"Hey, Namy."

Namjoon ceases the movement of his pen. He feels the thump of his heart at the voice. He closes the file and asks her to enter.

Irene walks into his studyroom. She has resumed her visits as she wants to spend more time with Aera and Deiji. She and Namjoon usually do not meet as he will either be at work or gym. But tonight he was home early from work-out. He is not feeling very well.

"I..." Irene looks downwards to find the correct diction.

Namjoon smirks. Once they used to find days to be short because of their talking and now... "Yes, Ren? What is it?" He asks in a cool tone.

"I just wanted to thank you." She finally says.

Namjoon frowns in confusion, "Why?"

"For taking such good care of Aera. I know you have no obligation towards her. Also considering your and oppa's." She looks at him with sadness and embarassment. Those inhuman beatings could not be forgotten.

"Yeah. Who would have thought that animal can be the father of..." He recalls the cute little face and pig-tails of Aera, "...of that sweet child?"

"Hmmm...She is really different from her father, no?" She jokes slightly thinking about her well-mannered niece.

"Yeah.You could credit Park Sooyoung for that!" He laughs lightly and then realizes what he said when he sees Irene's smile getting marred. He looks down again to check the file. He really needs to get it done soon. His headache is making his eyes sore. 

Namjoon and Joy share a very ambiguous relationship. He makes sure Joy is well off. He has never put any control on her expenses. Yet, she is living a much simplier life than her previous one and she herself chose it. She, on the other hand, takes care of Namjoon's every single qualm like a good wife. They have a child together whom Namjoon seems to be very fond of. He has even insured her future.

But he never addresses her as his wife. Many people still think they are just acquintances or he is her employer. Some disgusting men believe that she is his mistress. They even compare Joy to her mother! Also usually in such situations, such "legal contract" are full of infidelity. But neither Joy, nor Namjoon has any such interest. They still do not share a bedroom. She rubs her temple awkwardly remembering that night more than a month ago. She had seen them making out when she came upstairs to say goodbye. She had quickly left the Bae mansion, seeing them like that. 

"Yeah...she helps a lot." She clears slightly.

Namjoon looks up from his file again. He narrows his eyes at her, ignoring the soaring pain, "Help?! Park Sooyoung does not help. She is raising that girl. And she is doing a great job! Or else it is not a secret to anyone how much of 'generous' human beings Baes are!" He sneers coldly, "But yes, if someone who is "helping", it is you." He air quotes the word "helping".

"No, Namy! I didn't mean..." Irene quickly tries to explain but cannot.  She sighs, "I am sorry. It was a wrong thing to say."

"Yes. It was." He has managed to complete his work miraculously even in such situation, "Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?" He sometimes cannot believe how much they have grown apart.

"Uhhh...yes. I was..." She finds it more difficult to voice out her thoughts after his declaration. She feels embarrassed and sad as she knows how right he is.

"You know you can say anything to me." Namjoon assures her after calming himself a little. He may have been a bit rude than required.

"Really? You won't argue back like this?" She mops slightly.

Namjoon catches it and sighs, "No, I won't though I cannot promise that I won't get your facts right. I am sorry."

She nods sadly, "I wanted to ask that..." She gulps a bit, "You had come to the Kim mansion on Jin's request to get me react. I had not thanked you for it. My health drastically improved after that night. And I owe you that."

He rubs his face tiredly, "Ren. You would never ever owe me anything. At least not in this lifetime. And I did not appear due to Jin's request! I...I just had to come. I wanted to meet you so much on that very day of..." He looks away, "At the hospital but Aunty forced me to leave. It would have been...inappropriate. But I always learn about your health from time to time. I just... I just needed a nod from Kim Seokjin to see you from close...to touch you, cry with you and share your sorrows." He speaks his heart.

"A nod?! Oh! Since when did Kim Namjoon wait for nods or permissions to meet his Ren?!" Irene asks in a deep voice that stabs his heart. Her eyes are welled up with aching desires and longing.

Namjoon swallows some air and looks into her eyes, " Since that day, Irene Bae Joohyun accepted Kim Seokjin's proposal and did not even bother to inform the poor orphan Namy. Since that very day!" He chokes out.  

Irene wipes her tears. Damn! They do not seem to halt!

"I...had no choice." She whispers at last.  

