This a few days I keep myself busy with my study and choose to stay out from going home early because I want to stay away from Jungkook. Since Jin confronts me, to be honest to my own feeling, I found that slowly I want to open up my heart to Jungkook. Silently, I start hoping something will happen between us. Only doing this I could prevent myself and until I could go back like before I will stay away from home as much as I could. I want to put a stop to this feeling before it gets worse and before it breaks my heart more. The dream is a cruel thing to me now. I don't dare to dream anymore because my time is limited.

I go home a bit late than usual tonight because I go out with my classmate and I try to drink alcohol a bit. Aunt Mi Kyung totally prevents me from drinking because it is really bad for me. I just send a text message to Jin saying that I go out with my friends so he won’t stay up waiting for me if he going home early. I smile alone when I think of what I’m doing. I never do something that can make Aunt Mi Kyung or Jin angry at me before but now slowly I do something out of my habit. Am I just trying something that I never do before or I showing my rebellious self? I also don’t know which that is. When I come home, I saw the light in the living room still on so I go round from the front door to the garden. I just sit down at the swing and listen to the music. Tired from sitting down all day, I go to the long bench and lay down there watching the stars.

People keep saying that if they miss their loved one that already gone, they will look at the star and thinking of that person. Will Aunt Mi Kyung or Jin thinking of me after I was gone? Will they miss or thinking of me sometimes? I start to feel pity at myself and blame my fate. Why I have this sickness? Why my body can’t fight it when I still young? It’s not fair for me. I still young, I just 20 years old and I haven’t even experienced a first love or first kiss. Silently I cried and sympathy with my fate. I hate this feeling because it eats me from within and feeling helpless is painful.

“Kim Ji Ae....” I hear someone calling for me so I look around and saw Jungkook at the balcony.

“What are you doing there?” He asked but my heart feels heavier and sad. I wish I could tell you that I love you, Jeon Jungkook. He saw I don’t bother to answer him, he just go in back. Maybe he knows I just want to be alone. I close my eyes and let the sleepy come. I pull my jacket tighter around myself and keep myself warm from the night air. I open my eyes once and saw Jungkook laying down next to me but I just smile. What a very nice dream.

The next morning, I wake up when I feel the sun too bright. I feel my head a bit heavy and dizzy but this is not what I always felt when I sick. Is this what they call hangover? In my mouth also feel a bit bitter. I looked around and saw I’m sleeping in my room. When did I come to my room? Am I walked back to my room without I realise? I hold my head with both of my hand then I go to have a shower and get ready for class. I go down to have my breakfast but I saw Jin, Jungkook and Tae Hyung at the dining table.

“Good morning.” I said but Jin just looks at me. Is he angry at me? Did he know I drink last night? Jungkook and Tae Hyung like always smiling sweetly and greet me back.

“Did something happen to you?” I asked Jin but he just fakes his smile to me. Is this how I look when I fake my smile? Like an insane person.

“I think we should leave you two talking.” Tae Hyung said and pull Jungkook’s arm to go with him. I watch them going up and I go to get my bowl so I could eat my cereal.

“What are you eating?” Jin asked in an unpleasant voice.

“Cereal.”

“I already cook the stew for you. That can’t fix your hangover.” He said. So he knew. I just sit down there quietly, I don’t dare to speak because anytime Jin could explode. He put the stew in front of me.

“Eat.” He said and sits down in front of me. I eat slowly with rice and I feel so much better but I still don’t say anything or make any eyes contact with him. Done with eating, I wash my plate and sit down back to finish my drink.

“What you do last night?” Jin begins to interrogate. I shallow my drink and look at him.

“My friend and I go out......”

“And?”

“We eat dinner and drink.....”

“DRINK?” He asked and I bite my lips then I smile.

“Wae?” Jin asked again.

“Just.....” I answer honestly. Without any reason, I just try and drink.

“JUST? Is this how you show you’re rebellious to me?”

“No. I want to try it.”

“Then tell me why are you behave differently this few days?”

“I just have a lot of things to do.” I answer then to my surprise Jin slap the table hard. I look at him but I don’t say anything because this is the first time I saw him so angry.

“Don’t you dare to lies to me, Kim Ji Ae. I know you too well!” Jin said. My eyes start welling up because I have this war within me too. The self sympathy and wishes that I want to live for more years. I want to grow old with someone I love. I want to have a family of my own. I want to see my children growing up in front of me. I want to walk in my wedding dress. I want to travel and see the world. There so many things I wish to do with my short life but what did I do now? I spend it to gain acknowledge from my old man because I don’t want to die with regret. I don’t want Jin to hear this from me because just like how it hurt me, it will break his heart too.

“TELL ME!” He shouts at me. I know he feels frustrated too seeing me like this. I saw