(W) I Owe You My Happiness
A FarewellDear Jonghyun,
I'm not sure where i want to start. You mean so much to me and it's hard for me to explain that but i’m going to try. You are a massive inspiration to me. From your music to your amazing personality, you were, are, everything i strive to be/accomplish. You were so amazing in every sense and it’s such a shame you had to leave. When i first heard the news, i couldn't believe it. IT didn't hit me until i saw how upset a friend of mine was. I cried so hard. I kept saying "I'm sorry", and at first i didn't know why. But then i understood why. I was sorry no one was there to help you before it was too late. I had been sorry that you were alone, because i know how it feels to want to kill yourself. I had attempted about 3 years ago, and i almost died. I had used pills and if i had swallowed more than i did, i would have died. I know how you must have felt when you decided to kill yourself and i am so sorry. I understand how lonely you must have felt and i wish someone had stopped you. I was lucky, i had survived but. . . but you didn't. I hope that you are better now. I hope that wherever you are, i hope that you are in a place where you can be at peace. I miss you so much. So damn much.
After i had finally stopped crying (after two days of sobbing) i began thinking about suicide. My whole family has a history of suicide, and i began thinking about my friends and family. I realized that they may not always be there one day and i can't wait to tell them how much i love them. So i have been more open about my feelings. I tell my friends and family how much i love them, i'm nicer to strangers, i show affection. I'm just trying to do everything i can to make people know how much i love them and how much i care. I don't want to experience any more grief.
When i first started listening to Kpop, SHINee was the first group i ever listened too. You will always be the reason i fell in love with Kpop. If it wasn't for you and your talent, i might not have found something that makes me so happy. I owe you my happiness. You helped me find a Family. A place where i can be who i want without being judged, because there are a million others who feel the exact same way.
I hope your soul has found the rest it deserves. I hope that you feel the love and i hope you understand just how much you meant to everyone. May you rest in peace. You will forever live on in the hearts of people worldwide, in the form of love and smiles and the knowledge that you were a legend.
-A Fan who will never forget you
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