Dear Jonghyun,
I knew you and followed you since the year SHINee debuted. You have always been my favourite in SHINee because of your unique vocal colour and just how hilarious you were on reality shows. I loved watching Hello Baby--have at least watched everything twice--back when I was in middle school. I drifted far from the fandom and from the K-pop scene in general in more recent years, although I still love the five of you as a group and as individual members. I still was/am a casual listener and I still check up on your activities from time to time. I'm sad and reluctant to say, however, that I didn't like listening to a lot of your solo songs. Not because they were horrible and didn't hold any meaning to me, not because they weren't good enough--but because they hit too close to home. Quite a few of them were too sad, too lonely, and they would make me drown in my thoughts just reading the lyrics... something I really don't want. There was often a profound sadness in a few of your songs that shook me to the core. I've been trying to get better for so long; you released those songs during one of the most difficult periods in my life and avoiding the triggers was/is something I have to do.I have never met you, nor have I gone to any of your concerts as a solo or group act. I never expected to be so affected by your passing. I think there's many reasons. You were the centre of my universe once upon a time, seven years ago. You were what got me through the painful split of DB5K and my unhappy middle school days. You and SHINee. It's strange. Before the news came around, a week ago, all of a sudden I started missing you and SHINee. I even specifically looked up video clips of you and your hilarious antics when you're frustrated. You were what got me through this hellish exam period this year--I watched videos of you on reality shows and the five of you as a whole to make me laugh and de-stress.What really breaks my heart is that you planned it so well. I don't think there were any flaws. It wasn't spontaneous. I wonder how lonely and pained you felt that you thought this was the only way to cope with the pain. You are right--living for others is not a way to live... you have to live for yourself. I'm just sad you never found the reason to live for yourself.
I don't want to remember you as the idol who committed suicide. I want to remember you as the person I loved dearly from afar, even though I didn't know you and you didn't know me. You tried your best, inspired people along the way, and for some people, gave them a reason to live. Thank you for being an activist, someone who helped others smile, and changed so many people's lives. I've decided to finally seek help again for counselling--I did once but the person was not very helpful or kind. I've finally decided to give myself more space next semester and quit working temporarily to find a little bit of myself during the time I don't need to worry about school. I want to enjoy myself a little more and do the things I love more instead of worrying about making money. It's good to live comfortably but it's not everything--I want to see my friends more and talk to them more. I haven't been there for anyone for most of this semester that just finished and didn't have time for myself or to relax. You weren't the sole reason for it but you were what pushed me to finally seek help once more. I want to live more happily and try my best to fight this battle. Maybe one day I'll meet someone special who understands and can be a shoulder to lean on when it's too rough. Someone who can make my days more brighter and bearable; someone I feel like I won't be burdening when I want to talk about my unhappiness and anything and everything. Maybe one day I'll have a child with that person. If so, please be reborn as my child. Or please be reborn as one of your fans' child. We will love you, cherish you, and give you the world and try to make up for the loneliness you felt this time around.

You've done so, so well. Please rest well.

Sincerely, X.