Remember me, though I have to say goodbye

[21:41, 1 year - 4 months since departure,  1 year until arrival]

She shut the door behind her, the lock clicking into place and echoing through the empty house just as it had each day for two years past. Joohyun sighed. Seulgi, in her ever spontaneous joy of life, had never been the type to hold onto lingering sadness; she always let light fill the little holes in her heart. But looking at the dull, lifeless rooms before her, Joohyun couldn’t help but find herself missing the lively woman once again. The grey, nostalgic gloom that filled the house reflected her days without Seulgi too accurately.

Joohyun flicked on the lights, reminding herself to put up some of the old pictures that her wife had painted later.

The plastic bags filled with takeout crinkled as she set the table for one. One plate, one fork, one knife. Two servings of stir-fry, though, because since when did Joohyun not stress eat? By the time Seulgi came home, she’d probably be too fat to fit through the door to greet her. Joohyun chuckled at the notion, if in more of a melancholy way than she had intended to. She stared at the door longingly before digging into her food.

“If she comes home.”

---

Remember me, don’t let it make you cry

[13:54, 2 years until departure, 2 years - 4 months until arrival]

Joohyun let her small frame slump against the outside of her - their - apartment door. It went without saying that it’d been a long week; some days, she just didn’t have the strength or stamina to keep up with the kids in her class. Naturally, she loved them. All twenty-six rambunctious little first graders Joohyun thought of as her own, but goddamn. They were exhausting.

At least she had somebody to come home to, somebody that she loved more than all the little s in her care combined. Joohyun smiled at the thought of her girlfriend waiting for her, then blew out a long breath of air as she fitted the key in the lock and turned the door handle. Even that was a tiring task.

As soon as Joohyun entered the apartment, a soft smell of vanilla wafted into her nostrils. It was intoxicating, and she flopped down on the couch face-up just to let it soothe her senses. A sigh of relief came from parted lips, and it was only after a few minutes of basking in the warmth of her home that Joohyun came to wonder why there was such a pleasing smell.

She propped herself up on one elbow and eyed the place. It was neater than usual, that was for sure. Seulgi hardly even did her own laundry, so exactly what prompted this cleaning spree? Joohyun furrowed her eyebrows and sat up, alert with mild confusion. Come to think of it, where was Seulgi, anyways?

Inhaling once more, Joohyun caught a whiff of something a bit stronger mixed in with the vanilla. It was almost a woody smell, like firewood… fire… burning… . Flinging herself off the couch, Joohyun dashed to the kitchen, tripping over herself in her efforts to get her short legs to go faster.

Of course Seulgi was in the middle of it all. Literally. Joohyun wanted to bang her head against fridge the moment she saw her girlfriend asleep on the table, surrounded by flaming vanilla-scented candles - one of which had decided to set fire to a nearby plastic bag. She quickly pushed the idea of setting fire to Seulgi’s hair for being so stupid out of her head, and instead opted for the less violent act of dousing the bag - and Seulgi, consequently - with water.

Her girlfriend woke up a spluttering mess, and while she was choking on water, Joohyun was simultaneously choking on laughter at Seulgi’s state and indignance at their apartment nearly being set on fire. After a few slaps on the back to get the water out of Seulgi’s system, she glared down at the drenched girl in front of her.

“Excuse me, but what the hell is this?” Joohyun flailed her arms at the wet table before her and the still-burning candles that adorned the countertops.

Seulgi scoffed playfully. “Obviously, it’s me trying to be romantic by burning our apartment complex down.” She propped her chin up on one fist, eyeing the older woman. “Did it work?”

The only response she got was a knock to the head from Joohyun, who then proceeded to snuff out the rest of the candles in the kitchen. “Hyun, that’s my hard work that you’re undoing right there!”

“Uh-huh. While you may find the notion of living together as homeless fugitives idealistic and charming, I much prefer actually staying the damn place you were trying to set fire to.”

Seulgi let out a small sigh, and Joohyun caught a little glint of disappointment in them before the younger woman leaned against the counter, arms crossed, seemingly lost in thought. “What, don’t tell me you were actually planning on doing something romantic, Kang?”

Her girlfriend huffed slightly. “I thought you’d be coming home later. I had more stuff planned.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I came home when I did, obviously.” Joohyun dumped the candles in the trash and gave Seulgi a ‘don’t touch these’ look before her eyes softened. The sentiment was nice, but Seulgi was a bit clumsy sometimes. Mentally and physically. “Hey, as long as ‘more stuff’ doesn’t involve playing with fire, we can still do that.”

When she met Seulgi’s eyes, though, she didn’t see the teasing confidence that was there earlier. All she could find was disappointment and a tinge of sadness, and it made Joohyun’s heart ache. She pulled the younger girl in for a hug, despite the fact that she was wet.

“Seul. What’s wrong?”

