Yah, you’re so shameless.

Irene sighed happily as her head rested against the tiny blue pillow on Wendy’s shoulder, wishing it were out of the way, wanting to feel her cheeks against the girls shoulder.  The car they were in winded slowly through the streets of Pattaya, the city warm and humid, their shooting location some distance away still.  Closing her eyes she held in a pent up breath, willing herself not to simply attack Wendy with kisses and hugs while the cameras were rolling.

She thought about this morning and the sudden resolve that had cemented in her mind. The memory of straddling Wendy, looking down at the bashful girl bathed in the morning light, blushing deeply as the soft lyrics of a lover’s song filled the air, she had known she wanted to be more.  It was a flash of a though, like lighting, but it came with a solid resolution.  She would love Wendy with all her heart.  Unconventional, certainly untraditional by Korean standards, but unconditional.

Why have I never thought these things before?  How can I be so sure?

She began to think of the past few years and how close they had been.  She recalled the night before when she reached out to touch Wendy’s face, stopping herself short.  Of the jealousy that had welled up inside when Wendy had tried to stay in Yeri’s room instead of hers.  She had made herself act playful, teasing her junior, but deep down there was a seething enviousness.

I only feel that way with Wendy too.  I can bare the others playing without me but I always need my Wendy close.

She drew in a long sigh, willing herself to relax despite the flux of energy running through her, a mixture of both desire and elation. She knew it was a bomb she had dropped on Wendy, those few words staking claim on the dark haired beauty.  The look of utter surprise the pulled those pretty features into a comical expression of complete shock made Irene giggle internally.

I had always indulged Wendy, letting her in and enjoying her embraces, caring for her like she cared for me.  More than anyone else. I had long suspected her inclinations but how had I been so blind as to my own?

Her mind went back even further, instances where she had treated Wendy as more than just a friend or group member.  The time she scoured the stage for Wendy’s water bottle.  The long looks she’d given Wendy when singing Would U, not realizing she had done so until watching the video days later.  The almost magical draw that Wendy’s squishy bottom had on her hand.

Maybe I can touch her in private now?

Her lips curled up as that salacious thought flashed through her mind, the memory of herself pressing down against Wendy’s slender frame this morning came back in a flash, a sudden heat filling her chest.  She felt both amazed and ashamed at her own forthrightness, simply claiming Wendy like she had.

Wait… I didn’t ask her, though.  I just told her…

A sudden tightness came to , worry rushing through her like a flash.  She worried that Wendy would rebuff her, refuse to be more than friends.  She had long suspected, to the point of certainty, that Wendy was gay. There had never been an outright sign but simply being so close to the girl, watching and knowing her, had clued her in.  How could she not figure it out?  She spent so much time watching the girl, learning about her, interested in little else sometimes.

There WAS that time I caught her fast forwarding The Handmaiden to a scene in the middle of the night…

She wanted to be certain Wendy felt this way, though the girl had never stated it clearly. What was even more surprising to Irene, as she thought back, was that she had never shied away from Wendy once she was certain the girl was gay.  In truth she had become more affectionate, enjoying the touches and cuddles that Wendy provided.  For a long time Irene had thought it was simply a case of her own indulgence, letting herself be loved because it made her feel desired.  Now, since this morning, she began to realize it wasn’t as much that as she herself had been falling in love too.

That must be it!  It has to be it.  I’ve been in love with her and never realized it till just now.  It’s the only real explanation.

She was resolved, firm her desire to make Wendy hers and keep the small, delicate girl close.  She knew just how dangerous this relationship would be, how any hint of it to the public could not only destroy their careers, but that of Joy, Yeri, and Seulgi as well.

Still, I can be that selfish, right?  What happens in the dorm and out of sight will never be seen by anyone else. We already hold hands and hug in public and nobody things anything different.  We just have to be careful, right?

Still, that worry began to build inside her coupled with her not knowing Wendy’s true, honest feelings.  She clenched her eyes tight and bit her lip as her stomach began to feel heavy with that worry.  Trying to hold onto those feelings of elation that had been overwhelming her since the morning, she tried to only think of their languorous morning embrace and the quick kiss they had shared.

As soon as we can, I have to talk to her.  I have to know for certain how she feels… and if she doesn’t feel the same way I do, convince her to go out with me anyway…

She pushed aside those worries and simply thought of the tenderness of Wendy’s lips, inhaling the summer like scent of the cool wipes Wendy had rubbed against her neck, sinking into the warmth of the girl who now consumed her thoughts.