I've fallen short, let myself go and I can't come to it; run fast to get away from this bullsh*t closing in around me...

"Aish!" Yoongi ruffled his hair in frustration as he came to another dead end in his thoughts. 

"Yah! Go somewhere else and have your outbursts, some of us use the night properly...for sleeping," said an annoyed Seokjin. 

Yoongi made a sarcastic noise in the back of his throat, feigning throwing his notepad at his hyung but instead let it fall to the floor next to his bed.   

It was humid and hard to think or sleep or breath or just live really. Yoongi got off his bed and left the room, not bothering to turn off his lamp despite Seokjin's complaints following him. He went to the kitchen and got a bottle off water, which he started to drink as he walked to the lounge room. I wonder... Yoongi looked in the direction of Jimin and Hoseok's room and then to the door. No...he'd be sleeping...right? He sat down on the couch and stared at the dark surroundings but his mind kept wondering to the roof. I must be crazy. 

After 10 minutes of arguing with himself, Yoongi let out a sigh of frustration and again looked towards the door. I am going crazy. He got up and walked to the door, slipped on some shoes, and left the dorm, heading for the staircase that lead to the roof. When he slowly opened the door to the roof, the breeze was warm and the air felt thick. He quietly closed the door behind him, looking around. I am crazy. He was about to leave when he saw a foot belonging to someone who was almost entirely blocked from his view. He slowly edged around, keeping a fair distance until he could see Hoseok looking blankly into the distance. Certain that he had not been seen, Yoongi sat down cross legged on the ground watching the motionless Hoseok. How long since you last slept? 

Yoongi frowned remembering the first and last time they had met on this roof and how Hoseok had been caught unaware by Yoongi waiting there for him. 

"What if I did like you? What would you do then? Would you just avoid me all the time? Treat me like there's something wrong with me? Did you think how that might make me feel?" 

Yoongi had tried really hard to do as he had been told. To forget about it. To not treat Hoseok differently. But he couldn't always help it. He had definitely become more watchful of Hoseok since then. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about the sound of Hoseok's heart when he had "confessed" and again when the other members of BTS had revealed it as a prank. It was enough to make him feel sick. I really did hurt you, Seokseok-ah...I didn't think about you...

Yoongi wanted to help Hoseok, to make him feel better, to let him sleep, to give him the energy that he had been trying so hard to keep up. Yoongi didn't think that the others had really noticed the changes in Hoseok, who was making an admirable effort to act normal. Of course, it was hard for people to not see that Hoseok had been having trouble sleeping; he had to spend longer with the makeup team so that he didn't look so tired performing or going on variety shows. 

Hoseok stirred, yawning and lifting his phone. After a moment he got to his feet and walked to the railing. 

Yoongi remained motionless watching him, head resting in the palm of his hand. He stayed still as Hoseok turned around and walked to the door, right past him, easily missing his hyung in his weariness and the dim light. Yoongi sat for another 10 minutes on the roof before going back in to the dorm. He checked the time. 4:40am... He didn't feel like sleeping; was it too early to be making food? No, he decided. Never too early for food...

***

Yoongi sat in a corner of the BTS at-home practice studio, head leaning against the wall, watching as Hoseok, Jimin, and Jungkook practiced dancing. He didn't like dancing much, nor did he think he was very good at it but he did like watching Hoseok dance and help the others to clean up their routine. He was a hard worker, especially when it came to dancing and Yoongi found him very admirable. 

"From the top...no, wait...that part, just make sure the arms are strong," Hoseok said, demonstrating the move to Jungkook who had been practicing it. "Okay, the top...5, 6, 7, 8!" 

"Hyung, watcha doing?" Namjoon appeared at Yoongi's side, sitting down next to him. "Writing another song?" 

Yoongi sighed. "Joon-ah...what would you do if you thought you hurt someone to make them feel better?" 

