A/N: hi guys! i missed you! sorry for not updating....you know.work stuff. haaay! i'm stressed! anyway... i suggest that you made a quick review of the two previous chapters so you wont get lost. This update was a bit rushed, so sorry for all the errors. Just inform me if you want to clear up something....and before anything else, i want to APOLOGIZE if i'll DISAPPOINT you with this update T___T... so here it is.... you can listen again to Jakku jakku while reading this^^

SOOYOUNG’s POV

“Sooyoung…”

All my plans went down the drain upon hearing her voice. The way she voice out my name just like the old times sent me goosebumps. My heart suddenly beats like crazy and body froze literally ‘coz I can’t move. I was indeed very glad that she came. Then I remembered what I wrote on the sand so I quickly erased it with my foot and then stood up.

“a-ah… Fany, I t-thought you’re not coming—“ I was taken aback when she suddenly held my wrist and pulled me along her. I just followed her whenever she wants to go and listened to her sermons.

“What made you think that I’ll go here? You called me at 3 and now it’s already 9pm. Don’t you have the common sense that if I’m still not here after an hour or two, it means that I’m not coming? My gosh Sooyoung! It’s freaking cold! Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

“B-but you came…That is what i-important…”

She halts from walking so did I. She turned and looked at me with her cranky face. Then she let go of my hand and heaves a deep sigh.

“You’re so…stubborn! Ughh! Next time, don’t wait for me ‘coz this will be the last time I’ll come after you.”

My heart thwarted on what she said. It’s just saddening to know that I won’t be in her priorities anymore. Anyway, I’m the one who pushed her away so why feel bad about it?

She then walked again while I followed her. We ended up on a nearby tent that serves tea and coffee. Since the weather tonight is not good, we are the only customers present here.

“Why are we here?”

“If you want us to have a proper conversation, then we should do it here, not there. We’ll be dead in no time if we stay there.” She said in a sarcastic tone. I just scoffed at her.

Then, she ordered a green tea while mine was brewed coffee. While waiting for our drinks, we remained silent on each other. I should be the one who start talking because I’m the one who initiated this but I just can’t utter a single word. Unconsciously, I realized that I’ve been staring at her for a while.

“Is there something on my face?”

“h-uh, excuse me?”

“What are you staring at?”

“uhh… n-nothing.” I bit my lip and looked down. Aigoo! Embarrassing!

Finally, after the awkward silence, our orders came. I held the cup tightly and take a sip to absorb its warmth since it’s really cold here. Actually, my hands were trembling due to the temperature, but it worsens due to my nervousness. I tried to stay calm. I rubbed my hands then blew some air on it to give some heat on it but coldness took over my body. Thanks to my cardigan I was able to survive the weather this long, but it wasn’t enough to give warmth on my body.

“See? You’re chilling.”

“a-aniyo… I’m f-fine…”

“tsk… Bad liar.”

She shook her head and then drinks her tea. Unexpectedly, she grabbed my hand and held it tightly. Then I looked at her, surprised with her gesture.

“Better?”

I bobbed my head. It definitely made me feel better, though the shaking of my hand won’t stop. Unsatisfied with my answer, she transferred to the chair beside me, and then she wrapped her coat around me. Not only that, she moved closer to me and slid her arms under the coat then around my waist. She was now HUGGING me, which made my heart pump faster than it’s usual pace.

“F-fany—“

“Don’t think I’m taking advantage of you huh. When this day ends, these arms are out of bounds for you.”

“I know that... T-thank you.”

I relaxed my muscles and then sighed. This definitely made me feel much better. To be fair, I moved my right arm so that I can wrap it to her as well. I know that our position is kind of awkward, considering she’s my ex. I’m pretty sure that Jessica would be furious once she saw me like this. But that’s not the case so I just let myself go with the flow and do what I supposed to do. I mustered up my courage and finally, I managed to utter a word.

“Miyoung ah…”

“Stop calling me with that. You know I hate it.”

“And you also know that I like Miyoung than calling you Tiffany.”

“Tsk. So stubborn.” She giggled a bit and then I smiled. We became silent for a while, and wait for the right timing to speak again. I was looking afar and then she leaned on my shoulder. I was a bit startled with that since we haven’t done this for a long time. But soon enough, I was able to relax again and get used to with the feeling.

“I’m sorry…”

“Seriously? I thought you don’t want to hear that WORD again, and here you are, saying it to me.”

“Well, I’m really sorry…”

“Okay…For what?”

“For what happened last night. You must be mad at me for fighting back at Yuri. She pushed me out my limit so that ticked me off.”

