He stares unblinking at his reflection. His eyes tracing over himself from top to bottom. He lingers on the wrinkled eyebrows, how they furrow together expressing emotion. Then it’s the hair on his head and how it falls across his forehead, short and just brushing his brows.  His lips are tugged into a frown as he watches himself bring up one hand to run his fingertips through the dark strands of hair.

His shirt is tucked into pale grey trousers, and his matching tie is knotted perfectly. His hair is ruffled from him running his fingers through it far too many times. It’s been two weeks, he should be used to the image in front of him and yet he’s not.

He tilts his head and turns his face towards his bedroom window with a stiff smile. Jongin’s not there, not that Sehun expected him to be. They’re not in the same class, not that Sehun expected that either. A week into his new school and Sehun doesn’t really expect much these days. He’s just counting down the weeks until he’ll be able to graduate.

“Sehun,” his aunt calls for him when he finally makes it down the stairs of the home, schoolbag slung across one shoulder. He looks first towards the exit. He’s not too far and he can always pretend he hadn’t heard her, but she calls again, and with a sigh he follows her voice.

Song Hyemi, the youngest sister of his mother, is leaning against the kitchen counter, dressed in a white cardigan and with a class of water in her hand. As he approaches her, she doesn’t look at his face, instead, her eyes are on his hair. He doesn’t think she’s ever looked anywhere but his hair since his arrival. It made sense when his hair was dyed a stark notice-me blond, and neither of them could make eye contact with the other. Now that he’s back to black and he’s gotten used to her knowing, it just makes him sick.

“Jongin’s waiting for me,” he mutters, fingers clenching around thin air as he tries his hardest not to bury them in the pockets of his uniform slacks. She startles at that, eyes flickering briefly to his before looking beyond his shoulder.

“I just wanted to know how you were settling in,” she states stiffly. When she speaks to him, which isn’t often, it’s always in the same uncomfortable manner. He knows she loves him in that way she feels obligated to with him being her eldest sister’s only son, but she can hardly tolerate him, can hardly stand to be around him. He’s not sure he blames her for it either.

“I’m adjusting,” he answers. He looks away as he answers, if she doesn’t want to look at him, then he shouldn’t have to look at her.

“That’s good,” she says, spitting out the word like it was caught in . “You don’t have much time left, so just… try to… lie low?” She poses it as a question as if she’s unsure of rather that’s what she means or not. She means try to be normal, try to fit in and not stand out, try not to be himself.

He nods and makes to leave, but she calls out for him in protest. “Yes,” he asks, turning back to her.

 “Be careful with that Kim boy,” She adds, she looks at him this time to get her point across. He hates her a little more for it.

“I will,” he promises, his stomach lurching and his heart picking up its pace. He feels ashamed and disgusted and he wishes it was all because of her but it’s not. He’s already told himself that he’d be careful around Jongin, not because of her or anyone else in his family, but because he knows how it’ll be if he isn’t and he’s smarter now.

The gate squeaks as he pushes it open, his eyes immediately going to the shared bench in front of the two homes. Jongin is leaning back, head tilted up to look at Sehun, dark eyes narrowed, and full lips pursed into his signature pout.

“What took you so long,” he whines.

“My aunt wanted to know how I was adjusting,” Sehun says, watching Jongin stand and stretch.

“That’s nice,” Jongin replies. HIs words are slow as if he‘s unsure of what to say exactly. Sehun grins at that, pushing into Jongin‘s side as they walk together. Jongin frowns and pushes back, making Sehun laugh out loud. “How are you?”

“How am I, what,” Sehun asks. He knows what Jongin‘s trying to ask him, but he likes teasing him too much. He gets flustered like he‘s never talked to a person before.

“Adjusting,” Jongin clarifies with a grin. He looks away suddenly, pocketing his hands in his trousers as a flush overtakes him. “Do you like it here?”

“No,” Sehun says, biting down hard on his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling; “but, the people aren‘t so bad.”

“We’re the greatest people you’ll ever meet,” Jongin retorts. Sehun finally smiles as he looks over to his friend. Jongin is still a little flushed, but he meets Sehun‘s eyes with a matching grin.

“That’s a bold claim,” he teases.

On the first day of school, when Sehun was still reeling from being new and not having Jongin in his class, he‘d stepped into class and a girl in the middle row with long brown hair and a grin on her lips had volunteered the seat beside her. He’d learned that the girl was Jung Soojung, one of Jongin‘s oldest friends.