Namjoon looked at Yoongi curiously. "Hmmm...I guess...it depends on the person?" he said thoughtfully. "For example, is it a guy or girl?"

"Guy."

"Friend? Family? Acquaintance?"

"Friend." Yoongi realised he had been staring at Hoseok the whole time and quickly looked at Namjoon, hoping that he would not realise and become suspicious. 

Namjoon was looking at the ceiling. "I think I'd just talk to him...try to clear up any misunderstandings...ask if I could help and make sure they know I want to...I guess." Namjoon returned his gaze to Yoongi. "Why? Did you do something? Is it someone I know?" 

"No, no, not me...for a friend," Yoongi said waving his hands, suddenly nervous that his excuse was used too often. "I just wasn't really sure so...yeah." 

Namjoon nodded, seemingly convinced by Yoongi's bluff. "Hoseok looks good." 

Yoongi started, his heart skipping a beat. "What?" 

"He's working really hard. He looks best when he's dancing," Namjoon explained. "I wish I could dance that well." 

"You've got to practice is all." 

Hoseok's comment took both Namjoon and Yoongi by surprise and Yoongi started to worry about how much of their conversation he had heard. 

Namjoon laughed. "Are you eavesdropping on us, Hoseok-ah?" 

Hoseok stopped dancing. "Well, you're not exactly quiet." He grabbed a towel and patted the sweat off his face and neck. He looked at Yoongi who quickly looked away. "Are you writing a song, Yoongi-hyung?" 

Yoongi looked at the notepad in his hand and quickly snapped it shut. "It's no good. It's not ready yet." He got to his feet. "I'm hungry. I'm going to get food." 

When Yoongi left the room, he didn't go to the kitchen, but instead he put on his shoes and left the dorm. He pulled his cap down over his eyes and put on a face mask as he walked to the doors of the building. Anywhere but here...anywhere but here...anywhere but here... He didn't know where he was going; he let his feet lead the way. He didn't know how long he had been walking when he finally slowed to a stop looking around him. 

There were a few shops around, none of which Yoongi recalled seeing before. Where have I taken myself? He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw that there were multiple messages from Namjoon and a missed call. He looked at the time and realised he'd been gone for almost an hour. At that moment his phone started ringing and he automatically picked it up without thinking and was too late realising who it was calling him. 

"Hyung, where are you? You said you were getting food, we thought you meant from the kitchen. Joon-ah is worried." Hoseok's voice was hard to read over the phone. "Hello?" 

"Sorry, I needed to get out for a while, it's too stuffy in there," Yoongi replied.

"It's cooler in here with the air conditioning than it is outside. Where are you?" 

Yoongi began examining his surroundings again and was still at a loss. "I'm...not sure...I was just about to look on my phone map..." He could almost see Hoseok rolling his eyes. 

"You at reading maps. Stay on the phone and tell me where you are."

Yoongi took his phone away from his ear and put it on speaker while he opened his map. He tapped on one of the shops that he recognised next to the little dot that was him and read out the address.

"Aaah hyung, why'd you walk so far? That's ages away." 

Yoongi heard  Hoseok say that he was going out and the sound of a door closing from the phone and took it off speaker, lifting it back to his ear. "You're not planning on coming here, are you?"

"Just start walking back. Tell me every street that you walk down, I'll meet you along the way."

Yoongi listened to the sound of Hoseok walking for a moment before looking around again. "You really don't have to." He started walking the way he at least knew he had come from. "I'd actually rather you didn't."

"Why is that?" 

I cornered myself... He wasn't sure how to answer without giving himself away. I said I'd forget it.

"Hyung...you can't keep this up. Stop spacing out."  It was clear that Hoseok was becoming frustrated. 

"What about you? Are you going to keep letting this go further?" Yoongi said. He was referring to Hoseok's obvious lack of sleep but he didn't specify to see how the comment would be taken.

"I don't know what you mean. I've been perfectly fine." 

