[CONTENTID1]They were friends.[/CONTENTID1]

 

[CONTENTID2]

Heads up: In case anyone is easily triggered with topics about Christian belief towards same- relationship, you may back out. It's nothing serious or major, but there's going to be a small mention in the story. I just want to let you know beforehand.

 

Somehow, you're crushing on her and you crush hard.

 

It was hard not to crush on someone like her. She's older than you and above it all, you're both girls. It's a taboo, especially when you're raised in a religious family. You can't help it but take more interest in female than male.

 

And out of all the beautiful female human God has ever created, it had to be her.

 

The moment you think she's cute, you know it's not going to end well because you're a lesbian in a closet. See, that's the thing with being secretly gay and friends with those who aren't fond of the idea outside of heteroual relationship. You'll end up crushing on straight girls. You joke around with them, doing skinship and all the sort of stuff girls usually do.

 

You always pretend to not enjoy their skinship. You always pretend you never liked it whenever their skin contacted yours. You always masking your satisfaction with a disgusted respond. But in truth, you’re just nervous. Girls make you nervous and your natural respond to it was negative, you hoped it would help lessen the physical contact with them.

 

And it worked, it always worked though sometimes it became a boomerang and they fool around thinking it's funny to tease you with all the skinship. They said you look cute for not liking it, they said it's a girl's thing to like skinship and everything is platonic. “What are you so afraid of?” They would always ask but they don’t know that with you it can possibly be more than platonic. So, you just had to pretend every single time.

 

Somehow, it makes you a hypocrite.

 

But it doesn't matter.

 

Because you're in the closet and no one knows what's hiding inside that head of yours.

 

You're doing a very good job hiding things away from everyone, including her. As far as you know, that girl you're crushing on will most likely be straight.

 

You thanked the heavens knowing she's not as much of a saint as you thought she is, because:

 

One, she's an only daughter.

 

Two, she's raised in a religious family.

 

Three, she's the daughter of the head priest in church.

 

She's a bit of a rebel, you acknowledged this a few times when she refused to go to the church. You thought she's just a spoiled kid. After all, having such a religious parent doesn’t guarantee they will have a religious child and that clearly applies to her.

 

She learned about your hidden interest in girls than boys through one of your posts (correction, all of your posts) on your personal social media—definitely not facebook because everyone you knew in real life—families—are all lurking in there. You two were friends on social media where both of you hides behind a virtual identity.

 

Let's just say, both of your 'hidden' personalities and interests came out naturally in the virtual world. You once found out she's okay with other ualities also through some of her posts and you were glad but you're still hiding. There's no way you'll let her know.

 

But somewhere at one point, somehow in some way, you knew that she knows about your uality.

 

She didn't tell you anything about it.

 

She didn't ask you about it.

 

But you knew, she knows.

 

And it's a little scary because who knows if she will spill her suspicion to someone else? Like, say, maybe her parents? Or best friend? She doesn’t have that many friends, unlike you. She admitted that people said she’s a little on the cold side but you know that’s not true. She’s actually cheerful and friendly person and yes, sometimes she can be a little cold but not that cold.

 

You were anxious but this far everything was going smooth. No one is questioning anything about your uality. Not even her though she knows.

 

But you found yourself questioning hers.

 

Throughout all the years you knew her since you're around the age of fifteen, you're very sure she's as straight as a pole. She had a boyfriend when she's still a middle schooler. With how naïve you were back then, that fact convinced you enough that she will never like the same gender in a romantic way. In college, this far, you found out she dated several guys already and they’re obviously one of the popular ones. No, she’s not a playgirl because you know she always have a good reason to break up with her exes. Well, anyway, she’s still very much straight.

 

And yet, why is she here in your room?

 

"Uh... I, Irene-sunbaenim..." You stammered with the current position you're in.

 

It is very...suggestive.

 

"Hm...?" Came a soft hum from her.

 

Today you were supposed to do something for her.

 

She said she needs help because her laptop has been doing a weird thing for a few days and now it won’t start up. You’re too nice to say no and this is her asking for your help. C’mon, that research for your thesis can definitely wait. So, you agreed when she said she will visit your dorm room later that night with her broken laptop.

 

You were excited but you keep reminding yourself the reason why she will visit your room.

 

She needs help. You and her were friends but not the kind of friends that will casually visit each other’s dorm for no occasion but to hang out. You’re not on that level of friends…yet. You wished it will turn out like that hopefully after tonight, because hanging out with her has always been fun.

 

Not that you hang out with her much.

 

“Uh…” You struggle on things you want to say.

 

It would have been easy to ask her what she’s doing right now, but you couldn’t let your voice out. You tried to rack your brain in that split second if you said or done anything ‘funny’ but all you can remember was you just finished doing your thing to fix her laptop. You only sigh once and the next thing you knew, she’s standing right in front of you.

 

Not only that, she wasted zero second to sit on your lap as if it’s your lap served for her throne. You manage to swallow an imaginary lump on your throat because damn, it feels good and so right. “Y, your laptop is all good now.” You cursed when that was the only thing came out of your mouth. You even stuttered.

 

The temperature rises to a certain number and it’s starting suffocate you.

