoos him off to deliver then, shaking his head at Sehun's loud mouth, and Jongin takes his leave. The ride to the apartment is almost second nature now -- Jongin doesn't have to think, so instead he daydreams. 

It's his specialty, really, daydreaming. He's imagined so many things on the deliveries he makes -- holding hands with Kyungsoo on the beach, introducing his parents to the bakery owners, diving deep into the ocean and looking at everything he could before he couldn't breathe. Something was always there, tugging on his mind, telling him to explore and find love and be happy. 

This city could make him happy -- the sounds, the smells, the laughter and yelling constantly flowing through the streets, and Kyungsoo. It was all a breath of fresh air, a reminder that he was alive and out in the world, achieving anything he set his heart to. Every morning that he'd wake up to the tangy bite of salt in the air, to Junmyeon and Sehun's low voices over morning coffee, to the crackling of the fireplace and the thought of Kyungsoo making his way off to classes -- it was enough. 

Soon enough he's off his broom, jogging his way up the familiar stairs to a brightly -- newly, Jongin notices -- painted door. Now there is a vibrant scene of the ocean, wide waves swooping into the sky, birds and fish mingling together in a pink swirl of sunset. He doesn't know how Baekhyun manages to put something that beautiful on a door, only to paint over it the next month, but he's mesmerized.

He almost doesn't want to knock since it's so pretty, but then he realizes that the coffee might be getting cold, and the coffee might belong to Kyungsoo, so in the end he doesn't hesitate to rap on the door. 

It's the shortest boy, wearing something that Jongin can only describe as too much. The shirt must be Chanyeol's -- it has to be -- because it's practically falling off of him, collarbones and top of his chest on full display. The bottom of the shirt hits his mid-thigh, where it's met with long pajama pants. It should look cute, even cuddly, but all Jongin can think of is how much he wants to kiss him on the face and on the collarbones and  --

He cuts himself off because he's been ogling Kyungsoo for at least thirty seconds, mouth open, and he can't afford to let the shorter know that. Even though it's painfully obvious, because now Kyungsoo is blushing profusely and moving to push his shirt up, hands shaking like the night Jongin feared he'd be cold. 

"Here, one second -- my wallet's in the other room, I was cleaning --" Kyungsoo is unusually chatty and nervous, his deep voice ringing through Jongin's head like the soft waves painted on the door. 

"It's okay," Jongin mumbles. He feels the cold biting at his back and shivers involuntarily, scooting the last few inches into the apartment. He doesn't know if this is okay, but if he's cold, he knows Kyungsoo is too. Shutting the door behind him, he feels less like a popsicle, and more like an intruder. 

Seconds later, Kyungsoo is back holding a wallet and a familiar black jacket. It makes Jongin's stomach drop, knowing that he'd actually kept it so long. Jongin half expected for Kyungsoo to throw it away or something, but seeing it in Kyungsoo's hands gave Jongin a sort of pride, a sense of accomplishment. 

"I meant to give it back to you, but --" Kyungsoo doesn't seem to know how to word it. "But my roommates are always at the door." 

Jongin realizes then that he was too embarrassed in front of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and that Kyungsoo had tried so many times in the last weeks to return it. That Kyungsoo must've jumped up to grab it every time there was a knock on the door. It sends his heart soaring, knowing that he was on Kyungsoo's mind at least a little, if only out of politeness. 

Then the jacket is draped over his arm softly, in a way only Kyungsoo would choose to do. The miniscule weight of the jacket causes a heaviness to settle in his stomach, churning and turning in a way that makes him think he might throw up. Kyungsoo is so lovely. 

"Jongin!" a high voice interrupts them, Baekhyun's signature tone ringing through the apartment. Jongin feels happy -- really, he does, the other two boys had become awkward friends to him -- at the sound, if only because now he's saved of responding to Kyungsoo. He doesn't think he can, not right now, not with the way Kyungsoo is making him feel. 