"No, Seok-ah, you haven't. You can't lie to me, I've seen how you are, you're not fine." Yoongi stopped unsure of where to go and not wanting to talk anymore. "I'm not going to let you talk to me like I'm doing something wrong when you're just bottling yourself up. I have to look at my map; go back, I'll see you at home. I'm hanging up." He tapped the red button and opened his map back up, setting up the navigation to get back to the dorms. He regretted not having his headphones now that he was more aware of what was happening around him. It wasn't a particularly busy area that he was in but there was a long way to go. 

After about 20 minutes of walking, Yoongi was getting tired and very hungry. He hadn't brought his wallet so he couldn't get food or catch a bus. He sat down on a short garden wall by the side of the walkway and let out a sigh. Why'd I walk so far? He looked again at his map and started to feel deflated. His phone only had 7% battery left so he turned the screen off while he rested. 

He had been sitting for almost 15 minutes when he heard a familiar voice. 

"Yah, hyung!" 

Yoongi wasn't sure how to feel as he looked up to see Hoseok walking towards him. He was getting tired of the way he interacted with Hoseok and he wanted it to be fixed but he hadn't yet thought of a solution. 

"Talk to me, hyung. Why are you like this? How can we make this better?" Hoseok sat down, lowering his face mask. 

Yoongi couldn't help but let out a small laugh as Hoseok put a hand on his shoulder. "That's what I'm supposed to say. I'm the one supposed to be helping you." Hoseok opened his mouth to interject but Yoongi cut him off. "You can't fool me, I've been watching you. It's worrying...when did you last sleep? You're making yourself sick. The others may not notice much but I'm sure no one can miss the fact that you look like the walking dead-let me finish. I don't want you to worry about me because it's me worrying about you that has me like this in the first place. I don't care what you've said, I don't buy it for a second and whatever is wrong, we can fix it. I want to help you fix it."

Hoseok's expression was serious but he didn't respond straight away. "Hyung...it's hard to talk about, you know?"

"I know...I've been there," Yoongi said, nodding. "I'm not saying you have to tell me everything at once...but just try a little and see where it gets you." 

Hoseok hesitated and then got to his feet. "Can we walk?" 

Yoongi stood up and began walking in the direction Hoseok had come from. "How did you find me?" 

"I just set it to navigate to the address you gave me and hoped that the directions you got would show the same route." Hoseok stayed slightly behind Yoongi as they walked. 

Silence fell between them and it was a while before either of them spoke again apart from Hoseok giving a direction. 

"I really did like you." 

Yoongi's steps slowed but he continued walking. "Did?" 

"It didn't feel right but I could't stop myself telling you. I didn't want to say anything." Hoseok's voice was quiet. "It's not natural...maybe it disgusts you...I knew I didn't convince you and so...well I thought that's why you've been avoiding me." 

Yoongi stopped and spun around. "No...Seok-ah...no, that's...I felt guilty. I didn't want to hurt you more if I had read it right and I thought that being around me might be a burden to you." He silently cursed himself for not thinking things through properly, yet again. "I do want to help you...I don't know if I can return your feelings but...If there's anything else I can do to help you, I want you to tell me. Is this the only reason you haven't been sleeping?" 

Hoseok shook his head. "It's everything. It's too much. I don't feel like I can't express myself properly because it's not my concept...my concept is the happy, bubbly, dance leader of Bangtang who's always being silly...good at talking to people...that sort of thing. Anxiety...depression... exhaustion...insomnia...they don't fit my concept well." 

Yoongi felt a pain in his chest watching Hoseok struggle to say the things he was...watching him blink furiously to suppress the tears that were forming in his eyes. "Hoseok-ah...if it's the fans you're worried about, I'm sure they would understand. We are only human after all...we aren't robots. There's a lot of pressure on us so it's easy to fall into this way of thinking." He paused as Hoseok looked to the ground. "It's okay. Don't hold it in any more, you can talk to me and I will listen. Your health is more important than what people think of you, do you understand?" 

