Author's Notes: I know, I know. It took a while for me to update. I'm very sorry for that. I've just been going through some personal stuff. But hey, I'm back. :)

I keep playing with my fingers. I came early to our meeting place, wanting to get myself ready emotionally. Yes, I am nervous. It’s been a while since I’ve been face to face with Ji. The last time we were together, he left me broken and crying. I'm afraid to face him again because I might not be strong enough and break down.

To be honest, I try to avoid anything about him because it used to hurt. Despite what had happened between us, I loved the guy. We spent six years together after all, which was no easy feat in our industry while keeping it hidden. He was by no means perfect, though he tries very hard to be. He was very confident but if you know the real him, you’d know it was all in the surface. He showed me how much he loved me, but in the end, it was too much of his love, then a betrayal of trust that ended us.

We met way back, around 2005. I was taking some workshops in YG along with some other kids. Ji was one of them. At a young age, he already had that aura of confidence around him. People gravitate toward him. Everyone can tell there was something special about him. I, however, was as timid as usual. You know how awkward I can get with people I don’t know.

He was one of the first to approach me aside from Se7en - or Dongwook to us his friends, and Hye Sun. If you don't know her, remember Boys over Flowers with Lee Minho? Yes, that's her! I guess they were all curious about me since they saw me on a documentary. He and Youngbae used to drag me everywhere because they know I haven’t had the chance roam around Korea in so long. I was very fond of him and Youngbae. They reminded me of Sanghyun and I willingly lend them my time.

When I came back to the Philippines, we still kept in touch. He will usually message or comment on my Cyworld. I’d do the same with him. He said he couldn’t text me like Dongwook could because he doesn’t have money for international texting. Youngbae just sends his regards through Dongwook, saying he was too lazy to message me himself. I appreciated the gesture. They were the only ones I could consider as friends in Korea before.

When I had to make the big decision of moving my family back to Korea, he was there to welcome me along with Dongwook and Youngbae. Being friends with these three had a lot of perks to be honest. I wasn't in a good place because my career in the Philippines was basically over. I was also on the rocks with my then boyfriend, Joseph. To add to that, my father ran away with my hard earned money and lived with his other family. We moved to Korea for a fresh start but it felt like running away to me. I didn't know where to start.

I was broke as (pardon my language). Dongwook helped me financially and it made me so grateful. I only had enough left to get us by for a couple of months and I also have to get my siblings through school. He understood my predicament and helped me out without any conditions. Well, except for signing with YG to be a trainee. Ji was frustrated because he couldn't help me in that department. Their group was getting popular but not enough to guarantee a stable income yet, unlike Dongwook who has been killing the charts. He vowed to help me in training instead. Youngbae too, but I found he was there more to make fun of me to be honest.

With the boy's encouragement and help, I finally made it to be part of a girl group YG was forming. My future was no longer bleak. It wasn't long before he confessed to me. Actually, Youngbae confessed first. I didn't entertain either of them. They have always been kids in my eyes, but besides that, I just broke up with my cheating ex.

Ji changed my mind eventually. He proved to me countless times that he was a man, not a boy. We made it official just right before 2NE1 debuted.

It was pure bliss, being with him. Of course, we had to hide it from virtually everyone. Only the boys from Big Bang and the 2NE1 girls, along with a handful of people like Dongwook and his girlfirend Hanbyul know about us. It was thrilling, but scary at the same time because if sajangnim finds out, we're both dead meat. My career in Korea would be over before it even started, not to mention the dating ban until we're 50. Our friends helped hide our relationship though. Chaerin always covers for me. It's funny how she complains everytime she does it. I can't help but be grateful to be surrounded by such awesome people.

He started to change after articles and interviews came out about me being the ideal type of some famous person I didn't even know. You've got to forgive me, I was always busy with the girls and had no time to be checking out celebrities, let alone guys so I don't know a lot of people. He knew that but started putting some restrictions on me anyway, like no exchanging numbers (which is already non-prohibited). He would also casually check my phone. He said he was just protecting me because it has already happened to him before - rumors about him and Ahn Sohee. I let him do what he wants. I found him being jealous cute anyway.

Then when the 'surge of fanboys' happened (as what Chaerin calls it) he talked to our manager and told him not to let any guy he doesn't know around me. He implemented a curfew for me and I couldn't go out anywhere without him. I need to get permission every time. No going out with guy friends, even with Dongwook, which started a tiff between the two. He always ends up arguing with Ji, telling him he is being too possesive, with Youngbae stuck in the middle. Anyone outside of Big Bang was out of the question. The girls were starting to get affected too because since people can't be around me, it means the same for them for I am always with them. They hate leaving me alone at the dorm so they end up not going out, which dampens the mood everytime. I had a serious talk with Ji regarding that and voiced out my concerns, but he always says he does it to protect me. Ridiculous as it sounds, I believed him because I trusted him. 

Next thing I know, Ji tells me I don't owe Dongwook anym