"We're sorry that our advices to you was so horrible Seungri," said Daesung. His voice was stiff, his fingers were so stiff that his nails were digging into the skins of his hands, and his eyes were on the table. Youngbae was silent, but Seungri know from his wary looks, he felt guilty as much as Daesung did.

Seungri waited for a second to see if he would stop acting stupid on his own, but he didn't, so Seungri reached out and forcibly takes Daesung's hand into his. His eyes glinted at him when he tilted his head up, full of stubborn tears. 

"Hyung," Seungri said softly. He hasn't realized how this would affect them so much. He had sought them out mainly because he had decided that he was going to let his temper out, and he knew they would want some kind of explaination of that. "Both of you didn't mean to give me bad advice." He hesitated, and then asked a question Jiyong had asked him, one that he knew would bother him unless he got the answer. "But, why did you tell me to surpress all of my temper, anyway? I knew you are worried about me, about my future but why you didn't teach me how to control it?"

"Because I saw the look on your face when you tore Lucas's skin open the way you did that day," Youngbae said, wearily and concerned. "I didn't want you to look like that ever again. And I was afraid you would, unless if you put your temper down completely. It might erupt if you didn't, just like how it did that day." 

"With provocation," Seungri reminded him. He glanced at them cautiously, but this time, Daesung looked at him in the eyes and seemed like he's ready to fight with him about it now. Seungri nodded and leaned back agaisnt his chair. He could hear Jiyong's restless pacing on the other side of the door. He had come over to Youngbae's place, and Jiyong had insisted on coming along, but at least, he would stay out of the room while he talked to his friends. 

"Yes, we know that," said Daesung, fiercely. "But he's one kind of person, and you're another. The kind of person you are can't do that kind of thing, Seungri. Not without everything being lost."

"My sense of reliability being lost, you mean?" Seungri hated to admit the quick flare of anger that raced up his throat and turned his hopes to ash when he heard that. Why would they trust him anymore, after all those bad choices he had choosen.

Because they never did... they never trust you like you thought they would, whispered the doubting voices in the back of his mind, the one that had woken up since he and Jiyong had started to talk more honestly to each other in the past few days, and Jiyong had told him how robotic he seemed when he was shutting himself down. 

But Jiyong had reasons to be suspicious of his friends, or what he thought were reasons that Seungri would never share, and the suspicion itself burdened into ashes as Daesung turn his head and glared at him. "Don't be stupid. You made it through all those horrible things Noah had put you through without losing your s. You think I want to see that happens to you just because of that incident with Lucas? You are strong, and I don't want to lose that kind of person you are, the person that makes you, you." Daesung reached out and grabbed Seungri's hands. "I thought I might lose you to being Kwon's mate at first, but instead, it's going to be - what? To weilding you anger like weapons?" 

"Well, you know," said Seungri, as confidingly as he could, "there is a middle ground between being angry and lashing out like a madman. I'm sort of angry at both of you right now, but I'm not going to try to rip your throats off."

Daesung's eyes widen comically at this, then he blinked, "But we are your hyungs!"

"Ah," Seungri nodded wisely. "So, its only strangers or Lucas that you didn't trust me not to rip their throats off?"

"That's not it at all!" Daesung said, with hot indignation of his own that cracked Seungri's mask. "I never thought - Seungri? are you laughing?" Now both Daesung and Youngbae were looking at him as though the halves of the cracked mask were doors falling away from his face. "Is this some sort of joke?"

"Not the bit about trying to let my temper out now and then," said Seungri. That didn't make a dent on their expression, so he relented and explaind the best as he could. "Jiyong and I figured out that surpressing my anger had also surpressed most of my other emotions, too. And that could be the reason why I couldn't engage fully in the bond and being Jiyong's mate, apart of me wanting to leave this country of course." 

Daesung blinked his eyes again. "You mean, its the only thing that let you have some resemblance of a free will, unlike the other traditional submissive?" 