Hoseok nodded and a tear fell to the pavement. He hastily lifted a hand to wipe his eyes but Yoongi caught a hold of his wrist. Their eyes met as Hoseok looked up and he resisted for a moment as Yoongi he pulled him into a hug. "Hyung...there's people..."

Am I making things worse by doing this? Yoongi had not been this close to Hoseok since that night and he thought it was nice to hug him again. "Forget about the other people for a moment." 

"Hyung...this doesn't seem right," Hoseok said pulling away and Yoongi released him. "We should keep walking." 

What am I thinking...I must be crazy. Hoseok had started walking before Yoongi could think of anything to say. I don't want him to like me more...I shouldn't do anything that might lead him on. An image of Hoseok calling his name and throwing his arms around him as he arrived home popped into Yoongi's mind and he felt his face grow hot. He shivered and shook his head. No...stop it...I shouldn't lead him on.

***

"Yoongi-hyung! Where'd you go?" Jimin had been sitting on the couch and got up rather abruptly. "You said you were getting food but you didn't even take any money." 

"I forgot," Yoongi shrugged. 

"For 2 hours?" Seokjin chimed in, a look of disbelief set on his face. 

"I'm having a writing block, I can't think. I needed to get out for a bit." Yoongi thought this to be a much more believable statement and wished he had said it to begin with.

"So why didn't you say that to begin with?" Jimin huffed, falling back onto the lounge. 

Yoongi shrugged again. "I'm going to make food." Walking into the kitchen, he retrieved kimchi, spring onions, gochujung, and minced beef from the fridge. 

"Kimchi fried rice? Can I have some?" Hoseok was leaning on the bench watching as Yoongi grabbed a knife.

"Okay but you can cut the kimchi..." Yoongi paused thinking of Hoseok's love for the pickled cabbage. "On second thought, you can crush the garlic." 

Hoseok came to Yoongi's side grabbing another knife and cutting board as Yoongi pushed a few cloves of garlic towards him. 

Yoongi started slicing the spring onions and then put them to the side. He opened the jar of kimchi and pulled some out, which he cut into bite sized pieces. Next he heated some vegetable oil in the wok and added the meat, adding the garlic and kimchi when it was cooked. 

Hoseok watched intently, taking a deep breath. "Smells so good. I'm so hungry after all that walking." 

A smile crept onto Yoongi's lips as he continued adding the ingredients and mixing them. It wasn't long before the food was cooked and he was spooning it into bowls, topping it with sesame seeds, spring onions, and roasted seaweed. 

"Delicious!" Hoseok said making noises of enjoyment as he had a mouthful. 

"Whaaaaa? I hope there's some left for me," Taehyung said as Yoongi and Hoseok entered the main room with their food. 

Hoseok shook his head. "We are eating aaaalll of it." 

Taehyung's jaw dropped. "You're so mean. Yoongi-hyung, why do you make kimchi fried rice for Hoseok-ah and not for me??" 

"Seok-ah came and found me. He saved me, my phone battery was getting really low, I could've got lost forever." 

Everyone laughed at this response. 

"I can actually imagine it," Namjoon said grinning. "Yoongi-hyung wondering around the city, avoiding the people so no one would recognise him, too stubborn to ask for directions...sleeping in a cardboard box in the rain." 

"Yah...I'm not that stubborn," Yoongi protested as everyone burst into laughter again. "I treasure this face too much to risk being out in the rain at night on my own." That's a relief. His eyes had glanced over Hoseok who was laughing and looked genuinely happy for the first time in over two months. There is hope after all.

****

I hope you liked reading the second part of this story. Let me know your thoughts...I may make changes to it but who knows. I'm never 100% happy with my work. There will be a part 3 but I'm not sure when as I'm getting busy finishing up stuff until mid December. 

Thank you for reading!

Peace out, munchkins! ❤️