To my dear, dear angel Jonghyun, thank you would never be enough.

3 years ago I was in a state of depression, only to be further triggered when my step father hung himself after being depressed himself. I couldn't feel anything, I thought something was wrong with me as I felt numb, I wasn't crying constantly like my mum, but I also wasn't able to move on like my brother... I just felt nothing? I lost intest in everything I loved such as drawing, never finding satisfaction in what I did. I began to wonder why I needed to live if life was so empty, I turned towards the idea of suicide at my lowest point.
However, one day I saw a video on YouTube of a band with crazy hair and it changed my life forever. That video was Lucifer, my first kpop MV. Not only did it help me escape the pressures of the world, it brought me happiness which was something I hadn't felt in a long time. If it wasn't for that day, I don't think I'd be here today, if it wasn't for you Jonghyun then I probably wouldn't have lasted 3 more years. I have spent endless nights with your albums on repeat in order to calm my thoughts and to stop myself from spiraling back into my old state. Let me out in particular is a song that I will forever be grateful for.
When I heard the news of your death I went back into shock, and I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to cope without hearing your voice on stage or seeing your smile again. But now I've realised that it would be selfish of me to have wanted you to keep going through life if it caused you nothing but pain, and even though it hurts, I respect your decision and will never hate you for it. I have decided that I will live life for you now, I will eat all your favourite food and visit all your favourite places, and I hope that I can smile as beautifully as you one day, my dear sweet angel.
Thank you Jonghyun, I hope to see you again in heaven once I'm old and tell you of all the wonders that you have missed.

Sleep tight my angel, I will forever love and miss you.