Depression had always fought Jaebum, though it was never a fair fight. He'd always been thrown to the ground in the blink of an eye as the thoughts salvaged his brain to scraps. It had been getting worse, he noticed it, his friends and family noticed it, even the cashier at the grocery store  he shopped at noticed it. How he'd stay quiet for seconds that were too long when asked how he was, when he'd zone out all too easily as his mind ran, and how he'd come up with excuses when his friends wanted him to go out with them. But, that didn't mean anyone chose to acknowledge it.

They'd pestered him to go out until he finally gave in—with lots of pulling on his arms and the occasional lift of his legs as they practically dragged him into their car. The air he breathed was different, it made his sick stomach feel clean again—which probably wasn't a healthy sign but he'd always been good at ignoring signs, more than he'd care to admit.

The club they'd found was crowded, almost filled to the rafters with dancing bodies and drunken masses. A tangy smell of vodka mixed with various fruits flooded Jaebum's nose as he was handed a shot glass seconds after his eyes had adjusted to the dark room, the disco ball in the center of the club illuminated the glass just enough for him to see the various colors occupying it.

His thumb swirled over the rim of it, gesturing to it with a confused expression, "What is this?" He asked, eyes locking with Jackson's just before he'd drank the confusing liquor without flinching. Jackson knew how to hold his liquor—Jaebum would say he held it in a carryon bag at all times as a joke but that wasn't too far off of the truth.

"Too colorful?" Jackson said, taking the glass from Jaebum's hand and downing it easily, "I didn't think you'd like it anyway." He shrugged as he turned to face the dance floor leaving Jaebum  to scoff at his back, adding a roll of the eyes. 

Mark slung a lazy arm around Jaebum's shoulders and pulled him closer, "At least try to have fun." He mumbled, making Jaebum laugh—a sound he hadn't heard in a while, though it wasn't genuine, it was a start, "Mingle or something, try to forget for one night." Mark clapped him on the back as he pushed forward and dragged Jackson onto the floor, with one last look at Jaebum, the men disappeared into the huddle mass of grinding bodies.

Jaebum faced the bar, an all too familiar feeling of neglect and forgetting pooling in the deadly pit of his stomach. He could leave, he could step out into the night and just walk. Where he'd walk was a question he didn't know the answer too but it was better than being left alone. But, he'd been alone for the longest time, it was something he'd sadly gotten used to. Being curled up in his bedroom days on end working on "music" became his only schedule. So, his mind told him to leave, because Mark and Jackson wouldn't notice it—and frankly, he didn't want them to notice it.

"Rough night already?" A voice pulled him away from the taunting act. Jaebum shook his head to clear it, that never worked and it wasn't going to work then either but, it was worth a shot. Everything was worth a shot, as bad as it sounded. He turned towards the voice, being met with an awfully sober beauty. While speaking telepathically to his heart to slow down he shrugged as an answer to the question.

"Are you mute or something?" Sober beauty asked. Jaebum smiled at the nonchalant nickname he'd already given the man.

"What? Oh, no. I just don't know how to answer a question like that, never did." Jaebum replied, using real words and ones that the man would hopefully understand. It had gotten brighter the moment he'd begun speaking to Jaebum, which was obviously just his brain playing tricks on him, as it always did. But, he squinted for a mere second because the man was just so, bright and his smile was so real.

"I'm Park Jinyoung." He said after too long moments of silence. Jaebum hadn't meant to do that but surely it was his fault, "I'd ask if I could buy you a drink, Mr. Mute, but you don't look like the drinking type." He squinted his eyes at Jaebum as if observing him heavily, which he was.

"I drink." Jaebum confirmed with a solid nod, like he was convincing himself. He'd been stiff and too caught up in his own head to know what to say to Jinyoung. But, he knew he wanted Jinyoung to stay with him, he didn't want the warm smile to leave yet—or ever, for that matter.

"Water?" Jinyoung joked with a cocked eyebrow and his voice added a sort of pleasure to Jaebum—it made him forget what he'd been through and what he'd suffered, but only for a second.

"I drink." Jaebum repeated and he smiled, turning towards the bar just as Jinyoung did.

"Well, I gave you the liberty of knowing my name. What's yours? Or do you want me to call you 'Mr. Mute' for the rest of the night?" If only he'd know the nickname Jaebum had already given him.

"Im Jaebum." He said.

"Well, Jaebum, I have to ask two things. One, why don't you smile more? You're cuter when you smile." He paused as he called over a bartender with two quick fingers in the air and Jaebum's cheeks tinted a bright pink as he looked the other way. Not like Jinyoung could see the color under the dim lights but, it was a safety precaution Jaebum took far too often.

