To be perfectly honest, I didn't know about SHINee. Not until you guys made a CF with Dara. You guys were quirky and I liked your personalities, so I started checking out your music more. Not entirely a Shawol, but I appreciate you guys.

You weren't the first one to catch my eye. Nor the second, or the third. But I got stuck on you because you had this amazing smile and really expressive eyes. Sure, you always had that smile plastered on your face, but your eyes seem to say otherwise. I don't know. I guess I just got used to it? So I brushed it off, thinking that it was your normal because you kinda have droopy eyes (in my opinion).

You've written so many songs. So many sad songs. Of course, you're an artist. You 'should' be able to write a wide demographic of songs, but it was your sad songs that stuck. Breathe was one, Lonely was another. The lyrics just convey the sadness that you keep inside. Who knew, though? Everyone just sees it as an artistic expression, but those songs, those lyrics stuck to me.

I'm crying once again. Just really overwhelmed with sadness. Yesterday started off as a good one, but the moment I opened IG, I got the news. I was silently hoping it wasn't true. We already had a scare with Tabi earlier this year. I was hoping it was going to be the same. I was wrong. So wrong. Of course, everyone's question was why?

Then this day came bringing new details. I cried when I woke up because the first thing that crossed my mind was you passing. I was so upset when I read the letter you left with Nine. I cried again. It was infuriating to know you were treated that way by the doctor who was supposed to help you. I'm sorry to that doctor's family, but I really hope he loses his job. He should not be consulting with patients when all he does is belittle what people like you go through. You may not be the last person he/she drives to death if that doctor is not held accountable. I'm hoping that SM does something about it. But I'm not expecting it, really.

You gave a lot of people happiness. I really hope we made you happy too, even by a little bit. I hope at some days we were at least able to give you a smile amidst the crappy feeling you were having. I wish we could have done more.

I know you have no control over how you were feeling, and it ultimately drowned you. I feel like that sometimes, too, just that I'm in a better control. I am writing this as tears are streaming in my face because I understand how you felt. I'm under depression myself, though I won't say it's as severe as yours. You were very brave to hold on for this long. You are amazing, really. I'm saddened by the fact that you felt that you were always lacking, that your musicality was no good. Man, what I wouldn't give to tell it to your face that it was otherwise. You are amazing as a person, as an artist, an idol, a friend (the number of people who came to your wake can attest to that). You were also a filial son, and a loving brother. You're overall a good person. This is one reason why a lot of people love you. I really hope someone got to tell you that before you left us.

I was waiting for your comeback, you know? I was really looking forward to it.

I wish people threw positive words towards you, instead of the unnecessary hate you idols endure everyday.

I wish what happened to you changes netizens, knetizens specifically because we all know how brutal they can be. I wish it changes how Korea addresses mental health issues. I wish it changes the way psychologists deal with patients and actually do their jobs.

One thing for certain, though. You changed us.

I am stuck in this limbo that I don't know when I'll get over. There's just this emptiness. Just flickers of other emotions, but my default has been sadness ever since I read that devastating news. It's consuming me. But I can't give up. I know I have to grieve for this feeling to subside. Maybe I'll cry for days. It doesn't matter.

You will always be missed, Jonghyun. Keep making music there in heaven. See you around.