Joohyun felt her sigh and mumble into her shoulder. “It’s just… I really did have something nice planned. More than nice. Perfect.” She pulled away, looking Joohyun in the eye sadly.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, the older girl smiled sweetly. “You know, you don’t have to plan something, Seulgi. You’re plenty romantic as it is with all your cheesy jokes.” She rolled her eyes lightly and continued. “But if you really want to do something, you can just set this up again on another day. Minus the candles.”

Seulgi just shook her head and fiddled with something in her jacket pocket. “It’s not that. I have to wait. It’s gotta be right. It wouldn’t be right.” She exhaled, long and steady, before pulling a half-hearted smile and turning towards the living room. Joohyun eyed her hands, which were still plunged deep in her pockets. By the shape of the jacket’s contour, her right hand was clenched around something tightly. What was it? A thought, tentative and unsure, drifted into Joohyun’s mind. Could it…?

She took a seat next to Seulgi on the couch. “Seulgi.” The younger woman quirked an eyebrow in response. “Do whatever you were going to do before you almost killed us all.” Seulgi sighed. “Hyun, I told you. I can’t. Not now. I don’t even have the things I was going to prepare...”

Joohyun frowned at this. “Seul, it doesn’t really matter if you have ‘the things,’ what matters is the sentiment.” Her gaze hardened. “Now, I’ve had a rough week at work with the kids. Cheer me up. Be romantic.”

“Joohyun, I -”

“Nope. Do what you were going to do.” She stuck her tongue out at Seulgi, who buried her head in her hands and groaned.

“But -” Seulgi found herself silenced by soft lips placed passionately on her own, and when she broke away, she was face to face with a smirking Joohyun.

“Do it.”

Seulgi sighed. “Fine, but - “ She stopped, thinking to herself a moment before shaking her head. “Just don’t be disappointed if it’s not that great, okay? That’s… that’s all I’m saying.”

“I’m the one who asked, right?” Joohyun beamed. “Fire away, Kang.”

A soft smile graced her girlfriend’s face, and Joohyun was surprised, to say the least, when Seulgi’s sharp eyes became infinitely tender and filled with love. It reminded her of the day she asked her out. What was this, then?

“Joohyun.” Seulgi delicately tucked a strand of ear behind the older girl’s ear. “My Hyun-ah. I’m sorry for almost setting our house on fire.” She chuckled slightly at this, but all Joohyun could think of was how soft Seulgi was and how caringly she said our house instead of your house.

Seulgi bit her lip in concentration. “You know, I think I’ve been in love with you since the day I met you - maybe not the minute I laid eyes on you, but I definitely knew you were the girl for me after you helped me win that stuffed animal at the arcade down the street.” Offering Joohyun a shy smile, she continued.

“I think in the end, though, I ended up winning more than I’ve ever deserved, and god am I thankful for that.” Her girlfriend furrowed her brows the way that she did when she was confused, and Seulgi couldn’t help but laugh. “I won you, Hyun. And you won me. My heart, my soul, my everything.”

“That’s what I want us to be, Joohyun-ah.” Seulgi’s tone softened and she looked down at the palms of her hands. “Everything. I want us to be everything for each other. And we aren’t yet, but today,” she took a sharp inhale, “I was hoping we might get to be.” Seulgi lifted her gaze back up to meet Joohyun’s, and she found a watery smile and teary eyes waiting for her.

“Bae Joohyun, I know it’s not the most ideal situation to ask you this right after I almost set us on fire.” Joohyun laughed at this, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, because she’d seen this coming from a mile away, but as Seulgi pulled out a tiny velvet box from her pocket, her emotions threatened to take over.

Seulgi propped the box open. “Hyun, you put up with me today, and I was hoping you could put up with me for another - oh, I don’t know - say, forever.” She smiled brightly. “Marry me?”

Joohyun broke down into tears

There were more tears, of course, and there were ‘yes’es and everything was a big, beautiful mess. But at the end of the day, Joohyun found that the ring fit her finger to a tee, and that she fit into Seulgi’s snug hold even more perfectly than she knew she did.

---

For even if I’m far away, I hold you in my heart

[00:00, 8 years until departure, ground zero]

Joohyun couldn’t hide her snort of amusement as the girl at the claw machine across the arcade once again failed to get the bear plushie she was aiming for. It had been twenty minutes non-stop now that she’d observed the girl try so desperately to earn the plushie. Quarter after quarter was pushed into the slot, and Joohyun really couldn’t help but pity her. Just how badly did this girl want a bear plushie that she’d be willing to spend over fifteen dollars on it?

Yes, Joohyun was counting.

As the sixty-fifth quarter was pushed in, Joohyun shook her head and marched over to the claw machine. It had been amusing at first, but now it was just downright painful to watch the girl’s expression drop each time she lost another twenty-five cents without return. Before she could hit the start button, Joohyun lightly tapped her on the back, causing the girl to flinch and jump away in surprise.

“Oh, gosh, I didn’t mean to star - “

“I’m sorry, did you want to use th - “

They spoke at the same time, stuttering over syllables as they tried to make sense of themselves before the girl promptly stopped and offered Joohyun a deep, apologetic bow.