“That’s it? No problem, she’s at fault anyway.” She said in a matter-of-fact tone. And then I leaned my head on hers. We remained on our position, hugging/leaning to each other, for the next 10 minutes or more. We’re just silent. But our heartbeats are making the loudest noise and that explains it all. This felt right. I’m loving it every second, every minute, every moment. Is my plan already backfiring me?

 “Miyoung ah… Do you hate me?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you hate me for all the things I did to you?”

“Honestly, I never hated you. Even once…” Dugeun, dugeun…

“Really? why? I’m such an …”

“Because I don’t have any reason to hate you.”

Short and concise. She never hated me because she doesn’t have any reason to do so. That hit me.

“ohh… We’re exactly opposite.”

“Hmm…”

“I hated you so much. There was not a day that I would remind myself that I should hate you. I even had nightmares every night so that just worsen my grudge on you. I’ve been so unfair for blaming all the things to you. It’s…not right. I’m so ruthless don’t you think?”

“Sooyoungie, if you would do the same thing to me, then I guess I would feel the same way. I deserved to be hated.” I shifted my head and looked into her brown orbs. Now I have the chance, I’ll ask the reason that i should have known long ago.

“I just wanna know why… Why do you didn’t want to marry me?”

She pulled out her hug from me. She became silent but I patiently waited for her reply. After a deep sigh, she faced me and she caressed my cheek with her left and then held my hand while rubbing it with her right thumb.

“Sooyoungie, you know how much I love you right? I want to marry you. I want it so bad. But during that time…I wasn’t ready. It’s not the perfect timing. Taeyeon just passed away and it was much harder for me because I’m the reason why she died.”

Tears fell down on her face so my hands automatically wiped it. Then I held her hand that was touching my cheek. I just looked at her intently and listened to her.

“She died right after she told me that she loves me. We’re pissed off at her that time right? She’s so unfair… She confessed to me, and then she would just leave us? I didn’t have the chance to apologize to her. And it’ll be in my conscience until I die.”

I remembered that. Taeyeon ran after Tiffany so I also followed them. I was behind Taeyeon that’s why I’ve clearly seen what happened. She was hit by a van right after she pushed Tiffany away from the road. We managed to bring her to the hospital but it was too late. She was declared dead-on-arrival and that’s the day when my world starts to fall apart.

“Why? Did you realize that you also love her?” Okay, I’m on my jealous mode again. Mianhe Taengoo.

“Sooyoung? I love her. But NOT in that way. She’s one of my friends that I treasured the most. That’s why i was in a great mess. I was broken into pieces. And then here you are, asking to marry me. I rejected it because when I’ll marry you, I want me to be whole. I want to give to you every piece and bits, and not just a part of me. I thought you were too good for me back then. So I wanted to be fair to you. I love you so much Sooyoung. What makes you think that I don’t?”

I was in agape when I heard that. I felt that my heart stop from beating that moment. I can’t breathe. My chest constricted and tears build up again on the corner of my eyes.

So that’s the reason…

Every word that she said slowly sunk in to me. How can I be so cruel? How can I be so…in’ dumb?! She’s thinking of me all along. She’s just trying to be fair with me. And I just DUMPED her. I was a real mess. I can’t forgive myself either.

“I’m so s-sorry, Miyoung ah… Please…forgive me.”

“You’ve apologized a million times, you know that? Soo, I’ve forgiven you already.”

With that, I let go of her hand and then I hugged her so tight. That’s the moment where I didn’t hold back anymore and let myself cry out. She returned the hug and felt her patting my back. She’s trying to hush me from crying but I just can’t.

I seriously hate myself now. I hurt the most precious person in my life just because of my plain stupidity and close-mindedness.  Now tell me, how can I break her heart once more?

“Sooyoung, can I ask you something? I hope you don’t mind.”

“sure… what is it?”

“Why Jessica?” My body stiffened with her question. Slowly, I pulled away from our hug and then I looked down while fiddling my fingers.

“When you rejected my proposal, it wrecked me. I was devastated. I don’t know what else could be my reason to live. I was on the brink of losing myself. So when I survived the accident, I promised to myself that I will never ever go back to you. I guess I was crazy back then… I was blinded by my anger so I pushed your heart away. I thought that just putting an end to this would be better. I’m a huge COWARD.”

I heaved a deep sigh before continuing. I cleared my throat and go on with my explanation.

