And since that day, an entire week had passed since both kings crossed each other’s paths. Not even at the dinner table did they momentarily pass one another. Kyungsoo was avoiding him with such effectiveness that it almost seemed like he had been banished.

He had banished.

Both of his loyal guards and his closest maids, were all enviable liars, and the king had been fooled, but as he was content to receive the fake reports to know that his husband was well, princess Yeoreum would not be pacified with a simple “He’s busy”.

It was her curiosity and insistence that clued Jongin into the fact that he wasn’t being avoided like he’d thought, because Kyungsoo would never hide himself from his beloved niece.

He’d disappeared, and all hell broke loose.

Head’s rolled in the council and amongst the ministries, because king Kim couldn’t care less if it upset the delicate balance of his kingdom’s noble sphere, his king was missing, and he’d be damned if he didn’t do everything in his power to get him back.

When three days later he issued a death sentence upon all of Kyungsoo’s trusted staff for treachery, it was Junmyeon who stepped in, believing he’d suffered enough.

Truly, he’d been full of rage at the lies he’d been fed, feeling betrayed that the people his husband had grown close to would hide his disappearance and more so, he’d wilted like a desert flower as the days passed and no news came his way.

Nobody asked for any payment or deal in order to give him back. Interrogating the old councilmen led him nowhere. Even the threatening Park army had stepped back for no apparent reason.

He was losing his sanity. He’d suffered enough.

“Nobody took him” his brother said from the door to Jongin’s study, getting wheeled inside by his man of trust.

Jongin looked at him as if not understanding the out of context statement. He looked so lost his older brother felt true pity for him, for what they had done to him.

“Kyungsoo” he clarified, watching the instant glint of recognition light his brother’s eyes “He left on his own two feet, with an entourage and all” he said, perhaps too much information for the mind of a man who looked like his soul had a foot already out of the threshold.

“He… left me?” Jongin asked in a small voice, and never before had the king sounded so broken.

He knew he’d done wrong by his spouse, and even beyond what he’d said and done, were the things he hadn’t. He hadn’t been able to keep Kyungsoo safe, from the opposition as much as the pain he brought upon him, himself. He’d been unable to clear all misunderstandings and reassure the younger male through his insecurities. He’d failed him, that much he knew, but never did it occur to him that the younger was so rash as to abandon his place beside him out of heartache.

“He had places to be” was the prince’s cryptic answer.

“The Do kingdom?” came Jongin’s first guess, an obvious one, and far better than his first assumption, but not one he hadn't considered and ruled out before. He knew that's not where he'd gone, either that or his in-laws had lied to him, but knowing their relationship, it seemed unlikely.

“He went to fix the problem you’ve been putting off” he said, confusing his brother further “You’ve been focusing on purging the castle of anyone that might have an evil intend towards the king, and I respect that, but Kyungsoo didn’t see it that way” he further explained “He felt trapped and useless, he told you so but still, you wouldn’t listen” he chided sternly.

“I’m aware of my shortcomings, but I am doing my best” Jongin defended with exasperation.

“Your best wasn't enough, Jongin, you must do what’s best for him, and keeping him locked down with his hands tied while you handle everything, wasn’t it” the prince scolded with a tone of tired severity.

“Just tell me where he is, I beg of you. Do you want me on my knees?” he plead.

“Don’t grovel. Be mindful of the crown on your head”

“I don’t want the crown on my head if I have to live with a hole in my heart” he professed, and as much of a poetic exaggeration as it sounded, the watering brown eyes told a different story. Those eyes assured Junmyeon that if someone came asking for that crown in exchange for Kyungsoo’s whereabouts, he could have it. But he didn’t want it.

“We’ve been exchanging correspondence during his leave. He’s fine and already on his way back. He’ll be here by tomorrow, I’d say around noon” he confessed, watching days of tension be released from the shoulders of the man that he often forgot to be his little brother.

Jongin had been forced to grow too fast when it should have been him, and it was too easy to forgo the difference in age when there was such a small difference in maturity, or so he believed. But the strong and capable king was but a mask his baby brother had learned to display. Underneath was a man who still had too much to learn and shoes too big to fill.

Watching the tears of relief fall down tan reddened cheeks, he felt true pity for the man, who was taught how to kill, before he was given a chance to learn how to properly love and cherish.

...

Deja vù.

