A/N: hey guys sorry for the late update!!! This is a Chaesoo hanahaki angst so pls dont die on me!! :) RMB TO LEAVE A COMMENT OKAY? OKAY NOW READ. LONG CHAPTER AHEAD!!! (im so proud of myself *cries*) 4K words!!

Jisoo loved Chaeyoung. Almost to the point where it was too hard for her to handle. But can you really blame her? Chaeyoung was so considerate, so caring, so… perfect. Jisoo hated how she absolutely loved Chaeyoung’s singing, how her sweet voice always had the ability to touch her heart. Jisoo also hated how Chaeyoung could trigger small sparks in her just by casting her that concerned smile with a small pat on her back when Jisoo was hurt or stressed. And not to mention that Jisoo had a soft spot for guitar players. And once again, can you blame her? Guitar players who could sing so sweetly can practically make anyone swoon for them. And one thing lead to another, and Jisoo became slightly more aware and started caring about Chaeyoung much more, to the point where it was getting slightly out of control, and it was showing. Whenever they were on radio shows or interviews, questions such as “if you were a guy, which member would you date?” or “who is the girl crush of blackpink?”, and Jisoo ends up always answering with Chaeyoung’s name. And even though she almost blew her cover, she loved how Chaeyoung grins cutely whenever she chooses the younger girl.

And everything went well, and Jisoo can safely say that she became closer to Chaeyoung, and a part of her thinks that Chaeyoung might like her back.

But not until that fateful day, when Jisoo was sick, and she happened to need a little panadol.

//

Jisoo sighed as she laid on her bed, incredibly tired yet unable to fall asleep due to her throbbing headache. Her head has been hurting for the past hour and Jisoo swears that she might actually flip her as the pain was killing her. Jisoo groaned as she grabbed her head, shaking it back and forth, as if the pain would be shook off if she does that. Jisoo let out a soft whine before shakily standing up from her bed and stumbling to the door, opening it a little, slightly surprised when she heard soft whispering and had to shut her eyes tightly at the lights which was on, coming from the kitchen.

“Who the hell is awake at this time?” Jisoo whispered to herself, irritated because of how bright the hallway was, eyes taking a while to adjust. Jisoo walked gingerly to the kitchen, keeping as quiet as she could when she saw the two youngest members in the kitchen talking to each other secretly. Jisoo zipped her lips and listened to the ongoing conversation between Lisa and Chaeyoung. She knew she shouldn’t be snooping around, she shouldn’t be listening to their conversation, but she couldn’t help but get jealous when she saw Lisa brush Chaeyoung’s bangs away from her eyes.

“Lisa, are you sure all of them are sleeping?” Chaeyoung whispered softly while looking around, making Jisoo move back a little to refrain from being caught.

Nodding her head, Lisa stepped closer to Chaeyoung, cupping the older girl’s cheeks. Chaeyoung leant into Lisa’s touch as she asked, “Do you think Jisoo and Jennie would be okay with us after tomorrow?”

Lisa frowned and Chaeyoung’s hair, “Why not?”

Met with silence, Lisa continued, “Hey, both of them are pretty dang gay too okay? So unless one of them has a crush on one of us, there is absolutely no reason why they would object.” Hearing Lisa’s sentence, Chaeyoung couldn’t help but laugh at how absurd that sentence sounded. “Well, then I think there would be absolutely no problem then, I don’t think Jennie or Jisoo has a crush on either of us.”

Lisa nodded happily and pecked Chaeyoung on her lips, making Chaeyoung blush and making Jisoo turn her head away.

“Time to go.” Jisoo sighed to herself as she blinked away tears forming in her eyes.

And little did both Lisa and Chaeyoung know, someone would object to their relationship, but because of how much Jisoo loved Chaeyoung, she refrained from doing so. Jisoo believed that if Chaeyoung was happy, maybe somehow… she could be too.

And that night, Jisoo didn’t need those panadols, the headache went away, or maybe it didn’t. But the pain Jisoo felt didn’t come from her headache, it came from her heart... which was shattering into a million pieces.

And Jisoo just wished they had sleeping pills.