Seungri rolled his eyes. Daesung didn't know anything about the bond he had at first, but he would've expected him to have more faith in his independence. "No, I'm not going to be a mere submissive, never. But, there are other things about the bond that were supposed to be happening sometimes. Jiyong should have been able to sense my all of my anger and defiance, and he only got it in these little solitary flashes that didn't seems to come at any particular times." He paused, watched Daesung darkening expression before he continued, "I think, it's going to work out for both of us. This way, Jiyong is going to believe that I don't want to be a submissive, because he can feel that desire through our bonds, and he'll stop hoping me to become one."

There was a noise as though someone had straightened up suddenly from leaning against the door. Seungri snorted. Well, he never believed that Jiyong could restrain himself from listening.

"I can see that," said Daesung, after a long reflective pause. "But it does makes me wonder if you're going to be happier than you were, if you and Kwon still didn't come to any agreement."

"I'm free to do what I want this time," Seungri said quietly. "And I don't have to worry about Lucas or cause someone else death just because I didn't act like a perfect submissve like I should."

"Is that how you felt?" Daesung stared at him. "Oh, Seungri, I'm sorry. It just that, you act like the whole things with Lucas back then is still bothering you, and if you're going to cling to your plan as the one thing that might save you from the memories of it, then I thought I'd give you all the help I could."

"What?" 

Daesung clapped his hand over his mouth a second later, and made a little gulping sound. Seungri stared at him, waiting for him to go on, and he had to, even though he was grimacing and shaking his head as though it was physically painful for him to do so.

"I didn't, mean to phrase it like that..." Which meant, Seungri was sure, that he didn't meant to say it out loud. "But, I've thought about it a lot. That you can't let the memories go. It's there, in the back of your mind, affecting everything you do and say. To keep you from thinking about it, you cling to your plans." 

"Honestly, thats not the same thing as acting like I would tottaly forget about it though," Seungri shook his head, trying to clear it. "I do think that I've thrown myself into making my plans work, but I told you -"

"I know why," Youngbae interrupted quietly, after being silent for a while "And it's just a belief that you hold on to. When you acted like everything is bothering you still, you're thinking like you have to leave everything, and it had to happen now, settled now, or it'll be useless." He then reached for Seungri's hand, then squeezed it hard, once, before he let go. "And for you to forget, it have to be that way, or the memories will comes back and haunted you. Lucas could've won. But, the act of moving on can't be rushed like that."

"I know it will take a long time before I could completely forget about those bad memories." 

"Then, why not giving yourself a chance to be loved?" Youngbae sighed, and dropped his chin on his palm, something that Seungri didn't see him doing for a long time. "Why not try putting your defense down a little bit and help Kwon know the real you, instead of pushing him away and reassure yourself that you're fine without any attachments? You are not a mess that can't be fixed. Stop believing that you are." Youngbae shook his head. "Why are you so merciless with yourself like that?"

Seungri paused. That was much the same thing Jiyong had accused him of, and Daesung didn't have the same motive as Jiyong - and sometimes, even Youngbae did in trying to get him to agree with this bond. 

"I don't mean to be," he said, and he hoped that both of them was listening to him. "I want to, who would want to be inprisoned in their horrible memories anyway... and I want, to be kind and fair to myself. But I'm stilll afraid, and I need time to be completely sure of it so that I won't make stupid decision like I have with Lucas."

Youngbae smiled softly. "You won't. Jiyong and Lucas are two different people, but you have to open your heart to believe that first.."

"I guess so," Seungri said, thinking about those times Jiyong had been protecting him. "And I am trying though."

Youngbae leaned back and stared at him curiously. "So, you are telling me that you're really giving Kwon a chance now?"

"Yes," said Seungri. The prowling outside the door has stopped. He hoped that Jiyong was listening to this part more than he had to the argument between him and Daesung. He didn't really want to argue with Jiyong about whether they were being 'mean' to him. "I showed a bit if anger toward Lucas when he was speaking to me during the duel, you know." Youngbae nodded. "And when he came to confirm that he would fulfill the stakes Jiyong had demanded of her."

"I think you were wise to word it the way you did," Youngbae's eyes were earnest when the lad looked at him. "Or else, he might find a way to come directly back at you."

Seungri shrugged. "He might have someone else to pay for that, but that's not the main thing that I'm concerned about right now."

"About you plans?" Youngbae lift one eyebrow.