Then the loud boy is barreling toward him, yanking the coffee out of his hand. "Thank goodness. Yeol is about to die. He's been writing a paper all night, and he's finally finished -- and I think without coffee, he might pass out, I'm not even joking --" 

Jongin laughs a little, nodding as he watches Baekhyun run away again, back into a bedroom. Kyungsoo is looking down at the floor, clearly mortified over how his friends behave. Jongin thinks he looks beautiful like that, pink dusted cheeks and pursed lips.

He wants to stay and ask Kyungsoo how his classes are going, wants to hold Kyungsoo's hand and lead him down a crowded street while they laugh. But then he realizes that he's still standing in his crush's doorway, awkward and holding a bag of pastries. Maybe he should leave. 

"Thanks for my jacket back; I have to --" 

"Wait, Jongin!" 

Jongin knows it's not Kyungsoo's voice, but something greedy inside of him still hopes to see the short boy's mouth moving when he looks up. Instead, he watches as Chanyeol appears in the doorway, coffee in one hand and Baekhyun's shoulder in the other. 

"Yeah?" Jongin responds. He doesn't know what Chanyeol could be yelling at him for, but he's suddenly scared. The tallest boy breaks out into a wide smile then, dissipating the fear that had so quickly crept up in Jongin's chest. 

"Now that I'm finally done with that hell of a paper, we're going to take a walk. If you don't have deliveries, you wanna come with us?" 

Jongin isn't sure if the us Chanyeol refers to includes Kyungsoo, but he nods anyway. He likes having friends and he loves this part of the city -- why wouldn't he take the chance? He knows for a fact that there are no regulars who order at this hour on a Wednesday, and so he feels secure in assuming there are no deliveries waiting for him at the bakery.

"You heard him, Kyungsoo. Go get changed! We're going on a walk!" 

-- 

Twenty minutes later, the four of them leave the apartment together. Jongin is the only one not wearing a fluffy coat, scarf, or both, but he assures the boys that the cold doesn't bother him that much. Baekhyun had thought maybe he was supernaturally immune to cold, but Jongin doubts that's the case. He laughs along though, just to watch how Chanyeol's eyes crinkle and Kyungsoo's cheeks glow. 

"Where are we going?" Baekhyun asks, his tone actually a little whiny. It shocks Jongin, never before having heard him sound negative in any way. But then he watches how Chanyeol's big hand envelopes his and stuffs it in his pocket, and he understands a little more.

He almost looks over at Kyungsoo to gauge his reaction, but he's too scared that it will be one of disgust, and so he settles for studying just how close Chanyeol holds Baekhyun before the shorter giggles and moves away. 

"Hmm," Chanyeol looks around the busy street, filled with college kids and buses and shouts. "The beach? It's loud in the city today." 

Jongin perks up at that. The entire time he'd been in this new city, no matter how many times he delivered down by the beach, he'd never made a trip to just sit and listen and breathe. He hopes that's what their plan is, too, because it sounds like everything Jongin has dreamed of since childhood. And standing next to Kyungsoo, nevertheless. 

Jongin kind of wants to pinch himself, just to check that it's all real, but then he catches Kyungsoo's eyes and nearly halts in his steps. There's something soft in them, a sort of wonder, that Jongin can't put on a finger on. He thinks maybe it's the same way Sehun stares down at Junmyeon when he thinks no one is looking. But the look is gone in an instant, replaced with familiar shock, and Jongin turns away with red ears. 

They all chat as they walk, but the pair in front end up doing most of the talking. Baekhyun makes Kyungsoo laugh out loud a few times, something foreign to Jongin, and it makes his heart flip at the way his lips upturn, fully forming an 'o' shape.

Chanyeol stops to pet a puppy and lament over his lack of dog -- to which Jongin says he has one, and Chanyeol insists that they stop ordering out; they need to go to the bakery sometime and meet the puppy. Baekhyun agrees and Kyungsoo smiles his tiny, now familiar smile.

