She had missed this

She had missed the smell of fresh dye that coated her now flaming red hair (though not how damaged it felt under her fingertips), missed the almost crazed buzz of the assistants running around the shooting spot, the loud barks of the director as he shot order after order at the cameramen (and anyone else that was willing to listen). Shiha had missed absolutely everything about the entertainment business, and standing here again, waiting for her call to shoot her music video scenes as three different stylists worked to perfect the beauty spot on her cheek… It felt amazing.

She knew she had missed it, but she had no idea she had missed it that much. She almost didn’t feel guilty about standing here by herself rather than with her old groupmates.

Well, she wasn’t really all alone. A glance to her right had alerted her of the way Hankyung blatantly flirted with the assistant, tugging playfully at a shiny curl and leaning in a little more than was socially accepted. The other guy - she thought his name started with Jong, but to be honest she couldn’t for the life of her remember - was watching him with an exasperated expression, eyes dangerously close to a roll. They were a fun duo, their dynamics peaking her curiosity, but neither had made any visible attempts at introducing themselves to her. It made everything that much more awkward, but Shiha guessed that perhaps they were awkward themselves (well, the Jong guy, that is. Hankyung was too busy winning a staring contest with the assistant’s cleavage). She didn’t know how to behave around them, didn’t know anyone else, and so all she could do was stand there in the middle of the set, and watch.

Shiha had only seen the duo thrice prior to the mv shooting - the first was about a month ago when the unit was formed and CEO Lee explained how everything was going to work, and the other two times were when they recorded the song together - and she still couldn’t remember what the older guy’s name was. He wasn’t very interesting, or perhaps didn’t care to make himself interesting to her, mostly remaining professional (though very nice and polite) through their meetings. Hankyung, on the other hand… Well, there was a reason why she remembered his name. It was kind of hard to forget the dude that whispered in her ear that if the company wasn’t going to fund the job, he was willing to put a few grand for the greater good.

But everything was still amazing and Shiha had missed this so ing much.

“Settling in?”

Her head whipped to the left (earning a disapproving hiss from the stylist working on fixing her hair) before her lips stretched into a polite smile. The manager - her new manager - strode over, hands clasped behind his back. With an unreadable expression on his face (was it politeness? Was it aloofness? Was he simply a brick of ice?), he offered her a smile in return. Shiha didn’t know what to think of it.

“Yes, thank you so much! Everything is absolutely great, everyone is taking great care of me!”

The manager glanced to the side, where Hankyung had begun the assistant’s shoulders a tad too affectionately. “... Yes, I see.”

Shiha wondered if he was always so unreadable, because so far she felt nothing but aloofness she was unsure wasn’t directed just at her. She still wanted him to like her, though… now, if only she could remember his name.

“I’m glad you’re settling in, it’s very important to us that you feel as comfortable as possible.” The manager continued in his casual tone. “If you have any requests, feel free to let me know.”

While the gesture was nice, the intonation of his voice was as cool as ever, and Shiha wondered yet again if perhaps she had done something wrong. “No, no, I’m perfectly fine!” She said quickly, bowing slightly. “If you need anything from me,oppa, please let me know too!”

In retrospect, perhaps calling him “oppa” had been a tad too soon. The manager visibly suppressed a shudder.

With a single nod, he spun on his heels and retreated hastily, leaving trails of confusion in his wake. Has she done something wrong? Had she offended him in any way? She had spoken to him only two times, both doing her very best to be professional and polite, so she didn’t think she had done something… but what if she did? Maybe her bow hadn’t been low enough when she introduced herself? Perhaps it was the way she was currently dressed, shorts too short and top too revealing, and he thought that it was inappropriate and felt embarrassed talking to her? She immediately regretted leaving the jacket open, but it was just so hot inside and her scars still itched and hurt and it just felt nice to let the area breathe.

She’d just have to work extra hard. People like him usually appreciated hard work and dedication, and she was anything if not the picture of professionalism when it came to work. It wasn’t always like that, of course - she was just a whiny little teenager when she debuted, one that didn’t know right from wrong and didn’t know what she was getting into. Shiha wasn’t that girl anymore, for better or worse. She knew the industry from inside out. She behaved accordingly.

For a second her mind drifted towards her former group members, and she wondered what they were doing at that exact moment. Iseul and Younha were probably working, just like her, filming a music video or working on their debut album as a duo (she had heard the news from Younha. Iseul, it seemed, didn’t want to do anything with her). Eugene… Shiha had no idea actually. Probably studying somewhere, or being her usual creepy self. The main dancer had isolated herself from both the press and her former members rather well, and no matter how much Younha (and Shiha, to some extent) tried to get in contact, Eugene was apparently set on never seeing them again.

Was it for the better? Perhaps. Shiha had no idea, and it wasn’t like she was going to find out. Younha and Iseul were going to re-debut very shortly after her own sub-unit, and their meeting was inevitable.

