Today is a very special day. I’ve prepared for this for such a long time so I won’t allow anyone to ruin this day, even if it cause my life to perish. Yes, that’s how desperate I am. A three letter word answer to my question will definitely turn my life upside down.

Excitement, anticipation, as well as fear and nervousness can be seen through my eyes. After gathering all the strength, confidence, and courage to approach her, I held her hand and took a tiny box out of my pocket. I opened it and showed to her what’s inside it. I can see that her expression has changed – a little bit uneasy and restless compared to her usual “eye-smile” aura. But this never made me feel down. Instead, I took a deep breath and kneel in front of her saying…

“Fany ah, I love you so much to the point that I will die the moment you’ll say I love you to someone else… You’re my life.”

Bunch of fireworks painted the sky the moment I finished speaking. Cliché much right? I even had goose bumps after saying those line because I never thought that I can say all of it in just one breathing. But the next sentence that should come out of my mouth seems to be stocked on my throat after I saw her lips forming and downward curve.  However, I pushed myself to continue what I have to say, just for the sake of my pride.

“Will you marry me?”

“………”

She stared at me blankly. No words came out of . I know where this is going to.

“Please?” I caressed her hand, and still looking straight through her eyes. Actually, I’m on the verge of crying but I still hold my tears, maybe, she’s just thinking how to say YES in a creative way? Oh really? How pathetic I am to think that!

“Fany ah, please… say something… It’s hard to kneel on a very rocky road.” I showed a fake smile, just to loosen up. This time, a tear escaped from my eyes, and dropped on my right cheek.

She pulled me up to stand and dust off the dirt on my knee. She cupped my face and wiped the tear that has fallen earlier. I can say that I officially hate looking at her eyes now because what I see is not the cute, angelic, and warm eyes I love before. It’s now full of pity, sorrow and guilt, I guess?

“Sooyoungie… I’m sorry… I…I…”

“Why?” a short but stern reply from me.

“Soo…” She caressed my left arm but I shrugged her off. “You know how much I love you right?”

“You love me? Oh really? Is this what you call love?!” Anger, hatred and sarcasm are really now gushing out of my humanity.

“Sooyoungie, please don’t make this hard for me…”

I smirked. The nerve! I really applaud her for pushing the blame on me.

“Me?! Don’t you know that you’re making this way too hard for me? Huh?!” This time, tears flow nonstop onto my face.

“I’m sorry, I really sorry. Baby, can you please calm down?” She tried to hug me but then again, I moved away from her. I don’t want to feel her warmth again because it will just hurt me to feel what I’ve lost.

“Baby, please listen to me okay? I c-can’t m-marry you becau—“

I cut her short and replied “It’s because of Taeyeon, am I right?”

“Sooyoung!” She shouted at me. I never expected her to give an outburst like that. Maybe, I’ve crossed the line too far.

I don’t know what to say. I hate her. I hate myself. I hate the world. I hate Taeyeon. Those are the things that kept running on my mind.

I walked out of her but then she pulled my hand and what surprised me is that she’s also crying. More like sobbing.

“Sooyoung! I love you! I really really love you so much! Why can’t you understand that? It’s just I’m not ye—“

“Let me go. We’re done.”

“S-soo… Hey, b-baby… C’mon… l-let’s talk about t-this at home… Sooyoung ah,” she uttered in between of her whimpering. she pressed my hand gently.

I don’t wanna look back. I don’t want to see her face again. I just want to be eaten alive by the ground or something. Arghh!! Sooyoung ah, you’re such a fool to believe that she really loves you well in fact she doesn’t.

Because of that, I run away from her as fast as I could. I don’t know where I’m going, what matters to me now is that I need to release this pain inside me or else, I may be a mad man at any moment. Unaware of where am I heading to, I suddenly heard a deafening beep of a vehicle and loud screeching of tires from somewhere I don’t really know. Little did I know…

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okay... that's it for now^^ just wait patiently for the update okay? thank you guys!