“But then…when I felt that I have no reason to live anymore, Jessica suddenly came into my life. Jessica’s my savior. She’s there when I thought I don’t have any meaning in this world. She’s more than of what I could ask for. She’s got this one thing that I can’t explain. I owe her a lot. That’s why it kills me whenever she’s hurt. And the pain that I gain was twice of it whenever I know that I’m the one who’s causing it to her.”

“She’s so lucky to have you...” She chuckled bitterly. I can sense a tint of jealousy on her tone. She then spoke up again.

“But why did you guys broke up?” Oh, that was a low blow. But I still have to answer her, regardless of everything. I just wanna be fair to her starting today.

“She asked for it. She said she wants to give me time to think things over. And I guess I deserve that. Tsk.”

“Fight for her.”

“Huh?”

“Fight for her. Get her back. Don’t make the same mistakes Youngie…”

“I want to. B-but…”

“But what?”

“I’m confused Miyoung ah…”

“What is there to be confused?”

“I think…”

“……”

“I….I”

“…...”

“I still l-love you.” Oh yeah freaking freak. Why did I say that? I completely forgot what I planned to do tonight. I guess I can’t stop myself anymore. This is what my heart has been dying to tell me.

“WHAT?!” She exclaimed and then shot her eyes on me.

“For the past year we’re not together, I thought I was already okay. I thought I have moved on.  I thought I’ve fixed myself. But then, you came back here…  I was shattered once again. The memories we had, good or bad, which I thought I have already forgotten suddenly surfaced out. Every time I tried to run away, it kept on haunting me. And now I know why….That no matter how many times I try to deny that I don’t love you, I’m always falling back on the same spot. My heart can’t lie anymore. I still love you Miyoung ah…”

This time, her eyes expressed a thousand emotions as I gaze to them. I can’t decipher what she feels based on her expression. I bet that she’s also confused like me. I reached for her hand but she flinched. I know she was holding back.

“Fany ah… Tell me, what am I supposed to do?”

TIFFANY’s POV

She said she loves me.

WHAT THE ?!

Does she mean it? Based from her expression, I can say that it matches with what she’s saying. She’s damn serious! And that scares me. I don’t know why but I have a bad feeling about this.

She reached for my hand but I flinched at the sudden contact. I averted my gaze and look somewhere else. I don’t want to believe her. Please tell me this is just a joke because I’m afraid to be hurt again. I already prepared myself for the worst – that we’ll never have a chance to be together. But here she is, telling that she still loves me. How can I resist that? Isn’t this I wanted? I love her. She loves me. We still love each other. Why Sooyoung ah? What’s making me hold back?

“Fany ah, tell me what am I supposed to do?” She said and sounded helpless. She told me that she’s confused.

Yeah, she’s just confused so don’t keep your hopes high Miyoung!

She grabbed my hand and made me face her. I kept on looking down but she lifted my chin and our gazes locked. Tears are threatening to fall on her again. My heart was stabbed to see her like this. She must’ve struggled a lot.

“Please…say something… I love you.”

“You must be kidding me.” I said with a straight face. I don’t know what else to say.

“I’m not.  I’m dead serious here. Tell me, what should I do? Anything… Whatever you want, I’ll do it for you. ”

“Tsk. You’re out of your mind!”

With that, I stood up and walked out of the stall. I can sense that she’s following me so I fasten up my pace. I ended up running away. However, she was quick enough so she caught me and ended up on the shore we went before. She grabbed my wrist and tugged me, making me face back to her.

“Yah! Why are you running away? You said you love me. There it is, i realized the same thing. I can’t afford to lose you again Miyoung ah. After all that has been said and done, my heart still beats for you. I still love you, and if possible, I’ll surrender the whole thought of giving up. Just... tell me what to do.”

That pulled my hearstrings. She’s really sincere with it and I can see it in her eyes. My cheeks are heating up and my blood is rushing so fast. Its been a long time since I felt like this. And now that it’s happening, I was really shouting for joy. Could this possibly true?

I’ve been waiting for this time to come. Finally, she realized that she still loves me. I remember how I begged her to comeback to me. I swallowed my pride just for her and now, it paid off. But why does it felt wrong? No matter how I try to flip things out, this is not right.

Jessica.

She still has Jessica.

“This is wrong Sooyoung.”

“H-huh? When does loving you become a wrong thing?”

“Jessica… She loves you….S-she’s waiting for you.” Tiffany, why are you pushing her away?!