Huh. Perhaps she’d get to meet Sungyu-unnie and Yuri-unnie too. Girls Generation was scheduled for a comeback too, and she hadn’t seen them in a while...

“Are those fresh scars on your double D’s, or are you just happy to see me?”

She simultaneously wanted to laugh and roll her eyes into oblivion. With a lazy glance towards the man that had crept up on her, she asked, “Seriously? Is that the best you’ve got?”

“What? I thought it was clever.” Hankyung shrugged, putting his hands in the pockets of his designer jeans. What a waste of money, she could’ve sworn she had seen the exact same pair on a hobo just yesterday.

Was he trying to flirt with her, or was he trying to offend her? Shiha couldn’t tell for now, but this was fun, kind of. At least someone who wasn’t an actual brick was paying some attention to her.

“You’re better at shoulder rubs, it seems.”

A wicked grin worked its way to his pale face. “Ooooh, did you spend a lot of time watching me? Should’ve said something, I would’ve winked.”

“Yeah, it was pretty funny how desperate you looked.”

Hankyung looked her in the eyes, before sweeping his gaze over her body. Shiha was used to it. She didn’t really care. “God, I can’t wait to smoke weed and make out with you.”

She rolled her eyes. If he was trying to make her uncomfortable with his vulgarities, he was failing. Amateur. “Please get an std check first.”

“Believe it or not, Yuri made me take one before. I was clean… mostly.”

That did make her laugh, a suppressed snort evolving into a chuckle that made his smug grin a little smugger. “Oh my god, I hope you’re joking!”

“Well, you’ll just have to get tested afterward and find out!” He replied in a sing-song voice and nudged her with an elbow. “Now come on, let’s go have some fun.”

It was not fun.

“No, no, no! Hankyung! It’s , but still not a movie!”

Never had any director she worked with sounded that done with everything. Hankyung just shrugged in return and apologized in a way that made it obvious to Shiha that he was as unapologetic as it got.

From the corner of her eye, she could see her manager shake his head. Perhaps he’d feel guilty enough about this that he’d stop looking at her like she was fresh out of juvie.

Hankyung was insufferable. Shiha didn’t know if he was just a , or if he was one of those kids that never got enough attention growing up, or if he had daddy issues that he was desperately trying to make up for. She didn’t care. She tried being polite, she tried joking, she did everything she could, but he didn’t care. She was all but two fresh scars on a pair of Double D’s. If that’s what he wanted… Well, whatever.

She took initiative the next time the camera rolled, pushing him down to sit and advancing towards him with a cat-like demeanor. If he wanted her to be a pair of Double D’s, so shall she be. Rolling the cardigan off her shoulders, she playfully threw it in his face and watched in satisfaction as it slid off his face and onto the floor, leaving his hair and expression in disarray. This was so much easier. Grabbing his chin firmly, she straddled him and kissed him, gently but with enough resolve that he, the director, anyone that was watching would know - Bae Shiha knew what she was doing, and she wasn’t afraid to show it.

They had to kiss eight more times, some of them more daring than the others, and by the time the director announced that it was time to move to the next shot Shiha’s lips were swollen and slightly throbbing. Her lipstick was smeared all over Hankyung’s face - a feat the stylists immediately set on fixing - and she was cold from not wearing any clothes. She could feel the gaze of the director on her body, and even the manager snuck what she believed was a guilty peek at her frame. It did nothing to her, she realized as she wrapped a robe around herself, and she couldn’t decide if she should’ve felt alarmed or not. Any Korean woman that respected herself wouldn’t have been so casual about being half- in front of so many people - hell, her grandmother would probably throw her a tirade about “appropriate lady behavior” when she’d watch the music video - but all she felt was a sort of clinical detachment from the situation. She felt more embarrassed about calling the manager “oppa” than about him staring at her . It was a curious thought, one she didn’t know what to make of. Was it who she was now?

She didn’t have enough time to dwell on the matter, thankfully, before she was dragged to the next location, dressed in different clothing, and thrown into the spotlight to film another scene. The funky beats of the song and her voice blared in the background as she danced in the toilet, first by herself and then with Hankyung. God, why couldn’t had she been paired with Jong… Jongun? He seemed so much better than the little brat who thought himself king. At the very least he was more professional about it.

Thankfully, there was only another kissing scene with Hankyung (who apparently did not know what the word “chaste” meant), and it was far less awkward than Shiha had thought. Multiple makeout sessions would do that to you. The rest of the music video shooting had gone relatively smoothly - Jongun (she was almost sure that was his name) had never been much of a problem, and Hankyung kept being his peculiarly funny despite being somewhat of a self, not only engaging in various forms of banter, but also seemed to genuinely enjoy making her laugh with an almost childishly victorious grin on his pale face. He was fun, she had to admit. At the end, it passed much quicker than she initially thought, and by the time she was getting really drowsy, she was already filming her last scene - a rater triggering pg-13 ual assault turned murder that wrapped up rather nicely the beautiful dissonance between the cheerful, funky song and grim, provocative music video (very clever, she had to admit. Shiha approved).