The shortest boy trails next to Jongin, behind the two talkative boys, silent but curious, and so, so cute. Jongin can't stop watching the way his scarf blows in his face (it's dark green, like the vines that grow up the side of the bookstore, and it makes Jongin think of a wild jungle, a vivid explosion of life.) At one point, Kyungsoo blows his bangs out of his face and his lips form a soft, pink pout. It almost makes Jongin drop the broom in his hand. 

"How is school going?" Jongin ventures to ask. Kyungsoo looks up in that fond way again, and Jongin realizes that this is how he looks at people that he considers friendly. This is what Baekhyun and Chanyeol get every day -- and now Jongin is on the list, is worthy of smiling eyes and pink cheeks. 

"It's going okay," Kyungsoo shrugs a little, seeming to draw back in on himself. Jongin wants to scream because, god, he was so close to making progress towards friendship, towards something more. He takes a deep breath, deciding to be brave, and nudges Kyungsoo softly with his shoulder. 

This makes the older look up in surprise, eyes flitting momentarily to where their shoulders had just met. Jongin notices the blush, basks in how red his cheeks turn and the way his lips move on their own, pulling into a smile. It makes Jongin do the same, suddenly dizzy and lightheaded and walking on clouds in the same instant.

"And you?" 

Jongin knows that it's barely anything to most, but in Kyungsoo's way of communication, this is a lot.

"Sehun and Junmyeon are doing well, and the bakery is the same as always," Jongin looks at Kyungsoo to make sure he's at least semi-interested. The shorter boy is looking towards the ocean they're headed for, but Jongin can tell in the way his eyes are scanning the horizon that he's actually listening. "My mom told me that it's getting really cold back home, that they're getting snow almost every day." 

When Kyungsoo says nothing in return, he continues his nervous ramble. 

"I've been thinking about school a lot. I don't know what I'd major in, but I like the idea of it. I think I want to start reading more. If you have any recommendations . . .  I'd be happy to have them. I --" 

Kyungsoo cuts him off, which is a first. "What do you like to read?" 

"Books. Poetry. Anything you want me to." 

He hadn't meant to sound that desperate. Jongin screams internally; he's ruined. The look on Kyungsoo's face confirms it, cements his place as an absolute weirdo. Baekhyun and Chanyeol have stopped talking now, both looking back at the pair in some sort of fascination. Jongin wants to cry because of the way Kyungsoo is staring him down, how Baekhyun's dark eyes trace his every movement, how Chanyeol raises his eyebrows. 

And then Kyungsoo's face turns from a glare to something more confused. Is that an improvement? Or is he just being judged in a new way? 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol seem to sense the change in atmosphere, can feel the way Kyungsoo is looking at him, and decide to excuse themselves sheepishly. 

"We're gonna go in and shop here. You guys keep going, I know Jongin wanted to make it to the ocean . . ." 

Jongin almost whines for them to stay, almost grabs Baekhyun's coat by the hood in order to prevent their leaving, but he stops when he realizes how close they really are to the ocean. They'd been walking for a few minutes and the coast was right there already. If those two just stay, it won't be awkward, and they'll practically already be on the beach. But then the pair is ducking into a small stationary shop, Baekhyun already eyeing a set of gel pens. 

Maybe if he can just make it to the ocean, maybe if he can just breathe the salty air in, he'll calm down. 

The pair trudge on towards the sea slowly. Their shoulders are almost touching, Jongin can't help but notice, and he stares at Kyungsoo's hands. His mind flashes back to the way Chanyeol had kept Baekhyun's warm, connected at the hand and hip. Suddenly he's dreaming that Kyungsoo's small hand slides into his, that they're close together, breath fanning out between them like the wind that rolls off of the coast. 

He's snapped out of it when he registers that he's not walking on pavement anymore -- now he's on sand, every step crunching. He can't help the swell in his chest at seeing the wide expanse of blue, even when the sky is a wintry grey and the wind is nipping at his nose. Jongin takes a deep breath, inhaling the salt and the cold like he'd always wanted. 

