We searched the whole house, inside out. 

Two teams went to the back of the orchard, the grown-ups searched outside Larson House's area. I yelled his name until my voice became hoarse and my throat started to hurt. I had the urge to scream him to quit playing around and this prank of his wasn't funny, but I knew he wasn't pulling a stunt this time. I blamed myself for taking his condition for granted, I didn't even know the mom he had been telling me about was dead.

How stupid could I get?

Rick rounded us up at seven and said he was in charge of us while Doc wasn't around. "Where's Doc?" Ilhoon asked. 

"Doc's still out searching for Donghyuck, he won't be back so soon," he explained. "And while that's going on, none of you are allowed to leave the house tonight - straight to bed after dinner, that's final."

"But what about Donghyuck?" I demanded. "He's still out there all by himself with who knows what-"

"We've called the cops, Mark," Rick assured me. "They're with Doc, searching the area. And you don't need to worry too much, get some rest while you're at it."

"But-"

"Shh," Ilhoon hissed at me. "He won't listen anyway."

I had no choice but to shut up.

No one could sleep that night, knowing Donghyuck was missing. Since we had a curfew after dinner, we waited until the nurses finished their patrols in the dorms before getting back up and gathered in the middle of the corridor. 

"You knew?" I said with dismay. "You all knew about Donghyuck?"

Brooke shrugged, "We got curious, so we tried searching it up in the library some time ago. It was something we weren't supposed to know, but Doc never said we couldn't study about a certain illness - so we decided to not bring it up in front of him."

"And during support group sessions? You must have known about his mom, right?"

Amarie nodded mournfully, "Most of us knew, Mark. It happens sometimes, he'd be talking then he'd slip into his own imagination and start rambling about his mom. We'd just keep quiet and act like it didn't happen, that's something out of our command. That's the doctor's job in treating him."

"And none of you told me about this?" 

Ilhoon sighed, "We had our reasons, the less people who know about this, the better."

But because of your caution, you made me feed him even more lies...

There was no way I could sleep. 

It hurt my heart just gazing at the empty bed across mine. The bedsheets were still messy, a shadow of him left that lingered in our dorm. Catcher in the Rye was rested on his pillow, the highlighter and pen still wedged in between the pages. There had to be a reason he was so obsessed with that book. I couldn't stop myself and got up and hobbled over to his side of the room. 

I flipped to the page he had bookmarked with the pen, and read. It was the line he read out loud during our game in the library. The saying about the main character rather have someone dump him in the river than bury him in a grave for him to rot. It wasn't just highlighted, it was underlined until the pages were almost torn. An uneasy feeling filled my gut. Oh no...

I flipped other pages, and found even more clues. The quotes I gave out were scribbled in bold across some pages, one word for each page to be exact. I started linking the dots together, only to make my worst assumptions even more convincing. There were doodles no one could understand, scribbled across the surface in different coloured markers. Then came the moment of truth.

I started from the very first page, where Donghyuck had carved out a letter with his pen. Swiftly, I turned each page and spelled out the letters. I gulped as my hands turned cold and I had trouble breathing over the worry I bore. Immediately, I put on my jacket and grabbed whatever that was necessary, a flashlight and hotpack. After darting down the stairs, I knew the front door was already locked - so I exited from the backdoor after finding the secret keys stashed in the umbrella stand. 

The autumn air added even more suspense to me, I had a feeling Doc still wasn't back yet. I was praying they had found him before I did, it was doubtful since they wouldn't know where was the exact place to search in the woods even if it wasn't that big. I trudged up the hills, trying hard to recall the direction towards the hill where Donghyuck and I dug up the time capsule. When I reached the creek, I flashed my light all over the place. 

"Donghyuck!" I called out. "Donghyuck, are you there? Please, please answer me..." I mumbled to myself. Maybe it was a coincidence and fate, but the second I shone the flashlight onto the rocks - there was clue I didn't want to find.

A broken wristwatch.

Trembling, I picked it up. The brand was casio, and it wasn't working anymore. I knew he had to be near, so I stuffed the watch in my pocket and continued searching. It was near two in the morning, the sky wasn't brighting up yet. I stared at the water, please please let there be a boat... And to my relief, there was a small raft parked at the banks with a plank that still could be used. The water was calm and there were no signs of the current getting any stronger. I knew what I had to do.