"I'm concerned about myself," said Seungri, with a little grimance on his face. This conversation had taken a lot longer than he thought it would be. On the other hand, now he knew why they urged him to hold onto his temper, and he felt better about it. Their concern for him had been misguided, but so had some of the things that he had worried about. "I am going to truly think about this whole things about my bond with Jiyong all over, and I want to learn and understands it." 

"Will Kwon help you with that?" Daesung asked sceptically.

Seungri held his eyes and said, "Yes. And it means that maybe I can finally live with this in some other way than just planning to lie back and think about London while he had his way on me."

Daesung looked like as if he's going to gag and Youngbae just snorted. "You really - you about to -"

"Well, thats the kind of person I thought of becoming," Seungri said. "And I thought I can't show any anger because it would hurt him if I did. So I couldn't refuse to have with him, if he asked and I should appear polite and agreeable to in public, just like what he imagined me to be. Who knows what I would've give to him for an exchange of him not interfering with my life? I insisted on being on public and do whatever I like. But I didn't have that -"

"Isn't that what going to happen now?" Daesung whispered. "Because, you're going to do whatever Kwon wanted in the name of pacifying him or something, and -"

"No," said Seungri firmly. "I know that I'm worth more than that. I always knew I am worth more than just being a mindless slave. Now its time to realize that I don't have to be a slave to those horrible memories either."

It took a moment, but finally, Daesung smiled and nodded. Then he turned abruptly at the sound of an opening door. Seungri looked up too, suprised. Then he heard Jiyong pacing outside the door, but it wasn't the one he was behind but the one that led into the corridor; this led to Youngbae's house door. 

"About time, Seungri." Youngbae said, folding his arm and staring at him. 

Seungri blinked, "Okay." They rose from their chair and walk towards the living room's door. 

"I was trying to give Kwon some hints without you thinking that I was betraying you," Youngbae went on, placing one hand on Seungri's shoulder. "But he didn't seems to ask right questions, or he was going too slowly, or something. At least you finally saw sense. Though it took you long enough." He added, with stupid grin on his face. Seungri had to roll his eyes. Of course Jiyong couldn't strain himself from asking something about him to Youngbae but the fact that he didn't ask much was still a suprise. 

"Well, I did told him to not ask questions about my past, either its from me or anyone else," said Seungri. "Not about my life at the orphanage, anyway, or when I'm still with Lucas. I guess, thats why he hesitated."

Youngbae stop walking and turn to look at him. "But how he's suppose to understand you if he didn't know?"

"At that time, I really don't care about him understanding me or not," Seungri held a hand when Youngbae open his mouth. "I know, it was stupid of me to think like that but at least, now, I have more to talk to him about."

And that, it seemed was the end of Jiyong's pretense that he couldn't hear the conversation.The door into the corridor opened, and Seungri turned around to face him. 

"And are you going to talk about it to me at any point?" Jiyong paced slowly towards him, his wings fanned out and his attention were focused on Seungri in that steely way that had made Seungri wanted to reject it from before because it was from Kwon Jiyong. And, because he don't like it when someone stares at him like that.

Seungri stay still for a second until the urge to simply strike out and reject Jiyong passed, and until Jiyong were standing in front of him, gaze moving so simply and possesively over him. He nodded and say, "I think I'm going to think it over. About that promise, order or whatever you called it."

"You are ordering your Veela?" Youngbae asked and Daesung who was standing beside him were looking amused.

Seungri would've said something, but Jiyong murmured, softly and sweetly, while his hazel eyes were still on Seungri, "Youngbae, your intervention has been worthy. Sometimes, but right now, it isn't."

This time, Daesung looked from one of them to other, then rolled his eyes and reached for Youngbae's arm. 

"Wait," said Youngbae when Daesung tried to pull him back to the living room. "We still have plenty to ask and you didn't tell us the whole story about Lucas's challenge. Should we arrange another meeting?"

"Right now, it doesn't matter," Daesung told him in a loud whisper that Seungri would have found it funny if he could looked away from Jiyong. "Come on, I want to eat." He continue to drag Youngbae out of the corridor and closed the door behind them. 