"It's so beautiful," Jongin breathes out, taking in every feature he can. He feels Kyungsoo take a deep breath, too. They're so close that Jongin wonders if their noses would touch if he turned right now. He doesn't, because he's too scared, but he likes the heat that pools in his stomach at the thought of it. 

Kyungsoo nods silently next to him, shivering a little. Jongin hasn't noticed the chilling wind that's blowing off of the water and straight onto Kyungsoo, but now that he does, he thinks maybe he can cut the trip short. They should leave, since Kyungsoo's teeth are chattering. 

"Are you cold?" Jongin ventures to ask, shifting impossibly closer to the smaller boy in an attempt to offer his body heat. He almost makes a shocked noise when the boy accepts, shuffling closer to Jongin, eyes never leaving the ocean. 

"No," Kyungsoo lies. Jongin doesn't know why it's so endearing to hear a blatant, dumb lie slip from the older's lips, but it is. It feels like Kyungsoo is letting him see a different side, a sillier side, of him that was closed off before. 

"It's my first time seeing the ocean up close, but I can leave. It's cold." 

Kyungsoo's lips open out of surprise, and Jongin has to physically restrain himself from leaning down and closing the distance between them, from blocking out the cold wind with warm hands around Kyungsoo's cheeks. 

"I'm sorry the first time you're going to the ocean is with me. In the cold. It's not the best circumstances," Kyungsoo mumbles, seemingly unaware of the great struggle Jongin is having over their proximity. 

"I think it's perfect," Jongin sputters out, tearing his mind away from the thought of Kyungsoo's mouth moving against his. "I - I mean. I like the weather. And you're --" 

"Cold. I'm cold." 

Jongin turns to the boy, thankful that he didn't have to find the correct adjective to describe him. He would've slipped and said something to make them awkward again, would've accidentally called him beautiful or stunning or lovely.

"Do you want to leave?" Jongin asks, eyes concerned and soft. Kyungsoo looks at him that way again, the way he had when his brown eyes glowed with fondness, and he shakes his head slightly. 

"We just got here . . ." Kyungsoo explains, nodding back to the blue waves. Jongin shakes in his head in turn, hands coming out to rest as soft as possible on Kyungsoo's shaking ones.

He doesn't know what he's doing, why he's doing it. All he knows is that his heart feels like it's burning, that Kyungsoo's cheeks aren't the only ones turning dark red. He's leaning as slowly as he can, looking into Kyungsoo's eyes every second until he's too close --- his eyes will cross, he has to close them -- and their cold noses bump. He tilts his head to the side, feeling Kyungsoo's cheek against his, and waits for a signal to go. 

Then he feels soft lips on his, pulling him away from the ocean and the cold and into something so wholly Kyungsoo it hurts. The smaller boy is warm despite the chilly weather, cheeks soft and lips plush. 

Jongin suddenly realizes that he's kissing Kyungsoo, that the smaller boy is pliant under his touch, smelling like soap and coffee. He tastes like the strawberry pastry Jongin had just delivered. He has delicate, soft lips despite the winter air. He's everything Jongin has ever expected, ever dreamed of, and he's kissing back. 

He can hear the lull of the waves in the back of his pounding head, but they're nothing compared to the quiet rhythm of Kyungsoo's lips against his. The smaller boy winds a small hand into Jongin's shirt, and the latter feels heat spread in his cheeks and drain him of any self control. Now he's kissing feverishly, almost desperately, letting Kyungsoo pull him in and letting Kyungsoo do anything he wants to him and -- 

They pull apart to breathe, hearts racing. 

"I --" Jongin is going to apologize, but Kyungsoo turns away so quickly that he doesn't get the chance. Before he knows it, Kyungsoo is touching cold hands to his cheeks, forcing himself to wake up. Jongin watches pitifully as Kyungsoo moves away from the beach, back to the sidewalk, hands shakier than ever. 