They get along well. Soojung has a dry wit that reminds him of home and better days. By the end of their first week his class thinks they’re dating. It doesn‘t bother him, and if it bothers Soojung, she doesn‘t say.

“What‘s wrong,” Soojung asks him as soon as he takes a seat. Her desk is covered in papers and textbooks, but the wide-eyed look of concern is hard to miss.

“Why do you think something‘s wrong,” he asks her instead of answering.

“I don’t know,’ she replies with a shrug, “call it intuition.”

“I,” he begins and pauses, attempting to think over his words. “I‘ve started to wonder if I really like living here.”

“Do you,” she asks. Her eyes are full of intensity when she asks, and her lips have tugged into a tiny frown. Even though they‘ve just met, Sehun doesn‘t feel comfortable lying to her, and he thinks she knows that.

“Yes,” he answers, meeting Soojung’s eyes. She’s quiet, her gaze lingering on him, doing what she can to read him.

“But,” she presses after a moment.

“But, I don’t know. I... really don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.”

Her frown deepens as she nods. “I get it.” She says it so softly, it’s almost like a whisper and for whatever reason Sehun believes she really does, even if he hardly gets it himself.

They eat lunch on the back steps of the school. It’s still warm out and the back stairs provide shade away from the heat of the sun.

Soojung is holding Jinri’s hand, grounding her, as the girl gets more and more passionate in her debate with Sehun.

“I’m just saying,” Sehun says, a grin on his lips as he speaks. “The lead and I’m better looking than he is.”

“That” Jinri begins, the fight fizzing out of her at Sehun’s unexpected brag, “is probably true.”

They all laugh at that, Soojung throws her head back while her free hand covers her smile. Even Jongin, despite having stopped paying attention to them when they stumbled on the topic of the show, is laughing loud.

“What do you think, Jongin,” Sehun asks.

Jongin blinks slow, looking up at Sehun with the look that Sehun has begun to associate with confusion. “About your looks?”

“Don’t bother, Sehun,” Jinri speaks up, laughing at Jongin. “He’s an otaku. He doesn’t care about shows like that.”

“I am not,” Jongin cries out, glaring at his short-haired friend.

“Yes, you are,” she retorts with an eye roll. She turns towards Sehun and says, “unless it’s anime, video games, or strange Youtube videos, he doesn’t care.”

“That’s a lie,” Jongin accuses, “and, the YouTube videos I watch are not strange.

“Yes, they are,” Soojung chimes in, grinning. “We both watch them.” The look of utter betrayal Jongin sends her way has Sehun crackling with laughter.

They stay there until the last few minutes of their break, calmer now. Jinri and Soojung whisper to each other, heads close together and still holding hands. Jongin is back to paying attention to his phone, playing a mobile game he’d downloaded a few days ago. Sehun sits beside Jongin, one earphone in ear playing a song he’s not paying attention to, and unable to stop himself from feeling pensive.

 It’s been nice being with them. He still feels like an outsider, like a puzzle piece that just barely fits, but they don’t treat him that way. On his first day Soojung had turned towards him, a grin on her lips and said, “Come on,” and he did. He followed her through the halls to the back exit, and when she’d open the doors, Jongin and Jinri were already there.

“We would have been here sooner,” she had said, tucking her skirt underneath her as she took a seat, “but Sehun here, is already popular.” It had been his first time seeing Jinri, but her eyes were bright and her lips were parted in such a wide grin that it felt more like meeting an old friend than making a new one.

When the weather is warm and nice they sit on the back steps of the school, and Sehun can’t wait to see what they do when it’s cool out. Do they have a room tucked hidden away within the school; a room that everyone is where the three of them spend the few minutes of their lunch in? More importantly, will Sehun be around long enough to see it?

******

“Jongin,” Sehun calls out from his place on Jongin’s living room, his calculus left unattended as he browses through his phone.

“What,” Jongin asks. He sounds frustrated and Sehun knows it’s because of his Chemistry homework.

“Let’s go on another adventure.”

“No,” Jongin says, turning back to his homework. Sehun sits up at that, taking the book from him and glaring at his friend.

“Come on,” he presses. “You’ll like it. Didn’t you like it when we went to the sea?”

“What’s it this time,” Jongin asks with a resigned sigh. He glares when he reaches for his textbook and Sehun pulls it further out of his reach.

