"I know you wouldn't tell me about your past that led up to the damage of our bond, and I would not try to ask. But I wanted to ask about something else. What make you so absolutely committed to leave this country?"

"Admit it," Seungri said, as he get on the bed and scoots further until his back hit its headboard and he brings his knees to his chest. Jiyong followed his mate and sit at the end of the bed, still facing him. "You were going to say absurdly committed." 

"Maybe I was. So help me understand."

Seungri sighed and propped his chin on his knees. He thought that telling Jiyong about it won't make any harm. It was the first thing he had mentioned to Jiyong afterall and the Veela didn't even ask him first. This is slightly different from like the scars on his arms, which he would never talk about, and about Lucas, which Seungri only admit to Youngbae. And maybe speaking about this will make Jiyong understand his insistence in his plan to travel the world. 

"It just because being here suffocates me," he said quietly. "Bad things happened to me before and please don't ask me what is it," he added and to his relief, the Veela nodded. "sometimes those memories comes back, biting me all at once. Every single corner of this place, remind me of that no matter how hard I try to forget it. So the only solution for me is to leave, as far as I can."

"Do you really have to?" Jiyong's wings arched up and flex, once. "I'm sorry to say this but running away is not a solution for everything."

Seungri paused. "I thought about that all the time too." and sometimes he still did. "But it's all I can think of. I am sure that when I am far enough, I can indulge myself doing different things, seeing new places and meeting new people.And eventually, I'll forget about it. Besides, I had thought about this since I was in the orphanage."

"You lived at the orphanage?"

Seungri frowned at Jiyong, not understanding the flat disbeleif in Jiyong's voice and eyes. On the other hand, maybe he should've anticipated it. Back then, Jiyong didn't give a about him, so of course he didn't know. "Yes. I lived there until I get into college. My life at the orphanage revolve around other people, not that I don't like it but I didn't get to do what I like, for myself, I mean. I wanted to find something I can do on my own, without having to think about others. I just want a space for myself, to breathe and to be me again."

"I didn't know about that." Jiyong said quietly. He snapped his wings down again when he notice Seungri is staring at them, but he sounded upset and dissapointed somehow. "If I know, I would --" 

Seungri snorted as he stared at Jiyong, "Admit it, you only care because I'm your mate. You wouldn't give a if I wasn't."

Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows. Then he said, when Seungri seemed to be waiting for his answer, 'What about you then?" 

Seungri paused and then he shrugged. He supposed he wouldn't give a about Jiyong too as long as he didn't cross path with him. 

"Fine," Jiyong said, wrapping his wings around his body as if he's cold. "I think that I can understand your reasons but you still have friends here, that Youngbae guy. Didn't you feel anything about leaving him?"

"He always supports me," Seungri said. "It just that, you know, I need to take my mind off from all these bad thoughts and I will not be able to do that here. Everything, every single place that I've been and every single person that I've met here, remind me of those. Youngbae hyung didn't mean it, of course he didn't but I hate to see his worried face everytime he saw me," said Seungri, unconsciously pulling his knees closer to his chest. "And when those bad things come into my head, I started to get bad again. It's like I got angry all the time without reasons," he said, staring into spaces instead of Jiyong's. "I think that I willl never get to move on if I stay here, and thats why I wanted to leave so badly."

Jiyong was stilll staring, and Seungri shrugged again, "I know that you must think my decision as childish but that is it. I think that I won't be calm, unless I leave and thats what I decide to do. "

"I didn't mean to say you were," Jiyong's voice was quiet. "But tell me, how can you be so sure that this is the right decision?" 

"I almost destroyed my room," Seungri admitted. "I was so frustrated when I can't make myself to stop thinking about those bad thoughts, those memories. I was so angry that I can't do anything about it. So I lashed out."

"What happen when you lash out?"

"I destroy things," Seungri said, wondering if he happened to be mated with a deaf Veela, and maybe Veela developed deafness at younger age than normal people. 

"No," Jiyong said, and his voice was almost eerie now in how flat and seemingly lifeless it was. "Tell me the story. What did it look like?" 

Seungri peered at him again. It was such a strange thing to want to know about. He thought Jiyong's goal was to get him to be submissive. How would knowing something about his temper and how dangerous he was when he lose it would help Jiyong in his goals?

But Seungri decided that it was Jiyong business. In any way, it would be a releif to desribe this when he couldn't even to Youngbae. That lad will listen but Youngbae wanted him to hold onto his temper, and wouldn't be pleased to know about a time when he lost it. Youngbae will get worried and starts overthinking about him again if he knew. 

