You swore under your breath not to fall asleep never, ever…

The way he inhaled and exhaled as he slept, just regular… but you were convinced it wasn’t, you felt every movement he did rocking your whole body, he moved you moved, you moved he tightened the grip.

“가지마, 가지마 - gajima, gajima - don’t go, don’t go” he said over and over all night, every time you moved a muscle.

You managed to lift your head and thank god that the moon light was letting you see his gentle sleep, it was true what they said about his lips, curled up naturally even sleeping, even pouting, why was he pouting sleeping? To make your heart race more than what it already was? He was cruel even in his sleep, you were worried that all your ‘awwws’ and ‘nahwwws’ were going to be audible as some stage, you fought the urge to quick your legs in the mattress from all the excitement, all while he slept, safe and sound away from his worries, away from his responsibilities.

Kim Jongdae seemed relieved and his sleep too heavy, you loved it, you loved the fact that you were the source of this relief, it showed in his perfect sleeping face.

You dared darting your hand to touch his cheekbones, those killers that felt sharp even on screen, those that were just at your reach, he was asleep, you might as well, just…

It ticked him, his nose scrunched, his hand went on his face to scratch the area but instead he met your hand, he took it and kissed your palm.

“I’ll let you touch me tomorrow now just please just stop moving” he said without opening his eyes

“Wha- ha? I wasn’t touching you.”

In a blink of an eye the places were switched, he pulled his arm free from beneath your head resting his own over your chest, body face down, his arm around your waist, it didn’t feel nothing but a child clinging on his mom, just too needy, too gentle to even protest.

Your hand rested on the crown of his head playing with his perfect silky hair that smelled manly and clean, heaven wouldn’t feel half as good, you wished time stopped like this because yes Jongdae was addicted to your soothing cuddles, but you were just as addicted to anything that came from him.

The cold hit your collarbones and further down, you felt the pull at the collar of the oversized t-shirt that you liked to wear to sleep, you were just too tired to open your eyes, but you felt fingers brushing at the top of your chest, then it hit you.

You gasped as you jumped straightening yourself placing your hands securely over your chest, finding Jongdae sitting next to you in bed still bare chested his arms on his knees.

“What the hell were you doing? Why are you half ?”

“This is how I usually sleep, I’m sorry but I’m pretty sure you go to the beach and you’ve seen men s before, is it a thing in your country?”

“Excuse you? What? Where you looking at my s?”

“No I wasn’t.”

“You totally were, yes you were looking at my s, OMG” you repeated getting up from bed still holding onto your chest.

“No I wasn’t! And if I was, I would had no problem in telling you, I’m just blunt like that” he added standing up next to you.

Then you were met face to face with his beautiful bare torso, you did look at his s that begged to be pinched. As a punishment. Nothing more… then his Chenguns that complemented the full view, your knees, yes they felt weak, you were totally being attacked.

“It’s you who is looking at my s now, and my shoulders and my Nutella abs.”

You covered your ears and closed your eyes “I’m not listening.”

“This is the dream of every stalker” he added.

You frowned, what did he want? OK was this his blunt personality? He was being annoying right now “what were you doing Kim Jongdae?”

“I was looking at the incredibly impossible coincidence that you have beauty spots on your collarbones, like me… it’s fascinating.”

You looked down on yourself and back at his chest, it was also fascinating that he liked them just as much as you did, he paid attention to these small details just as much as you did, he liked the same features just like you did.

“And you know what’s more fascinating?” he asked.

You looked at his eyes that were smiling, almost hiding at this stage from the bright smile he carried.

“That when I hug you, they should fit just perfectly” he surprised you bringing you into an embrace looking down on his chest “and yes I was right, it’s like a puzzle, you provide nice cuddles even for my moles” he said giggling to himself lost in his thoughts and little fantasy.

You were perplexed, it was so cute… everything he said, his thinking, his positioning, his tryout to see if they touched, you wanted to rip them cheeks squeezing, you wanted so badly, but you opted to keep watching what he was doing, this human being was not real…

“I am so happy when I am near you, I can be myself, talk stupid stuff not thinking I’m crazy, I escape reality, I don’t know if I could ever thank you enough, this hug also providing an energy boost because I need it” he rested his chin on your shoulder the hug tightening as he spoke, his voice sounding affected when reminded of what was to happen today.