“Let’s go to Seoul,” Sehun says. “Tomorrow. We can take the bus, it’s only like 30 minutes.”

“What’s in Seoul,” Jongin asks with a groan. Sehun can only look at him at first, a spark of amusement running through him. He wants to tease Jongin, remind him that Sehun hails from Seoul, a large metropolis with tons of things to see and do.

“That indie group I like will be performing at his popular club,” Sehun explains. “I really want to see them.”

“If it’s at a club, will they allow us in,” Jongin asks with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s more like a music venue then a dance club,” Sehun answers, handing Jongin his textbook. “We’ll be fine, unless you’re planning to buy drinks.”

Jongin frowns as he thinks it over. The pair of them can both be lazy, and with the drop in temperature they were both prone to staying indoors where it was warm.

“Fine,” Jongin groans out, burying his face in the cushions of his sofa.

The bus ride is actually forty-five minutes long and Sehun gives Jongin the window seat to appease him. They have to take a second bus into the part of the city they need to be and that’s an added thirty minutes because of the early Saturday traffic.

“It’s cold,” Jongin whines press close to Sehun, hands buried deep into the pockets of his heavy parka. It’s October now and Sehun’s last memory of Seoul was warm hot humidity, and shameful bitterness. It’s cooler now, the tall buildings further blocking out the sun, basking them in a shadow that chills them even more than the chilly wind.

"Let's eat here," Sehun says, stopping in front of a fast food place. Jongin perks up immediately at the suggestion. The pair of them had only had a few snacks between the bus ride into the city and the bus ride to their location.

"Hyung and Baekhyun live nearby," Jongin states after he's eaten half the food set on their table, and he's no longer cold.

"Do they," Sehun asks, gazing out of the storefront's window. "Kyungsoo drives right?"

"Yeah," Jongin nods. "Living in Seoul is expensive."

"And not that great either," Sehun adds. They finish the rest of their meal in a peaceful silence. When he's not staring at Jongin, he's throwing glances towards the window, taking in the sights, and the people. Seoul doesn't look any different than it looked in late June, and yet it feels different.

Jongin catches him in the act at one point. Sehun's watching silently as three kids no older than 12 tread down the street in warm coats, talking animatedly only to turn back and meet Jongin's eyes.

Jongin always complains about the looks Sehun gives him. He says that Sehun makes him feel like an idiot, but he doesn't have a clue how flustered Sehun gets when he catches Jongin staring. His eyes are the deepest brown Sehun has ever seen, and when he stares the way he sometimes do, they seem almost onyx. Jongin stares like he's trying to see into your very soul, and for a boy like Sehun with deep dark secrets, it always makes him feel as if he's only moments away from being exposed.

"You miss it, don't you," he asks, eyes still intense and on Sehun as if he's daring him to lie.

"Miss what," Sehun asks, reaching for the Cola on his table to avoid Jongin's eyes.

"Seoul."

He pauses, drink lifted halfway in the air. He places the glass down and frowns. That's the thing isn't it? When he'd first gotten off the bus at the terminal he'd felt at home. He could taste Seoul, could smell and feel the difference in the air, but now he didn't feel quite right. He felt like he'd been away for years rather than months, the city felt different to him in a way that he couldn't quite grasp.

" I don't know," he finally says. "I miss this," he gestures vaguely around the shop. "But, I don't really miss anything else."

Jongin doesn't press for more information, which Sehun is glad for. Jongin never presses for more information, not about his parents, not about his old life. Sometimes like now he'll ask a question, but he never demands an answer or for Sehun to explain himself.

******

“Would you rather...” Jongin begins before pausing and frowning. “I can’t think of anything.”

They’re sitting on the left side of the stage, underneath the upper floor balcony, waiting for the show to start. Sehun’s eyes aren’t on Jongin. At first he’d let his gaze sweep the room, an old habit of his from before. Now his eyes are on the location beyond Jongin’s right shoulder.

“Really,” he asks, teasing. “I can go again.”

“No,” Jongin says glaring at him. “Would you rather lose all progress on every game or... only play one game for for the rest of your life?”

Sehun looks towards him, and ignores the sudden desire to smile at Jongin’s smug expression and instead frowns as if he’s in deep thought. “Which game?”

“Which ever one you the most at,” Jongin replies.

