Just When Did You Start To Feel Lonely

A Farewell


It still feels like all these were a dream, a really bad dream.
It's like I will still be able to see pictures of you smiling warmly at us, at your fans.
It's like i will still be able to see your funny antics whenever you are on a variety show.
It's like i will still be able to receive all those encouraging and hopeful messages through your posts, your lyrics, the music that you will make.
It's still gonna be like you're still here.

Just when did you start to feel lonely?
Just when did you start to feel that you are not doing well enough?
Just when did you start to have those dark thoughts?
Just when did your suffering starts?
Just when did you plan on carrying out such actions?

How i wish i know you personally not as a fan but a friend.
A friend whom you can tell me all your thoughts easily,
a friend whom will be there for you when you felt lonely,
a friend who will try to shine some light into the world that has caged you in,
a friend that will always reminds you that you have always been doing well.

I'm sorry that I am always on the receiving end.
I'm sorry that I am unable to help you.
I'm sorry that your love for music became your source of suffering.
I'm sorry that I didn't read more into your lyrics to really understand what you are going through.
I'm sorry that i didn't notice your call for distress.
I'm sorry for not being able to be there for you.

Now that you are in a better place, I sincerely prayed that you have let go of all sufferings.
Now that you are in a better place, i sincerely wished that you are no longer being caged in darkness.
Now that you are in a better place, I sincerely hoped that you are able to breath freely.
Now that you are in a better place, I sincerely wished that you are smiling genuinely.
Now that you are in a better place, i sincerely want you to continue living just for yourself.
Now that you are in a better place, i sincerely want you to just be yourself.
Now that you are in a better place, i sincerely want you to be happy.

Like what you mentioned in your letter,
even if we can't let you go with a smile on our face,
we will send you off without making you feel guilty.

Till we meet again in the next life,
promised us that you will take good care of yourself.

You did well for being able to come this far.
You really did well.
You will be remembered.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Author's Thoughts
AIMRWV
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.
Read More →
Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Redofthedawn #1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero 2441 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64 #4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan 927 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan 927 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn #7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty #8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon #9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta #10
❤️
Back to Top ↑