 

“Thanks,” She whispered, slightly moving and your breath hitched at the feeling of her exposed thigh grazing your clothed ones. “I knew I can always count on you.” Then she hugs you there. You let yourself be convinced that it was supposed to be an appreciation hug, a normal friendly hug, a thank you hug. But with the way she’s sitting on your lap, it didn’t feel like it at all.

 

It felt like something else because she’s sitting on your freaking thighs—plus she’s wearing a damn skirt. You had no time to turn your head to the side so your face planted flat on her—goddamn—soft, fluffy, spongy, pair of watermelons. It felt like something more when she starts to envelop your head with her arms and pressing you even closer to her chest. You never knew you could curse and be grateful at the same time until now. It was literally suffocating because of how sudden it was and you forgot to take a longer breath for it, but damn, you’re not regretting anything.

 

If this is how she’s thanking you, you’d be willing to sacrifice your thesis’ research again.

 

You felt like your life flashes before your eyes and you didn’t reciprocate any of her gesture for a good five minutes—oh hell yes it has been five minutes of this appreciation hug—and you just realized she’s not letting go. She loosens her hold but still keeping you in place there on the center of her chest. You think it’ll be weird to say it but holy your head fits so well there that your hand starts moving to her back side.

 

There’s a soft hum from her. “…Seul…” She finally pulls away and looks down at you.

 

You swore you only seen that look in numerous of you watch when you need to get yourself off in the middle of the night. Oh yeah, you’re not that innocent indeed. You admit you’ve imagined her making that face but never in your life you will witness it before your eyes for real and now it’s happening. You weren’t ready. And did she just call you as if you two has been close friends for years? She called you ‘Seul’ – that’s got to mean something, right?

 

Just then, she bites her lower lip.

 

Jesus. Stop—

 

Her elbows were resting on your shoulders and her hands tangling themselves in your hair, massaging your scalp and slowly you felt her pulling you closer again towards her chest. Your eyes flicker from her eyes, to her lips and fell to her 36C pair of s. You became less self-conscious when you start your lips while staring at them before your eyes. God, how does one look away?

 

The way she’s breathing so heavily and yet still steadily is driving you nuts. It goes on like that. Her hands still massaging your head and caressing your hair in a soothing way, your eyes still trained to her chest, watching it in both amusement and admiration every time it rises—almost touching your gaping lips.

 

“You’re staring.” She quietly said and it snapped you back to reality.

 

You doubt this is even a reality in the first place.

 

Somehow, you didn’t even spare another glance at her. You’re probably too entranced but you’re more than surprised when you hear yourself saying, “I couldn’t help it. You’re too gorgeous.”

 

You heard a hearty laugh from her, you feel her shaking slightly from it and it gives you a tingling feeling that you’d rather not be so aware about at the moment. Your eyes went back to look up at her. She looks so pretty, so surreal, so goddess-like.

 

“You know, if I didn’t know you, I’d think you’re a ert and was hitting on me—” Well, maybe you are trying to hit on her. But who are you kidding? Last time you checked, she still date guys—and secretly glad her relationship never last long. Great, now you’re dancing on top of her love life’s misery.

 

She caught you off guard when your chin is in-between her thumb and index finger, pushing it up almost forcing you to look at her eyes.

 

“…unless I don’t know you enough to know you really are a hidden ert and swinging that way.”

 

Well, .

 

“Are you, Seul…?”

 

It has been years since you got suspicious about her knowledge on your uality. Of course, you would forget that she knows—what with the damn stunt she pulled at you a few minutes ago, you would expect yourself to suffer an amnesia. You wonder why after all this time where you were almost caught by her, she never come at your way and ask about it. You wonder, why now of all time? Why now when you’re practically trapped with her on your lap, looking down at you as if she’s never been straight in her whole life?

 

You feel your chest beating faster as you keep up with her seductive yet curious stare.

 

Curious, but there’s something about the way she’s looking at you. It’s as if she’s telling you to just come out and let her know because she knows and she wants you to confirm it yourself. But you’re afraid of what may come if you decide to come out to her.

 

You're not that close friends with her anyway.

 

But you take on her challenge.

 

"Why does it matter to you?"

 

You praised yourself in your head for not stuttering your words and even able to put up a confident smirk. As if challenging her. But it only takes a matter of seconds before she gives you yet another surprise. You can't even think—

 

"Guess I'll have to find out myself." Was the last thing she said before leaning in and capture your lips with hers.

 

It was too much. All you can think about is how soft her lips are and how good it felt massaging your own. She tastes like strawberry dipped in alcohol, because god, you're addicted to it.

 

You realize the moment you kiss her back you started questioning whether Irene Bae is actually straight or not. It would have been a lie if Irene said she’s not enjoying it because you can clearly feel how much she’s trying to deepened the kiss. When she started biting down your lower lip, she stopped.

 

A winning smirk was all you're seeing in her pretty face.

 

, you cursed mentally. She really knows.

 

"Why didn't you tell me anything, Seul?" She asked, slightly panting from the earlier make out with you.

 

You snickered at that, you don't want to seem rude but who are you two kidding anyway? Since when were you two close enough so you can tell her about your uality? Plus, doesn't she know that coming out isn't as easy as she makes it sound?

 

You couldn't believe her.

 

You look back at her, raising an eyebrow. "Tell you what?"

 

"Stop playing pretend."

 

"Please, I don't even know what you mean by that."