"And two, what's your poison?" He finished the sentence—that seemed to shift Jaebum's whole life for the right—while he looked back at Jaebum with a challenging glint in his eyes. And he saw Jaebum accept the challenge without a second thought.

❧

Jinyoung didn't know how to hold his liquor, he was the complete opposite of Jackson—maybe even more of a complete opposite than a normal opposite would be. He held liquor in the back pocket of the jeans he hadn't worn in months because he'd outgrown them. The man was also a touchy drunk. He'd held Jaebum's hand continually, a tight grip to make sure he didn't go anywhere and truthfully, Jaebum didn't plan on going anywhere.

"Dance with me." Jinyoung said, it came out as a barely audible whisper, but all Jaebum could hear in the nosy club was him. He pulled at both of Jaebum's hands like a child leading their parent to the candy they wanted so desperately.

"I don't dance." Jaebum laughed, attempting to rid his hands from Jinyoung's almost tight grip. But, he was drunk enough to let Jinyoung drag him onto the dance floor.

Jinyoung pulled him close, wrapping lose arms around his neck, "Tonight you do." For someone as gone as Jinyoung was, he held his sentences together quite well. And they'd danced the night away and maybe they'd drank too much because soon Jinyoung was heaved over a toilet as they both crowed into one—not so average—stall.

Jaebum's fingers found themselves tangled in Jinyoung's hair, pulling it back so it was out of the way and unable to be painted with vomit.

"This isn't romantic at all." Jinyoung mumbled, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. He smiled over his shoulder at Jaebum—a lazy smile that Jaebum could probably never get tired of. And the sense of being stone cold sober washed over Jaebum just by the toothy grin, the feeling of ridding the dizziness and fuzziness of the dim lights in the bathroom hit him.

And so, Jaebum laughed. A soft light chuckle that he didn't know he was capable of producing, "Well, to be fair, clubs aren't exactly romantic to begin with." He said as Jinyoung sat back on his bent knees with a sigh, hands braced on the toilet rim. He looked as if he was disappointed in himself, like he hadn't let go in so long that he wondered why he'd given in then.

Then, he laid against Jaebum. His arm pressed against the center of Jaebum's chest and his ear rested on the stunned man's shoulder. They'd barely known each other for an hour, barely had a proper conversation, and yet the act felt weirdly comfortable. Like they'd known each other for years and that they've been through so much together. Jaebum hadn't felt that in so long—too long—and he wondered if Jinyoung felt it too.

"You should probably get home and get some rest." Jaebum suggested.

"Take me home, then." Jinyoung sighed, attempting to heave himself up with shaking hands but falling almost immediately. He laughed as he felt Jaebum's tight grip on his hips when he helped Jinyoung up onto his flimsy legs. It was a heartfelt act, one you'd do for a friend that's known for getting drunk on a daily basis, or for someone that wasn't that great at getting over a breakup. It dawned on Jaebum then that he'd wanted to know why Jinyoung got drunk—knowing everyone has a different reason.

❧

They stumbled into the lively night and Jinyoung began laughing at nothing in particular. Maybe at the way Jaebum was staring at him or maybe how the stars in the sky seemed to mimic the ones in Jaebum's or maybe by the ticklish feeling in his stomach. His eyes were shut as he tilted his face up towards the sky, his arm wrapped tightly over Jaebum's shoulders as he fought to keep himself standing upright while Jaebum hailed a taxi.

He muttered his address when they entered the cab and it had dawned on him that he had absolutely no idea who Jaebum was, but he completely trusted him. Jinyoung trusted him with his life and that was a scary thought to think about whilst drunk. Though the moment he'd seen Jaebum in that dimmed club—the alone and overthinking Jaebum—his heart had tripped over itself and attempted to do a somersault. So, Jinyoung proceeded to invite Jaebum into his home, his hands scrambling to find the key to unlock the door.

He laid his back against the apartment door, his keys held atop his heart, "Stay over." Jinyoung's voice had more feeling than he was expecting, he hadn't planned it.

Jaebum's brows rose at the sudden outburst, "You don't even know me." It was accompanied by a small chuckle, one to fill the complacent void in the air between them.

"Well, how am I supposed to get to know you if you don't stay over?" Jinyoung explained and he was right. Totally and utterly correct but even Jaebum wouldn't admit that. Jinyoung was happiness and Jaebum believed he didn't deserve such happiness.

"I think you should get some rest." Jaebum repeated from the club, catching the swaying Jinyoung as he tripped back.