When it shuts behind them, Jiyong sighed like a dog released from a leash. He moved the last few steps towards Seungri and leans forward, resting his chin on his mate's shoulder. "Why do you have to always act like you're fighting me everytime I looked at you?" He murmured. 

Seungri hesitated for a while, and then he gently pull away from Jiyong. "Because I don't like being looked at that way. As if I am the center of attention or something. I'm not used to it and it bothers me a lot."

"Because you think you don't deserved to be admired? Jiyong gives him a patient smile and laid one hand on Seungri's arm, rubbing back and forth as if he was testing the thickness of the bone. No one had ever touched Seungri like that before, and it always a different things with Lucas but he didn't find it unpleasant this time. Jiyong smiled. "If that's the reason, I don't think that it's good enough to counted as reasons to stop."

Indignation surged, hot and sharp, in Seungri's heart, but then he paused. Jiyong still wasn't ordering him around. He was talking to him as they had been used to talk, half - arguing, but not demanding. 

Seungri stared down and muttered, "Because they look at me like I'm convenient, and just that. But I don't like being the center of attention either."

"Ah," said Jiyong, and his face had a light on it that Seungri had never seen before. It reminded him a little of a spotlight, but before he could freeze, Jiyong reached out and slowly swept his hand down Seungri's cheek. "Then the next step is to convince you that you are more than that. That you are precious and also, come up with a way to either make sure that you're not the center of attention, or, you can get used to it when you are."

Seungri studied the Veela skeptically. "Does that mean you will somehow going to cease from paying me attention?"

"Oh no," Jiyong gives him an elegant little bow. "Mine is one of the kind that you have to get used to."

Seungri considered that, and nodded. At least, he had something definite to react to now, and to think about. "All right. Then I guess, we have to get started on it soon yeah?"

Jiyong seemed to relax all at once, in a twitching of his wings and a rolling of his shoulders. "I was afraid if you'd say you need more times to think about when to start, not that I were unwilling to spend more for you," he muttered. "But I have to admit that I'm getting excited for this. As long as you know that this is only a beginning."

"It is," Seungri said firmly. "To discover what kind of person I want to be, instead of who I am now." He had to add. 

Jiyong simply lean his head forward and smiled, "I know."

*

"I wanted to suprise you," Jiyong said, in response to the way that Seungri opened his eyes and blinked at him.

Seungri nodded slowly, still half asleep when Jiyong walk closer towards the bed. Seungri's hair was so tousled Jiyong could barely resist from reaching out and smoothing it down, feeling the strands slipping past his fingers, but he refrained. He sit beside his mate and place the tray on the bedside table instead. He could've the maids bring it to him, but this one is special and he wanted to do it himself. 

"So, will you let me give you breakfast in bed?" He whispered to Seungri who is currently rubbing the sleepiness away from his eyes. 

It took long, long moments, it seemed, for the words to slide down past defenses and protective barriers Seungri had put in his mind. But then, he smiled and Jiyong felt as though he could look at those expression for hours. Maybe he was getting some emotion through the bond too, he thought. It wasn't him to be so content with something as little a this. 

"Of course," Seungri said. "But let me wash my face first." 

Jiyong gets up to make way for Seungri and send his mate with his eyes as Seungri heads to the bathroom. He waited patiently and smiled when Seungri finally done. He looked more refreshed now as he walked back to the bed and climbed onto it. Jiyong heard a soft snort beneath the covers at his insistence, giving Jiyong a look that he was used to seeing when they had an arguments over their bond before. It said that Seungri had thought of something ridiculous - in this case, not as strong to oppose him, but would go along with it. 

Jiyong had to admit, he liked this particular of setting to see that smile. 

"Now," Jiyong said. "I wasn't sure what kind of chocolate you'd like, so I brought several different kinds," He leans to get the tray, and he also moved his wings, and they were more spectacular things, so of course Seungri would watch them. Jiyong smiled and folded them again, well - pleased. He wouldn't ever display to a submissive to impress them with his feathers the way he once imagined to do, but this is better. 

"How can there be different kinds?" Seungri said as he eyes the steamy silver cups and then, he glanced at Jiyong. "I mean, chocolate is chocolate. There isn't different kinds."