“Oppa, is everything alright? Did anything happen at night? Any bad news…?”

“I have a meeting with my managers, I think even Lee Sooman himself will come down to meet with me” his tone changed drastically when he was reminded of reality.

Your hand patted his back, his voice sounded more shaky by the second.

“Shhh, it will be alright you will see, I’ll be right here, don’t worry about anything”

He got changed, he combed his hair watching how nervous he was, he sat down to finally tie his shoelaces and make the big step of leaving for his undeniable fate… he huffed and puffed looking at you intensely.

“Come on you need to go, you’ll be late, you don’t want to be accused of irresponsible, I know you aren't.”

“Cuddles, more cuddles.”

“Oppa~~~ come on get up.”

“When I’m done I’m coming back.”

“Yes enjoy this because I don’t start university until next week.”

You stood at the door, playing with the hem of your t-shirt, Jongdae finally giving up and walking like a 5-year-old on his first day of school, he looked like he was going to throw a tantrum anytime now.

“Cuddles.”

“I don’t want to wrinkle your clothes.”

He didn’t listen, it was yet the most desperate one, his lips directly on your shoulder, the thin fabric making his warm breath go through, he came closer to where there was exposed skin and buried his face there, his nose inhaling everything he could.

“Hug me back… please.”

How could you not? Your arms were about to wrap around him, you felt how his head was travelling downwards your chin now atop of his head, his cheek pressed in your chest.

“Op-ah-wha-”

“I just want to hear your heartbeat, it’s reassuring.”

Reassuring to him, but betraying too, you thought to yourself, your heartbeats would give you up. 

“No!” you exclaimed detaching yourself, Jongdae questioning if he went to far this time “it’s… weird.”

“I’m sorry, geez I got carried away” he said rubbing at the back of his neck “I’ll better go.”

“Oppa, wait!”

He stood expectant, you cupped his face and kissed his cheek gently lips barely touching his smooth face “good luck” you said getting back to your place.

Jongdae covered the place where you kissed him, his face blushing noticeably. The great ‘Chen’ just got lovestruck, his whole body warmed and he couldn’t hide how shy he suddenly felt.

“고마워…- gomaweo… - thanks…” he said releasing a deep breath “자기야! - jagiya! - dear!” he added looking at your eyes for at least 30 seconds of a total overwhelming silence…

“Kim Jongdae, do you understand that this is a written warning as the verbal warning wasn’t taken into consideration?”

Jongdae looked at Junmyeon and Minseok in total frustration, Junmyeon always wanted to the peacemaker between the guys and management, his hands were always tied, he had no other choice but to be like this. Minseok kept patting on Jongdae’s back and squeezing his knee as a sign of support all while the managers kept nagging and nagging.

“Can we perhaps take a break” asked smiley Junmyeon, Jongdae questioning wether if his smiles were even relevant at all now.

Jongdae walked out of the room losening his tie, resting his hands over his hips kicking nothing but the air around him.

“Jongdae-yah! It’s alright, nothing out of the ordinary, they can’t do anything you know that” said Minseok.

“I still think you shouldn’t sleep outside the dorms, you know we are not allowed when we are leaving for promotions soon”

“Junmyeon hyung! I ask myself this all the time, are you not human? Like do you not have the needs we all do? Why do we need to live like caged chickens that lay golden eggs?”

Junmyeon was taken aback at the bluntness and disrespectful tone Jongdae used, if it wasn’t Junmyeon…

“This is the life we chose for ourselves Jongdae” he almost whispered.

“Can you handle yet another departure? You lost 2 of the best friends you ever made in your life, I can’t believe you let Yifan gege and Tao just leave…”

“Jongdae-yah! Enough” threatened Minseok.

“And you Minseok hyung, Lu-ge, Xiao Lu, remember? Are you ing kidding me? Why are you so sure I won’t do something like that?”

Minseok brought Jongade into a surprising embrace “shut up you idiot, just shut up” said Minseok as he harshly punched his back “you know better than this.”

“Let’s go guys, I would appreciate if you don’t bring this up again Jongdae, when you are hurt it doesn’t make it OK to hurt others, especially when they care about you”

“자기야 왔어 - jagiya wasseo - I arrived dear.”

