Warnings: mentions of death; please do not read if you are uncomfortable.

Insp: listen to this first, then this (listen to the Ghost of You track in the album for the 2nd link!)

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No matter how many times he relives it, Jae will never get used to this.

The sharp beep of the alarm clock disrupts the peaceful morning atmosphere and pierces through his eardrums. When the alarm keeps ringing, it starts to give Jae a throbbing headache – like the incessant beating of the pedal against a bass drum. Despite his apparent discomfort, he continues to sleep it off, confident that you will wake him up in due time once the alarm has stopped ringing.

You always do – and today will not be any different.

Jae starts the countdown that he has memorised by heart.

“5…4…3…2…1.”

The beeping stops as soon as the words leave his pouty lips, the sound fading away. The soft chirps of the birds through the window sound crisp to his ears; so Jae relishes in the feeling and sinks further into dreamland. It feels like lying on top of a cotton candy cloud; so sweet that he does not ever want to leave.

But an all too familiar voice calls out to him; yours, actually.

Jae, it’s time to wake up.

“5 more minutes sweetheart…”

Baby, you’re going to be late for work. You have to get up now.

“I don’t want to…”

He hears you sigh behind him, and the slight shift in the air tells him that you’re about send a retort his way.

Acting instinctively, Jae turns around one hundred and eighty degrees so that he’s now facing you, and throws an arm over to pull you close so that you’ll stop bugging him to wake up.

But his hands find nothing instead, and the harsh contact of his wrist and the bed springs sent his hand recoiling back, the sharp pang of pain jolting him awake.

His eyes fly open, and instead of finding your face staring back at him, all he sees is the empty side of your bed, the sheets pressed so neatly that not a single crease could be seen.

It’s like you weren’t home last night – and that could not have been closer to the truth.

She's gone. She's gone.

Not wanting to believe that you were no longer in his life, Jae tries to convince himself that you were still here. Slowly, he lowers his hand onto your side of the bed, eyes trained on the spot where his hand usually comes into contact with your waist. He could still see your sleeping form clearly in his mind; the way you would always inhale through your nose but exhale through your mouth with a little puff of air, the way you'd unconsciously frown in your sleep and how he would always use his thumb to smooth over your wrinkles so that you'll relax. Somehow, your pyjamas were always a size too small so in the middle of the night, through all that tossing and turning, your shirt would always ride up a little, exposing a small strip of skin. Jae always loved holding onto that part when you two of you cuddled. He relished in the feeling of your skin against the palm of his hand; the warmth telling him that you're present and alive.

He lets his hand hover over the bed sheets slightly, clearly hesitating. He's afraid to put it down, terrified of the realisation that comes with that one, simple action of his.

Before he loses his resolve, Jae slams his hand onto the blankets – and it feels like hitting a brick wall.

Cold, hard and painful.

It was all the things that you weren't, and it further cements the reality that you're no longer there. He runs his hands over the sheets,

once,

twice,

thrice.

No matter how many times he does it, Jae cannot feel the residual warmth that you leave behind. But that wasn't the worst part; the worst is the knowledge that what he does will never bring back the warmth that you brought to the bed that both of you used to share. Even though you were no longer physically there, somewhere in his mind, Jae pictures your self hovering over him, yanking the blankets away from him and throwing open the windows to let the sun in. When you do that, he knows that his time for lazing around has officially ended, so Jae pushes himself to sit up on the bed, the act causing him to lose consciousness for a moment.

When his vision restores, amongst the clutter in the room, Jae somehow manages to focus on the one thing that reminds him of you.

That one chicken cup placed on top of the coffee table.

Jae smiles slightly at the memory of how you got it, the corners of his lips lifting ever so slightly as he pictures your smiling face when you presented it to him.

Both of you had decided to exchange wedding gifts, and you seemed to be very proud of your choice. You hid it behind your back all the way, refusing to let him see it until he closed his eyes in order to surprised him.

"Ah...wae...! Can't you just show it to me now?"

"No! It has to be a surprise and in order for it to BE a surprise, you have to close your eyes Jae!"

"I refuse to! I don't want to close my eyes!"

"I really don't remember agreeing to marry a baby; please don't let me question my life decisions."

"Wow. If you say it like that how am I supposed to win?"

"You don't."

You then flashed him your sweetest smile and Jae finally relented and closed his eyes, albeit begrudgingly.

Inching your face closer to his, you made sure that he wasn't peeking through his lashes before slowly, bringing the cups from behind your back and placing them gently in his outstretched hands. The cool sensation of the ceramic cups against this skin caused his eyes to fly open and the moment he saw the printings, he burst out laughing, using the back of his hands to cover his mouth. He continued laughing for the next 5 minutes, completely unable to stop his laughter at all. Between hiccups of laughter and gulps of air, Jae managed to croak out a sentence.

"So this...HAHAHA...was your...oh sweetheart help me I can't stop laughing...idea of a surprise?"

"Why... is it not good?"

One look at your crestfallen face and pouty lips was enough to make Jae stop laughing and start to take the cups seriously. It was obvious that you had gone to great lengths to have the cups custom-made; Jae was convinced that no one would ever mass produce cups of this design. Right below the Mr and Mrs print were the Chicken Little designs and you even had the original, male version of Chicken Little edited to look like what the female version of Chicken Little would. It was undeniably cute, Jae would certainly admit that but the most endearing part was the childlike excitement that you had while presenting it to him. Wanting to see the same light in your eyes, Jae knew just the thing to do to cheer you up.

"Thank you, sweetheart. It's is the best wedding gift ever."

"Well, you're only going to get one in your entire life so of course it has to be the best."

"You're so smart...what do I do with you?"

You finally cracked a smile and cupping your face gently with both hands, Jae pulled you in before giving a long, sweet kiss.

-

Years have passed since that incident, but Jae still remembers it as though it happened yesterday. Turning the cup around in his hands, he finds your usual lipstick stain on the rim of the cup. It was fading with time and he knew it wouldn't be long before it would completely disappear. The colour was now faint but Jae could still make it out - it was the peach coloured one that he loved. Your lips always looked so irresistible in that shade and Jae always had to steal a kiss or two. Over the years, he has lost count of the number of times he's kissed those soft lips; there were the short pecks that he'll steal from you on the train, then there were also the sweet ones spent savouring your lips and last but not least, the deep ones where he took his time exploring your mouth and his hands roamed all over.

But all it took was a split second for those happy memories to be shattered and replaced with jarring images; suddenly all he could see was your pale chapped lips and...blood. Lots of it. It was flowing and flowing and Jae didn't know what to do. Placing the cup down with shaky hands, Jae repeat