My Dearest Jonghyun,
My heart is heavy and saddened by today’s news. I spent the entire night crying until my head started hurting. It hurts to know that you gave in to your inner demons. I know you fought as long as you could. Your last words to your sister broke my heart. It pains me to know you were suffering so much on your own. We lost someone very dear to us. You were a kind, beautiful, generous, talented soul that left us too soon. I can’t imagine what you were going through. You were always open with your feelings and emotions, and we appreciated you for that. But we were unable to help you. I’m sorry we couldn’t help you in time. I’m heartbroken seeing how much you were hurting, knowing that there was nothing I could’ve said or done to change the outcome. You can’t help but feel so powerless. I’m sorry. I’m sorry we couldn’t help you. You were so strong to fight this long, I just wish you held on a little longer. Who knows what would’ve happened if you had, but it seems like you had made up your mind for a while. You touched everyone’s hearts with your existence alone and your memory will live on in everyone you’ve met. I hope you knew you were loved. You, who gave so much of himself, if anything, all of himself, even until the very end. I loved you. Shawols loved you. Your members loved you. Your mother, sister and friends loved you. And we always will. We always stood by you and supported you and gave you endless love. You said we’d meet again and that you’d come back, but I guess plans change. The day that I saw you at the SHINee World V concert in LA was one of the best days of my life, and it always will be. You shined so bright on that stage.
We will forever love you, miss you, and smile in your memory, but also be reminded of this day. This heartbreak. We will move forward and recover, in time. But for now, the pain is unbearable and it gnaws at the front of my mind. I wish you weren’t gone. My heart hurts and it’s been hurting all day. My head hurts from crying all day. But I’m slowly accepting reality, and it’s harsh. I wish this was some bad dream that I’ll wake up from and I’ll see you on twitter fanboying over Taemin or on instagram posting a video of Roo. I can’t imagine the pain your family, friends and members feel. We all lost someone dear to us. I feel like I lost a very close friend. I wish and hope you’re happy wherever you are. I hope that you finally found peace. I hope you’re watching over us wherever you are and you’re playing that damn kazoo to your heart’s content. You and your kazoo…
I’ll always think of you fondly like I always have. Even though I may cry when I see your face or hear your voice, I’ll smile through those tears. If I had known when I was listening to the livestream of your concert a couple weeks ago that it would be the last time I heard your voice live, I would’ve appreciated that moment more when you finished with “End of the Day.” This is my goodbye to you. I’ll find you again in the next life and love you there too. You did well Jonghyun. You did so well. Rest easy. My condolences to his family, friends, members and the rest of my Shawol family~ We’re here for each other and we’re here together. It’s what he would’ve wanted.