He entered with bags of food, but you weren’t home, you had gone to get milk and bread, he pouted placing the bags on the dinning table, the annoyance was so obvious, he had taken for granted that you would be there, that he would be between your arms as soon as he entered the passcode, and now he had to wait.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled your number:

“Yah! I’m home jagiya!”

“Ah really? I’m coming.”

“Where were you?”

“I was with my loving boyfriend, loving him as he loved me back.”

“Yah! Ah waeeee~~~?” he felt like a thorn in his chest “come back!”

He heard the passcode being entered, he rushed to the door standing with a frown, he surprised you being this close.

“Oppa!”

He crossed his arms over his chest “you promised to be here when I come back.”

“Come here” you said with a teasy smile opening your arms coming closer to him hugging him his arms still crossed over his chest.

“You were with your boyfriend? Giving him cuddles?”

“Don’t be silly!”

He gave in and hugged you back his head in it’s usual place in your neck, this time lifting you off the floor, wow, he was strong, his arms consuming your soul at this stage.

“Come on let’s eat.”

“Alright put me down.”

“But this feels so good, I’ll take you.”

“Oppa~~~ put me down, your breath as you talk is tickling me.”

He put you down with and amused face he covered his mouth “you are ticklish? Girl you have no clue of the big mistake you have just done, you shouldn’t ever had mentioned that you are ticklish” said the almighty Jongdae’s ‘lil ’ mode that just .

“Why are you looking at me like that? Oppa?”

You run to your room trying to close the door behind you but he pushed it and you walked backwards and of course you fell on your mattress, he didn’t think it twice and he climbed on top of you and started tickling you all over merciless, you couldn’t move, he had you completely caged, you tried tickling him back but he wasn’t getting affected, until he reached that spot on your right side just bellow your bellbottom you stated screaming. 

“Oppa! I can’t I’m dying, you are tutoring me.”

“This is way too good to let it go.”

“I won’t hug you ever again.”

He stopped, in an instant he was reminded that cuddling was better.

“Jagi? You are joking right?” he said straightening himself getting out from the bed.

You had lunch in complete silence, he kept looking at you for any sign of forgiveness, but no, he crossed the line ‘he was adorable, like a little scared mouse’ wanting you to look back at him.

“I need to go buy things for uni next week.”

“I’ll come with you!”

“No way, I am really sorry but I won’t have my pictures taken with you, no sir.”

Jongdae smiled, he saw the genuineness in what you said, other girls would had loved to have their picture taken with him, maybe even rumours being spread, you just wanted him to be happy and safe. You didn’t want anything else.

But he couldn’t could he? Could he just stay in the apartment or worst even go back to the dorms?

You finished eating, cleared the table and left questioning how is that he wasn’t clingy about a cuddle before you left, suspicious…

But there it was, your answer, in the subway, this person with a very low baseball hat over his eyes and the face mask his hands were on his pockets, you couldn’t believe it, Kim Jongdae was nuts, he certainly had the balls to act like that.

You decided on ignoring him, as if you didn’t notice, altho he send you eye smiles while sitting across you, you just ignored.

You walked thru the department store, you felt that black shadow following you everywhere, after you were done, you were checking where is the most impressive looking guy around you, apart from Jongdae, come on this is freaking Seoul… yes the guy selling perfumes, tall and gorgeous… payback Kim Jongdae.

“Excuse me” you said with a flirty smile “wow are you here selling these? I bet you sell a lot, you must attract customers” what a ty statement, the guy wasn’t impressed and he only nodded his head, you knew by not Jongdae would be boiling, not for any reason in particular, but for the mere fact that you didn’t talk to him like that.

“Can I help you with anything?” said the employee.

“Well I have a few ideas” you winked at him, he now was doubting whether you were in your right mind or not.

You felt a grab in your arm “walk… straight” his distinctive voice hitting your earlobe.

“What are you doing? They will see us oppa~~~”

Jongdae drove the car in silence not looking at you at all, you didn’t dare speak, you just went with the flow, he looked too serious for a tiny joke.

You got in the apartment finally taking his mask off his serious frown clear in his face.

“Is that the usual way you talk to strangers?”

“No I wa-”

“It’s not funny.”

“Oppa, I knew you were following me I was trying to-”

“To what? To what ha?”

“Are you that upset? It’s not like… oppa, I didn’t mean to bother you it was a joke.”