He follows after him, but there's not another word spoken between the two the entire outing. Baekhyun and Chanyeol act like they don't see a difference, act like they don't notice Kyungsoo actively avoiding Jongin, and the four of them awkwardly make their way through other shops on the strip. Jongin feels his heart lurch with every step Kyungsoo takes away from him. 

-- 

He figures that he must've come on too strong -- Kyungsoo had never actually said to kiss him. And he certainly never said to kiss him the way he had, like their lips being together was the answer to every equation Jongin had ever failed to solve. 

Maybe he doesn't even like boys, Jongin fears. Maybe he likes boys, but not dumb boys who are younger than him and have no future besides riding around on a broom. Maybe Kyungsoo just didn't like Jongin's personality, specifically. 

Even with all these logical reasons, it doesn't stop Jongin from feeling heartbroken. He'd never had someone to like before, never kissed someone like that. And now the highlight of this city, of his entire life, maybe, hates his guts. It seems like Kyungsoo must've finally yelled at Chanyeol and Baekhyun, forced them to stop ordering food, because it's been weeks and Jongin still hasn't gotten an order for delivery to them. 

Sehun and Junmyeon don't say anything, but he knows they're worried. They ask him more frequently if he's talked to his mom, if he's doing okay. Junmyeon makes him eat dinner with them and go out to the movies, even when Jongin protests and says he's tired and doesn't want to intrude. Sehun makes him special pastries with flowers and potion bottles on them, if only to make Jongin feel like a piece of his mom's shop is with him. Jongin thinks they're sweet, that they're everything he'd ever hoped to be when he's older. 

Even though it's hard, Jongin knows he's okay, knows that he'll find a way to get over how sad he is. He just wishes that he'd had a way to say good bye. Any sort of farewell would've been good. Instead, he's stuck wallowing in the fact that Kyungsoo will never speak to him again in his room, surrounded by dark walls void of any semblance of home. 

Even the waves sound wrong at night, dissonant and offputting. Jongin starts to have dreams about drowning in them, and he's not sure if he'll ever feel the same about the ocean again, after the way Kyungsoo had held him on the beach that day. 

He sighs and shakes his head, slipping into comfy pajama pants and leaving his window open only a crack. It's getting cold enough that it hurts to keep it open too much at night, but Jongin still likes the fresh air seeping in while he sleeps. He checks his phone, noticing that the only notification is a text saying that his mom loves him, and sets his morning alarm as he slides into bed. 

He sleeps fitfully, Mongmong laying next to him in the darkness, and he's awoken only minutes later by the distinctive sound of a scream in the streets. It's not a mother getting angry at a child, or even a chef taking a waiter outside to punish them, like usual. This time, it's definitely male and it's definitely Kyungsoo. 

Jongin shoots out of bed as fast as he can, throwing open the window. He's only halfway through climbing onto the balcony when he hears it again. Panic shoots through his veins and he trips over his cold feet, over the cold metal of his balcony. He can vaguely hear Mongmong barking, can feel his foot hit something so hard that he almost curses out loud, but all he can focus on is finding Kyungsoo in the vast darkness. 

It rings through again, this time weak and pained, and Jongin feels tears prick his eyes. His entire mind and body is screaming in cold and pain and fear, and Jongin doesn't know what to do.

--

omg ? drama????? LOL if u l thought it was gonna be.... all fluff all the time...... ur WRONG! 

also id like to give a big thank u to my friend softnmessy bc 1) she is the reason i got my together and started this fic (bc i sent her my idea and and she WOULDN'T rest until i decided to publish it lmfao)   AND 2) she :( recced my fic to kaisoo fic rec..... so id like to give a public thank u and a public I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!!!!!!!!

also srry this took forever!! i've been back at school and also cleaning ! hope you enjoyed... give me feedback ? pls? lmao i love yall bye bye goodnight