When it first happened, you were beaten to the floor by the extreme pain. You could feel yourself gasping for breath, but no oxygen was circulating around your body. You remember the room shifting in and out of focus, watching as the expression on your classmates change to horror, concern and disbelief. The thundering of the footsteps sounded muffled, almost as though you were submerged deep down within the ocean, the pressure blocking out every sound. But nothing could compare to the piercing pain coming from your chest: it felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing your heart – each pierce through your heart more painful than the next. You squeezed hard onto the area outside your heart – you wanted to rip your heart out just so that you could be free from the pain. Then all at once, your world faded into blackness – and you could feel nothing at all.

When you finally came round, you noticed the immediate difference. It was much harder to breathe and speak, your breath came out in short wheezes and your speech was much softer and less sustained. However, that was not the oddest thing to you – it was your mother. Clutching onto your hand tightly, all she could tell was that everything would be alright but the truth did not escape your eyes – she had been crying. Being the strong fort that he was, your father explained everything calmly to you. He explained what happened, about how you could no longer do sports, about how you’ll have to be careful from now on.

About how you have a heart disease.

At that moment, it seems as though your entire world had shifted. The ground-breaking revelation slammed into your being like a truck and slowly a list of all the things you could no longer do began to form in your mind. Questions also fought for dominance, stuff like: "what does this mean for Mum and Dad?", "will I be able to go to school?" and so on. The unknown future shook you a little inside and you could feel the fear thundering within your chest.

"Y/N the doctors will explain everything now so listen carefully. Mum and I will be waiting outside."

So for the next hour, you sat down with your doctor and got to know more about your condition and her. After all, you knew that you'll have to be well-acquainted with her eventually.

-

Years went on without a hitch. You were basically a model patient – no relapses and medication always seemed to work on you. Regular check-ups showed that you were in a best state that you could ever be in and some doctors even expressed optimism at your condition. As for yourself, you grew accustomed to the lifestyle filled with trips to the hospital, constant consumption of medication and a lifestyle of being sheltered. There was only one thing you really missed – basketball. You watched them have fun on court and you missed being part of all that excitement. Yet, there was nothing you could to change your condition – you could only grow to accept it and hope for the best.

So when the pain struck you again years later as an adult, you thought you were going to die.

-

When you came round, the image of your parents crumpled with defeat broke you. Both of them were crying their eyes out and neither of them could look at you in the eye to tell you what was going on – even your dad avoided your eyes. You knew that look – it was the look he gave when there were certain things he did not want to face. You knew immediately then what this meant for you, you didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. You were still fixated on your parents until a strong voice brought you back to reality.

“Hi Y/N. Let’s check your vitals first.”

There it was – straightforward and direct. No words of concern came from this doctor – no typical stuff like “how are you feeling?” or “everything is going to be fine.” You knew there and then that he was going to be all about business. You only managed to catch a glimpse of this nametag which read “Park Sungjin” before he took a seat directly opposite you. He looked very young, easily around your age and already a cardiovascular specialist. It hasn’t even been two minutes since you met this man and he was already surprising you in many ways.

“Let me introduce myself first Y/N. My name is Park Sungjin. I’ll be your doctor from now on as your previous specialist has already gone into retirement. Since you’re no stranger to such situations, I shall go straight to the point, is that alright?”

“Sure. Let’s just get this over and done with.” Besides, I’m already prepared for the worst.

His single raised eyebrow indicated that your response was unexpected to him – he did not expect you to have taken this calmly.

“You suffered from heart failure during a lecture and we managed to restart the heart again – which is why you’re still here. Tests show that the disease is spreading and has begun to attack major muscles in your heart and at the rate that it’s going; you have about a year left to live unless a suitable donor comes along – which you already know.”

Donor – a word that gave you hope and despair at the same time. For years you have waited for one but no suitable match came along and so you just kept waiting. In recent years you seem to have given up on the idea completely and your imminent death did not spark off a new fight for survival in trying to find a donor. Instead, you let your pragmatic side take over. After all, donors do not drop from the sky as and when you wished them to.

 “Is there any other treatment option available?”

“Tests have shown that your body cells have grown resistant to the medication that you are currently taking and a change is required. However, there is no new medication as of now – the best we can do it put you on antibiotics.”

He then stared at you dead in the eyes with the deep black orbs awaiting your reaction.

The verdict is set for me then – no donor and no medication. Looks like I’ll be meeting my maker sooner than I expected.

“Anything else I should know?”

“We will keep searching a donor and you’ve been given priority if one comes along. I’ll leave you to your parents now.”

He then bowed and stood to leave before ushering your parents in. That night, you had to deal with a waterfall of tears but you had none to shed for yourself.

-

Despite the horrible diagnosis that you were given, you tried to live life as you did before. It was just the kind of mentality that you've been trained into since you discovered your condition years ago - to just take things as they come. You've learnt that worrying too much does you no good and the same logic applies for everything else in life. You went back to school as much as you could and you visited the hospital twice as much. Meaning to say that Sungjin's face soon became the face you saw the most in your waking hours. But you and him maintained a professional relationship: simply because both of you kept your silence. Spending so much time in the hospital, you didn’t want to waste the time away so in between test results and checks, you could always be seen studying; either doing pre-lecture readings or writing a paper furiously on your laptop. If you were going to have so little time left in this world, you would want to at least get a degree before dying. Such a sight fascinated Sungjin and even he couldn’t deny that your tenacity was tugging at his heartstrings. Once or twice you had caught him staring and when you gave him a little smile to ask if anything was alright, the tip of his ears would burn red before he averted his eyes from you. You fought hard with every breath that was given to you but fate seems to hate you and once again, you collapsed. The last thing you saw was his worried expression and his lips as he said “Stay with me”  

-

The room was dark when you woke up, and only the low beeping of the machines could be heard. When you tried to move your hand, you couldn't. For a moment you panicked, worried that the heart failure had caused you to be paralysed. But when the weight was magically lifted and replaced with Sungjin's voice, you breathed a sigh of relief but instantly missed the warmth he gave you.

"Hey you're awake. Lie here for a moment ok? I'll give a phone call to your parents and be right back."

But you refused to let him go, instead clutching onto his hand tightly, asking him to stay without words. You didn't want to be left alone in the dark that you had been dropped into every time your heart failed you and besides, you didn't want your parents to kn