It's Been Hard
A FarewellSHINee was the first bb i've ever stanned.
the first concert i watched from my savings.
been years for being a shawol at the very start.
and it's been hard. it's been a long long day.
everyday becomes a struggle. my mind is still in denial even when i wrote this i still couldnt believe he's gone. i was speechless and still am.
the news have been up by the times running n made me realize its true.
the state of utter shock n disbelief is so overwhelming that i felt the tug in my heart bcs my mind couldnt wrap the news around my head.
so many whys and hows filled up my head. how could he do this? why he did this? how about the future held for them, for me, for us without him? every "stay strong" "be patient" actually not helping at all.
the curse, haters, n the bad words didnt hurt me at all. bcs the reality of losing u is much more painful. nothing seems right for me now.
i need to talk to someone but seems like no one understand bcs its not their bias whos gone.
no one to talk to and no one seems to understand. its scary, i know.
but i want to thank some of my friends for trying to reach out for me.
u dont know how much "r u ok?" do the magic. bcs actually no, im not ok. i dont know how to cope, i really dont. something isnt allowing me to accept it. theres no correct time to move on. i just hope one day its going to be better. . .
it must be scary for u, when u've got so much but feel so much less. it must be so lonely for u, when u've got people but no one to talk to. then i talk to myself "is it too hard for u?" no more heartaches, suffering, n tears but no more u.
u r the person someone want to remember for a long long time. bcs u r a great person.
u've worked so hard.
u did great.
a star that shined brightly on stage for 10 years, now shines brightly as a star in the sky.
MY SHINEE IS 5 FROM THEN, FROM NOW ON, AND FOREVER.
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