“Don’t do that again, it feels horrible.”

You nodded, was he jealous? Or was he protective of his cuddle buddy?

You went to your room still surprised by his behaviour, you changed into your oversized t-shirt and went on washing the dishes, while Jongdae played some Fifa, hearing him curse and all the ‘ah waes’ live was the best thing in life, he was so comfortable that you loved being a little part of his momentarily happiness.

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“In the couch, I will lock my room.”

“Alright."

It went quiet for a moment, just before turning around to check on him he had his chest pressed to your back, arms around your waist, chin on your shoulder.

“I can’t wash the dishes like that.”

“Then leave them for later, sit with me.”

“I need to clean the mess.”

“Then I will stay here.”

And there he stayed, commenting how you missed a spot and how the forks weren’t clean enough, you moved to the cooker to clean and he was still clinging on you like a baby koala, it was uncomfortable to work like that but how happy made him feel was enough to endure his heavy body that was practically rested on you.

“You are such a baby.”

“It’s your fault, they feel too nice, what power irradiates form you that makes me feel this good?”

The rest of the evening was spent talking about your family, friends, childhood, you showed him pictures of you and places you’ve been to, Jongdae did the same, he talked about the guys, especially Baekhyun and Chanyeol and how annoying they were, never forgetting about his best friend Minseok. He brought your legs on his lap as he kept talking, he started to rub your knees with his thumbs as if it was the most normal thing to do, he didn’t leave you space to protest and kept talking, Minseok hyung this and Minseok hyung that, but all you were focused on were his mighty thumbs hitting the right spot ‘ngh~~~’ was swallowed because please, pull yourself together he’s talking about his hyung…

“What are you looking at?” he interrupted your thoughts “are you even listening?”

“Ha? Yes, yes…”

“You like them don’t you?” he said pointing at his moles “yeah what can I say? They drive you crazy I know.”

“Oh I have my own, and they are charmers too.”

Jongdae took one of the new pens you bought today for uni looking at you cheekily “game?” he said taking off the lid.

“Tracing?” 

He nodded “ladies first” he offered the pen to you taking off his t-shirt casually, you looked away clearing your throat, bringing your head back to meet with Jongdae pulling his sweatpants all the way up revealing them mighty thighs.

You got up and started with his back, drawing a line to connect 3 big moles he had there, the tickling sensation of the pen making him giggle.

“Stay still” you demanded firmly as you concentrated on drawing steady lines.

You followed on his left arm to connect the line with that other mole he had there, Jongdae watching closely how you bit your tongue, you kept drawing the line meeting with the ones he had on his chest facing him now.

“I’ll go for your legs” you announced, but Jongdae wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Those horrible shorts you keep wearing lately… the sense of fashion Kpop industry has is… unique” you said out of the blue confidently not to let him notice that you were affected when he opened his legs and his incredibly fortunate mole on his thigh was displayed.

“The shorts might be horrible but my legs are nice to show, don’t you think?” his voice sounding too husky all of a sudden, your eyes dared looking at him, he carried a strange look, new to you, one of those looks he has when shooting MVs, or in concerts, the intimidating Chen was making an appearance in the middle of your apartment.

He pulled both your hands and made you sit between his legs “do my face ones”

You gulped very aware of how he was looking at you, dark stare, unreadable. The pen made a line connecting his 2 temple moles at his right side, connecting the line to the ones that were under his right eyebrow, then a line straight to his left eyebrow were he had another 2, doing a line now over his nose, tracing a line over his left cheek to meet the ones on his left temple. 

You knew you missed some on his right side but Jongdae had stopped you grabbing on your wrists pulling your hands to rest at his chest, cupping your face with both hands, your own hands left his chest and held his arms, questioning this awkward situation.

“Is there something on my face?”

“Not yet.”

You saw him close his eyes and bring you closer to his face as he titled his head to one side.

Hyperventilation, what would you do now? Wait, no he was basically… aiming for a kiss.

“No wait! I-how-I-don’t.”

He opened his eyes, very confused, he knew you wanted, it was the perfect moment, why would you ruin something so cute like this?

“I don’t know…”

“You don’t know? You don’t know if you want to?”

You rubbed your hands against each other.