Sometimes his wealth enable him to impress Seungri or at least, suprise him the way he had by showing up with the tray of expensive chocolate in his hands. At times like this, he is grateful for it. Who knows, above anything else that the Kwons posses, food is the only way to charm their way into their mate's heart. 

Jiyong smiled. "Then, I guess you never had chocolate spiced with orange or hazelnut or any other flavor. I pity you, Lee."

"Well, I probably too busy gorging myself with actual foods than snacks like this, Kwon." Seungri replied, and only looked pleased when Jiyong laughed, which Jiyong thought as something new as well. "Anyway," he settled back on the pillow and opened his mouth. 

More compliant than I thought he'd be, Jiyong decided in daze, and reached for the first cup of chocolate, the orange - spiced one. And then, a searing insight struck him, and he nearly cried out loud as he clutched the cup to keep from spilling it. 

Part of his mate is enjoying this. Seungri might not want to be pampered  without a choice - he didn't want the constricting bindings of the submissive role, but he liked to be fussed over sometimes. It must have been a long time since it last happened. 

And that knowledge could only have come to Jiyong through the bond. He didn't know enough about Seungri to be certain of it, and he didn't think Seungri knew it himself too, so the chance was so very small that Jiyong would pick it up from their bond connection but, he is sure of one thing. 

Our bond is strengthening... 

"Are you alright Jiyong? You're staring at me for a while now. Do I have something on my face?"

Jiyong laughed shakily, and manage to steady his hand at the same moment as his voice. He didn't want to spill the chocolate all everywhere. "Sit up a little would you? so I can get it into your mouth instead of on the duvet. You are very cute this way, but it's hard to properly reach your lips." 

Seungri's face flamed as he sits up hastily that the plush duvet flew away. Jiyong tucked it back gently and murmured, "What? You are not used to be called cute?" 

"I'm not used to people looking at me the way you're looking," Seungri shifted a second later, and added, "Well, okay, sometimes people do. But it's mostly because I helped them with their grades or when I'm making speeches, but thats not me they're seeing. It's my worth, or my good scores, or whatever they think I'm special for."

Jiyong paused. He wanted to feed Seungri the chocolate, but he also wanted to discuss about this. Maybe he could limit it to one question, and call the maids to heat the chocolate up again if he had to. "You don't think you're special?"

"For my achievements? No."

"You are more than that," Jiyong murmured, wishing he could take Seungri in his arm and hug him close, but it wouldn't be the right gesture at the moment. "Your achievements comes from your own hardwork, and your willingness to help others reflect on your kindness. You are special."

"I don't know," said Seungri, and he sighed. "But it still didn't make me feels right though. As if I'm faking it and people love me because of that fake personality I put on. I mean, they would totally leave me if they knew who I really am, how I once was involved in drugs and almost kill someone."

"So," Jiyong said slowly, "was that another reasons why you want to leave this country so bad? You'd done something you thought was your fault, so you wanted to leave and start over?"

"I had thought it that way," Seungri sighed and rolled his head to the side. "I wanted to leave, before  anyone else leaves me. Who wanted to accept someone with so much flaws after only seeing the good side of them anyway?" 

"But I do." Jiyong said softly as he reached for Seungri's hand. "I think I had started to see the real you, and even after that I am sure that my feeling didn't waver. It doesn't matter who you are, or what had happened to you in the past. What's important now, is who you are in the moment. All I see is that you're a nice person Seungri, and to me, you're always special."

Seungri was staring hard at him for a moment, and after that, he returned Jiyong's hold. "Yeah, thank you Jiyong," he said and it took a moment for Jiyong to realize that Seungri wasn't going to argue with him about that. 

"You are always welcome," said Jiyong peacefully, and motioned with the cup of chocolate again. "Do you want to drink this afterall?"

Seungri seemed to think about it for a while, and then he nodded and relaxed against the pillow. "I have more to think about than I thought," he muttered. 

Jiyong touched his shoulder with a light hand and waited until Seungri was looking at him again. "We'll figured it out together." He said quietly. 

Seungri blinked, hesitated and said, "Alraight."

