You were my first kpop group. You were my introduction to a new world of sounds, colors, and emotions. It's been almost a decade, which is so surreal - but this, this is so much more surreal. Though there are so many other groups i listen to now, SHINee is the group i always come back to, my home base, my cornerstone, my rock at the end of the day. Now I feel like that rock has crumbled to pieces and no amount of glue will bring it back together.I remember sitting in my high school class with the lucifer music video silently replaying over and over again as I streamed before "streaming" was a thing fandoms did. I remember owning my first pet in college, a beautiful red betta fish I named lucifer. I remember my best friend and roommate at the time naming her blue betta fish sherlock. I remember taking my posters of you and cherished CDs with me as I moved into my apartment to start medical school - having you there with me as I studied long hours every day. I remember every comeback, every variety show, every behind the scenes video that showcased the compassionate souls behind the best 5 people I've come to know. Even though I'm so far away (Texas), I remember always feeling (and still now feeling) a deep connection between me and them.That letter was ... so heartbreaking to read, not only for how I relate to some parts but also for the sheer amount of pain coming through the words on the page. Having been through a few bouts of depression and still tackling severe anxiety problems myself, I can truly say "I understand". But it doesn't make me less sorry. It doesn't make it hurt less. I wish there was something I could've done. I wish I could turn the clock back and help you see the light at the end of that tunnel that is sometimes so so so hard to find. But now it's too late.Though the world seems darker for this moment, your stunning personality has left this world a little brighter and more understanding than before, and your legacy will continue to affect its future. I hope your remaining 4 brothers have strength in the upcoming days and weeks and months and years and my heart goes out to all the people who have been left behind. May you truly be at peace wherever you are. You will always be bling bling Jonghyun and 5HINee in our hearts. May you now rest in peace.