Sitting in his throne room, on his big chair with his brother beside him and Kyungsoo standing with his head lowered in respect and a parchment in his hand felt like Deja vù. He’d been in his study when a messenger came to retrieve him, saying an emissary was back from a trip waiting in the throne room to give a report. Kyungsoo was more than an emissary and he didn’t believe one of his servants would make such a mistake – one that, were Kyungsoo a proud man, he could lose his head for – so the sight of him in humble attire, just like he’d been when he’d asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage, felt shocking and an odd turn back in time.

“I was wrong” he’d began without even trying for eye contact despite his husbands intense stare “Park wasn’t trying to sneak merchant caravans, but he wasn’t preparing for attack either” he preambles “He was scared, preparing for a war he was afraid we were planning to start. As it appears, The Kim-Choi-Do alliance is too big of a force, he had his troops on high alert because of this, and it was hard to convince him that we had no plan to expand our territory by taking his. He’s the only neighboring kingdom we have that we aren’t allied with. His fears weren’t unfounded and it wasn’t until I myself proposed the trade route that he believed in my good faith” he explained, taking his time to stress just how understandable King Park's worries had been, in an effort to placate his husband's expected anger at the man for his distrust.

“He accepted?” It was Joonmyeon who asked, already knowing the answer.

“He did, and agreed to pay some of the earnings in taxes to the Choi kingdom, as payment for letting them pass through, and promised to remove most of his troops from the border” he concluded with a smile, proud of his accomplishment.

“I’m happy to see you back safe and bringing good news. You’ve been dearly missed, a banquet – even if small – should be celebrated to honor your safe return” the king said, with a smile so fake it hurt to look at “Brother, can you arrange that for me?” he asked, avoiding turning his head to the side, not letting the older Kim see the truth of his words through the conflicted look on his face.

But Kyungsoo could see, and a shiver run through him as he noticed they’d been left alone. Jongin trudged forward, off his high ground and intimately close to a shuddering Kyungsoo who could only close his eyes in expectation of what was coming. He knew he’d acted behind the king's back and against his wishes, he knew coming back safe and succeeding his mission wasn’t enough to circumvent the wrath that was coming his way.

What he didn’t know was what to do when he felt a rough press of lips against his, the osculation was short but impossible to miss by the roughness of it, the touch of a man desperate to convey the intensity of his feelings to one that opened his eyes widely, cluelessly, a gasp leaving his mouth sonorously, prompting the tanner male to cut the kiss short, too short for his liking, to face the shocked expression in his husbands face.

“What did you-?” he asked after a moment of stunned silence.

“I love you; I’ve told you this already, but you didn’t listen. So now I want you to feel it” the older man confesses without waiting for the full question to be voiced by the other, pushing bravely and nervously through the speech he has used his time alone to reflect and rehearse. This is it; he can’t screw this up “This is how my heart races whenever I’m with you. And you best believe it almost came to a halt when I heard of your disappearance” he starts, placing the man’s empty hand on the middle of his chest, where his heart beats loudly “You feel that wetness?” he continues, taking that same hand in his to take to his face, where tears have fallen on his cheek; tears of relief and longing and piled up frustrations "Those are the tears I’ve shed missing you, thinking you were dead and no, I am not projecting. My fear of losing you has nothing to do with your sister and my love of you isn’t because I see her in you. Don’t put me through that again Kyungsoo, please” he begs with sincerity and a vulnerability so unlike the dourness he insists on portraying “You were my best friend. You of all people know damn well that my feelings for Soojung never went beyond friendship. We used to understand each other so well, Kyungsoo, what happened to us?” he laments, his left hand letting go of Kyungsoo’s who chooses to keep his exactly where it sits, caressing Jongin’s face.

His heart is racing, his eyes are tearing, and his brain is having a fight. A fight of resent and forgiveness.

“We understood each other because you were a crown prince and so was I. We were equals, two of a kind. But you became king and my claim on the throne was taken from me, suddenly I was three steps below you. I couldn’t talk to you like I used to, look at you like I used to… feel for you like I used to” he admits, letting go of the other's face, noticing how he pitifully leans – ever so subtly – chasing the comfort of his touch as it leaves him “And then we got married and you promised me we’d be equals again and I hoped, I hoped so hard. But you’ve broken that promise so many times, Jongin, with both words and actions” he accuses, taking a step back out of the other’s personal space, taking his hand only to deposit the parchment on his open palm. The older man looks at the piece or paperwork like it means so much more, raising his eyes in search of eye contact, in search of an explanation: Why are you giving me this instead of taking my hand? Why won’t you take my hand? His teary eyes seem to be asking “You want to know what happened to us?” Kyungsoo asks rhetorically, continuing to take slow steps farther and farther away, without turning his back “What happened, is that you lost my trust” and with that, he turns his back and leaves.