//

When that fateful day arrived, Jisoo thanked the Gods for her acting skills. Because she masked a smile the whole way without breaking down in front of her members while her heart was crying inside. Jennie was also busying congratulating the two members, ruffling their hair and squealing at how cute they were. And Jisoo can’t help but wonder - can no one really notice how broken she was? No one noticed how Jisoo’s eyes didn’t light up as brightly as her dazzling smile, how there was always a hollow feeling when she spoke. Maybe they did notice it, but they probably just kept quiet. Jisoo never cries in front of them anyway, she probably solves all her problems by herself right? She doesn’t need any help right?

Wrong.

Jisoo wanted to shout out loud how much she needed them now. How for the first time, she needed and actually wanted a shoulder to cry on. But she didn’t get one, most likely because she didn’t ask for one.

So, Jisoo suffered from this indirect heartbreak alone. Surrounded by people, but still feeling as lonely as ever. Smiling everyday when she sees her members but slowly dying inside. Jisoo never really cared about her feelings. So she just pushed this heartbreak aside and convinced herself that she was okay, that she’ll get over Chaeyoung, that this pain would stop… eventually. And that indeed was true. The pain did stop, because of how numb her heart was from all the pain she had already went through. Jisoo didn’t feel as hurt as she was initially. But she was also wrong about something - she didn’t get over Chaeyoung. And she knew it. How her heart would clench ever so slightly when she sees Lisa and Chaeyoung together, and that’s when Jisoo told herself that she just had to ignore it.

But instead of her pain leaving her, Jisoo found herself in a new situation…

//

After their dance practice, Jisoo, being the clean freak she is, rushed to the bathroom to take a bath. On the way to the toilet, she saw Lisa and Chaeyoung holding hands, sitting on the couch, talking. Sure, it was one month after Lisa and Chaeyoung revealed their relationship, but Jisoo’s feelings were too strong that they hung on. Jisoo’s heart ached badly at that sight but she forced herself to look away and hurried to the toilet.

Just as she reached the toilet, she slammed the door shut just in time as small droplets of tears escaped from her eyes, flowing down her pale white skin. Jisoo had to admit, her heart hurt. And the only thing different was that her lungs started burning. Jisoo wheezed and her lungs felt as if there vines tightening around it, suffocating her. Jisoo heaved heavily, trying to take in gulps of oxygen Still coughing, Jisoo felt feel hoarse as specks of red blood could be seen in the white polished sink.

Jisoo’s eyes widened when a single lilac petal, slightly stained with red patches of blood, falling onto the sink. Jisoo picked up the lilac petal and inspected it.

“What on earth?” Jisoo frowned as she quickly threw the petal away and washed the blood off the sink before stepping into the shower and letting the icy water hit her back, wanting the picture of the bloody petal out of her mind.

After showering, Jisoo shouted to her members, “Shower room is empty!” And when she heard Lisa teasingly ask Chaeyoung if she wanted to bathe together, the jealousy in Jisoo took over but she masked it with fake playfulness when she added on, “One at the time please!” And roars of laughter could be heard at her comment, making her cringe internally at how well she could mask her feelings.

Jisoo went back to her room and flipped open her MacBook, casually typing the password without looking since it's practically carved in her brain how the keyboard looks. Clicking the “google chrome” app, Jisoo typed “what happens when you cough out petals and blood” into the search bar. Taking a deep breath, she clicked the search button and many results came out. Clicking a random one, large bolded words popped out “HANAHAKI DISEASE” and below those bolded words were slightly smaller description words of the said disease.

“Hanahaki disease is the disease where the person who suffers from unrequited love would start coughing out petals and blood. The person would cough out exactly 12 petals, one each day, forming a flower. If not treated, the person will die when the 12th petal comes out.”

Jisoo smiled sadly. “11 petals more then, 11 days to go.” No one knew about her condition... and she was planning to keep it that way… even if she only has about 11 more days to live.

//

And so, Jisoo hid her condition from her members, no one knew how she stayed up to 12, choking and coughing, rushing to the toilet to cough out that bl