MAMA 2019

It was 10 AM when Blackpink began their last rehearsal for MAMA for that night. It’s cold and the weather is not friendly to any of them. They finished rehearsal after attempting two rounds of practice and the sound of Lisa’s grumbling stomach.

As they finished, Jennie left the stage from the east and headed to the exit door alone.

“Jennie-ssi,” a voice called her, loud enough to her ear and her mind. Jennie stopped on her track and turned.

“Annyeonghaseyo, Jinyoung-ssi,” Jennie bowed to Jinyoung right after she met his eyes.

“Annyeonghaseyo,” Jinyoung bowed back. He looked at Jennie for another second, looking worried.

“I’m sorry to disturb you. But, I need to ask you. Is Jisoo-ssi alright?”

Jennie studied his face. The gap between his eyebrows somehow shorter than it supposed to be.

“She’s just feeling a little tired, that's why she can’t join this morning rehearsal. She’ll be fine tonight.”

Jennie hated how concern Jinyoung looked. Jennie knew he finished his own rehearsal 30 minutes ago, he should be in the changing room at that time,  taking care of his hair. Yet, he was there with his worn-out jacket, sneakers, and a 5 o’clock shadow on his face.

“That's good to hear,” Jinyoung smiled in the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I’ll be going then, Sunbae,” Jennie was halfway bowing when she saw Jinyoung’s hand in front of her eyes. It was a bottle of yogurt, the one Jisoo’s like.

“She usually gets better when she drinks this. Could you give it to her?” Jinyoung’s eyes sparked the things Jennie scared the most.

“But don’t tell her it was from me,” Jinyoung pleaded.

It was love, the one which Jinyoung gave to her, the one that Jisoo tried to avoid.

-

“Uwaah, Unnie, you’re really out of your mind.” Jennie spits and curses to Jisoo. “He never likes you? That’s the conclusion you have after all of the things he's done to you?”

“Why does it sound like you protecting him?” Jisoo looks confused.

“I’m not,” Jennie’s eyes pierce through Jisoo’s. “I’m telling you about how stupid you sound like. Why don’t you put your feet in his shoes for a while? Imagine how he would feel if you were him. Imagine someone you like ignore your presence.

“I’m not sure if he still likes you or if he ever likes you, Unnie. All I know, you looked so happy with him before.”

Jennie pauses, “It’s better for you to be alone right now. Take your time and clear your mind.”

Jennie takes her bag and walks to the front door. “I’ll be going. You can call me if you already find some conscience.”

Jennie walks away and closes the door of Jisoo’s apartment. She leaves Jisoo sitting on the couch with pains on her chest. Jennie never leaves Jisoo for anything, this is the first time she ever shuts a door in front of her. And to her surprise, it’s all because of one guy.

Jisoo spends the next days with so much confusion. She likes Jinyoung and that’s why exactly she’s been keeping herself away from him. There are more reasons for her to be away every time she remembers him. It’s her denial about his feeling, it’s the company rule, it’s her fear of showing her love, but mostly because she believes Jinyoung deserves someone better. Someone with courage and less trouble. Someone without flaws and someone who will give him a normal life.

“Ding dong,” her doorbell chimes. It’s Saturday and her manager wants to meet her this morning. It must be something important, so she's actually getting her hopes up.

“Annyeong Unnie,” Jisoo opens the door and let her manager comes.

“You eat? I have some cookies,” Sang Won shows her a paper bag.

“I ate already,” Jisoo smiles.

“Well, then. Let’s have a talk.” Sang Won sits to the other side of the dining table and looks at Jisoo.

Jisoo sits down across her manager and pays attention to Sang Won.

“GQ’s marketing came the other day,” Sang Won begins, “They are going to have you feature on their next month issue’s cover.”

Jisoo’s eyes brighten and sparkle.

“They will have a special issue for TV Dramas and Movies’ representative of this year,” Sang Won continues slowly, “It’s called Korea's TV Drama and Movie People of 2027.”

Jisoo stays silent and looks at Sang Won. The information she just received from her manager sounds normal and safe to her ear at first. But, as she tries to understand the situation a little later, her heart pounds faster.

“He’s going to be in it, isn’t he?” Jisoo asks Sang Won with sadness hints from her voice.

“Yes, I confirmed,” Sang Won replies weakly. Sang Won looks back to Jisoo’s eyes.

“I know what you’re going to say and I know how you feel right now. But, for every excuses I have created for you all this time, I'm not sure if I can do it for this one.

“YG’s promotion director already said yes to it and that means you will need to appear. This is the chance for you, Jisoo. To tell the world that you’re in this industry for a reason and because of your hard work. This could be your ticket to embrace something more for your future. I’m not asking you to-“

“I will do it,” Jisoo interrupts Sang Won. “It’s okay, Unnie. I’ll do it.”

Sang Won stares at Jisoo’s eyes. There’s no fear in them, yet it worries her. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” there’s sadness in her tone, sadness in her eyes, something Sang Won rarely see when they talk about Jinyoung. Because it's usually fear on her face.

“But, you look sad,” Sang Won states her worry.

“Do I?” Jisoo looks away to the mirror across her living room. “Maybe because I finally understand how he feels.”

Sang Won looks at Jisoo questioning, but there’s something that holds her back for asking further.

“Alright then,” Sang Won stands, “I’ll be leaving. I have something else to do.”

“Tell me if anything bothers you,” Sang Won looks at Jisoo once again.

“I will, Unnie. Don’t worry.”

-

Jisoo arrives at the photo shoot venue 15 minutes before the time of the meeting. It was a Victorian-style building in the south of Seoul. It was big and weirdly placed in this part of the country.