Jiyong smiled and proffered the chocolate cup again. And they spent and enjoyable few minutes determining Seungri if Seungri liked the orange spiced chocolate best, and disliked hazelnut, and actually liked vanilla that swirled the large cup of chocolate quite a bit, but not enough to sacrifice the orange for it, and made Jiyong laughed by grabbing the orange cup out of his hands when Jiyong pretended like he was going to put it away and guzzling the rest of it. 

The other thing was there with them, moving under the surface, but at least Jiyong knew they could sometimes focus on pleasure. 

*

Seungri leaned back against the cushioned wall of the meditation room that Jiyong had introduced to him. He had asked for a quiet place, but never really thought that Kwon manor had place like this. 

It was large, bright with soft flickering, transparent glass panes that didn't just simply show the view out, the way most of the windows did. But this one, it looks like it was the part of the view. The beauty of the large, lozenge - shaped panes crisscrossed with strips of purple and iron. It was something that the eyes was meant to absorb. 

Or so Jiyong had said. He didn't know much about all that, and didn't know what to make of Jiyong's sideways glance and low steely mutter that he said he would learn. 

He only know that he liked this, the slow sliding quiet, the round walls of the room, the padded cushions agaisnt his back and the smell of incense in his nose although none is burned. Seungri centered himself and dived in. 

It had been a long time since he had done this, and maybe he never did at all. Its like tranquility comes and gone, as elusive as the light that manage to slips through the windows. He forcefully reminded himself that he couldn't chase the peace, any more than he could fall asleep by willing it. He opened his eyes and look at the window again. 

Gradually, his mind calmed down. He drifted through the center of himself, and watched the emotions that danced around him. 

They feels brighter than before. In the deep, solemn peace he had manage to attain and it took him longer than it shoulf have for him to figure out why. 

Yes. He had held back his emotions. It hadn't particularly to resist the bond; after all. He didn't know that the bond existed or could exist when he begun to hide his emotions deep down. He had wanted to get rid of the anger, in his horror of slashing Lucas's skins open. He had wanted to get rid of the pain. 

And the guilt. 

Jiyong was right about that. The guilt was there when he thought about it, which wasn't often. But he didn't like dwelling on it. He had been tortured, he had done things he always regretted of, but Lucas is still the only human he had wished to kill. Noah might count, but he hasn't think that far. 

He taunted you, he brought it upon himself and you're only a victim.

That was what Youngbae had told him that day. Seungri had listened to him, and agreed with him, although only on the surface. He had thought the guilt of injuring Lucas, or the regret of having to get involved with someone like him wouldn't cripple him, and he would eventually forgets about it all by doing something better, something like loving and only care about his own being. That someone else didn't matters, attachments doesn't matter because at the end, it'll only makes him feels weak. He didn't realize it until now, how deeply and persistently part of himself didn't agree with Youngbae's words. 

Seungri let out a noisy breath and nearly snapped out of his meditation trance. Fine. If he could use those feelings to change himself in one way, to held back all of his emotions he thought of interfering, surely he could use it to change himself another way. 

He wasn't going to change himself into being a better mate for Jiyong, no matter how much sense it might take, and no matter how comfortable it might make Jiyong feels. He didn't want to change into that.

But he will change his mind, to be better, stronger and wiser. He could try to become a good person. It's either by surpressing his anger, or becoming easier with Jiyong's desires, or opening himself by force to talk about his past. He had to be the one who makes the decision, and reverse his own prohibition, and talk to Jiyong if that what he want to do. 

Seungri opened his eyes again and looked out the marvelous crystal window again.

Carefully, Seungri focused on what he wanted now. He wanted to be a better person, someone who really care about other people instead of just taking what he wanted. He want to be a strong person, someone who was able to survive the strains of his broken past and still able to love himself, to appreciate every moments of his life. He wanted a lot of things. 

No longer held back by false guilt and fear. He would still feel those things, because he was human - no matter what he used to thought of himself, the delusions that were far too strong he didn't even know that they were sitting on part of him. 

He opened his eyes, and feels refreshed, more open than he had ever been during the duel with Lucas and when they comforted him in Jiyong's bedroom. He could make his own decisions. He would still do his best with other, but the decisions had to come within himself, not imposed by others, no matter how well - meaning it is. 

Not his hyungs, not Jiyong, not the Veela traditions but himself. 