She became silent all of a sudden. By now, I knew it struck her. She scoffed walked a few steps away and turned her back while rubbing her temples. She was definitely stressed out. So I came near to her and hugged her from behind. I can feel her heavy breathing as well as her random heaving of her chest. She’s crying and she’s just hiding her tears from me. I hate to see her in this state. So being the one who’s in a clearer mind state, I decided to do the right thing (that’s what I thought) even if it’ll hurt me again.

“A lot of damage has been done. Once is enough. I can’t bear it if someone will be hurt again just because of me… It’s burning my conscience.”

 “Fany…”

“You love her right?”

She didn’t answer. But I’d take her silence as a yes

“Don’t burden yourself anymore. Choose her. Patch things up with her and forget whatever feelings you have for me that is confusing you. We shouldn’t make this worst Sooyoung. You know she’s still waiting for you.”

She released herself from my hug and faced me. She placed her hands on my shoulder and moved closer to me.

“How about you? Fany, I don’t wa—“ I hushed her while I can still hold back myself. Or else, I may take back what I’ve said.

“Sshh… I’m alright. I’ve survived more than a year without you, so…I guess I can do it again…” That’s a lie.

“B-but…”

“Don’t worry Youngie… We can still be friends don’t you think?” I chuckled just to loosen up. She then cupped my cheeks and look at me seriously.

“Friends?... Great. Just great.”  She gave her back on me again and rubbed her neck. She’s walking back and forth like she’s thinking something, then scoffing every single time.

“No…” What?

“Sooyoung?”

“I said no. I don’t want to.”

“Are you crazy?!“ I pulled her to face me and looked at her exasperated.

“Say whatever you want. But I’m not gonna let you go this time. I’ve learned my lessons already and you’re right, I won’t make the same mistakes I did.”

“But Jessica’s there. You can’t just leave her like that!”

“Just shut that crap Miyoung! We’re talking about us!”

“Us? Tsk. How many times will I say to you that we can’t—“ I was cut off when she suddenly grabbed my shoulder and pursed her lips on mine.

My mind became blurry since I was taken aback so I don’t know how to respond. I struggled a bit, trying to push her off, but she won’t budge. Instead, she placed her right hand behind my head and deepens the kiss. She was applying more pressure this time but it was still gentle. Little by little, I was getting addicted to the feeling and soon enough, I was already closing my eyes, and…answering back the kiss. All the frustrations we both felt were poured down on this kiss we’ve been sharing. I anchored my hands on her neck and go along with her move. Her other hand find its way on my back and starts to glides it up and down. This sends me a more tingling sensation so I moved my body closer, badly seeking for contact. She definitely knows how to .

We are already lost on our own world. Our tongues start to have their battles, and she was dominantly winning over me. My knees start to weaken due to the sensation she’s showering me. Good thing, there’s a coconut tree to lean on so I slumped my back there, while Sooyoung’s left hand gripped my waist; and the other one was on my neck. We’re both heating up and hormones are rushing out of from our innermost body. this oxygen dependence, we stopped and catch up our breaths.

She then leaned on my forehead, our noses brushing each other, while our eyes fixed on one another. It flutters my heart and I think I’m falling for her once again. I love her and I think…I should fight for her. But I know this isn’t gonna be easy.

 “I’m sorry Fany… But I can’t stop myself anymore… I love you... Please believe me…”

“I believe you Sooyoung. What are we going to do?”

“I want us to start over… I know this is all of a sudden, but I won’t push you through. If you’re not yet ready, then I can wait.”

“But Sooyoung ah…”

“Why?” She shoved away the hair that was blocking my face and then she gently rubbed my cheek.

“H-how about Jessica?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course…”

“Then that’s it. I’ll clear off all the matters I have to deal with her. Just wait for me Miyoung ah… Just hang a little longer.”

I nodded and flashed a weak smile. Then I felt her leave a kiss on my forehead. She hugged me so I returned it to her. I hugged her tighter this time, making her feel how much I love her. I shouldn’t think about Jessica. Besides, they already broke up so why worry with it? This time, I just have to let go all my fears, doubts, and agonies. I want to be selfish by now. She came back to me so I won’t allow her to walk away again. Though this decision, technically speaking, wasn’t wise enough, I’m willing to take a risk again. It’s better than do nothing.

Regardless of the coldness of the weather, our body gave warmth to each other. I snuggled closer to her chest, and feeling bad for wetting her shirt. Yes, i can’t hold back myself anymore either so I let go another wave of tears. She pulled out from the hug and caressed my cheeks.

“Ayy…don’t cry Fany ah…”

“I’m not crying.”