She’s been in a rollercoaster kind of emotion since agreeing for this photoshoot. The words Jennie said to her still lingers in her mind. Is she really a coward? Isn’t what she’s been doing to Jinyoung is actually her way of protecting him?

She steps into the hall and finds that a lot of people have arrived. She knows most of the people inside the hall, especially the actors and actresses. She even remembers some of the directors and PDs who she has met before. But what catches her attention the most is him. Who is standing at the left side of the room, talking to another actor.

“Jisoo-ya!” someone screams out her name.

Jisoo searches and finds a familiar face greets her.

“Annyeong, Ji Hyun-sunbae,” Jisoo smiles to her.

“Yya! Stop calling me sunbae,” Ji Hyun comes close to Jisoo and hugs her. “Congratulations to everything this year. You’re so amazing.”

"Ani, I should be the one to give congratulation,” Jisoo hugs back. “Congratulations for the daesang.”

“Thank you, Unnie,” Ji Hyun breaks the hug and wraps her arm around Jisoo’s. “Let’s go meet the other.”

They walk to where Jinyoung stands. Her heart thumps as she gets closer to him.

“It’s been so long, Noona,” Kwak Dong Yeon,another familiar face, greets Jisoo.

“Annyong Dong Yeon-ah,” Jisoo smiles at him.

She then turns her head to Jinyoung, which looks at something else other than her.

“Annyonghaseyo Jinyoung-ssi,” Jisoo greets Jinyoung first. She expects him to greet back, but Jinyoung only smiles and bows.

“Everyone, can I have your attention please,” it’s GQ associate editor, Jung Jun Young, calls them from the back of the room. Jisoo recognizes him since she worked with him before.

“Thank you very much for coming here, it’s an honor for GQ to work with Korea’s talented people once again. Please have a seat on the couch, I only need five minutes to explain today’s schedule.”

Jun Young-nim literally only needs five minutes to explain everything. The concept is “Classic”. They will have category photoshoots and group photoshoots. The directors, producers, and scriptwriters will have their own session, which is the first session. Next are for the actors and actresses, then other honorable mentions, and last would be the group photoshoot. The photo shoot may take four hours to finish, so they want everyone to corporate and just relax. After Jung-editor ends his brief, he lets everyone go to the dressing room.

“Jisoo-nim, we already prepared a few dresses you can pick. It comes from YG personal studio as promised.”

Jisoo gets to pick her dress for the first batch. Jisoo looks at the dresses hanging in front of her. It’s all in black color to fit the concept, she thinks.

“Is there anything you would suggest?” Jisoo asks GQ’s outfit coordinator.

“Glad you ask, Jisoo-nim. We suggest these two.”

It’s two beautiful black dresses that Jisoo actually likes. The first one is the kind of little black dress those 50’s woman usually wear. It covers to her shoulder and stops on her mid-thigh, The lines are pretty and the simplicity intrigues her. The other one is more sophisticated, with a turtleneck and a long train at the bottom. It screams richness to it.

“Those are great I guess,” Jisoo smiles widely. “Let’s try it.”

Jisoo finishes her makeup and hair an hour after with the help of her YG personal hairdresser. It’s been so long since she has a photo shoot, seeing herself in the mirror actually brightens her mood a little.

“Kim Jisoo-nim, it’s your turn.” The assistant editor comes to the waiting room holding a board.

“We’re going to shoot you with Park Jinyoung-nim. A few group shots and individual shots as well.” She explains to Jisoo while walking with her hand showing the board that contains today’s photo shoot details.

Maybe because she didn’t pay attention when GQ’s Associate Editor explains, but she really has no idea that she’s going to have a photoshoot with Jinyoung together.

“Aren’t I suppose to have a photoshoot with another actress?” Jisoo nervously asks.

“Animida. As what Jung-editor said, the best actor and best actress will have a shot together. The other actors will have group shots, but not the leading actors and actresses.

In less than a second, her mind goes blank. Her heart beats faster as she enters the set. She’s sweating and feels like her dress suffocates her.

She walks to where the photographer sit. Jinyoung is already there and talking to Jung-editor.

“Jisoo-ssi, it’s been so long,” he reaches Jisoo’s shoulder and hugs her side. “Let me explain the theme for this one.”

He takes the board from his assistant, the one who fetches her seconds ago and reads it.

“It’s going to be a provocative and y photoshoot. Since the both of you are really good at intense and scandalous scenes, we thought of giving you guys the ‘hard to approach’ vibe from these shots.

“We expect very intimate poses. Just show us intimidating stares and y gestures.” Jung-editor ends his explanation, “can we start?”

Jisoo looks at Jinyoung, his face is unreadable.

“Yes,” Jinyoung answers and heads to the middle of the set.

Jisoo hesitates a little and follows him. Her heart pounds to a rhythm she is not sure about. And it probably is because how he looks. She can't deny it, but Jinyoung looks so y and handsome.

He wears a simple black shirt, tucks into his black pants. The sleeves roll up to his elbow, showing his lower arms which Jisoo rarely see. His hair is up and a little tousled. All of his face's features are obvious, especially his eyes and eyebrows. It’s a sight Jisoo never really sees up close and it makes her nervous.

They stand side by side and look at the camera. The photographer and all the staffs seem ready to start the photo shoot, but she's not. Jisoo takes another peek at Jinyoung’s face, who's been looking at the camera all this time.

Then, without turning his head, he whispers; so soft she is sure no one can’t hear it, “You should not show me your thigh, Kim Jisoo.”

Happy weekend to everyone. Since 2017 going to end soon, I hope everyone is ready for the holiday.