It took me two hours to row my way to the island, with the plank that was almost breaking apart. For once, I was fearing for my life. Nonetheless, I tossed it aside and  switched on my flashlight again. The island might have had campers, but they had to be asleep by now. I walked blindly without any direction, and all I did was call out his name. But each time my calls went unanswered, my hope for him to survive became thinner. I felt like breaking down.

"Donghyuck!" I screamed with my damaged throat, before tripping and falling down. I grimaced, I must have sprained my ankle. Still, I got up and continued searching depsite the agonizing pain. Because the light was so limited, I didn't see myself getting scratched and cut by sharp twigs and thorns. I cared less. The only thing on my mind was Lee Donghyuck. God, I thought desperately, I've lost a person once, don't let me lose another one now-

Just when I was thinking about it, I heard a faint groan. My eyes widened, there still was hope. I shone my flashlight to the ground, desperately to find the source of the sound. "Donghyuck?" I called out. "Is that you?"

Another groan. 

It came from my left, so I darted off in that direction. Because of my clumsiness, I kicked another rock and fell over. I grunted in pain but struggled to pull myself back up, I picked up my flashlight. It was flickering, already malfunctioning. Oh crap, I thought. I needed to find him quick. 

Fifteen minutes of searching, I eventually found him lying near some trees. I rushed towards him, along with my limp. His clothes were soaking wet, and his skin was a sickly pale blue. His lips were chapped and he was shaking, from the cold. I held him in my hands, steadied him against a tree trunk before trying everything to wake him up. My hands went for the hotpack in my pocket, to my surprise it was still there. I put it in his hands then on his face, his back. 

"Ugh..." he moaned, exhausted and freezing. "M-Mark?" his voice was frail and fragile, eyes still closed but still awake. 

"I'm right here, buddy," I whispered to him. "Hold on, we'll get out of here. Trust me."

Everytime he seemed to pass out, I would wake him up by shaking him, warming up his cheeks after rubbing my palms together to produce heat (whatever heat I had left anyway). I didn't dare think about what ifs, even though there was a huge possibility of us both dying on the island that night. I held on, I kept on fighting because no wanted was going to leave another that night. That was the mindset that kept me moving forward. 

When dusk arrived, we were barely alive. Donghyuck had passed out cold, while my arms were wrapped around him (I possibily hugged him to keep us both warm) and my fingers were paralyzed by the cold. My eyes could barely open but at least I could hear voices, real voices. 

"They're here! We've found them!" I could tell it was Doc's voice. 

I felt someone put a blanket over me as more and more people gathered around us. Despite everything, I grinned weakly and turned to Donghyuck.

"Told you we'd make it." I said, but I wasn't sure if he heard me.

I woke up the next morning, once again landed in the hospital wing. I grimaced when I tried moving my leg, then I remember I had sprained it the night before. I caught sight of the bed next to mine, where Donghyuck lay with his eyes closed. His face was still sickly pale, cuts adorned his cheek - but he was still alive. 

"Ahem." Doc appeared out of nowhere. He wore his doctor's coat for the first time, and handed me a cup of unknown liquid. "I'm sure you'd like some painkillers, right?"

"Y-yeah, in fact I do," I stammered before drinking it down. Doc settled beside me, once in a while glancing at Donghyuck. "Doc, is Donghyuck-"

"He's fine, alive and well like you," he assured me. "Besides catching hypothermia and a high fever, he's gonna be okay. You were lucky you two survived the night for those campers to find you in the morning - or else, I wouldn't know how to explain to your aunt. What you did was both heroic and foolish, Mark. You two could have died last night." he said with concern.

"I know, but if I didn't find him he wouldn't be here by now. It's my fault he ran off, I shouldn't have gone with him into the forest, then he wouldn't know of that creek and that island. He wouldn't try to kill himself." I said with guilt.

"Now Mark, remember what I told you about Schizophrenia," Doc said. "Once that person believes in the lies they create, there is no pulling them back. Even if you tried, Donghyuck wouldn't have listened to you."

"Then what can I do to help him?" I asked desperately. 

Doc's hand went to his pocket and he brought out a cellphone, a pink one at that. And to my surprise, it looked oddly familiar. I looked at him doubtfully, he shrugged. "Your Aunt Tiffany got it for me as a gift, couldn't reject it." he said.

