Fun Fact: The only reason I wrote Tzuyu out was because I felt I was focusing on her too much.

This chapter started to get longer and darker so I didn’t do all the Beijing stuff, I want to keep things light hearted from now so this will be the last angst chapter.

Beijing (Satzu)

Silence.

The two of them sat in silence in what had once been their living room. The only noises drifting in from the party still raging outside. Tzuyu was sat on the couch playing with her fingers, they itched to reach up and touch her bruised face but she didn’t. She agreed she deserved it, the way Tzuyu had tried to deal with things deserved some form of consequence. Sana stood by the armchair watching her, no expression on the usually joy filled face. There was a lot to say, that was for sure. Being away had given Tzuyu time to sort herself out, to fix the problems she had been facing. Problems she probably should have told Sana but didn’t want to burden her with. Sana just watched her, cursing internally at the flutter in her chest whenever they accidentally locked eyes. It would be a lie to say that Sana hadn’t missed her, it would be a bigger lie to say Sana didn’t still love her - no matter how hard she tried not to.

So this was Tzuyu’s chance, her chance to tell her EVERYTHING and maybe, just maybe, they could either start over or continue as friends.

“A year.” Sana finally spoke up, “You were gone for a year.”

“That wasn’t the intention.”

“Oh, so you accidentally got lost?” Sana snapped,

“I was told it’d only be for two months,” Tzuyu explained, “Then two became six and six became nine, I couldn’t just leave.”

“You could’ve called.”

“I was undercover I couldn’t have any connections with the outside world, I only managed to get those letters to Elkie by pure luck.”

“Was I even a thought?” Sana asked,

Tzuyu stared at her a moment before pulling one of her bags over and routing through it. Sana watched her, curious as to why her question had gone unanswered. Eventually the younger girl found what she was searching for and produced  note book. She held it out to Sana who hesitated before taking it. Most of the pages were filled and Sana soon came to realise that they were unfinished letters to her. Most were two lines long and crossed out, some were pages and pages of her apologising but all were definitely unfinished.

“I didn’t know what to say,” Tzuyu sighed, “I had ed everything up so badly that I just…I thought if I found a way to get them to you, you would have someone else. I didn’t want to make things any harder than they already had been.”

“Any harder!? Do you know what it’s like to not know where the person you love is? To know that they could be hurt somewhere and the only way you would find out is when the police knock on your door to tell you she’s dead. Do you know how it feels to not even know whether the person your waiting for even loves you?”

“Of course I love you!”

“HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU WEREN’T HERE!?”

Tzuyu looked down, she’d really messed up here.

“I guess I hoped you’d trust me.” Tzuyu whispered,

“You don’t trust me.” Sana pointed out,

Okay…now Tzuyu was angry.

“I did trust you!” She snapped back, standing, “When you made out with that girl in the bar I trusted you when you said it was a mistake. When you said you had nothing else to tell me in the police station I trusted you. All those times you told me nothing was happening between you and Dahyun I trusted you. When I found out you were lying to me it ing hurt Sana, I’ve been shot and it hurt less than how I felt that night. What do you want me to say!? I’m sorry for overreacting? I wasn’t even mad you did it, I was mad you didn’t tell me. It made the whole thing sound more sordid than it was.”

Sana’s gaze softened, only slightly but Sana could allow that she understood where Tzuyu’s anger had come from.

“But was still enough of a reason for you to just leave.”

“No it wasn’t,” Tzuyu conceded, “But I wasn’t well, Sana.”

“What do you mean?”

*Six Months Before Break-Up*

“Dammit!” Tzuyu cursed from the bathroom,

“You okay babe?” Sana asked poking her head round,

Tzuyu turned and smiled at her, “Yeah, just forgot to get my meds refilled. I’ll have to go tomorrow.”

Sana frowned, stepping in and hugging Tzuyu’ s back, “It’s Sunday tomorrow, the pharmacy wont be open.”

Tzuyu closed the medicine cabinet and leant back into Sana’s embrace, placing her hands over the ones resting on her stomach, “I’ll go Monday then.”

Sana studied her a moment, “Will you be okay till then?”

“Yeah,” Tzuyu shrugged turning to embrace her face to face, “I’ve been on them a while, I doubt I even need them any more.”

“Well,” Sana booped her nose, “That’s for the doctor to tell you.”

Tzuyu was alright for the night, as she expected. She slept like normal, her apatite was normal, she was normal. On Sunday night she was laying in bed with Sana asleep on her chest, she was thinking over this idea of being on medication for the rest of her life and (as it often did when drugs were the subject of conversation) her thoughts drifted to her brother. Her brother had been an addict for a long time, only recently giving it all up for good. Tzuyu had always been nervous about whether or not she’d fall into the same category. For him it started with a car crash, he injured his leg and had to be prescribed pain killers. He got addicted to those first and they led on to other, much more serious drugs which nearly cost him everything.

Tzuyu didn’t want to rely on pills for that reason.

She didn’t want to make her brothers mistakes.

In hindsight she is an idiot for coming off of her pills without telling anyone and Tzuyu would be the first to admit that but then, for her, she felt like it was the right decision. She’d seen her brother fall through this dark hole for medication that was meant to make him better - but it only made him worse in the long run and Tzuyu didn’t want that. She couldn’t tell Sana….

Because she was scared.

That’s right Chou Tzuyu couldn’t tell her girlfriend about a decision she made regarding her mental health because she was a coward. Of what, she didn’t know. But she was afraid. So the first week she was the same, until she wasn’t. The insomnia began coming back, the anxiety, the nightmares. The problem is when it gets bad, the sufferer can’t always see it. Tzuyu couldn’t see how bad things were and Sana just…didn’t notice. Then one afternoon Tzuyu found herself hyperventilating at work, prompting Elkie to try and get into contact with Sana.

Who was out shopping for rings with Dahyun at the time but all Tzuyu knew at that point was that Sana and Dahyun were having a girls day.

And Tzuyu trusted her.

Elkie made Tzuyu swear she would talk to Sana and let her know that she had a break down. So when Sana finally came home she asked if she could talk to her.

“Sorry babe,” Sana frowned kissing her cheek, “I promised Eunha I’d go out with the girls tonight, I’m already late!”

**End**

“I really did that?” Sana felt bad, “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“You idiot!” Sana remembered all of what Tzuyu had said, “Why the hell would you come off your medication!?”

“I didn’t want to be like Kang.”