“Aish, you’re not a good liar you know. Stop crying…please? I want to see your eye-smile.” I slapped her arm playfully and giggled a bit. Following her request, I tried my best to give her my eye-smile.

“There, you look prettier when you smile.”

“Do I really look bad when crying?”

“Nae~ You must’ve seen your face in the mirror.”

“YAH!” I gave her another smack on the arm which made her giggle. She shielded herself from me and here she is, being playful like she used to be before. After laughing ourselves out, she became serious again and held my hand while gently caressing it.

“Fany ah, thank you… Thank you for giving me another chance.”

“Well, consider yourself lucky then. If I don’t love you this much, I won’t do this.”

“Fany???”

“Haha! I’m just kidding. Sooyoungie…I have a request before anything else.”

“Hmm? What’s that?”

“Can we treat each other as friends for now?  You know…”

“O-okay… if that’s what you want.” Her mood suddenly went down. She must’ve been disappointed with what I’ve said.

“Soo…that is just for now. I want you to clear up everything first before starting anew. I had enough Soo. I don’t think I can take it if I was hurt again.”

“I understand Fany… No problem. I can do that.”

”Thank you.” I hugged her and kissed her cheek.

“No more awkward moments?”

“seriously? Of course! It’s creeping me out whenever you and I are on that situation.” I recalled the moments we had when we were still bitter on each other. It really .

“Fany, I love you…”

“I love you too, Sooyoungie.”

We just stared at each other. We both know what it. Although we chose to be just friends for now, I’m still happy. I don’t wanna rush things, I want to take things one step at a time.

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SOOYOUNG’s POV

After everything that we’ve been through, we’ve finally settled this. I already dumped all the agony and doubt I have in my heart. And I guess she feels the same way. Though I felt bad that we can’t be together right away, I’m still happy that I have her as my friend…for now. She’s right. We should not hurt other people who are innocent of the mistakes we did. We should be careful this time. And i promised to her that I’ll clear up everything with Jessica first before starting anew.

We walked, hand in hand, towards my car and headed home. I decided to send her to her place since it was already midnight, Good thing she never protested so we start heading off. Throughout the trip, she just slept. I bet she’s tired all day.

I noticed that she kept on bumping her head on the window so I stopped the car. I shifted her head carefully, making her lean on my shoulder. She jerked up on the sudden motion.

“Wae?”

“Shusshh… Just lean on my shoulder, I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

“Okay…” She smiled at me before closing her eyes. Now, she was leaning on my shoulder for support. I drive smoothly to prevent her for waking up. I must admit that I missed this. And I’m also glad that it came to happen again. I hope this day will never end.

After a few more minutes, we arrived at the hotel so I woke her up. I gently nudged her.

“Fany ah, wake up. We’re here.” With that, she slowly opened her eyes and yawned. Gosh, I really like to see her like this. She’s so cute!

“Oh…thanks Sooyoungie.”

When motioned to get out, I quickly stood up and went out of the car. I opened the door for her, and then she came out as well.

“So…Goodnight Miyoung ah… Sleep well.”

“Nae. But you have to call me first when you arrived your place.”

“I will. Go…it’s getting late. Bye.”

“Bye…” She turned around and then take steps towards the entrance. But before she has gone far, I reached for her arm and stopped her. She looked puzzled while I just smiled.

“Wait, I forgot something.”

“uhh, what?”

“This.”

I cupped her face and gave her a quick peck on her cheek. After that, I hugged her and then I pulled away. By the time I looked at her, she looks like she blushed. HAHA!

“Bye. For real.” I gestured her to go on and so did she. Then I headed back to my car to go home.

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It was a quick trip from Tiffany’s place up to my penthouse. I was also very sleepy at this point so I walked groggily up to my unit. In a few moments, I was already in front of my door so I look for my card key to open it. However, I just noticed that the door was already slightly opened.

CRAP!

Is there a robber inside my penthouse?!

I felt nervous. I walked in slowly and carefully, not to disturbed whoever it is inside it. The lights are so there must be someone here. I searched for my phone if in case I need to call the police. But before doing so, i tried to recall who’s got a spare key with my pad. As far as I can remember, I didn’t gave Soojin a spare ‘coz I don’t want her to bother me. Then Siwon? Uh uh. No. He didn’t have one. Hmm…

Sh*t…

I remembered…

Jessica have one.

Could it be…

I reached the living room and I was utterly surprised when someone suddenly hugged me. I was more surprised to know who it was.

“Youngie…”

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sorry!!!!!

i didn't mean it. (ows? HAHA)

so please...comments^^

love lots^^