I stared, no way. "Y-you and m-my aunt - dating?" He had a shy smile on his face. I was completely fine with my aunt dating (she totally deserved the attention) but to know that person was Doc a.k.a Mr Joe, was both welcoming and terrifying at the same time. 

"I think you should give her a call, tell her you're fine," he said as he got up. "And maybe try to throw in something like 'Mr Joe never wanted any of this to happen.' You can pass the phone over to me later." he winked and left the hospital wing. 

I did call her, and she was furious, it was expected. After reassuring her that I was fine, I ended the call. But then I figured, maybe the phone could still be of use after glancing at Donghyuck. Somehow, I knew exactly what to do - even if it was just a leap of faith. 

"Hey Doc, can I borrow your phone for a little more time?"

I was sitting right next to him when he woke up.

"And I thought you'd never wake up, sleeping beauty," I smirked. "I almost thought about giving you a big fat kiss."

Despite just gaining consciousness, Donghyuck wrinkled his nose. "I'd wake up and punch you in the face if you did that, Lee." and he struggled to get up.

"Yeah, thanks to you I almost died trying to save you - thanks for almost dragging me to hell, genius." I said it as a joke. He was silent.

After the quiet, he didn't make eye contact with me. "You didn't have to - you didn't need to save me, you know." he said grimly. "You should've just let me die, Mark."

"What kind of crap is that?" I demanded before taking a deep breath. "Doc told me everything about you, you have nothing to hide from me. So you can feel free to tell me, what's happened that night? You can even tell me what were you thinking about when we passed the creek the other day."

He blinked and his face was absent of emotion. "Doc told me my mom drowned in some river while she was high, I kept believing she was still alive," he laughed without humour. "Even after I came here, I still saw her, you know, I was terrified. Sometimes when I'm alone, she'll be right in front of me smiling or maybe fidgeting on the ground like having seizures. Normally I know I'm just imagining things, but it's hard when it constantly happens on a daily basis - and I want to help her but I can't. I know it's not real but drives me crazy."

"What about your medication?" I asked.

He pursed his lips, "I think you know first-hand that medication doesn't work when your brain doesn't want to be healed. FYI, that's my brain most of the time," and for the first time, his eyes were becoming red. "When we passed the creek, I saw her." his words lingered in the air. "At first she was drowning, then the second I blinked her body was floating on the water. Third time I blinked, she was on that island - alive and well. She-she smiled at me..." he started rambling.

I held his wrist, "Donghyuck, calm down-"

"I'm a ticking time bomb, Mark," he choked. "I didn't know where I was going that night, all I could do was follow her voice. I couldn't stand it, I was lost in my own maze with nowhere to go. And this," he pointed at his head. "I'm not sure if this can be fixed. I'm tired of this, I just felt like giving up. It's my right, isn't it? It's valid to die if you feel like letting go."

"It's your choice," I murmured. "But that doesn't mean it's the one you should choose. Same goes to lies, you choose to believe in them. You once told me that if I kept believing touching led to hurting, I would never recover. Now I'm telling you, Lee Donghyuck - stop believing in the lies you've created yourself."

He clutched my hand, "I don't know how, Mark."

I reached for the pink cellphone in my pocket, and handed it to him. "It's time you gave your last farewell to her, the one you didn't get to give properly."

Trembling, he took it. He dialed a phone number and pressed the phone to his ear, I was holding my breath and was praying that it would work. 

"Hey mom," he suddenly said, smiling faintly. If I didn't know the truth, I would have believed him. But I knew there was no one on the other side of the line, I stayed quiet and watched in agony. "I'm doing fine here, I'll be back soon." he said again. 

"While I'm not around, remember to take care of yourself okay? And I miss the soup you always cook, so when I get back I want to see one whole pot on the table for me." he laughed. "Also, let's go to the beach together. I really want to spend time with you again, I miss us, mom. Of course I'll get better!" he said brightly, it was heartbreaking. "You're busy?" he asked, expression changing. "Well..."

"I love you," he whispered into his pink cellphone. Nothing but music and the rustle of paper returned what he thought was an open and honest expression. "Did you hear me?" he paused. "I said I love you."

The rustle of paper was from the doctor's notes on the hospital desk, the music was from the windchimes hung upon the window. I saw him slowly shaking and tears just rolling down his cheek, he made me cry along.

"Donghyuck..." I murmured.

