Hey... I don't know what to say first. Is it I'm sorry or thank you. Thank you, for some of you who still waiting after all this time I abandoned this story. And thank you more for some who even still subscribe. I can't 😭.

I'm so sory for taking too much time to come back. And I'm sorry again that I can't promise to update this story routinely like in the past. So many things to do lately ☹

But please do enjoy this update. Please bear with the lost of touch because it's been long time since I did fiction.

 

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Sooyoung POV

I look at the sky and the sun is setting. I hear the birds chirping to add up the panorama. Evening is always beautiful from here. Wonder where? It’s the orphanage. I just visited because Chorong has her 12^th birthday celebration. How time flies. Altough she is the oldest in the house, I used to babysit her all the time when she was still a cute baby toddler. Look at her now, a wimpy talkative teenager.

And the memories brought me to the first time I ask that Jung to join me to go to the orphanage. That day, under the sunset, I also almost kiss her. If it’s not for Byungjae’s sudden interruption. I smirk. That kid is the most naughty than the others. Not to say he also kissed her on her birthday that year, she told me.

That Jung.

Jessica Jung.

 

In the middle of my train of thoughts, I feel my phone vibrating in my jacket pocket.

Tiffany.

“Hey.”

“Mwo? ‘hey’?”

“….”

I pout. What does she want, really.

 

“Hey.” She calls again after couple of seconds. This time she sounds a little softer than before.

“Neh, Fany-ah.” I answer after a short sigh. She mirrors my sigh just after.

“Sooyoung-ah.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

 

That got me stunned. Sorry? I don’t know why she said it. I really wanna ask why she did say that. But deep down I know what she’s trying to express. And I don’t know just from which second tears starts rumming in my eyes.

 

“I know it must be hard for you too.” And just then it slips out of my eyes, a single tear.

I have to cut her talk before I drowned deeper.

“Hey it’s oka-.” But she cut me again.

“No, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! I’m just panicking!” She said in a rather higher tone. And I could feel her stutter and sobbing. In the middle of calming my own depressed heart, I try to listen Fany, for she is one of the dearest friend of my girl.

 

“Taeyeon just told me yesterday about the whole accident.”

“….” I nod, oblivious with the fact that she can’t see me. I hear her sobbing again.

“I just.. I just don’t- ” I listen. But she takes another pause.

 

“Sooyoung, I’m so sorry. I just really don’t know what to do. I want to help but I don’t know how.” She blabbers uncontrollably.

“It’s okay, Fany.” I repeat again.

“I’m so sorry if it sounds like I offend you.”

“It’s okay.” Again, like a broken radio tape.

“You know how much Jessie means to me, right?”

I smile. “Of course.”

“I mean… I mean of course I know she means so much for you to in different way. But she is the only sister-liked best friend for me. It’s not like you don’t-“

“Hey, Fany. It’s okay.”

“…”

“I know how much you hurt hearing this news. I know how much you care for Jessica, and also how much you mean to her too. It’s not something to apologize to me tho.”

“…”

“And I’m so, so, so, sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier. I should have. You know, I was just..”

“…”

“Just…. sad. Maybe.” I smile. Sadly. I know Tiffany can feel it too.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Oh shut up and stop saying sorry, Fany-ah.” I pretend to chuckle a bit to decrease her guilt. She mirrors. And there goes another silence for some seconds again.

While leaning my back on some neighborhood house wall, I tap my feet. Up and down and up and down. It needs three times before Tiffany speak again.

 

“How is she now?”

“…”

“…”

“I can only say, not in her best condition.”

“…”

“…”

“I miss her.”

“Sure you do.”

“I really want to reach her but I know it’s not a good idea. Yet. Isn’t it?”

“Absolutely. Please wait some times, Fany-ah. I will inform you if she’s ready I promise.”

“Thank you, Sooyoung-ah.”

“My pleasure.”

 

We sigh again, together. And chuckle again after that. How funny.

 

 

 

“Sooyoung-ah..”

“Neh?”

 

“Please don’t give up on her.”

 

I smile.

 

 

 

 

“I won’t. No matter what.”

 

 

 

Jessica POV

It’s almost 7 PM and I just woke up again. Yeah, again. I don’t know how many times I have slept today, since it’s already the fourth day I don’t go to the college after that fcking accident.

That accident.

 

I sit on the edge of my bed, looking around my messy room. The books, pen, pillow, everything scatter everywhere on the floor. I don’t remember when and how, but I’m sure it’s me beyond all of this. I got stressed, angry, trying to scream but I can’t, throwing everything, crying, then falling asleep eventually.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, in my deep slumber, I notice someone would come to take care of the mess I’ve made. And then, that someone would sit beside where I was sleeping, caressing my hair, and finally kissing my forehead.

