(Seol ah)

It's been almost two years. 

I was supposed to stay here for at least 3 years or so, but I worked so hard and I've been making so many plans. After much thought, I finally decided to pursue my career as a photographer and songwriter in Korea. I'll go there on Christmas. 

I haven't been seeing Myungsoo often, he only came here once because of his busy schedule, and I went to Korean few times as well, we would meet during holidays or to celebrate our anniversary or birthdays. It's  been six months since I last saw him, I really do miss him, I miss him all the time. Actually... I don't know if it's because we're not living in the same place but our relationship is in a limbo state right now, we're slowly becoming distant from each other, on one side, there's my depression that keeps eating me slowly and on the other side, there's Myungsoo who doesn't seem to be doing so well, we haven't been talking much lately.

I don't understand it. We've been okay just weeks ago. And now he's being really moody. We haven't talked on the phone for days, we only text each other every now and then. And I'm not even making any efforts to make things better, probably because I'm just so tired of everything.

It's October and the weather is not that great, I don't know if that's the reason for my sudden depression but I haven't been able to go out or do anything for the last few days.  I usually like rain and cold days but I don't know what's wrong with me these days... Do I have a seasonal affective disorder?

I woke up today at around 10 am. I checked my phone but there was no notification, no message, no missed call, nothing. We haven't talked for like two days, I don't know what's wrong with him but I think he's probably stressed out due to all his activities and busy schedule so I just wanted to give him some space, I thought he would probably miss me or want to talk to me, or a least send me a good morning or good night text but I was wrong. 

 The weather seems quite nice today so I decided to take a walk outside. I haven't been out for days, I'll probably feel better if I put some good music on and walk for a while. 

I was walking all alone on the rainy streets without an umbrella... lost in my thoughts. I took out my phone and I was staring at his picture on my phone wallpaper when a notification popped up [NEWS: INFINITE L was admitted to the hospital due to his knee injury and fatigue because of excessive training] Wait, what??? Oh my God that happened two days ago... Why didn't he or any of the other members tell me anything? I quickly dialed his number. Myungsoo please pick up... 

He did not pick up but I tried calling him again and again until he picked up.

"Myungsoo yah! Are you okay? I just saw the news, why didn't you tell me anything! How are you feeling right now?" I worriedly asked as soon as he picked up.

"I'm fine, it's nothing serious. I'm just resting at the hospital." He coldly said.

"Don't lie to me. I know you're not doing well, I can hear it through your voice.."

"Seol ah yah... I don't know what to do... they're probably already sick of me... I'm.. I don't want to be a burden for anyone, I don't know what to do... I'm afraid I'll be abandoned... " I was shocked after I heard him saying this, his words broke my heart. I wish I was there to hug him, comfort him and be by his side. 

"What ... no What are talking about? a burden? Nobody's sick of you Myungsoo.. You have your fellow members right by your side and you have me. Please don't say that..." I said trying to hold my tears back. 

"I wish you were here Seol ah yah... I wish you were here." His voice was cracking. Was he really crying? 

At that exact moment, I felt so useless. Watching him suffering like that without being by his side was the worst thing ever.

(Next day)

(Myungsoo)

I woke up to the bitter sterile smell of the hospital. I'm sick of being here. I've been trying to call Seol ah but her phone seems to be off, she's not responding to any my messages. It's so unlike her. 

I kept reading some comic books I received from my fans and watching Tv. I'm so bored. The doctor said that my injury is going to take some time to heal and that I have to take some rest until then. I can't dance, I cannot practice... that's making me feel more depressed. The other members are so busy and Seol ah is not here. Insoo, who used to keep me company these last few days is now filming a drama. There's no one to talk to, nothing to do. I'm just feeling so lonely and bored here. 

I was playing a game on my phone when I heard someone knocking on the door.

"Can I come in?" She asked.

"Oh, Suzy ah! Come in!"

"What's with the long face?" She asked while putting down some bags.

"I'm just... bored," I whined. 

"But... where are the others? The other members, your family and your friends?" She asked as she sat down on the couch next to my bed. 

"They're all busy," I said.

"Should I keep you company then?" She cheerfully said. 

"Aren't you busy?" I asked.

"I finished filming my drama this morning so I've got the whole day for myself. And I brought cupcakes!" She excitedly said.

"Woah, you're right on time! I'm so hungry, let's eat them first."

"They're all yours." She gave me the box with the cupcakes in it. 

(A few minutes later)

Suzy: I knew you'd be bored by yourself in here, that's why I brought puzzle! I've spent some time in the hospital back in my trainee days, and my friend brought it to me. It really helped me fight boredom and stop feeling guilty because I was the only one resting while my fellow members were practicing so hard. I figured out you'd be feeling the same way. 