"I could die, oh so humble and wise, Jaebum." Jinyoung cooed as he skimmed through his keys in Jaebum's arms, pushing himself from the comfortable embrace once the key culprit was found. He looked back one final time while his door creaked open as to lure Jaebum in with a solemn look, "Plus, I need a sight for my sore eyes in the morning." He added.

"Ah, you want me to stay all night? I don't know about that." Jaebum shifted between his feet. Happiness was calling and pulling at him but he'd become immune to its tricks. He'd stay the night then get kicked out once the sun peaked out and he'd never speak to Jinyoung again. As much as that pained him—for reasons he didn't want to acknowledge—he decided to end it there. Not giving himself the satisfaction of getting to touch Jinyoung and hold him and maybe even kiss him and love him.

He pushed into his head that they'd only just met. Then, Jinyoung touched him, suddenly sobering them both up in a solid three seconds, "Please?" Jinyoung asked.

And that was the first Jaebum had seen him let go of his cocky and knowing personality and let in a solemn and needing one. And Jaebum may have possibly knew right then and there that he could love Jinyoung but he'd most likely never know. And it was because he was scared—he was scared at the fact that Jinyoung might actually stay with him, that they could be friends and Jaebum was terrified of letting go.

He needed the happiness that radiated off Jinyoung and into him, but that type of confession was seen as pathetic. So, he'd never know. He wanted to stay with Jinyoung, possibly until they were graying and old and that was a scary thought and feelings wern't always the best to him or his heart. So, he didn't want to say okay. He wanted to save himself from something that was truthfully good for him in more ways than one.

But, he'd let it slip, "Okay." He mumbled with eyes boring into Jinyoung's, neither of them knowing what it meant.

❧

The first time they'd kissed was when months turned into a year all too quickly. They were friends, close and inseparable and Jaebum was alright with that because it meant nothing was serious, that they weren't serious and they could do whatever, and whoever, they wanted. That was more of Jinyoung's thing, Jaebum barely left his own home, only when his friends wanted to go out—he'd gotten better at talking to them—or when another "special" someone left Jinyoung's heart broken and in shreds. So, of course, Jaebum was there for him, it was more of a curse than a blessing.

He'd slept over the last time it had happened, Jinyoung was a quiet mess, claiming Jaebum didn't need to stay—which meant that he wanted him to stay, it was one of the things, on a slim list, that he couldn't exactly say aloud. Jaebum held him closer than he ever had that night. His skin was warm and soft against Jaebum's, it was intoxicating no matter how many times they'd done it. But, it was somehow different each time.

He'd had turned towards Jaebum with a sniffle, cowering against his chest. His forehead pressed under the older's chin and he breathed Jaebum in, deeply and it was nearly heavenly. Jaebum smelt of home and safety and reassurance and pleasure and he truly was everything Jinyoung needed—though, of course, he never thought he deserved such feelings. Then, he'd pulled away just enough to stare up at Jaebum and his eyes were shut tightly, as if forcing himself to fall asleep. Or, maybe he was already asleep. Both those types of faces were nearly identical, except Jaebum's sleeping face had a bit more of a smoothness to it.

Jinyoung found himself noticing small things like that too often.

He shifted himself up, his face level with Jaebum's then. And Jaebum felt him move, opening his eyes in confusion, "What are you doing?" He asked, though he didn't make the effort to pull away. Jinyoung had just stared for a moment, feeling the man's breath on his nose.

"I don't know." Jinyoung said.

"That's a first." Jaebum said and he'd smiled—one that had Jinyoung smiling unintentionally and closing the dangerous gap between them. He cupped Jaebum's face with a hand and their lips moved in a beat up sync. The best feeling was when Jaebum began to kiss back, pushing forward and catching Jinyoung by slight surprise.

He grinned against Jaebum's lips, causing the kiss the break.

"That's a first." Jaebum repeated, his tone more breathy and he seemed to be caught in a dream, or a trance. Jinyoung settled against his chest again, his arm draped over Jaebum's waist lazily and his body getting warmer by the second. He tangled their legs and breathed Jaebum in again, his smell gave him the feeling of worth and love and everything he yearned to have.

"Hopefully not the last." Jinyoung mumbled before accepting sleep without the heinous battle.

❧

Three years seemed to be a long time to be together, but to Jinyoung it passed by all too easily and much too quickly. But, he never seemed to become accustomed to the smell of eggs in the earliest of mornings. Or to the sight of Jaebum cooking in their shared kitchen—in their shared loft with a view that looked over all of Seoul—and the room smelling of coffee and freshly baked biscuits.