“You can clean up properly in the dorm.” the manager had informed her after she turned her wondering eyes towards him, still trying to get rid of the fake blood on her face and hands.

She nodded in response, though her fingers still clutched protectively the damp toilet paper - the gooey substance the fake blood was made of felt gross, and she wanted to get cleaned up right now rather than wait until they reached her new dorm. She still thanked him, of course, trying very hard not to add “oppa”.

Too soon, she reminded herself.

Way too soon.

Chaerin was the kind of girl who always wore her heart on her sleeve. It was one of the main reasons she was shocked none of the EM staff had figured out she and Kiyong were dating – a simple glance at the way she looked at him would've been enough to understand what was going on. It was her best and worst trait, in a way, but it was what characterized her, so she didn't try to change it.

So when manager Cheolmin (it was still weird to say it. She had a manager now! A real manager!) eyed the red mark on her neck that Chaerin desperately tried to cover, she was doing her absolute best not to look guilty. She was doing a fairly good job, she thought proudly as she tried not to sweat bullets in front of the scary, scary man.

He regarded her with his usual expression, one that vaguely showed how unimpressed he was, while at the same time maintaining his regular “I don’t give a about you and would throw you to the wolves if it means I could get some entertainment” vibe. Chaerin took it as a good sign. He hadn’t noticed. As long as he didn’t figure out that it was a hickey on her neck, Chaerin was happy. She quickly readjusted her hair to fall over her shoulder.

She knew that if he found out, he’d report it to CEO Lee, and then Kiyong could kiss his job goodbye. Cheolmin was one of the OG staff members and a complete and total up for their company’s boss lady. , the hickey wasn’t even worth it - she never really liked when he touched her neck.

“I presume your dancing class went well, Chaerin-ssi?”

Chaerin gulped nervously. “Y-yes! It went really well, I learned a lot of new things!” Like the fact that the janitor’s closet was a rather uncomfortable place for a makeout session. That was a lesson she’d remember for a long time.

Manager Cheolmin nodded once, and Chaerin let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Crisis averted.

In retrospect it may have been a bit weird - Yoonji had later smacked her on her head and proceeded to perform an unwelcome intervention about how she shouldn’t be so ing naive (yeah, she got it, Yoon, it’s not like she could do anything about it jeez) - but when the man informed her that Lee Yuri herself had invited her out for lunch moments after, nothing seemed wrong. Hey, she was one of the OG members of the company herself, and it seemed fairly logical that the big boss might want to compliment her badass skills over a nice meal. It wasn’t too farfetched, Chaerin kept telling herself despite whatever Yoon was saying. She was just jealous because she wasn’t as cool and awesome.

That was how she found herself an hour later (she was allowed to take a shower and change into more presentable clothes than her black sweatpants and stinky from training tank top), sitting awkwardly as Lee Yuri looked through the menu and asked the waiter what was today’s special. French onion soup, apparently.

In the end, her CEO ordered only coffee. Chaerin did the same - she had enough money only for a drink, and she was not going to be a and order hot cocoa in front of Lee Yuri herself, even if she really, really wanted to.

“So, Chaerin.” Yuri smiled at her, taking a sip from her cup. “How’s training going? Your evaluations get better and better as we’re approaching your debut - the dance instructors seems especially pleased with your performance.”

“Teacher Kiyong said that?” It was… Well, Chaerin didn’t expect that. Sometimes she still got the feeling that he didn’t want her to be an idol. Despite already being a part of the project group that was going to debut in the following months, sometimes she still feared he was doing something to make her drop. The warm feeling the compliment left had evaporated instantly, leaving aftertastes of bitterness in their wake. She felt so ing guilty for having them. Kiyong was her boyfriend. He loved her, he wouldn’t do that to her.

There were some telltale signs, of course. A weird glance here, a sarcastic comment from Yoonji there. Chaerin knew these thoughts had origins, she wasn’t stupid. Every now and then she caught Kiyong looking at her during dance lesson, a weird expression on his face that made her feel uneasy and all squirmy inside. Every time she came to him during these years, eyes watering and feelings all over the place about how she hadn’t debuted yet, his reaction was always a bit distant and, well, not Kiyongy. At first, she thought he asked EM to keep her as a trainee so her heart won’t get broken when they drop her, but then Yoonji that had suggested that perhaps there was something wrong there. She could still remember that conversation. "Did it ever occur to you that he might be jealous of you?" Yoonji asked.

She was oblivious at the time. "Jealous of what exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know." her best friend put a finger on her chin as if to think, before rolling her eyes the way she always did. "Maybe because you're actually debuting as an idol, while he's stu