Song to listen: Agust D - Agust D

I'm sorry, you should change your job

Your ability of making yourself look like a moron

Is extraordinary so change your job, boy

I'm sorry I mean it I'm sorry

I'm sorry that your rapper compared to me

Agust D got off the stage drenched in sweat still feeling high from the adrenaline of performing at one of the biggest hip hop festivals in Korea and went backstage as he heard the screams of thousands of people, especially girls. He scoffed remembering that none of the girls in the first few rows even made an effort to rap along, dance and whatnot. All they did was taking pictures with their fancy cameras, using their phones or just straight up screaming (often very tasteless and vulgar) things in his face. Sure he loved the attention but he would’ve appreciated a little more excitement about his music.

As he made his way to the backstage area he saw Namjoon his best (and pretty much only) friend.

“Yoongi hyung, good job out there! Guess there is really no one who can beat the Agust D. People are still screaming like crazy.”

“Too bad plenty of them aren’t even here for the music tho.” Yoongi looked down feeling uneasy out of nowhere. 

Is this really how I used to feel rapping back then?, he thought.

“Come on don’t start again. You know how it gets once you start getting fame and fangirls-” He got interrupted by a voice. “Rapmonster is on in 3 minutes.”

“Look hyung I gotta go but I really don’t like how you’ve been acting these days. Let’s chill at the after party and have fun like the old times ok?”

“Nahh you go ahead and have fun I have some songs I wanna finish. See you around I guess.”

He was already almost out of the door before the younger could insist.

“Say hi to the guys for me.”

—

“Jimin come on focus!”

“Jimin not again!”

That’s all Jimin got to hear from their choreographer the past days during dance practice. He was doing his best. He always does his best. But he couldn’t ignore the growling of his tummy anymore and his body just didn’t seem to work along with his mind. 

Bangtan’s first comeback date was approaching fast and everyone seemed to be perfectly prepared. Everyone expect for him.

As he made his fifth mistake that day he felt tears filling his eyes and his body was about to give up as he heard their manager’s voice.

“Seojoon-sshi why don’t we take a little break I’m sure you are thirsty. You go grab water and I’ll deal with this troublemaker.” Seokjin said trying to showing off his sweetest smile. The choreographer obviously falling for the handsome manager’s smile agreed and left the room.

“Guys I’m sorry.” was all Jimin could say.

Of course you’re sorry. You should be grateful they’re still keeping your pathetic in the group, he thought.

“It’s okay hyung we all have our down days.” the youngest of the group Jungkook was the first one to respond. The other two members nodded in agreement.

But you don’t. I’m the only one bringing you down, Jimin couldn’t voice out his thoughts and tried to smile as the manager spoke up.

“Kids you keep on practicing and try to not piss off Seojoon. The company worked really hard to hire him as a choreographer. I’ll bring Jimin home just tell them he is not feeling well.”

“No hyung I can stay I really need that practice.”

“All you need right now is some rest. You’ll be no good if you keep on practicing like this. I know you Jimin and that’s not you. Come on let’s go!”

Neither Jimin nor the other members could say anything, everyone feeling slightly moved by their manager’s care.

—

Seokjin was driving as he tried starting a conversation with the younger one for the fifth time.

“So the comeback is approaching are you nervous?”

“Yeah I guess” and a polite smile was all he got. The Jimin who once couldn’t stop babbling, who got called the sunshine of the company was replaced by a pale and dull looking boy who couldn’t even make an effort to keep the conversation going.

“Jimin-ah, I know it’s been hard for you recently. I know you feel the pressure but please don’t hold back you can trust me. I’ve known you for 6 years now. Please just talk to me”

Out of nowhere Jimin felt the courage to utter: “Hyung do you think I’m useless?”

“What? Jimin where does this come from? Have you been reading comments again? I thought I forbade reading them long ago.”

“No hyung” Jimin lied “I’ve just been thinking you know… I thought I was a good dancer but there is no way I can keep up with Hoseok hyung. I considered myself as pretty handsome but all the comments on Taehyung’s drama were about how handsome he is, how his visuals are just unrivaled. And well Jungkook-ie … he is the golden maknae. I’ve never met someone like him before. He is good at everything.”