"Answer me!" he sobbed. "Please mom, answer me! I said I love you, say I love you!" Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him. I let him cry on my shoulder, he was trembling like a lost child. Maybe he was lost. "This is a lie, you're not gone. You're not gone, you didn't die..."

"Shh," I whispered, already crying while I soothed his back. "It's okay..."

"She's gone, Mark," he said in between sobs. "She left me, now she's gone..."

"I know, I know..."

"She made a promise, she promised me..." he continued to cry, I could feel his sadness radiating. His state was like broken strings on a guitar, already damaged to the bone. "I don't want her to leave...not now."

I wiped away my tears, "That's just how life works, Donghyuck. You don't get to choose, you can only move on."

A week before end of summer holidays, I had mixed feelings about the news.

Donghyuck was nowhere to be found, I supposed the rumors had already spread - and he found out before I could tell him. I searched the whole house, and eventually found him in the attic, in Doc's study. Obviously he wasn't there, since he was downstairs getting ready to escourt Aunt Tiffany after she picked me up. He'd still be a familiar face since he was practically my aunt's fiancé by that time. 

"I've been looking everywhere for you." I panted as I approached him. He was looking out the gigantic windows. 

"Looks like she can't wait to have you back at home," he remarked as he grinned. Indeed, Aunt Tiffany was already waiting downstairs, in front of her car with my luggage loaded in the trunk. Then Donghyuck frowned, "What are you still doing here?" he asked me.

I smiled, "Remember the cassette tape we dug up? I thought I could finally put it to use." I handed it to him. Curious, Donghyuck pressed play. My voice started rolling, reciting random messages and everything I thought was relevant to be heard on a daily basis. The next few tracks were compilations of guitar acoustics I made nights before. 

He let out a chuckled and grinned crookedly, "Really? 'Don't set the house on fire'?" 

I returned the grin, "Who knows what other stunts will you pull off while I'm not around? Honest to heart, I won't be here for you all the time - but while I'm not visiting, at least you can play this whenever you need to. In case you forget about me." 

"As if you'll let me, Lee." he answered. But both of us knew deep down, we were going to miss each other.

We hugged, and I didn't feel like letting go. I had so much more to say, but he beat me to it. "I'll miss you. A lot." he murmured. 

"Me too." I replied. "And we really need to work on our handshake, maybe when you get discharged."

"If I get discharged." 

"You will, I swear you will." 

One year later...

"Mark?" he said dubiously as soon as he saw me at the front steps. It was the day before Christmas Eve, which was a perfect time for miracles. 

As we sat on the snow coated staircase and looked at the halo white horizon of dawn that day, I couldn't be happier. I told him everything, from Doc's secret adoption, to him being discharged, until the reason I was there in the first place.

"So he's my legal guardian?" he asked. 

"Yup." 

"And he's picking me up right now after discharge?"

"Mm-hmm."

"And I'm going to move in with you guys?" he scratched his head. "Tell me again how did that happen?"

"Well," I cleared my throat. "Since Aunt Tiffany is my legal guardian, so I live with her. And coincidentally her fiancé is Doc, a.k.a your legal guardian - so yeah, our house is practically his second home after this place, and that's why you're living with us."

He still had to let that sink in, so him being quiet was relatable. "And your aunt?"

"Pfft, she's completely okay with it. Says I'll finally have a playdate when she's working." I grumbled. 

He laughed, I smiled. "So, how are you feeling?"

"I don't know, actually," he admitted. I started feeling uneasy, he started smirking. "I'm not sure about living under the same roof with someone as lame as you."

I shoved him, "Buzz off, Lee Donghyuck!" 

"But if they're getting married, that kinda makes us brothers, doesn't it?" he realized. 

"EW!" we said at the same time, overreacting for the sake of comedy. Donghyuck recovered first, "Okay, my birthday's June sixth 2000 - you gotta start buying me birthday gifts."

"Too bad, mine's second August 1999 - so you can't order me around."

"Wait, you're older than me? No way!" and we started fighting around. It went on for a while, until we both grew tired of it. 

I glanced at him, "Wanna try that handshake again?" and we did it on one try, it was perfect. I wouldn't have said it a few months back, I wouldn't even believe it would be possible. But standing right in front of me right now, was someone who practically changed everything. 

He was smiling the brightest smile in a lifetime. "Remember our promise?" 

How could I forget? 

"You don't even need to ask." I said to him. "I got you."

~THE END~