"I can't barely sleeps for days, because these thoughts keep me awake during the night. Then, something happens, something that triggered me and just like that, I lose my temper. I was so angry at everything, every ing time and when I finally lose it, I can't remember anything. I smash things, rip my bedsheets and pillows apart, just to let my anger out and when its over, my room looks like a shipwreck."

Jiyong lowered his gaze on the floor. Seungri waited for him to ask another questions, but he didn't, so Seungri added, "When I get mad, its hard to control myself. I just kind of lose it. You saw that when I pinned you on the floor in the drawing room that day," He grimaced, "I'm sorry for losing it like that."

"You're sorry for pinning me, or for losing your temper?" Jiyong's eyes were back on him. 

"Both?" He offered, feeling unsure himself. He shook his head. He hasn't been this uncertain for a while now. 

Jiyong however, seems like he's thinking about something else. "Why did Youngbae told you to hold on to your temper?" He asked, leaning forward towards him and he added, "What did he say when you told him that you wrecked your own room?"

And this is what happens when you starts talking about this kind of things with a Kwon, Seungri scolded himself, it makes you disloyal to your own bestfriend."

"I never told him," he admitted, and then he buried his face onto his folded arms. "And I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Please." 

Seungri opened his eyes when he heard Jiyong's voice. The sound was too breathy, too discontented. He lift his head. 

Jiyong's face was just an inch away from his with his wings arched around them both. He could see it clearly, how Jiyong's eyes were soft hazel, and his neat eyebrows, staring hopefully towards his own. "You don't know how this means to me, to hear about this, to know that it's our secret alone, when you won't tell me more about your past," and then he rest his forehead on Seungri's knees, making gesture like he bowing to him. "Please don't take this from me."

"Geez, Jiyong, stop that," Seungri said, as he push Jiyong away and inched himself further from the Veela. If he don't know better, he would say that he's blushing just now but he know that he didn't. Or did he? He shook his head and patted Jiyong's shoulder awkwardly. "Fine, I won't stop talking about this. But there is not much to say either. Youngbae hyung wouldn't approve. Thats why I didn't tell him."

"I'm glad to know that you would tell me," Jiyong smiled, and Seungri feel this weird beat in his heart. He thinks that its maybe because of the wheather or something but when he stare at that smiles again, his heart feels funny again. "Even if it's because you don't care that much about what I would say. It say to me that you trust me in a way you don't trust him."

Seungri sighed and buried his head in his arms. He had know that this would come up sooner or later. Jiyong had to insist that this happened because of distrusting his friend, or some other nonsense. 

"Listen, I don't want you to be in competition with my friend, okay?" he asked as he lifted his head to look at Jiyong. "I don't want him to feel like I'm neglecting him for you, and I don't want you to feel like I'm talking to him about you behind your back."

"Do he know all about your past that you won't talk to me about?"

"Well, not all of it," said Seungri. He'd said that because he don't want Jiyong to come up with bright idea to question Youngbae about it, but from the way that Jiyong brightened and preened a little, he could guess that the Veela was taking it yet another way. Seungri sighed again. He didn't know how to handle this. He wanted to lose his temper but he couldn't. He wanted to tell Jiyong to shut up and get away from him, but he couldn't. 

And why did Jiyong care about knowing all those insignificant things about him, anyway? It didn't make sense.

********************************************************************************************************************* * ** ***

Jiyong watched the expression flicker across Seungri's face, and smiled in what he hoped came across sympathetic way. From the scowl Seungri gave him, to the torn emotions pulsing down the ragged bonds. But he wanted to be sympathetic. Seungri had told him some private matters, though not complete but he had admitted that he didn't tell his friend everythings too. Seungri had wanted him to get up and not to bow to him, which was an excellent sign that he meant what he said and didn't want to occupy the dominant role in Jiyong's place. 

But what if he took most of what Seungri said as true as well? That his mate didn't care much about him, but also didn't want to hurt him, and he had a temper, and he didn't want to lose it? It changed some things. Jiyong could look on Seungri with a kinder eyes, and think about the bond in a different way. 

"All right," He said. "Thank you for telling me what you did."

Seungri paused and lift his head to look at Jiyong. He looked stricken and Jiyong don't know why. He meant what he said, and he stands up from the bed and walked to the bedrooms' door. 

"Where are you going?" Seungri's voice floated after him. 

"I'm giving you some privacy," Jiyong said, and looked back at his mate. "Wasn't that you wanted?"

