When I first found out, I was in school. I had just finished taking an exam and had gone on YouTube to waste time until school ended. I saw a video called goodbye jonghyun. I was confused, surely not my Jonghyun, maybe Jonghyun from nuest or cnblue. Did one of them leave their group? But then I saw the title of another video. Jonghyun from SHINee commits suicide. The best I can explain it is that I suddenly got very cold, like an intense shiver. It wasn't possible, it just couldn't be true. I knew I couldn't watch the video right then because I was already starting to cry and I didn't want to start sobbing in front of my whole class. I immediately played music to distract myself, something unrelated to kpop. I had to wait another hour until I could go home, and I almost broke down on my bus when my sister tried to talk to me. As soon as I walked in my house, I ran to my room and watched the video and just sobbed. The rest of the night I didn't leave my room, which isn't that unusual, but still. His death has hit me so hard, and I can't stop thinking about how he must have felt that day. How alone and hopeless he must of been. I hope that now he will be able to find his peace. SHINee being the first group I ever listened to, I can't imagine how things will go back to normal, how can every day Life just keep going?
Goodbye Jonghyun