I was amazed by her thoughtfulness. She's a friend of mine but I never really got to know her well, I really appreciate her being by my side in such hard time. She's a nice person and a great friend. 

We spent the whole evening solving the puzzle together and talking about random things, I had so much fun.

I tried calling Seol ah again after Suzy left but her phone is still off. I hope she's okay. I haven't talked to her since yesterday. 

I kept scrolling through apps on my phone until I fell asleep. 

(Seol ah)

It's 7:00 in the morning, I finally arrived in Korea. It was a really long flight and I'm so tired but I'll go straight to the hospital to see Myungsoo. I turned my phone on, oh my God, he must have been really worried. Look at all these messages and missed calls. Wait for me Myungsoo yah, I'm coming. 

As soon as I got to the hospital, I asked for the number of his room and immediately headed there. Suzy was talking on the phone in front of his room. I haven't seen her since that day before I left two years and a half ago. 

She stopped talking on the phone as soon she saw me, she was all shocked as if she has seen a ghost. She quickly walked towards me. "What are you doing here?" She asked with a scary look on her face.

I just smiled. "Oh, long time no see. Have you been well Unnie?" I politely said.

"Unnie? Don't call me that. Again. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" She raised her voice. She's being really aggressive.

"I'm here to see Myungsoo," I said.

She raised her eyebrow. "Why? Didn't you two break up a long time ago?"

"Yes, and we got back together a long time ago," I said.

" Huh... you're really... Did you forget about what you said to me that day?" She asked.

"No, I didn't... I'm sorry about that. I made a mistake, I thought he'd be happier without me." I looked down.

"Oh... Look at you acting all innocent and pure. You're a bit too full of yourself, aren't you? Fine. I won't ask you to stay away from him or anything but instead, I'll do whatever it takes me to make him mine. I'm not someone who gives up that easily."

"What... " 

She just smirked and left.

Seriously Suzy? I understand that she likes him, but isn't she being a bit too much? I shouldn't have left him alone... I shouldn't have done it.

I quietly opened the door, he was on the bed sleeping peacefully. 

I gently his hair. "My love... the last few days must have been really tough.. I'm sorry I wasn't by your side. But don't worry, I'm here now, next to you. I'll stay with you all the time, I'll make sure that you'll never feel lonely again."  I looked around and some flowers, strawberry milk, and cupcakes were on the table next to his bed, there was a note with them. 

<>

What? They had fun? And... and what's with the stupid heart? Who could that be... Suzy??

"Oh... Seol ah? Is that really you? When did you come here?" Myungsoo said as he hugged me.

"So that's why your phone has been off... you were on your way here.. I was so worried.  God! I miss you so much" He hugged me tighter while still sitting on his bed.

 "What are you expecting me to do after I heard all of what you said? I came here as soon as I could but... seems like someone was doing my job while I wasn't here." I annoyingly said. 

"What? What do you mean? " He confusedly said.

I handed him the note. " You had so much fun, huh?" I said.

"Oh! It's from Suzy! Yah... You're not going to misunderstand any of this, are you? This is all that we did... " He showed me the puzzle. 

"Has she been coming here every day?" I asked.

"No, she only came here once yesterday. Seol ah yah... don't be mad, she's just a friend." He pouted. 

"A friend who comes to visit you early in the morning when you're sleeping and leaves breakfast, flowers and a note? Oh and let's not forget about that little heart in the bottom of the note. She must be a really special friend." I sarcastically said as I looked away. 

 "Ahh it hurts, my leg hurts so bad... please call the doctor." He said acting hurt.

"You're not going to fool me this time, don't change the topic!" I said.

He removed the blanket. "Seol ah yah... please." He painfully said.

"Oh my God you're bleeding..." I instantly went out and called the doctor. 

He quickly came in and treated him. " Your injury is quite serious, you shouldn't move your leg or do anything for the next few days. Just stay here and rest well, call me if you need anything." He said before he left.

"I'm so sorry, that happened because of me... I shouldn't have acted that way, I'm sorry..."  I apologetically said.

"Seol ah yah... don't you always say that we don't have to apologize to each other? I know how you're feeling, I'll do the same if  I was in your place. I know that you were hurt to see someone else doing what you usually do because you love me.  But you should know that you're the only person in my heart, I meet a lot of people every day but you're the only one I see." He held my hand.

"I love you," I said as I smiled at him.

"Seol ah yah... you once said that I'm popular and talented, that so many people love me. But... would all these people stay there when I'm no longer famous? What if my injury won't let me go on. Will you still love me when I'm not able to dance or sing anymore?"