Seungri shrugged again, looking somewhat embarrased now. "I don't mean to chase you out from your own bedroom. in your own house, you know."

"It's your room, and your house as much as its mine," Jiyong said. "Not more," He added hastily after that, when he saw Seungri starts to frown. "Not because you're the submissive. But its your home too. You can invite your friends, read your books and lock the door if you want to. I'll be fine. We have plenty rooms here."

And then he left, because Seungri's face is the picture he don't want to spoil. 

Nothing is going to be the same as I thought it would be. But maybe, Jiyong thought, considering a shiver of pleasure that had run through him when Seungri had told him the truth and again when Seungri stops him from bowing down to him earlier, it can be better. 

************************************************************************************** * ** ***

"So, what do you think?"

Jiyong caught his breathe after he spoke those words, and promptly cursed himself. How was he ever going to get anywhere with his mate if he acted like a nervous schoolgirl?

But he only could know the sharp thrill that went through him as Seungri stopped in the middle of the library, with his arms spread, and looked around as though he wanted to estimate the distance between his fingers and the walls. At least, Jiyong took confidence from that. The Kwons' pride afterall, apart from everything else that they have, had always comes from their manor library. They have the biggest and complete collections of books varying in gengre and author. And everything was arranged neatly on its shelfs and sorted into its sections.

He know how much his mate love to read and he had been thinking to introduce this part of the manor to Seungri since the first day he stayed here but the timing is always off. Their arguments and So Hyungs' intervention had make his mate depressed for the past few weeks and he don't want Seungri to think he did this just to win his hearts over. He want Seungri to think that he did this purely because he wanted to see his mate happy and he can see it now, the way Seungri had been awestruck as he stared around the library. 

Jiyong knew that he should probably stay where he was, but he can't help it. He walk toward his mate, carefully resting the curve of his wing on Seungri's shoulder, taking pleasure how Seungri's body jumps in suprise at the mere contact. "It's cool huh?" Jiyong murmured at him.

Seungri blinked and looked at him. "Well, yeah. Do you always had this library in your manor Jiyong?"

Jiyong smiled in amusement as he stare at Seungri's uncertain eyes. Its the first time he saw it since they were together, "Yes. My father have the same hobby as you, so thats why he built this library. Every manor has one but none is as complete as ours and now, its all yours."

Seungri flushed brilliantly and avert his gaze away from Jiyong. "You don't have to do that. I'll be grateful if you let me come here every now and then."

"Of course you could," Jiyong said, enchanted with the way Seungri's cheeks flushed. "I've been meaning to bring you here since the first day because I know how happy you'll be if you see this. I didn't forget that you once told me that you love reading." He added pointedly. 

"Right," Seungri said, and he bit his inner cheek to stop his growing smiles when he see how Seungri blushed even more at that. "Thank you, do you mind if I look around?"

"Of course not," Jiyong said distractedly and watched with a grin on his face as he followed his mate from behind.

Seungri walks deeper into the library, towards the section where an English literatures books were arranged neatly on its wooden shelf. He swept his arms along the shelves around them and pull one book out, holding it with his hands. Jiyong watched his mate contently and he guess that he should leave Seungri for now but as he about to turn away, Seungri said to him, "You can stay, if you don't mind."

His voice sounded timid as he asked and Jiyong couldn't contain his smiles anymore. His wings flutters sofly behind him when he turn back to his mate. "Okay," He said.

"You loved Edgar Allan Poe?" Jiyong begins to ask as he stands beside Seungri, peering at the book in Seungri's hands.

"Yeah, I do." He start to get worried if his questions had bothered Seungri and his reading but to his releif, Seungri didn't seems bothered, perhaps willing to indulge in this small talks with him. "I loved his poems. One if it is 'Anabelle Lee'. What about you?"

"I've read some before," Jiyong said, leaning past him and putting his hand on the spine of the nearest book. He recognize this particular one, because his mother had him red it when he was in highschool. "This. Not poems though. Have you read it?"

"Hamlet," Seungri read, with a quick glance at Jiyong. "I've red one of this before, but its his other works, Romeo and Juliet."

"So, I recommended you to read this one too," said Jiyong, and he smiled a little. Seungri took the book from him and a moment later, they settled on the window alcove. Seungri had already had his eyes glued on the book Jiyong recommended earlier, already lost in it and Jiyong settled for watching Seungri. 