"I know. I understand. I would have understood then." He replies softly.

"Would you have stopped me if I had told you?" She murmurs. She is crying now.

"The question is, would you have listened to me?" He asks back. 

"I did not tell you because...because I knew...I knew you would have become successful in changing my decision." Irene sniffs.

"And then your heart would have won." He says in a knowing tone.

She nods once distinctly. There is nothing hidden about their feelings. So, the confession is not hard.

"This mansion, the business, your family name, Appa Bae's hardwork, everything is very important." Namjoon states, "But, in the end, was it all worth it?" He looks at her sharply. 

Irene wipes her tears and tries to regain her posture. It was not worth it. She knew it from the beginning. But listening this from Namjoon is too much to bear. She feels exposed under his scrutinizing eyes. So, she tries to save what is left of her self-esteem by retorting back, "I did what I had to under that situation! You know it very well that you could not have helped me that time! No. You cannot deny this fact." She breathes out to calm her heart and looks into his eyes challengingly, "Yes. The present you definitely could have, considering your..." She gestures with her hands, "position and money. But I needed it 6 years ago and marrying Seokjin was the only way to get the problems solved." She takes the chance of Namjoon's silence to ask the question that has been plaguing her for some 1 and 1/2 years, " Since we are questioning and answering, you tell me, Mr. Kim Namjoon, was it all worth?? And I bet you know it well what I am talking about." She leans back in the chair and smirks.

Namjoon looks at her silently. He cannot deny her words but he cannot also accept how she hurt herself with that decision. As for her counter question, he has never thought about it before. He knows what he did to Joy was wrong. He wanted revenge and he succeeded. He planned on it for 5 years to inflict pain on the siblings for his loss. He did it. Without any lies, without any torture. He broke a heart as his heart was broken. He split up the siblings as he was separated from his only love in this entire world. He made Joy helpless and humiliated just the way he had felt his whole life, miserable and deprived. He provided her through materials on exchange of her services, both for the house and...himself. No feelings involved. He knew that the one thing she always desired was love. But was it all worth it? He shakes his head visibly. No, it was not.

He never lies and this is Irene who asked the question! Long minutes have passed. Irene is waiting patiently with that smirk. She knows what his answer will be. She just wants to hear him accept it.  

He finally decides to answer after thinking about it for a long time.

But then his eyes fall on the photoframe that Joy had put on his desk at Aera's persistence. He and his Ahjushhi.

It was taken last week. Deiji got an old fashioned camera from someone on her 100 days celebration. Her parents can capture her beautiful moments. It is a thoughtful gift and Aera makes sure to utilize it. From this picture, one can guess she is very talented for her tiny age.

He stares at the photograph for sometimes. If  he had not done all these then...

He looks up at her, " I don't know. Now,  I am not even sure." 

"Oh..." Irene can see through his dilemma. Her eyes follow his line of sight and understands what changed his answer. 

They sit in silence for more. She chooses to end the void.

"That night, you must have heard about my..." She looks at her lap. "Infertility."

Namjoon winces at the word. He nods slightly.

"Did you...tell Joy? I did not know she was pregnant. After getting the news and then immediately seeing her... I mean I had apologized for my rough behaviour towards her at the hospital but never talked about it with her." She fidgets with her hands.

"No. I didn't. I had told her that why I met you and what happened there." He rubs his eyes now. He feels sick, "That she would have heard anyway from the servants. They exchange the news from this house to that and vice-versa. " It is no secret. "But I still wanted to tell her myself cuz..." He sighs, "Cuz I had to talk to someone. I was drunk as well. Anyway, no. I did not tell her anything about your condition. Neither did Aunty. Later, no such situation occured that would have required such revelation." 

"Why?" Irene frowns a little.

"What?" He reduces the strength of the table lamp. His work is done and his head is splitting.

"I mean...you had told her about our meeting and everything that happened but why you didn't say anything about my infertility?" She asks. She finds it strange.

"What do you mean why I did not tell her?!" He asks with disbelief, "Ren, she was pregnant." He wants to add how Joy was so stressed for the baby's future and how the news of her niece's demise had affected her. But he stops himself. The memories of her late daughter will make her more sorrowful.  

Irene blinks. She just nods and stands up, " Look at the time! I've been here for so long! It felt nice talking to you after such a long time. I feel lighter."