And then I would cry because I know who it is. I would cry thinking how much a burden I am to her. And then I would get angry just by the thought of it. How come I be the burden for the person I love the most.

 

I stand up in front of the mirror, looking at my very own unattractive figure inside of it. A pair of pajamas and a loose cardigan as outer. Lumpy face, red eyes, and undesirable hair. Enough with the self critic, I dive my upper body again to the bed. Just then I hear my phone ringtone. I smile, it’s Sooyoung favorite song.

Lost at thought, I almost forget that the phone is still ringing. I stand up again to reach it, finding Kim Stella as the caller. She is a friend in on of my classes. Just then I remember,

Oh, I have a groupwork with her!

 

Unconsciously I swipe the green phone symbol on my phone screen, answering the call. Hello, that’s what I mean to say. But at that time I just realize.

 

I

Can

Not

Talk.

 

Not yet.

 

 

Fck!

 

“Hello?” I hear Stella’s voice fro m my phone.

 

Sht!

 

“Hello, Jessica. This is Stella.”

....

“Are you hearing me?”

 

I try to open my mouth, hoping something would come out. But no.

 

“Jessica please answer if you hear me?” She asks again. And the more of it, the more I got stressed.

“Is the network error?” I hear her humming for the other line, before the line went off.

 

No. It’s not the network!

 

I sit down again, grabbing that phone hard while tears are threatening to fall. I’m shivering, being afraid if someone would ever call me again. But before I could even take a longer breath, the phone ring again. And it’s Stella again.

This time I let it vibrating and ringing in my hand. I won’t answer it.

 

But it gets louder.

 

 

And I get frustrated.

 

FCK!

 

I throw the phone to my bed, hard.

 

It keeps ringing.

 

I crawl to the corner of the room. Having my hands covering each of my ears. There, then the tears finally pouring. I cannot contain them anymore. My breath hitches as I listen every note of the ringtone offer. I throw the pillow beside where I sit, and just then someone rummage to my room.

 

“Babe?”

 

Sooyoung POV

I sense something wrong when I arrive home. Remembering eomma isn’t home today, I rush to Jessica’s room.

 

“Babe?”

I get worried because my eyes don’t see her the moment I open the room. I then look around and finding my girl on the corner of the room. Crying, covering her ears.

Quickly I come to her side, holding her desperate face.

“Sica, Baby, what happened?”

She is shivering, stay still in her pose, before slowly she point at a thing on her bed

 

Her phone.

 

It’s ringing.

 

Understanding the message she sent, I quickly peck her lips and tell her to wait, before grabbing the phone and went outside the room to answer it.

 

Jessica POV

She pecks my lips, like not disgusted with my messy look.

“I’ll answer it. Wait a little bit, okay.” She said, before caressing my hair and leaving out of the room.

 

How I love her. There’s not a time I don’t.

 

As tears on my cheeks start drying, I stand up and peek on Sooyoung from the gap of my almost-closed room door.

 

“Good evening, Stella-ssi. Please mind me, this is Sooyoung, Jessica’s girlfriend.”

She keep calm when she talks on the phone, leaning on the wall between her and my room. In between the phone conversation, she realizes that I’m peeking her. I then try to close my door, but too late because she is now walking to my direction.

Holding the door that I once wanna close, she smiles at me. Before I know, her free hand slips on my right hand. Fingers intertwined she lead me to sit together on the side of my bed, with still holding and talking to my phone.

 

“Hmm…” Sometimes she nods her head.

“……” Sometimes she just listens.

 

“Yeah, I’m afraid for some times Jessica won’t be able to answer your call. She is having a little throat problem.”

I hold the grip stronger. She reciprocates it as she looks deep in my eyes. Just after that, she cup my face with her free hand while continuing the phone talk.

 

“But I’m sure she will get better very soon. She is a very strong girl.”

 

I adore her so much..

 

She smiles again. At me.

 

“…...”

“Yeah, it’s okay to chat via messenger or e-mail I guess”

“…..”

“Okay. You are very welcome.”

“…..”

“Neh. Annyeong.”

 

The line went off and she gave me back my phone.

 

 

“Turn it to silent mode. Ignore all the calls. Just reply the chat or e-mail, okay?”

I nod. I don’t know why but I cry again. Disgusted with my own face, I hug Sooyoung and put my head in her chest. But Sooyoung against my idea of hiding. She bring my head out of her chest and place it face to face with her, before slowly leaning to kiss me. Deep.

 

My tears roll down harder between the kiss. And harder when she whispers in the middle of it.

“I love you, Jessica Jung.”

 

And continued, when finally our lips separated.

“So please don’t be afraid.”

 

“I’ll be with you.”

 

Her eyes.

 

 

 

“I’ll be your voice.”

 

I hug her again, more tightly now. Like I don’t wanna let her go forever.

 

I don’t. Really I don’t.

 

 

I cannot ask for anybody else.