October 13th, 2017 – Jimin’s pilgrimage

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you Jiminie! Happy birthday to you!” sang Jungkook and Taehyung as they entered Jimin’s dark bedroom.

Jimin rolled onto his bed and pulled his blanket over his head. He did not look at his friends, neither he smiled; he just groaned and hoped these ‘uninvited guests’ would understand that he did not want to see anyone right now.

“Chim chim?” started quietly Taehyung. “Jiminie, look at us”

Jimin did not move.

“Jimin, you can’t stay like that.”

“He did not text me… today… He knew today was my… but he did not text” murmured Jimin under his duvet.

Jungkook sighed and shared a worried look with Taehyung.

Since Jimin confessed to Yoongi, he was a mere shadow of its former self. He never knew he could feel so much pain, and yet be so in love with the person causing it. The fact Yoongi did not love him was not the most painful thing, the toughest for the idol was the fact his love inspired the rapper loathing and revulsion. ‘I was nothing but a fool for him, begging for his love. And my love pissed him off… my simple existence pissed him off.’  The poor boy continuously thought.

“You know that he cares, he is just…”

“You keep saying that!” Jimin raged. “But if it was true, he would have called me or at least today! It was the last chance to prove me wrong!... But see, nothing!” Jimin took his phone on his bedside table and threw it against the wall making both of his friends jumped.

“Jimin, stop!” yelled Jungkook

“This can’t continue!” intervened Taehyung. “I promised we wouldn’t say anything but we actually met him and he…”

“Get out.” Jimin interrupted quietly.

Taehyung and Jungkook looked at him confused.

“I said GET OUT!” Jimin cried out.

Of course, Jimin held onto hope that Yoongi would come back but a part of him was convinced that he was just delusional. He trusted the rapper too much, he loved him too much, he hoped too much and that too much was hurting so much now. That’s why he could not let Taehyung talk about Yoongi. He believed it would hurt him more than anything. ‘Of what good would another account of Yoongi be?’.

However, he could not be angry with his friends. They were still there in good and difficult times. Taehyung also specially came from Jeju to comfort him. ‘Hard times always reveal true friends and mine are made in gold.’

So he stopped them before they retired from his room.

“Guys!... I am sorry. I know I am not easy to live with these days but… Thanks for being there”

“Idiot! Of course we will be there! Any time, any place, anywhere” Jungkook replied while Taehyung nodded with his rectangle smile. “Let’s have a birthday dinner together. No is not an option” he continued. ”You need to take some fresh air with us, this room stinks!”

Jimin laughed out loud for the first time in a long time, which melted his friends’ hearts.

“ Okay!” he agreed. ”But first, I need to go somewhere”

Since he was on vacation, it had been a couple of weeks that Jimin did not leave his room. The only place he dared to visit was the bathroom, so his friends where clearly shocked by his announcement.

“You’re going out alone?” asked Taehyung dumbfounded.

“Yes I need to do something” answered calmly Jimin. “And I won’t jump off a bridge” he chortled seeing his friends surprised look.

“Okay” hesitated Taehyung. “But take your keys, we won’t be at home either”

Jimin nodded with a forced smile.

After three years of one-sided love, he believed that it was time to let Yoongi go. The way that Yoongi talked, smiled and smelled. He had to let it go. The way his hands felt on his skin, the way he said his name. He had to let it go. He knew it was almost impossible to give up on him because deep inside he still had hope. He knew he would love Yoongi for the rest of his life. But the daydreaming, the running in place, it was not healthy.

Thus he decided to make a pilgrimage to all the places he went with Yoongi that left a mark on him and cut the cord.

Jimin wanted to be able, at least, to think about Yoongi without being hurt, and maybe this was how he could let him go.

October 13th, 2017 – Yoongi’s quest

‘Before I met him, I never knew what it was like to be able to look at someone and smile for no reason… I miss him’.

Today’s his Jimin’s birthday and Yoongi could not let another day past without him. He would do whatever it tasked to see him and tell him anything, everything to make him come back in his life.

Within three months, Yoongi’s existence changed entirely. He did not asked for it; but now, he could not live another life that the one with Jimin.

He could not tell exactly when it started. Maybe the first moment he saw him… Or was it the second or third or fourth? He only remembered the moment he looked at him and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when he was with him.

In front of Jimin’s dorm, Yoongi breathed heavily and knocked at the door (with his healthy hand, the other one was covered with bandage and would be for another week).

5… Yoongi felt his heart racing

4… His hands became sweaty

3… His throat was abruptly dried

2… 1… The door remained closed. He knocked again. No answer.

“Jimin?” He screamed. “Jimin? Are you here?”

He knocked again - more strongly - and put his ear on the door to listen if there was any noise inside.

‘He is not here’

So, he sat on the floor, waiting for Jimin to come back. He did not want to call him, he wanted to see him: face-to-face.

To tell him straight in his eyes, how special he was to him. Jimin was the only one who he would not mind losing sleep for, the only one who he could never get tired of talking to, and the only one who crossed his mind constantly throughout the day. He was the only one who could make him smile without trying. Jimin was the one Yoongi was afraid of losing and th