Namjoon stands up as well. He has to agree to her. It does feel lighter.

She walks towards the door and hold the knob. She turns around, "Namy..."

He tilts his head a bit, "Yeah?"

"Did you..." She bites her lower lip, "I don't even know why I am even asking this! But I thought since we have talked about everything that was in our minds so..." She looks at him awkwardly.

He nods, "Yeah, Ren, What is it?"

"I...I wanted to meet you to celebrate your birthday but you had to cancel..." To which Namjoon tries to say something but she quickly waves it off, "No! No! No! I can never ask for an explanation for that! That will be crazy! I just wanted to ask if you had told about this to Joy?" 

"Huh? No. I haven't. Could not find the right moment to tell her. Then it slipped my mind." He looks at her sheepishly, " I am still very sorry to make you wait like that! And then inform you with a text! I may have insulted you unintentionally. I am very sorry."

Irene is taken aback with the way he just apologized. She smiles, "Such eloquency. Sometimes I feel you are the same Namy under these expensive clothes and sometimes I feel you are the successful entrepreneur Kim Namjoon...You have changed so much."

"People do not change. They grow up into either something good or something bad." He smiles back.

"You must have grown for better." She laughs slightly, "The way you said sorry I would think you regretted not meeting me."

"No. I feel bad to cancel on you but I don't regret it." He replies in a clipped tone.

Irene purses her lips at his reply," Of course. Good night, Namy."

"Good night, Ren."

Joy softly climbs the stairs. She got home very late today due to her extra classes and could not take Deiji with her. They had face-timed and talked thrice but not once Aunty Noel informed her about Namjoon. She came home, fed Deiji and spent some good time with the children and then had dinner. She had asked about his whereabouts to which the older woman said that he was home early, worked out and was in his studyroom. She even told her that Irene came to meet the girls and then met Namjoon. They were in there for an hour. She added that luckily the servants did not notice her going there. Noel was quite upset. But not Joy. If it were before she would have cried. 

"Namjoon?" She calls softly in the dark. She is standing at his bedroom door. He has not locked it tonight. Luckily. 

"Yeah..." He answers groggily. Noel had asked him not to lock so that she could check on him.  
She winces that his tone and can realize in how much pain he is in. She walks silently to his bed and sits beside him, "How is your fever now?"
"Aunty told ya?! I told her...." He breathes in heavily, "...not to...you were in class..." 
Joy blinks. He did not let aunty tell her anything as she was in class?! These gestures do not let her feel heartbroken anymore. "I was not going to be in class forever!" She huffs and puts her hand on his forehead, "Did you take your any medicine?"
"Yes...I had some dinner and then took them...You...you should go now...Ahjusshi and Aera are waiting for you." He closes his eyes which shot open when he feels an arm snaking around his waist, "What are you....?" He turns to find Joy settling in beside him.
She hugs him tightly, "Don't worry about them. Aera won't be up and Deiji...I have stored the milk safely. Aunty and the maid will be there and if required, I will check on her."
"But..."
"Namjoon... I love them more than anything. But they are not the only most important people in my life. Are you feeling hot?" She takes the clean towel on his bedside table and wipes his sweat. 
Namjoon's lip turns upward a bit. His heart flutters a bit. Till now, the only people who had taken care of him were Irene and Noel. The older lady did it as her duty, making sure he ate well and took his meds on time. And Irene, who could not be always there due to Noel's restrictions for contagious sickenesses. 

" Try to sleep, Namjoon. I am here." Joy assures him with a smile.

He hums slightly and lets the sleep take over. It is late in the night when he wakes up suddenly and finds her sitting on a chair beside his bed. She is placing a cold towel on his forehead and neck to reduce his fever.

"Oh! Did it wake you up? Sorry! But it really helps!" She kisses his temple and forehead.

He is startled and Joy ignores it. After the night of the party, she will admit that she has become more fearless and more expressive about her love.

He keeps staring at her trying to break his fever and kissing him randomly the whole time and thinks about Irene's question for the second time,

"Was it all worth it?"

 He fears that his answer may change into something more discrete.

Author's note: The edit is provided by my lovely friend Aanchal (Abundance_in_Music) and the whole chapter is inspired from this picture made by her.