He loved how peaceful Seungri looked when he read, how distracted he'll be that he won't notice everything else that happens around him. This is the picture of Seungri that Jiyong wantrd to preserve. the same feeling that he want his mate to feel whenever he's around. Though he know that it won't happen now, but he hope that he'll have it soon. He wanted Seungri to accept their bond, only one word from his mate and Jiyong swear everything that is his will belong to Seungri. He felt a little tinge in his heart as he remembered what Seunghyun had told them the other day about the wounds that preventing their bond from growing. 

He wished he had known about Seungri's past and do something about it. He had once thought to ask Youngbae about it but he remembered about the promise he made with Seungri. He'll be damned if he betray it and he know that Seungri will never forgive him after that. All he have to do is worked on Seungri trust and acceptance towards him and this bond. But will he able to make it?

"Jiyong?" He lifted his eyes at Seungri's when he heard his voice. His mate is staring at him with a mild concern on his face. "Are you okay?"

Jiyong eyed Seungri for a moment before he opened his mouth, "I'm okay," he said, smiling. "I'm just sleepy."

"Well, I guess I can lend you my laps," Seungri said but his eyes is still on the damn book so Jiyong wasn't sure about it. He stay silent, until Seungri said, "If you want, lay your head  on my lap and sleep." And then he scoot over to the window glass and leaned there, making room for Jiyong to lay on the alcove.

Jiyong shift quietly and lay down, placing his head on his mate's laps. Seungri didn't say anything afterward and continue to read his book. He know he should be happy when Seungri offered himself to do something like this willingly, but if he does this because of gratitude or merely because he feels obligated to do so, isn't this too much. Jiyong feels like there is this dull ache in his heart but he forced it to be grateful as well because, at least, his mate didn't look too forced into it. He takes a deep breathe and closes his eyes, forcing himself to sleep and praying that tomorrow will be better for both of them.

*********************************************************************** * ** ***

Seungri folded the letter back and throw it mindlessly on the table. "I'll come hyung. Not that I have any choice afterall."

Daesung's expression was resigned as he watched Seungri leaned against his chair, one hand massaging his temple. "You're really doing it?"

"I don't want to, but I suppose they won't sit still until they heard something about my bond," Seungri said, halting and staring briefly at Daesung. "Though I have no idea why is it so important for them to know about it."

"Not that. It's you, staying here with Kwon. You're making this bond work, the way Youngbae hyung said you should."

Seungri snorted a little. "How much of this about me making the bond works, and how much of this is the arguments you want to win against hyung?"

From the way Daesung flushed, Seungri know he had scored a hit, but he still staring at him with his eyes blazing and his lips pressed into a thin line. Daesung looked like he's about to go into another arguments with him but instead, his voice went soft as soon as he opens his mouth. "You know that I'd help you fight it. That you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life bounded to him. And I would win."

'Win against what? Me? Him? or the people back at the orphanage?" Seungri shook his head. "Listen, I didn't change my mind a bit about this bonds that I have with Jiyong but there's nothing I can do about it now. Jiyong won't let me go anywhere for now and those people were so close, they're breathing on my neck!" 

"We can think of other way, but you shouldn't have to give your freedom away like this!" Daesung said, slamming his palm on the table. . 

Seungri rolled his eyes, and he didn't care if Daesung sees it. Something like that would've hurt Jiyong if he had seen Seungri doing it, but his friendship with Daesung could survive some manor challenge. "I didn't give away anything. I've talked about this so much with Jiyong and for now we've come to some sort of agreement that he shouldn't ask from me things I couldn't give. And he respected that but if they got me, freedom is the last things I ever get in this world."

"But you shouldn't give up your freedom for him either." Daesung whispered, and Seungri knew they had come down to the heart of the matter.

Seungri sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say hyung. Part of this is I don't want Jiyong die because I left him and part of it because it seems easier to avoid any unecessary issue with them if I got Jiyong's protection."

"But how much of this is for you? Does the bond gives you anything, or just another burden you have to deal with?"

Seungri smiled gently at him."Jiyong is not that horrible, you know. Not as horrible as I thought he would be. I assumed he would make me crawl at his feet or worship the ground he walked on, and I would've beat him for that."

"I'm glad there's some kind of limit to your tolerance."

Seungri looked at him, and thought of many things that he could say. But they would have been upsetting for both of them, and he didn't want to argue more than this than they had for the past few days, after Youngbae finally told him about Seungri's bond. The lad wasn't in the country when that happen and he was furious at the moment he know. But Seungri had long moved on from that part, since Jiyong make that promise to him and since Jiyong seems to respect the privacy he had asked. Of course he didn't give up about his plan but he'll accept this for now and apart from that, he had other matters to think about for now. Another headache, another bigger bulls.

