This was it. I was finally here, after so many years dreaming, so many years crying, so many years loving him, loving them. I was here, it was almost to good to be true. Almost, but I knew it was real. How could it not be? I’d camped in front of my laptop for hours waiting for the tickets to go on sale, waiting for the half a second clicking of a button or two hoping like mad I’d be able to purchase tickets before they sold out or the damn site crashed. I sat there ready, waiting, and then I waited more in a sense of disbelief as I got a conformation email with the digital code for the tickets I had bought. I sat in disbelief for weeks waiting for the day, the day I’d see him, the day I’d see them all. I was in a state of shock and disbelief until I looked up, completely still, too still for the hurricane of emotions battling it out inside me, and I saw them grace the stage, from a rising platform, as still as I was in a sea of screaming, crying, moving fans, and then I lost myself in the gaze of a man I felt I’d waited a lifetime to see. I still couldn’t move as he nodded his head then to the music as it started, I watched his eyes droop as he slowly closed them to feel more than hear, to be in the music, to be part of it, and I found myself doing the same. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t move, in this mass of people all I could do was feel them, feel him, in this place of bliss beyond listening, something taking over all senses, surpassing every feeling I thought I knew bringing something new, something so undeniably right here. I felt, though surrounded by thousands of fans, in this state only with them, in their minds, their worries, their pain, their strength, I felt like one of them. I felt no longer alone.

This was it. I was finally here, after so many years dreaming, so many years of pain and work and more work I was here. I was here, it was almost to good to be true. Almost, but I knew it was real. How could it not be? I’d practiced for years, my blood, sweat and tears seemed almost caked onto my person at this point. I’d spent so long hoping for a success that always seemed to evade my grasp, I tried so hard to be the best I could be, struggled so long over if what I chose was even right. Now every night I feel like I stand in disbelief, in shock that I’ve made it as far as I have, that we have made it this far, together. As I rushed to my spot on the podium just before it lifted this hit me, just how far we’d come, and I was in a state of shock and disbelief until I looked out, completely still, too still for the hurricane of emotions battling inside me, and I saw her in a sea of screaming, crying, moving fans, her attention focused on me with eyes full of emotion I’d never be able to decipher, no matter how I tried. I watched her until the music hit me, I lost myself there in the music in seconds, I don’t remember when my eyes closed and I went to the place I reserved for these moments. I couldn’t talk, not yet, couldn’t move, I felt myself here, and I realized I felt her too, she was there, in my mind, in my worries, my pain, my strength, she was with us all. I felt a missing piece click, I felt no longer alone.