“I don’t think losing my progress would be too bad,” Sehun says after a moment.

They remain in their seats when the show starts. The main level is filled with tables even though a small group of people have gathered close to the stage. Jongin has his phone out, taking as many pictures and videos as he can in the dim light, while Sehun finds himself paying little attention the show. His mind and his eyes continuous sway to that spot beyond Jongin’s right shoulder and the person lingering there.

“That was fun,” Jongin says an hour and a half later. His lips are forming a wide grin, and his eyes are shining in the soft light with indescribable joy. “Seriously! I didn’t think it’d be this much fun.”

“You should listen to me more often,” Sehun teases. “I obviously know what you like.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jongin says rolling his eyes. “I’m going to head to the bathroom.”

“Ok,” Sehun mutters, tapping his fingers on the table. “I’ll meet you outside.”

He takes his time leaving his seat, instead watching Jongin leave out of the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t hear the sound of the chair Jongin was in scraping against the floor, but he does the sudden presence that occupies it.

“Where have you been, Oh Sehun,” he hears as soon as he looks up and meets the eyes of the boy before him.

“Around,” he answers, the music is low and his voice is only slightly louder than it. Light brown eyes narrow at the statement, the deep dark black eyebrows above them furrow together.

“Is that so,” the person across from him asks, sitting back in his chair with that easy easy confidence Sehun always hated. His eyes trail along the direction Jongin went before focusing back on Sehun. “I heard some interesting rumors about you. Didn’t believe it at first, but then you stopped going to school and now... Well, when I really think about it, I guess it all makes sense.”

“Really,” Sehun asks. He keeps his expression as blank as he can, raising an eyebrow in mock question.

“I’ll admit that it was a bit of relief when you, not having to reject you and everything. Sehun, you’re my friend and I just don’t see you that way.”

It stings but it doesn’t hurt, not the way it would have a few years ago.

“Funny,” Sehun says even though they both know that there is absolutely nothing funny about this interaction. “I had something similar planned to say to you before I knew I wasn’t coming back. How did it go again?” He pauses, feigning thoughtfulness as he fights to ignore the annoyance swelling inside of him.

"Ah, that's right. You're a leech and too self-obsessed, I don't think we can be friends any longer. Guess it would have made that rejection of yours pretty awkward." He stands and leaves, his coat hanging off one arm.

The temperature outside has dropped even further, but it feels nice on his warm skin. He leans against the side of the building with closed eyes and breathes in a deep necessary breath. It could have gone worse, so much worse. Jongin could have overheard and then he'd be walking out friendless and with no dignity.

He feels another presence beside him and Sehun wants to lash out and fall to his knees all at once. He opens his eyes, ready to meet another person from his past, only to catch Jongin's eyes narrowed into concern and his lips pulled into another frown.

"You frown too much," Sehun states. Jongin is already wearing his coat and Sehun begins to put his own on.

"You okay," Jongin asks him, eyes still filled with concern as he follows every second of Sehun's movement.

"Fine," Sehun replies. "I was feeling overheated inside." It's not a complete lie, but Jongin doesn't look as if he buys it either way.

"There were a lot of people inside," Jongin mutters.

When Sehun takes his first step away from the building, Jongin presses close once more as if afraid of the cold Seoul air. "It's my turn remember," Sehun says, leading Jongin to the nearest bus stop.

Jongin doesn't frown this time, but he does glare and pushes even closer to Sehun.

"Would you rather run through the neighborhood on a cold night or have a spider crawl over your face." The look of outrage and disgust Jongin throws his way as Sehun biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"You're evil," Jongin says. "I thought Jinri and Soojung could be evil, but they're angels next to you."

"Answer the question," Sehun says instead, grinning wide as he looks at his friend.

"How cold," Jongin asks after a moment's hesitation. Sehun stops into the middle of the street and turns into Jongin, laughing out loud into the boy's shoulder.

"-12 degrees, he says between the chuckles.

"I'll get hypothermia and die," Jongin whines loudly, pushing at Sehun but never hard enough to push him away.

"Between how hard you'll blush and how fast you'll run, I'm sure you won't even feel the cold," Sehun adds. They've started walking again. It's a slow gait up the street as they try to stay in sync and as close as possible.

"I'd rather run," Jongin says at last, unable to complete the full statement, "But it would need to be completely dark and everyone would need to be asleep."

Sorry this took so long!