Warning!

This chapter contains thoughts of suicide.

He left the funeral, fighting with his tears, not even waiting for his stepfather who was talking to the friends and the relatives. He could have listened to his words about "a real man doesn't cry in funerals, not even if it's his mother's funeral". Taemin did not agree with it, but he did not have the strenght to argue with him, so he got on the first bus he saw, not caring about the fact where it goes.

The boy sat down on the first seat he saw, and he just looked out of the window where he could see his obscure reflection. His hair reached his scapula, and he got a lot bad words about it from his stepfather. In times like that his mother protected him. But it was over. No one could protect him anymore. He could only count on himself. But Taemin was still a child. Even if he was officially an adult, he was a child in his soul.

"Boy, this is the last station. Won't you get off the bus?" The driver looked at him in the mirror, and when Taemin wiped his tears off he stood up, bowed, and left through the opened door.

There was dark in the city, and he decided to take a walk. He took his muted phone out, where he could see a lot of missed calls from his stepfather and his grandparents too. He really wanted to call his grandmother, but he was afraid his stepfather was with her, and instead of the old woman he would answer the call, so he put the mobile phone back into his pocket.

Taemin used to walk a lot in those streets with his mother, and then he saw the sentences on the bridge's railing, although he never took a better look at them. It was the first time he really read them.

Do you eat properly?

Taemin could not eat properly since his mother died. Sometimes he put some bites into his mouth for his grandmother, but he saw them again soon in the bathroom, so it did not really matter to him.

Go home and sleep.

Taemin could not sleep properly since his mother died; the dark circles under his eyes showed it. His stepfather did not care about it, of course. He acted like the boy did not change. And when his grandparents told the man how much they worried about the boy, he just shrugged and said "If Taemin is a real man he will get over it, just like him."

But they were not the same. Taemin was everything the man was not. He listened to the man's harsh words only because of his mother. Although Taemin was an adult, he had no idea what he should do with his life. He did not want to live with his grandparents like a leech, and anyway they were living in a nursing home since months.

His legs quivered during the walk, so he grabbed the railing. Taemin stepped closer to it, and looked down at the dark water. He led his fingers through his long hair, and took the hair ring out of it.

He lifted his hand in the air without thinking and let the hair ring to fell into the billowy water.

Would he fall into the depths like this too? Would anyone notice him? He only felt sorry for his grandparents. He had no friends... as he was thinking about it he climbed to the other side of the railing. 

His heart was beating in his throat, when one of his legs slipped, but he could grab the railing strongly, just in time. He had only one friend. A boy from the soccer team; the son of the coach. The team did not like Taemin, although he never did anything to deserve it.

Taemin liked art instead of football; he liked dance. He spent every class break in the dance room alone with a music player and the other Taemins were looking at him from the mirrors. But dance reminded him at his mother too, because she was a ballet dancer, and when Taemin was old enough she started to teach him.

Would that boy miss him? They always ate together in lunch breaks, and he always protected him if someone wanted to hurt him. After some time they walked together after school. Maybe Taemin should have called him to hear his voice for the last time. He was really important to him.

He was shaking, but he took his phone out and searched the boy's name before he pressed the green button. 

"Taemin, where are you? You just disappeared from the funeral! Your grandparents are worried about you, and..."

"How do you know I'm not with them?"

Taemin did not understand.

"I was there." The answer came. "I know how much you loved your mother, and... she was kind to me too. But where are you?"

"Can I ask you a favour? Mom's favourite flower is white rose, so if you're there, then..."

"Taemin, what the hell are you talking about? Where are you? Oh! Ahjussi, stop, please!"

Taemin frowned. He knew the boy did not say these words to him, so he continued after a while.

"Thank you for being my friend." The tears were falling down on Taemin's pale face. "I couldn't have done so far without you. I..." He felt he had to tell him now. It did not matter anymore anyway. "I love you, Choi Minho."

"Taemin! Don't move, do you hear me?! Taemin!"

But Taemin hung up and let his phone go, what followed the hair ring, falling into the water. Now only one of his hands held the railing, his fingers went weak, and Taemin closed his eyes before he started to lean forward. 

It was like wings had been holding him; the wings of a guardian angel. Of course in reality they were two strong arms what pulled the boy back and hugged his chest. Taemin felt the person's heart what was beating like crazy.

"I love you too, Lee Taemin."

Although he did not remember how but he could go back to the safer side of the railing, and he snuggled to Minho; the elder's face was red because he was running to save his friend. But when Taemin looked up, his savior was nowhere. Taemin was alone on the bridge, and the waves were more fetching than ever. This time the railing and the sentences disappeared too. Taemin took a step forward, then another one. Now no one could stop him. He fell into the cold waves.

*

The boy woke up in the bedroom, gasping for air. It was dark, and he was alone; it was the scariest thing. After a few moments the door opened, and Minho ran from the living room. He immediately sat down on the bed, and wanted to hug the boy, but Taemin put his hands on the elder's chest, keeping him away from himself.

"Taemin, it's me, Minho. It's okay, it was just a dream..."

"No! It... it wasn't just a dream."

"You know a part of it was."

It was not the first time Taemin woke up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. It was always the same. His memories came back in his dreams, but from a point they had changed, making the boy desperate.

"Taemin, everything is alright" he took the boy's face, what was covered with sweat, between his hands. "I stopped you. Do you remember? I called a taxi, and we went to a coffee shop, then you talked to your grandmother to calm her down. After that you came to our house, where we ate pizza, and we joined my father, who was watching a football match, but you fell asleep in my arms. Do you remember?"

It seemed Taemin remembered, because he started to calm down slowly, so Minho let him go, and swept the black locks away from the boy's eyes.

"That's how it happened, so... you don't have to be afraid."

"Okay" he said with weakness in his voice, and lay back on the bed, where Minho covered him with the blanket.

"Now try to sleep, I'll be with you, okay?"

"Promise?"

Minho smiled at the younger's words, and after he lay next to him he leaned down and gave a small peck on Taemin's lips.

"Promise."

Now Taemin was the one who pulled the elder down for a kiss. He smelt the boy's scent what was like coffee, and let him to caress his teary cheeks during the gentle kiss. Taemin watched as Minho rolled back to his place on the bed. The taller pulled the boy closer to him, and while Taemin hugged him and put his head on Minho's chest, the other started to play with the younger's dark locks, until he fell asleep.