‘I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Cation when it came to love, I did’

She knew it the day that it had started, for he would come home later and later until eventually he didn’t come home at all. Her bed was always neatly tucked in when waking up in the morning, which his excuses were always the same ones. ‘I stayed at the dorms’ ‘I left early’ All of them were lies, and she was well aware as she placed her phone back on the kitchen counter and instead focused on the task at hand. Making breakfast for the child who cried of hunger.

“Your mom not feed you?” She playfully cooed at the child who only puffed his cheeks out at her before a soft smile took his lips.

“She does, but your cooking is the best!” The boy chimed happily, excited when the plate was set in front him, not waiting to dig into the mountain of food.

‘And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot, I did’

‘Babe, I’m not coming home tonight. I have extra practice. I’m sorry. Don’t wait up’ her phone was full of his lies and heartache as she sat herself on the large couch, her eyes watching the lifeless screen before her. She didn’t wish to watch television tonight, nor did she desire to go to sleep, and thus she found herself out and about on the busy Friday night. Couples filled the streets, hand in hand as they made their way through the attractions, smiles lining their lips as they proclaimed their love for one another.

There he was, dressed in casual clothes such as jeans and a casual button down, his hand entangled within a strange female’s hand. She didn’t have to see it in order to believe it, for she was well prepared to possibly see them tonight, yet seeing it in person somehow hurt more. She could feel the pain become more vibrant as her hand clutched at her heart, keeping it from falling apart as she clung onto the shattering organ.

She would have confronted him about it, yet she no longer held that strength and soon she would find herself within the empty bed, burying herself into the comforts of the covers. They still smelled like him, despite him rarely using it, his scent still lingered across and it almost made her sick. She couldn’t stand the smell any longer, knowing it was now infused with a stranger’s perfume.

‘Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worse

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know’

“I miss you” his voice sounded so sincere that she could have almost believed them as their lips connected with one another, yet she was the first to pull away and he had noticed it.

“I miss you too” she lied, for the only thing that she missed at the current moment, was the emptiness of her bed, the feeling of being alone and not bothered by useless people. “I’m going to bed first” she whispered which brought his attention immediately.

“I haven’t seen you in almost a week…” he complained softly “you don’t want to go to dinner or something?”

“Who’s fault is that Namjoon?” She spat venomously at him and for the first time in a long while, she felt a piece of happiness overtake her as his smile quickly vanished from his lips and he instead found himself stuttering for words to say, him being in her position for the first time since the affair had happened. She liked it.. No, she loved this. “It doesn’t matter. Goodnight.”

'And Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear

I know, I know’

“Babe please…” he whispered into the night when she once again slapped his arm away from her sleeping figure, not wanting to be touched by such filthy hands. “What did I do…?” He seemed to question his mistakes opposed to asking what he had done wrong, and she couldn’t help the happiness that suddenly took over her heart, hearing his desperate whispers.

You see, he had been home everyday this week on time and properly ready to spend his day with her, however when he arrived home she would be nowhere to be found. She’d come home late and the smell of alcohol would always announce where she had been all night. Yet when he asks her where she has been, she would always lie and say something like work and sometimes the occasional friends house when she didn’t come at all through the night.

Namjoon wasn’t stupid for he would often do the same thing to her, and it was funny how karma had worked for he couldn’t confront her lies without giving himself up. Even though he had ended his affair, he was still just as guilty and for being in one, and the fear of losing her weighed heavily on him. Even though he was too late to show it, he honestly wanted to spend the rest of his life with the woman who was never there to hold.

He took it for granted, and now that he spent the night alone in the large bed, he pondered if she had felt the exact same feeling. The feeling of hopelessness to when she would be home, the feeling of not being able to hold the one you held dear, because they were busy holding someone else tonight. He hated himself at that moment, and when the door opened and the smell of alcohol trickled his nose, he didn’t have to wonder where she had been all night.

‘Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the rooftops

Write it on the sky line

All we had is gone now’

“Jagiya” he hadn’t used that word in so long, that it was almost foreign coming from his tongue as he watched her crawl into the bed, covering herself in the blankets, showing no interest in speaking with him. “You’re drunk again…”

Yet she was sober as she laid there, hearing the brokenness in his voice and knowing he deserved every last little bit of it. She never did go and cheat on him, for she never found the interest to do such a thing, however she would do her best to make him believe it, to make him feel her pain. In fact, she didn’t even drink most of the time, she would only sip enough to make the odor appear and for the lies she fed to him would work, and when hearing his breathing slow, she knew that he felt it. He felt everything he had done to her.

“Jagiya…” he tried again, alarmed when she turned herself around and stared into his eyes, as though coaxing him to question her, or to ask her to stop this nonsense, daring him to speak out against her actions. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry” his words made her eyes widen as she instead turned herself about once more, not wanting to hear these words. How could he possibly be sorry, he did it.

“Sorry is for mistakes, what mistakes have you made?” She questioned, keeping her back towards him, pondering if she was really ready to hear the truth that she once desired.

“The same ones you are doing…” his voice grew weaker and she could hear his breath hitching, perhaps he was holding back tears? She couldn’t decipher, for anger suddenly took over her calmness.

“My only mistake was trusting you Namjoon!” she spat venomously as she sat herself from the bed and instead walked towards the door, her eyes falling back towards him to see his eyes were wide and full of fear and guilt. “What? You didn’t think that I knew what you were doing all these months?”

“Babe please…” he whispered as he stood himself from the bed, making his way towards her but she would hear nothing as she slammed the door behind her, deciding to sleep on the couch for the night.

‘Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be impossible’

“I love you! I choose to stay with you! I stopped!!” Namjoon screamed at the top of his lungs, helplessly watching as she packed up the rest of his things. “Please babe!” He was desperate to hold onto her, for he knew that when he left this house today, he would never be able to see her again. The thought terrified him, knowing well that she was the glue that held him together.

“You chose to cheat on me too” her words were simple and there was no sign of forgiveness of sadness within them, showing she had been planning this for some time.

“I ended it.. Please stay with me. I’ll do anything you want…” he was on his knees now yet her eyes never left the suitcase and belongings.

‘Impossible’

“I won’t stop trying” he had calmed down from his anger as he stood outside the door, watching helplessly as she threw the packed belongings down the porch steps. “I won’t stop loving you” he continued to speak, despite her lack of attention. “You promised to love me forever…”

“You also have several broken promises Namjoon” she spoke this time, a sigh leaving her lips as she threw the last bag down the stairs, as though breathing away the last of her heartache. “I only have this one, I’m sure you can forgive me for it.”

“I won’t forgive you for this!” He yelled once more, noticing that nothing he would say now would make a difference, she was leaving him, rather he forgave her or not, for he was the one who needed to be forgiven in order to keep their love alive.

‘I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Cation when it comes to love

I did…’

“Kim Namjoon, a pleasure to meet you” his smile made her heart melt as she reached her hand to grab his extended one, a soft smile lining her own lips.

“A pleasure to meet you” If only she had known, how much pain he would have caused in her future, she wouldn’t have forgotten the lessons she was taught all of her life.

‘Love is impossible’