Jonghyun, I thought a lot about writing you a letter. Why would I write one after all, I didn't know you, I barely listen to Shinee so why a letter? It took me a lot to admit that your death broke something in me.

I realised now that this « why » doesn't matter. I just want to write you because even if we didn't met, even if my life had nothing to do with yours, somehow we are the same. We feel the same.
About life, about ourself. As far as I can remember, I always hated myself, my unperfect body, my weak mind, my lack of positivity. Nothing is okay with me & no matter how hard I try to be better, to love me more, the voices always come back to belittle me over & over again. I hear them now, telling me that I am useless, that my life is pointless, that i can't be better. I will always be a failure.
I started to hurt myself many years ago, I always have razor blade in my room, for when the voices are too loud. Physical pain is more bearable I guess. I always hoped that someone will notice the scars, the cuts but I guess nobody cares enough to realise that I'm not okay... Just because you're smiling, people think you're fine.

One day I'll probably stop fighting them, like u did.

So yeah, u did well Jonghyun. More than well actually despite your struggles, you managed to deal with them for years, giving love & strength to your fans.
But at the end, we can't win. I really hope that now you're in peace, that you rest well cause u deserved it. I also hope to meet you soon.