“Sorry that I was taking a while. If you wanted to have a turn at it, go ahead.”

“Okay.” Joohyun smiled at the girl. “But you’ve got to stay right here and watch me so you don’t lose so much money next time.”

The girl stared at her feet sheepishly, and Joohyun hit the start button. She’d always had luck with games, even ones that were purely chance based. So it was really just a matter of course when she nailed the bear on the first try, pulling it out of the drop box with a triumphant, yet not gloating, look on her face. The girl stared at her in shock.

“How…?” Joohyun didn’t reply, just smiled again and placed the bear in the girl’s hands; she took it with a reverence that Joohyun had seen many times before in men who were appraising her body, but with the girl it was pure and innocent. She winked at the girl before walking away to another section of the arcade, but she could still feel the weight of her awed stare on her back.

It came as no surprise when, fifteen minutes later, Joohyun heard footsteps approaching her as she stood choosing a song for Dance Dance Revolution. Her eyes flickered over in the direction of the sound and found the same girl holding the bear plushie standing and staring at her. This time, though, it was the girl who spoke up. She set down the plushie and gesture at the second pad next to Joohyun. “May I?”

Joohyun smirked. “Sure, but prepare yourself for some serious competition. I’m not just good at claw machines, you know.”

The girl shrugged. “Okay. I’m Seulgi, by the way.”

Seulgi. Finally, a name to put to the face. “Joohyun.” She raised an eyebrow at Seulgi’s proffered hand and shook it with confidence. “Now, shall we start?”

Five minutes later, Joohyun found herself drenched in sweat with an A- on the screen in front of her. “Not half bad, huh?” She turned to look at Seulgi’s screen.

A+. Seulgi had barely broken a sweat. It was Joohyun’s turn to stare in complete reverence at the girl before her. “Damn.”

Seulgi’s lips quirked, obviously pleased at being the center of Joohyun’s attention. Fishing around in her bag, she pulled out a tissue to give to Joohyun, who gratefully accepted and wiped her face off. “Well, I dance.”

“Well, I can tell.” They shared a grin, and Joohyun watched as Seulgi eyed her from head to toe, taking in her sweaty form. It wasn’t in a lustful or violating way; it was simply a gesture of amusement. Joohyun took note of this, concluding that so far, Seulgi seemed like a pretty pure and honest human being.

As Seulgi’s eyes wandered leisurely back up to meet Joohyun’s, she picked up her bear from the floor and tucked it under her arm. “Since you so kindly assisted me in obtaining this little guy, it would only be fair if I treated you to a drink. You sweat a lot.” Seulgi smiled sincerely, but Joohyun could see the slight teasing glint in her eyes. She scoffed.

“I do not sweat a lot. And how old are you, anyways, to be treating me to a drink?”

“Seventeen. Plus a few months. And I’m pretty sure you could end world thirst with the amount you were sweating just now.” Seulgi raised her hands up, feigning innocence. Joohyun reevaluated Seulgi’s character. Genuine, yes. Pure? Maybe not so much. “I mean, hey, if you want to refuse a free drink, it’s none of my business.”

Ever so slowly, as if she was anticipating a response, Seulgi turned away and began to walk in another direction. It wasn’t long before she felt a light flick on the side of her head, and found a pouting Joohyun keeping in stride next to her.

She rubbed her head. “Ow.”

“Unless you want more of that, you’re going to buy me a drink and an ice cream.”

Seulgi just smiled. “Deal.”

---

I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart

[05:37, 5 years - 9 months until departure, 2 years - 3 months since ground zero]

Burying her head into Seulgi’s neck, Joohyun shivered in fear at the screams of terror from the screen in front of her. Why did she agree to watch a horror movie with her girlfriend? It had only been three months since they’d started dating, but Seulgi’s free-spirited personality had already encountered many of Joohyun’s fears as she tried to share the world from her perspective - wild, carefree, and a bit on the dangerous side. Joohyun didn’t always mind; so many people had told her that she needed to live on the edge a little bit, so she figured that Seulgi’s way of life would be a good change for her.

But horror movies? She glanced up at the screen and screwed her eyes shut again at the sight of a bloodied clown emerging from the darkness. Not a good change. Not at all.

Joohyun resolved to spend the next hour or so with her face hidden under the blanket that she and Seulgi shared, tightening her hold around the younger girl and inhaling her scent to calm herself. Seulgi noticed her shaking, though, and paused the movie after shoveling another handful of popcorn into with her free hand. She looked down at her girlfriend in concern.

“Oo gourd ‘own hair?”

Despite her immense fear, Joohyun somehow found the strength to glare up at Seulgi and slap her lightly on the arm. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, idiot.”

Seulgi nodded, chewing and swallowing the popcorn vigorously. She cleared , brushing stray kernels from her lap. “You good down there? We don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to, you know.”

“It’s fine, since you want to…” Joohyun’s voice trailed off, becoming impossibly small as she sighed. Frowning, Seulgi tilted Joohyun’s head