(W) We Need To Work, Go Ahead And Smile
A FarewellI was on my way back home from doing night shift. I was hungry and sleepy. Opened Instagram and the first story I saw was - Police confirms Jonghyun's death. It hit me. Tears in my eyes, emotions all over place, lump in my throat for a minute I lost my all senses. It hit me hard. I myself am going through depression and I was searching way to die During my night shift. I opened news and when I read that it was carbon monoxide suicide I was devastated. Once again I was about to loose myself. I lost my sleep and I didn't wanted to eat anything because my insides were churning and my stomach had a pit. My hands were shaking and I was about to cry in public which I never do. I am 23 university graduate and trying find job and settle down in life but that's not the reason why I want to die. After all I've gone through Peace never comes to me.
Dear Jonghyun,
Your death made my clear about what to think and what to not. I am EXO -L since 2012, listened to shinee too. It never occurred to me that you, such a talented and always cheerful person would take their life away during peak of your life. It's been a day since I got the news but Oh dear god, I am still crying on every thought of you. I need to hold myself thou that's the hard part. We need to work, go ahead and smile so that we don't get fired and stop getting our income. I took a long bath and I thought of drowning myself in bathtub, I didn't, I don't want my death to be connected in way that - Fan died due to Jonghyun's death. No Jonghyun, you fought, you stood up for people, minorities, you made difference, I would not support dying after your name. Jonghyun, I wish I could hug you and hold your hand talk to you that it's not okay to take life, to die, to kill oneself but guess what, I myself am feeling that everyday, no one to hug and cry to, It kills me inside a little every day. Jonghyun you weren't weak you were brave enough to let your soul get free. I wish I get that brave before I mess up my life bad. You will be missed forever Jonghyun. The respect you earned, the hard work you did, the smiles and laughs you spread, the butterfly effect of watching you and blushing even thou you don't know who we/I am is/are. You will be missed and remembered Jonghyun. Hoping I will one day, Live and make my life successful, visit you at SK or I will die and visit you in whatever place souls go. <3
Much love and respect.
Meg-Javakrra.
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