And that meant Seungri could consider whether he was the one who wanted to do something, rather than the imaginary person he'd been making up in his head. The one who had to do certain things because people would be frightened or dissapointed  otherwise. Some of those things he had been avoiding were so private that he had to shake his head. Who would ever known about some of those deprivations he'd been inflicting on himself?

And  one of those things he wanted to do is telling everything about his past to Jiyong, and see how the Veela react to it.

*

Jiyong rose from his feet with his wings trembling when Seungri came out of the meditation room. Seungri had asked him not to come in with him, and reluctantly, he had to agree with it. He could stay silent, but he knew that Seungri wasn't going to be comfortable with all his stares. 

And now, the Seungri who opened the door of the meditation room wasn't the same one who had walked through it. 

Seungri looked at him, and smiled a little and said, "I'm hungry. Can we go have lunch? I have something to tell you about."

"Of course," Jiyong whispered, his vision swimming, wondering if that 'something' would be Seungri wanting to end their bond. 

But whatever the difference, or the clarity of mind, or strength of emotions, that had come to Seungri, it didn't appear that ending the bond was on his mind. Seungri stretched his hand and said, "It's okay. I was just thinking, but not of the bad things."

Jiyong took his hand and pulled him down the corridor towards the nearest sitting room that was mostly clear of furniture and could stand to have crumbs or stain dropped in it. "What did you think of?" He ask. 

"To be myself, as hard as I can." Seungri said, "I have decided that I don't want to be a different person. All I want is to be me."

Jiyong take Seungri's hand and press a kiss on the back of it, before he could think. He didn't meant to do it, it just happens as an instinctive gesture. "Sorry," he whispered, and pulled back. 

"What was that for?"

At least, Seungri looked curious, and the shimmering chord at the back of Jiyong's mind played the note that he thought was curiousity, too. He swallowed and said, "I've been waiting for you to say that. It's you who I want, not somone else. Not someone who's - a mask, or a perfect submissive, even if that could be seen as the best of Lee Seungri  for others. I want you, and you're the one who I was supposed to be mated with."

Seungri blinked, twice."But if the real me is the one who reject you in the ceremony hall, or the one who attack you in your own house, why would you want that person?"

"Because I know better now," Jiyong replied. "And so do you, I hope."

"Yes," said Seungri, although he frowned through their whole journey to the sitting room. A maid brought them some sandwiches with more mustard than Jiyong found appropriate, but Seungri bit in with pleasure. Jiyong settled back and nod. The maids had known Seungri's taste by now and the foods had always been prepared according to it. Jiyong don't mind, because it feels like Seungri is slowly settling in here. 

"Listen," Seungri said, when he'd eaten his way through two sandwiches. "I'm going to tell you something. About the things I didn't want you to ask about." He put the plate back on his lap, and his eyes were brilliand and direct as he held Jiyong's.

"Tell me already," Jiyong knew his voice had a hint of desperation in it, a little excitement to finally hear about it. His nails curved into claws in his lap.

"But you have to promise not to start yelling about it," Seungri said. 

Jiyong threw his head back and said, "That will be hard," as his wings unfolded and flapped above his head. He had known he would learn things about Seungri's past wouldn't please him, but the tone in Seungri's voice, the looks in his eyes...

"I know," said Seungri. "But I'm going to ask it from you anyway. If you start swearing or talking about vengeance, then I'll just have to interrupt you and argue with you, and that would stop the whole conversation."

Jiyong hesitate once, and nodded. "Alright."

And Seungri took a deep breath, and he reached out his arm. He pulled the sleeve of his shirt and stops right above his elbow, revealing his whole forearm for Jiyong to see. 

Jiyong's wings unfolds and it begins to beat harshly. His irises is turning into slits and his chest is heaving at his ragged breath. Seungri watched him, though, his hand making dents in his sandwich, and waited until Jiyong calm down. 

Jiyong found his human voice somewhere, and whispered, "Please, explain this."

A.N : Hi! do you miss me? ^^ 

Happy new year! and I hope this year will bring more happiness to all of us instead of tears. Thank u for the new subscribers and also for everyone who had upvotes this story. I appreciate it. TYSM. Do comments on this one too yeah? ^^