After letting it out Jimin immediately regretted ever saying those words. He felt tears  wetting his cheeks as he looked out of the window to avoid any eye contact.

Seokjin let out a long sigh as he pulled over. 

“Jimin-ah I know you’re still influenced by those disgusting comments but you CAN sing, dance and you’re one of the prettiest idols I’ve ever met. More than anything you have a heart of gold”

The younger cried even more feeling like he made his hyung worry even though he already had enough to do with fixing Jimin’s mess.

“Thank you hyung it means a lot. But I don’t want to drag the others down. Maybe I should quit before the comeback.”

Jimin didn’t say that for attention or comfort it has been on his mind for weeks now. He would never be able to be the best at anything, couldn’t keep up with the choreography, he was just a mess no one should have to deal with.

Seokjin was shocked and disappointed. How could he not realize how bad Jimin was feeling it was his damn job to look after the kids. Especially Jimin who was just too innocent and too fragile.

“I don’t want to hear anything like that ever again. Bangtan started as four people and will continue as four people. Do you really want to throw those six years away because of some comments?”

Jimin tried to deny it but both of them knew that the reason he felt so miserable were comments he got online. While netizens praised the other members, Jimin was just always too fake, too plain, too fat.

He didn’t have the energy to respond. Singing and dancing, performing for an audience, making people happy and making them smile was what Jimin lived for. It was all he ever knew.

After minutes of silence the manager spoke up again.

“Hoseok had Hit The Stage, Taehyung had Hwarang and Jungkook had King of Masked Singer. They all had an opportunity to show people their talents. You just need one as well. You guys are stars, my stars. And I know for a fact that none of my stars shine brighter than the others.”

Jimin couldn’t say anything he just felt thankful. Thankful for s and thankful for his hyung who basically raised him up after he came to Seoul.

Just wait Jimin-ah I will make sure you get your chance even if the company is too lazy to do that I will get you your opportunity, Seokjin thought.

—

After he dropped of Jimin at their dorm he called an old friend he hasn’t been contacting lately to ask him for a favour.

Namjoon literally picked up after two seconds as if he was waiting for Seokjin to call him.

“Hyun-ng hi ho-how are y-you?” Namjoon asked stuttering.

“Hi I’m doing good how are you?” the older responded.

“Yeah m-me t-too I guess”

Seokjin coughed awkwardly not knowing how to continue. 

“Hyung I’m glad you called I-” Namjoon started but got interrupted.

“Namjoon-sshi I just called to ask for a favor…Well basically to ask for a favor back. You promised, remember?”

The younger was disappointed to put it lightly. He though that Seokjin would finally agree on giving him a second chance.

“Yeah I remember hyung” he tried to sound cheerful.

“Do you remember Jimin?”

“How could I not remember him” Namjoon let out a small laugh “That kid wouldn’t leave your side for a second. It was a struggle to get you alone without him following you”

“Well I need you to write a song for him…Or just feature him in one of yours because I’m pretty sure the company won’t let him release a solo song right now.”

“Wha-Why hyung?”

“Just trust me he needs that.”

“Hmm…I’m not sure I get to release anything in the near future hyung my last mixtape didn’t really do well…” Namjoon responded embarrassed. If he could he would do it for sure. Hell he would do pretty much anything for the other man but things had changed. He couldn’t just do music for the sake of it. He had to ask for permission and knowing that he won’t get one for sure he just wanted to spare himself the embarrassment.

“Oh…” Seokjin tried to sound as neutral as he could. He tried to sound as if he didn’t care.

I thought you were doing okay but now you can’t even freely do what you love, he thought.

“Yeah” Namjoon responded awkwardly.

“Well thanks anyways I’ll find another way. I don’t want to bother you” 

“No hyung-” 

“Take care Namjoon-sshi” was all the rapper got before Seokjin hang up.

Namjoon was disappointed and angry. He neglected his love for music and now he pretty much lost both. 

If I can’t even do him a favor why would he give me another chance?, he thought.

After thinking about that for hours he came up with an idea. Sure it was crazy and pretty much impossible to accomplish but he would give it a try. He couldn’t disappoint Seokjin…not this time.