We Are Who We Want To Be

When Lee Soo Man seonsangnim asked Park Jungsu to think about how he would introduce himself to the fans and people out there, he was confused. He already had a stage name, Leeteuk, which meant special, and he had no idea why he had to think of something else. Seonsangnim told him that he wasn't asked to think of another stage name, rather it should be a slogan. 

"Something that you want people to think of you whenever they hear it. Your image in few words." The sentence stucked in his head for days, as he wrote down tons of phrases and terms, and scratched them off the minute they appeared on sheets.

Leeteuk was frustrated. He started asking around to see if people could give him some ideas.

Youngwoon (KangIn) told him that he cared too much about his image, so his name should be something like "ambious", or "pretentious" if he needed a stronger impression. He wanted to kicked the guy, but he still noted it down, because he may need it if he were ever too desperate. Joongwon(Yesung) was daydreaming the whole time he asked, and Donghae just glared at him like he had no idea. 

Yunho was too busy, so Yunho could only say one word, "kind". He was glad that his dongsaeng thought of him that way, but Yunho sounded not very convincing and Leeteuk decided that he should refrain himself from thanking Yunho. 

Yoona told him that he was a gentleman. Before he could be happy, Sooyoen(Jessica) rolled her eyes and told Yoona that Leeteuk was a ert, according to Heechul. Hyoyeon broke out to laugh and added that he was too meticulous, so he should really consider using "perfection" for his image. Sooyoung clapped her hand and told him to find Joohyun, the quiet girl who was well-known for being the perfectionist, because the girl could give him what he need.

And Leeteuk had never found Sooyoung wiser than that. 

He had knew Joohyun since the first day she entered SM, when she was in 5th grade and he already graduated from high school. The first time he met her, he thought that she had the face of an angel: sweet and innocent. And so, instantly, he wanted to become closer to her. Being her big brother sounded like a great idea to him. 

However, she was reserved. She barely talk to strangers, and due to their , he did not have any chance to train with her. Leeteuk started to forget the wish to become her big brother, until that fateful day.

He was told that the project that he was supposed to be a part of, the group named Smile, was dropped. He was sad, to say the least. He did not know when his debut days would be, or worse, if he could ever debut at all. He wondered if his effort would be paid off, and what he could have done better. He wondered if he was a fit for the industry, or if he would be better off giving up and doing something else. He was wandering around aimlessly with those questions in mind, until he saw that a practice room still had light on.

And Joohyun was in that room, practicing ballet on her own. 

He did not enter the room. He stood outside and watched her concentrating on every move, moving not so gracefully, and struggling to finish the dance. Falling and then standing up for so many times, that he lost count of them. Sweating and tearing. But never hesitating to try again. 

Leeteuk did not know how long he had spent watching her, but when she turned around and caught him watching through the open door, he realized that his legs had become numb. He gave her a smile and an applause with all his strengths. Joohyun blushed and gave him her angelic smile. And to his surprise, she was the one who asked him if he needed help, because he seemed so tiring. 

Leeteuk asked her why she practiced ballet when it was not in the requirement. And she said that she simply enjoyed it, and one day, she might find that she needed it. So, it was better to sweat now and not have to cry latter on.

He was stunt. Her simple words was what he had thought when he first started training, but after years in the system, he had forgotten it. He had forgotten that debuting in a group was never his life-goal. He had forgotten that he always spent more time to train than his friends, not so that he could debut sooner, rather that he enjoyed it, and he wanted to improve himself.

That night, he knew that not only Joohyun had the face of an angel, but also the heart of one too: pure, and simply beautiful. 

Since that night, they had became closer. And thus, Joohyun no longer looked at him with questioning gaze when he approached her with his question

- Joohyun-ah, what do you think of oppa?

- Nice.

- Anything else? - Leeteuk had hoped for a less obvious answer.

She did not take any second before shooking her head

- I don't know.

Leeteuk scratched his head in frustration. He thought that with her maturity, she would give a better answer than that. 

- Why did you ask me that question all of sudden? 

Joohyun looked at him curiously

- Aishhh. I have to think of something about my image to use as an introduction to the fan. 

- An image? 

He nodded and looked at her hopefully. She shook her head again

- I can't think of anything that sound good.

- Should I use pretentious then? - Leeteuk was quite desperate at this time when even his Joohyunie could not think of something useful. 

- Does it really have to be something about your personality? 

Leeteuk shrugged

- I think so.

- Oppa. I don't know if this helps, but have you tried to think of something that you want to be? 

- Huh? - Leeteuk sensed that he just heard an amazing idea, but Joohyun took that as a sign that he did not understand

- It is an image to the fan, right? So can it be something that you will later be remembered as? Not right...

She stopped in the middle as Leeteuk abruptly pulled her into her hug:

- Thank you, thank you, thank you

Joohyun, still not used to all the intimacy, mumbled something like it was really nothing and she glad that it helped.

At that moment, Leeteuk knew exactly the image that wanted to be remembered as: an angel. 

However, he knew that he was not yet one, so he decided that he would be an angel without wings, with a hope that he would finally find his wings and became a true angel. Like the angel who he was so fortunate to have in his life.

The End.