“YOU DON’T KNOW AS IN YOU DON’T KNOW… OR YOU DON’T KNOW…?”

You looked at him your face heating up.

“Are you underage? Please just whatever the answer is please let it be a big fat NO”

“No, I’m not, I’, __! See you don’t know anything about me yet here you are in my apartment, we had shared bed and the most friskiest things.”

“I am planning on changing that believe me, I want to know everything about you, I’m sorry, you are right, I’m an idiot, you are too precious, I didn’t mean to scare you off, just please forgive me.”  

He was too weak just the thought of really upsetting you was driving him crazy, he rested his head oh your shoulder to taste waters, you weren’t mad really it was just too rushed, too fast and yes really you had no clue how to give a proper kiss and this was Chen, your only experience was back home and it was horrible, that thought was in the back of your mind.

Your hand run up and down in his back feeling his spine and the reaction of his skin under your fingertips and your touch, this was the first time you touched his creating goosebumps on your way up and down that you clearly felt.

“괜찮아요 오빠 - gwaenchanhayo oppa - it’s alright oppa.”

“정말 보고싶을거야, 어떻게? 너 진짜 좋아해 - jongmal bogosipeulgeoya, eottoeohkke? neo jinjja johahae - I will miss miss you a lot, (what to do?), I really like you” he whispered almost inaudible.

“Oppa, I am not understanding what you are saying.”

He pulled you closer making you gasp following by wrapping your arms around him again, he seemed too upset.

“I am leaving.”

“Alright, it’s a good idea, better they see you are responsible, I thin-”

“On tour, 4 weeks, maybe longer, we have the China tour and other Asian cities.”

Oh… 

Silence…

“I need to be there tomorrow early, we will leave in 2 days but you know the fitting of the outfits, the crap they need to put on our faces…

“Ah you don’t need anything beauty treatment, these lines I draw on you should be a trend”

You managed to make him smile.

“Jagi… thanks for not questioning anything, for not finding this weird… thanks for having me, thanks for your cuddles…”

You looked at the ceiling of your room not finding sleep, it was very late, counting the hours till Jongdae would leave, you heard the shower running and guessed he couldn’t sleep either.

But then the high pitch voice…

“절대 안돼! 어떻게!? 어떻게!? 어떻게!? 젠장~~~! - jeoldae andwae! eottoeohkke!? eottoeohkke!? eottoeohkke!? jenjang~~~ - No way (never) (what to do x3!?) !”

You got up a bit worried, maybe something happened?

“Oppa?” you said after knocking on the bathroom door “are you-”

He opened the door towel wrapped around his waist steam coming out, little droplets falling from his hair… and the lines you drew perfectly visible.

“It’s not going away! I’m screwed!”

You went to check what type of pen is that you got and it perfectly said ‘permanent’ in red, you giggled and looked back at Jongdae who had the cutest look all scared.

“Don’t worry, I have a way.”

He followed you to your room and closed the door, with the pretext that it was too cold, you got your nail polish remover and with some cotton and started to remove the lines easily.

“My saviour!” he said relieved.

After finishing he hugged you.

“You are wet oppa~~~”

He got up and dried himself placing his sweatpants on in less than a minute, he didn’t even knock the door inviting himself next to you in bed.

“Op-”

“I need them, cuddles, please I won’t get any for weeks.”

“You could cuddle with Kai, I bet you it must feel nice.”

“Yah!” 

“Shhh, I’m just messing, 괜찮아요 오빠 - gwaenchanhayo oppa - it’s alright oppa”

It was 5:30 am, you knew he was awake, altho he didn’t move all night from your back, his head well buried in your shoulder, he slowly detached himself making you roll to your back.

You felt his lips on your forehead, then on the tip of your nose, then another in your right cheek, your left one, finally you left his thumb gently over your lips.

“I know I said that I won’t, but I will steal one just this once, I’m sorry.”

Your heart raced when you heard the words so close to you, his lips landed on yours softly.

“사랑해 - saranghae - I love you” he whispered before you felt the feeling of nothingness the door closing behind him.

“WHERE IS MY COAT KIM JONGDAE?” you asked facetiming him.

“Who knew polar bear here could be of such good use? Keep me company in these sorrowful nights in Beijing.”

___________________________

A/N: Yes there is an epilogue to wrap up all this ^_^ don’t kill me!