The moment i read the news on twitter i was numb for quite a few hours i was only thinking no no it can't be please tell me it is fake. Please tell me it is not real just please tell me he is alive. I liked shinee even though i was not a shawol his death hit me like a ton of rocks. I had an exam the next day and I couldn't study at all just kept looking for news confirmation anything hoping he will survive and live. I still had hope but my world really stood still when SM confirmed it after then i lost it. I cried and cried and cried because even if i was not a fan i wanted him to get married someday, have immense love and laughter and happiness in his life as he grew older and had a long life that satisfied him but no he was gone at just 27. But after i read his last letter i broke down completely because he was screaming for help. He wanted to live, he wanted to turn his pain into laughter he wanted to live a happy cheerful life but he just couldn't. He tried to get help but the doctor failed him. He tried to get attention before he committed suicide so someone could come and save him from himself. He texted his sister hoping she would come on-time and save him. I really think he just wanted someone anyone to notice how seriously depressed and unhappy he was but the only way left was to leave. His letter screamed of frustration that people don't notice and they should because some people do reach out for help. They want to live. Its only when they can't do they give up. I am sorry jong that so many people failed youn i am sorry that you didn't get to live a happy fulfilled long life that you wanted. I am sorry for not telling you that you did well and the you were not just good but you were the best. I am sorry for not being your strength. I hope you are finally at peace and are happy up there even if you really didn't want to go this early and this way. I will never forget you nor will i move on from your death. It will stay with me forever but not as just a painful memory but as reminder to cherish the people around me. To pay attention to the ones who are close to me. To make sure that they are ok and i mean really ok. To be someone who can help people love themselves. I will be a good person jong and i wish you will be proud of me. I will try to make sure that i will be the strength and hope for everyone around me who felt like you did when you were here. You will always be with me in my heart safe and sound. I hope your bright smile is real up there and that you are watching over us. I love you jong and always will. Heaven is yours now so dance and sing there and make sure everyone in heaven is shawol. YOU DID WELL JONG YOU DID EXTREMELY WELL and i will too.
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.
As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.
And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.
Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.
I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
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