The One In More Need
A FarewellHe was one of the first biases I had, my beginning, the one I fought for with my cousins 9years ago.. I remember how I loved Shinee's Hello a lot made it my alarm, woke to it every morning jumping singing along, trying to follow his tone... I watched a lot of programs where they were being funny as usual.. Those 5 never ceased to make me laugh especially him.. He shone.. His smile.. His soul.. And his talents.. I miss him a lot..
I went through depression too for several times, I shared his feeling of insecurity toward the thing he loves, the dread to lack so much.. Little did he know that he excelled.. For artists their talents were the things that identifies them it's something they treasure so much and it getting ignored is heartbreaking it's like everything you worked for was destroyed before you... Being alone, feeling lonely wouldn't help on top, no one did notice and even the people he opened up to didn't know how to help... In the end he decided to do that.. I can't believe he is no longer around, the one who helped me through a lot of hardships was the one in more need.. Now I could only try to hold my tears.. It's annoying the fact that I keep seeing him beside me smiling as bright as he does every time.. I say he is gone.. I say idiot.. Why did you leave? Why and my tears just fall.. It's heartbreaking thinking about his fellow members they lost a brother, a best friend... Now I question every life choice I have.. How to get over this.. I'm in denial... I hardly can sleep and when I do I see him in my dreams, I wake up wishing everything was just an ugly nightmare but... Oh it's real.. I wanted to do something for him.. A fanart.. My first fanart that will be a tableau.. Him smiling with angel wings.. But can I do a good job? Will I let him down, like always.. I'm lacking.. Im an amateur... I just copy I'm full with insecurities without him.. But again I want to do my farewell this way.. Oh no oh how I hate saying goodbye... I will keep you alive in my memory through everything.. It just hurt me the fact that I was unable to meet you.. But please god let us meet in the end of my journey.. I hope he is fine now, resting in peace.. He said to let go.. But it's not easy as it's said.. I can't he will always be in my heart, in the back of my head... Just the word death now clenches and claws my heart.. I lost my blingbling... We all lost him.. But the heaven gained another bright angel.. Take care kim jonghyun.. You are a precious person I hope you realize that now.
Comments