The Third Letter

A Farewell

Dearest Jonghyun, this is the 3rd letter I'm writing to you and like the other ones, I want to tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry for not telling you how much I love you while I still had the chance. I'm sorry for not letting you know how much I loved your music while it still mattered. I am a horrible person. I was so selfish thinking I'm busy... its not like he's going anywhere. But you did go. One day you were smiling that angelic smile like everything is fine and the next day you are gone just like that. I sobbed, I wailed, I've been crying for days. But its all so useless. I've been listening to you non stop because I can't bring myself up to listen to anything else. It hurts so bad. I can't imagine how bad it had been for you to take a decision like that.
I'm so broken. I can't get you out of my mind. I think of you when I go to sleep and you are on my mind even before I open my eyes. What an irony. While you were still here, I never spared a second to think about you. I loved so much but never felt it necessary to say it out loud. I never even talked about you to anyone. I took you for granted. So while others are giving you kind words, I'm only filling out the paper with regrets. I didn't deserve you Jonghyun. I deserve to spend days crying because I didn't spend mere seconds appreciating you.
You are the only idol in this world who won me over with only your voice. The first time I listened to moon, my heart was gone right then and there. You dedicated your life for fans like me and what did I give you? I am not a shawol. I don't know any shinee oppa other than Taemin. Few weeks ago I didn't even know him but I always knew you. And I didn't even know your fandom name. I did't even stop to tell myself that I should consider myself a part of your fandom and now that I've lost you forever, I have your name engraved on my skin. Stay with me please. Please keep reminding me everyday that I love you. I've been so selfish.... so useless. I'm so sorry Jonghyun I'm so so sorry. You were constantly at war with yourself because you thought you weren't good enough. You were more than enough angel. I had been too selfish to tell you but didn't the others tell you? I wish you had been able to see how amazing you are. I wish things had been different.
I can't go back in time. I can atone for my sins. I can't forgive myself.
You've worked so hard angel. Please rest well. Tomorrow morning I'll give you a proper goodbye when they all say goodbye to you for one last time but this can't be the end right? Please wait for me because I will see you soon. And if there is another life, please find me again with your beautiful voice. In the next life I will earn your forgiveness and I will let you know how much I love you.

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AIMRWV
Trying to advertise this for the 18th but someone else is bidding really hard so I am running out of karma (already bought more for over 30dollars) so if you have some spare you are willing to donate, I would be really thankful.

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Redofthedawn
#1
I'm aware that it isn't December but I just thought of this post. December will never be easy for a lot of us. I'm more aware of my depression around that time. I just became an adult and the realization that a lot can change has finally hit me. I'm not sure how to feel. People within my family have died or are dying and it seems like the only thing I'm allowed to do is move on. I'm no longer given the luxury of grieving the way I had with Jonghyun. There are so many fond memories that I can go back to with Jjong but for them I only have memories. So much has happened these past few years and while I'm not completely okay I can say there's plenty of room where I've healed.

As year 6 approaches I want my fellow Shawols to know that healing is hardly a linear task. It's okay to not be ready but where you are there's always going to be SHINee.

And Dear Author thank you for keeping this space for all of us.
luv_kero
2415 streak #2
Thank you for keeping this space for us for so many years <3 This milestone hit me a lot harder than expected, but seeing this brought so much comfort. Miss you to the moon and back, Jonghyun <3
Viola_Ella #3
Chapter 818: When I saw in newfeed I just realised today is the day. He is a sweet,kind and precious soul. I miss him.
Evelyn_64
#4
It’s been five years today and just a few days ago I turned 27, the age Jonghyun-ah was when we had to say goodbye to him. I have long since had to “become an adult” and learn what growing up means; yet every year I come back to this little space, and read some of the messages that people wrote for him, and think back to the letter I wrote at 22 and never shared with anyone. I think back to a memory of me looking at the full moon and talking to him for hours, telling him I missed him terribly. We still miss you, friend. I still remember you fondly. I still remember me at 17 dancing to Replay in my room. I’ll always cherish those memories of our Spring.



Author, I hope you have been doing well. Thank you so much for keeping this space running for so long, it brings comfort to some more than you’ll ever know.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #5
I'm so glad you won the bid. I will start collecting karma points again.
Good work.
OdetteSwan
909 streak #6
Chapter 818: I just really paid attention to SHINee this August. Yet, when Jonghyun passed away four years ago, I felt sad that another beautiful and caring person chose to leave this place. In fact, I didn't want to listen to any SHINee songs then.
Now, watching SHINee's MVs, I feel like I have accepted what happened and hope that he is really happy now.
Redofthedawn
#7
Time keeps moving on and I wonder why I can't just go back and fix things to when it was so peaceful. So much has happened in the last four years and it feels as though there's only SHINee left to comfort me. Jonghyun for so long I've written my letters to you and I couldn't this year because I couldn't find the strength or will to when I was feeling down. I haven't cried this much since I was a baby. I promised last year that I would tread the new year with caution and that didn't work out so great. There's more I wanna say but I just wish you knew how much I love you. Thank you for being born and sharing your light with the world. Sincerely I love you. 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 ❤️
lovelyfeisty
#8
It’s been 4 years now and so it’s hard to believe that you left us, but I still do remember you as SHINee’s Blingbling Angel and as the brightest star that shines in the sky.

I used to feel so lonely after knowing that you left us, that I was listening to Lonely everyday for about a year, but now I just remind myself that you’re still with us, as the bright shining star watching over us from the night sky. ❤️
I will always love you.
wonpokemon
#9
i was InMemoryOfJonghyun!
just thought i'll let you know so you don't add this username again~ =]
anyways, good luck with the add and for all those who come here and are thinking of Jjong and of others and themselves.
aseulmonsta
#10
❤️