"Anyway, tell me if the headmistress will be there too."

Daesung looked at him with a mix of guilt and pity in his eyes. "She was the one who requested this meeting. The orphanage won't interfere anymore once we set our foot out from that place, but it was her. I'm sorry Ri, I thought you already left like how you planned back then. I shouldn't go if I know this happen."

Seungri shook his head marginally. "None of this is your fault hyung. There is no doubt Lucas will be there too. I need to make sure he doesn't approach me." He wondered if he would listen, though. He had been fairly persistent in his attempt. Seungri grimaced at this. In fact, the only thing that made him back off was...

Seungri nodded, he had made his mind up. "I think I'm going to ask Jiyong to come with me."

"What?" said Daesung, staring at his face as if he just grow out another head. "You know Lucas will be there too, and asking Kwon to come is not a brilliant idea you have so far. Your Veela will make a fuss out of it thus putting you in danger."

Seungri squinted at him in irritation. "Listen, as foolish as that prat can be, I beleive he know about all these Veela's rules and ritual and he still think that its a brilliant idea to come up to me and piss Jiyong off. I don't think that he'll stop even if I go alone hyung. And I don't want to come home and be questioned by Ji -"

He cut himself off because Daesung looked honestly stricken as the lad stares at him. "What?"

"You called Kwon Manor home," Daesung whispered, and raised one hand as if to fend Seungri from coming closer. 

"For sake!," Seungri snapped. "Not you too hyung. I know that people had already watching my every move and judging it, Jiyong's sister is one of them. I thought I could count on you to not analyze my every movement and tell me why it's wrong hyung."

"I didn't mean to," said Daesung, looking somewhat embarrased. "But I think it would be best if you didn't bring him. I could come with you, Seungri."

"But I think it would be for the best if I come with him."

Seungri jumped a little, even though he heard the door open and Jiyong walks behind him. Daesung really flinched, of course when Jiyong unexpectedly wrapped drape his arms around Seungri's shoulder, followed a moment later by his wings. Great, I won't have to wait until the meeting for Jiyong to go all ape. He sighed in resignation and waited for Jiyong to bombard him with strings of questions but strangely enough, the Veela didn't say anything, only scowling intensely at Daesung. 

He knew that Jiyong and Daesung will get into it any second, so he jumped in. "I appreciate your concern towards me hyung but this time, I have to agree with Jiyong." Jiyong tightened his hold on Seungri and Seungri smiled at him to reward him for his self - restraint. 

Daesung gives Jiyong another unfriendly look, probably because he don't want to agree with the idea, and Seungri rolled his eyes and give up on being subtle. "You can disagree or disparage each other later. But right now, I need have a talk with Jiyong."

"You do," said Jiyong, and give him a small pinch on the side while Daesung begins to collect his stuff and leave the room, huffing and muttering what sounded like a complaints to himself. Seungri watched him go and waited until the door is closed before he move back to the table. 

"What was that all about?" Jiyong asked as soon as they sit on the chair. His voice is soft and his eyes were staring searchingly at Seungri's. 

Seungri sighed a little."The headmistress of my former orphanage wants to see me tomorrow."

"Because?" Jiyong furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at him. 

"She want to know more about my bonds with you," Seungri grimaced. "I guess the news manage to come to her somehow."

'Well, I guess there is nothing wrong in doing that." Jiyong decide after a moment. "But tell me, why did you seems so reluctant?"

Seungri sighed. This is another part of his past that he really want to keep from Jiyong and he don't like to even remember about it. "Seungri," He snaps out from his thought when he feel Jiyong's hand on his. 

He stares at the Veela for a while, and then, he shook his head.  "Nothing really, it just, she's not a comfortable person to be around with."

Jiyong looked like he was hesitating for a moment but then, maybe the Veela sensed his unwillingness to talk further about this at the moment. "Then, I'll make sure I am around you all the time. Don't worry about it."

Seungri sighed in releif when Jiyong smiled at him, grateful that he didn't force the truth out of himself. Dealing with all these mate business is tiring and now, his past had to come and make it even worst. He just want a peaceful personal life, if he could get it but those wish seems almost unobtainable to him at the moment.

A.N : Hello! Sorry for the late update. I've been busy these days and I was enjoying my life as a normal reader too much that I forget I have a story to update. So, I hope you like this one. Please leave your comments and thanks, as always for those new subscribers!! oh and I'm sorry I didn't make ToDae a thing in this. I like ToDae but I don't know how to include them in the plot so he'll be one of Ri's friends. Peace!! dont be mad hehe