Jaebum sensed him enter the room—it was a gift and neither of them had an idea on how it worked. But, the room seemed to get brighter every time Jinyoung entered it and the air got lighter, easier to breath and more comforting to be in. So, he turned, just in time to see the man pluck a warm biscuit from the tray and taking a large bite out of the baked and buttered good. Jaebum gave him an unimpressed look and Jinyoung just shrugged at him as he chewed without regret.

"I was just making sure it wasn't too hot to eat." Jinyoung said through a mouthful of biscuit. 

"I hate you." Jaebum chuckled, turning his back to Jinyoung again and tending to the slowly cooking eggs on the stove.

"Why? I'm lovely." Jinyoung pouted and stalked towards the unsuspecting man, circling his  arms around Jaebum's waist and propping his chin atop the grumpy chefs shoulder. Jaebum leaned back into the embrace, immediately feeling even more at home that he'd already been feeling. Then, Jinyoung had pulled away from him, leaving him with a cold and empty void for just a moment before he spoke again.

"You want coffee, Mr. Egg Master?" He asked, already pouring a cup for himself and turning slightly to see if Jaebum—who'd finally finished the eggs and was spooning them into a bowl—had caught the stupid nickname. He hadn't. Jaebum just nodded with focused brows, careful not to drop any of the newly cooked eggs—sometimes cooking was more important than anything Jinyoung had to offer him, it was a sort of escape for him and Jinyoung knew that.

He'd brought the coffee across the kitchen to Jaebum, a hand on his back making him stand upright and place the pan down—the touch Jinyoung gave always sent bolts of electricity coursing through his body. He took a strong gulp of the caffeinating liquid and pressed his smiled against the cup, staring at Jinyoung's retreating back, "How do you akways make the best coffee?" He asked.

And Jinyoung's shoulders shook, an act that told Jaebum he was laughing, "I spiked it with . I hear it's great with coffee." Jinyoung said with the flattest tone, smiling over his shoulder after a few moments of pure silence and Jaebum's heart flipped only as a teenage lovesick puppies would, he was older—supposedly wiser—but he'd felt so young all because of a smile, "It was a joke, baby." Jinyoung said, turning fully towards Jaebum and propping himself atop the counter, stirring his coffee with ease and rhythm.

'Baby' was a nickname Jaebum hadn't known he was fond of being called, but once the name had fallen from Jinyoung's lips, he wanted to hear it over and over and over again for the rest of his life during various occasions, "I know." Jaebum said, "I was just scared that you'd found my stash." He finished, picking his phone up from the counter and scrolling through it while taking another sip from his mug.

"Wait, what?" Jinyoung asked with a dry chuckle as he placed his cup down, unsure if Jaebum was being serious or not.

Jaebum's brows rose as he stared back at Jinyoung, hiding a grin at how gullible the man was, "It was a joke, honey." He mocked, making them both laugh. The new nickname made Jinyoung shiver, he hadn't thought a name could have that sort of effect on him.

He pushed himself from the counter and strode towards Jaebum, trailing a hand through the side of his hair and settling it on his neck before propping himself up on his toes and kissing Jaebum's forehead. It was a rare act, but Jaebum always savored it and Jinyoung had always lingered, his breath ghosting against Jaebum's forehead. And Jaebum's eyes had shut, almost dropping the phone in his hand as he attempted to grasp Jinyoung's hip.

Then, their lips were connected and Jinyoung was emptying Jaebum's hands of their contents without disconnecting from him. And it was almost as quick of a rush as the first time, almost as heated and wanting and young. But, just enough for Jaebum to hum against Jinyoung's lips as he pulled away and rested their foreheads together, "Breakfast." He mumbled, reminding Jinyoung—who just sighed.

"Can't it wait?" Jinyoung asked.

He pecked Jinyoung's lips once more, "It's the most important meal of the day. Of course it can't wait." And Jinyoung was smiling again, it was the effect Jaebum had on him. The things he'd say to lighten an otherwise serious mood, "Do you want a pancake or a waffle. Waffle, right?" He asked and Jinyoung nodded, letting Jaebum turn and begin to fill an empty plate with everything Jinyoung enjoyed.

And Jinyoung didn't want to let go of Jaebum anytime soon, he wanted to love Jaebum until his lungs wouldn't give anymore, until they were ghosts haunting the very people that had annoyed them. Like the women downstairs who would file a noise complaint every time they walked along the loft or the guy next door who took his football way too seriously. Suddenly, old age didn't sound so scary if Jaebum was by his side.