It's been a while, Jonghyun-ah. I still can't believe that you are not with us anymore. These days, the mere sound of ambulance, someone dying or talking about suicide scares me. You have left a deep impression in both positive and negative ways. You gave me happiness, and a double the amount of sadness by ending your life like that. My day goes on thinking about, but when I'm about to sleep the thought of you ending you like that makes me sad that I cry silently. I pray for the members' well being. I'm honestly worried about them. Why didn't think about this? Like....you COULD have LIVED!! You got all you wanted, you had nice looks, you had fame and money to feed thousands of families, most important of all YOU HAD/HAVE GOOD HEART. You could have done so many things that we were unable to do. Your 27 years of life lead to THIS? This is unfair Jonghyun. Really unfair. I LOVE YOU, but you were so wrong. I know you found your peace, but is this the kind of peace you were aiming for you. DO YOU REALLY WANT NOT TO SEE US? DO WE SICKEN YOU SO MUCH THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE? WE WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD YOUR REASONS, WHY DIDN'T YOU SHOW YOUR TRUE SELF!!? HATERS WILL HATE, BUT WE LOVED/ LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE! THEN WHAT ABOUT US? WHAT ABOUT US?
I know there's no use of telling this or why I'am spending time to ask this to no one, because you obviously won't listen to us. You asked us not to get hurt, but you are hurting me a lot. SHINee did so much to me when my life was . Now once again, I'm back on track. No one at my home knows about Kpop. Few from uni knows, and guess what they all entered kpop because of you people! HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO LOOK AT SHINEE WITH ONLY FOUR MEMBERS! WE LOVE THEM, WE LOVE YOU TOO...WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU LIGHTED UP COAL BRIQ!!! WERE YOU HAPPY THAT YOU WERE ENDING IT! YOU SUFFOCATED YOURSELF WHILE I WAS SLEEPING! I CAME HOME TO FIND THAT YOU WERE ALREADY DEAD. EVEN IN THAT TIME I PRAYED! I ING PRAYED THAT SOMEHOW YOU REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS! YOU KNEW HOW IT FELT WHEN I SAW YOUR MEMBERS CARRYING YOU LIKE THAT? I CRIED IN MY SHOWER BECAUSE I CAN'T LET MY PARENTS KNOW. WE HAVE NEVER SEEN EACH OTHER NOR DO YOU KNOW ME, BUT THE CONNECTION IS DEEP, JONGHYUN. I WANTED YOU ALL TO LIVE HAPPILY. I WAS UNABLE TO CELEBRATE ANYTHING!!! I CAN'T FIND PEACE JONGHYUN! I CAN'T. I'M TRYING, I'M HAPPY BEFORE EVERYONE, BUT WHEN I'M ALONE, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!! YOU CHOSE TO SEE PEOPLE WHO HATED YOU THAN THOSE WHO LOVED YOU!!!
I honestly didn't know you were suffering, i apologize for not noticing, i apologize Jonghyun. please forgive me, can you come back now that you know how you mean to everyone, can you?
You can't......
That's why I'm so disappointed.
I'm really disappointed....