“Produce 101?” Kuanlin asked in a small voice.

“PRODUCE 101!” Park Jihoon repeated, smiling brightly, as if it would suddenly mean something.

Kuanlin pursed his lips, pretending to be deep in thought in order to avoid disappointing his expectant hyung.

But Park Jihoon caught on immediately.

“It doesn't make sense to you does it?”

Kuanlin’s heart broke as he saw the twinkle in Jihoon’s eyes slowly dimmed out. Jihoon hit his own head a little too hard and quickly gathered the notebook and his backpack. He kept talking to himself saying things like, “Of course it wouldn't make sense, what were you thinking Park Jihoon?” The tears were flowing unstoppably as his hyung wiped his face frantically with his arms while shoving the black note back into his bag.

“I'm so sorry hyung.” Kuanlin was at a loss for words. He hated that his lack of knowledge about it would make Jihoon cry. He didn't have the strength to console his hyung because it was his fault he's now crying.

“No, no, no, Kuanlin-ah. I,” Jihoon wiped his nose, “I shouldn't have shown that to you, it was even against the rules but,” Jihoon wiped his face with his jersey, “I was desperate to make you remember what you didn't even experience.” He sniffed and forced a smile at Kuanlin’s direction. Kuanlin could see that Jihoon had slung his bag on his shoulders and is now ready to leave.

“Hyung are you leaving me?” Kuanlin surprised himself by blurting out his thoughts. 

“What? No, no, how could I when I just found you?” Jihoon half-ran to where Kuanlin was seated and threw his arms around the younger guy.

“I wish I could stay with you forever.” Jihoon whispered against Kuanlin’s hair. 

“Then stay.” Kuanlin said to Jihoon’s heart as he embraced his hyung.

“If only I could Kuanlin-ah. If only.” Kuanlin pulled Jihoon down and cradled him on his lap.

“If you can't, then I will go with you. You told me that Korea is a place I would surely love.” Kuanlin was seriously entertaining the thought of going and having to live with Park Jihoon, it would be a dream come true.

“You would really love it, I know you would, but let's be real. I would never ask of you to set your life or your future and your family aside just to be with me." Park Jihoon’s eyes started to water again but his hyung reined it in. It was difficult for Kuanlin to accept but it's like Park Jihoon was suddenly, properly acting all grown up. He was suddenly this matured hyung who knew the harsh reality and Kuanlin knew, he effing knew that Park Jihoon was right. He suddenly felt anxious, like he was being left behind. He still has so much to learn to catch up to his hyung.

"I'm so sorry but it's just impossible Kuanlin-ah."

Kuanlin felt the strength of Park Jihoon's words reverberating as they hit him. It was almost physical: each echo felt like a solid brick crashing into his soul, leaving his self esteem to crumble into dust. The brick kept swinging only to hit him again. And again.

Impossible.

It hurt.

IMPOSSIBLE.

Reality .

Kuanlin hated the fact that he was